


Strictly Come Dancing but make it GAY

by natigail



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Strictly Come Dancing RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Ballroom Dancing, Dancer Phil Lester, Dancing, Dancing Lessons, Famous Dan Howell, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 176,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25649074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: @danielhowell: maybe i’d actually consider doing @bbcstrictly if they allowed same-sex couples. who wouldn’t want a sexy man spinning you around? it’s not just a girl’s dream. c'mon people let's see some pretty and fierce girls pair up and handsome and strong boys get it on. i dare you.Dan Howell calls Strictly out on Twitter for not allowing any same-sex couples and accidentally volunteers himself to be one of the contestants if they were to change that. It was a joke. It had so clearly been a joke. Why did they take him up on it?! He’s sure he’ll trip over his own feet and hate every second, but then he meets his partner, the endearingly clumsy dancer Phil Lester.* 1st Place: Best AO3 + 2nd Place: Best Fic of 2020, Best Chaptered Fic, Best Long Fic, Best Fluff, Best AU, Best Slow Burn, Best Fic To Make You Smile & Most Memorable + 3rd Place: Best Work In Progress & Best LGBTQ+ Fic for the Phanfiction Awards 2020 *
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 740
Kudos: 539





	1. Prologue: The Tweet That Started It All

Dan wasn’t really surprised that a tweet somehow managed to be the starting spark to the fire that would come to change his life. It was almost oddly fitting with how much he used to rant on Twitter or any of his other platforms. He knew it was only a matter of time before he said something that would come back to bite him in the ass.

After a decade “on the Internet” as a somewhat public figure, it was only a matter of time. He had made mistakes in his early teen years, silly and stupid stuff born out of internal homophobia and bad stereotyping, and he had apologised sincerely and made sure to change himself. He had grown but he had always had a nagging thought in the back of his mind that he might get cancelled someday all the same.

This wasn’t that.

It was something much worse. At least in the beginning.

It had been an innocent tweet in some ways, even if it had been meant to poke and agitate a little. He thought that was fine when it was aimed at upsetting the ingrown heteronormative way the British society worked. He knew the television programme was old and time-honoured and the audience probably more towards the older demographic but he would still stand by his idea. Even if it had been tweeted when he was a little tipsy and tired of seeing all these beautiful celebrity women being spun around by the handsome male dancers.

See the thing is that he didn’t normally watch Strictly Come Dancing. It wasn’t really his cup of tea. But things had been different this year, because he had finally come out to his family and he was trying desperately to make sure he stayed connected with his grandmother. He had been so relieved that she had readily accepted him. She had been the one family member that he had always been able to count on while he was growing up, and as such, he had been more worried about suddenly facing her distain than he could even attempt to explain.

When his grandmother had asked Dan if he had seen the weather girl and her partner on Strictly nearly be kicked off already the second week, Dan had put his foot in his mouth and said something about how the judges had snubbed and they deserved better. Dan just knew her grandmother liked that weather girl and that was all he had needed to know to know that she didn't deserve to get kicked off. He was pretty sure the whole show was rigged anyway, and he just wanted his grandmother to be able to see her favourite for as long as possible.

Only he hadn't counted on his little white lie, talking after his grandmother, would result in her calling him again next Sunday morning after the new episode. Dan had managed to bullshit his way through it one more time but then Dan had begrudgingly started to watch the show to keep up the conversation in earnest with his grandmother. He wasn’t surprised that he had been sucked into it, really. The dances were mesmerising, even if the celebrities at times has trouble keeping up. He had been a little gutted that his favourite had been booted out the first week he had watched, a tall dark-haired dancer with a lovely dancing with none other than Louise Pentland. Dan had met Louise a couple of times, since both of them had their start on YouTube back in the day. He might even for a brief moment have considered reaching out and asking about her fit dance partner and the experience of being part of that show. They weren't close but they'd talked before and Dan figured she wouldn't mind. But then he'd seen how gutted she had looked when she had been eliminated. Dan didn't have the heart to come trampling with his questions about just how fake the show must be or subtly inquire if she knew the sexuality of her dance partner.

Dan had watched each week after that, and the idea for the tweet had come on the night after the final show. It hadn’t been brought on by the show as much as the fact Dan had casually mentioned that he was watching Strictly for the first time on one of his podcasts the previous week and since he had been bombarded with tweets telling him to do the show next year. He had laughed it off at first but then, as it often did, his mind had kept turning on the matter. 

It was both a curse and a blessing when his brain decided to do that.

As it was the final show of the season, his grandmother had insisted on being on a call with him as they waited for the results. She was so excited and tense and she couldn't wait to talk to him until the next day. Dan hated that he kind of really wanted to see who would win. He had let himself get invested in the contestants and the dancers mesmerising movements. He could even admit that it was satisfying to see the dance partner grow closer and better as the weeks had progressed. The couple that had been in top 3 throughout the whole show won in the end. One of the Spice Girls, so maybe that was to be expected. She had been the judges favourite the whole time.

“Ah, and now we have to wait all year for the next season,” his grandmother had sighed in his ear, sounding very much like himself when he was forced to wait for his favourite anime or TV show to have a new season. It was a familiar agony.

Still, he wasn’t above teasing his grandmother. He had always liked that she took it in stride, and even gave back just as good as she got.

“Gran, it literally just ended _two_ minutes ago.”

“Yes, I know, but it is my favourite, Daniel! You know what,” she said, in that conspiring voice of hers and Dan tensed in anticipation, “maybe you should see if you could get on it. You are famous enough, aren’t you?”

Dan smiled and stifled a laugh. His grandmother had always been very supportive of all the things he had made on the internet. From the YouTube videos, to the gaming streams, to the Instagram modelling, to rare piano performances, to his old radio show and his hoard of podcasts. The last part was his focus now, and he knew she insisted on listening to all of them, even if he would wish that she’d stay away from some of his more political stuff, or societal critique. She didn’t really understand how any of his projects could make you famous, but she did know that Dan was famous, at least in her standards. She had decided as such when she had been stopped in her local grocery store and someone had asked if she was Dan Howell’s grandmother whom he had always spoken so fondly of.

But Dan had never liked the word famous. It was just as bad as celebrity.

“I doubt so, Gran.”

“But you would look so lovely as a dancer, Daniel,” she had insisted. “You should put those longs legs of yours to use!”

Dan had laughed then, the boisterous kind that he never really let anyone see. But it was okay, just on the phone with his grandmother. Thankfully, she had changed the subject but her words had still ruminated in Dan’s brain, even for an hour after the call had ended. He poured another glass of the wine he had opened for the finale, a promise he had made with his grandmother. She had seemed to think that one should have a glass of wine with the final episode of Strictly and Dan hadn't objected.

When Dan logged onto Twitter, he saw that the final of Strictly had inspired even more people to again suggested that he would be a good candidate for next year. He even saw that someone had drawn him as a dancer twirling through the ballroom. It added up with his grandmother's voice.

No one seemed to think it an issue that Dan was a massive clumsy dork who could barely manage to get his limbs to do what they needed when he was just walking or picking something up. He couldn't even imagine what he would look like if he tried to dance seriously. In dingy clubs when he'd been younger, he would just jump from one foot to another and nod his head or raise his fist along with the melody. He probably had looked like a tosser. Ball room dancing? He would never be able to do it.

Dan was never someone to shy away from things that scared him. Or rather he had been but he wasn't anymore. It had taken years and years of practice but a decade on the internet and out of his parents’ house had toughened him up considerably. He now tended to shout loudly about his opinions and he was more than happy to walk into flames of discourse when it was important. But this tweet was just meant to be a slight dig at Strictly’s old fashioned ways more than anything, a little innocent nudge and something to satisfy his followers and his grandmother, who also insisted on following him on Twitter despite all his warnings.

**@danielhowell:** maybe i’d actually consider doing @bbcstrictly if they allowed same-sex couples. who wouldn’t want a sexy man spinning you around? it’s not just a girl’s dream. c'mon people let's see some pretty and fierce girls pair up and handsome and strong boys get it on. i dare you.

As expected, the replies started to roll in instantly, as well as the retweets and the favourites. Dan was used to that, with over a million people willing to listen to his nonsense. Any tweet he made got a nice bout of interaction. Usually, he would watch the replies and reply back to at least a handful of people, but he felt like it was almost more fun to leave it like that. Just drop that bomb, after he'd insisted on his podcast that he'd never consider such a thing just a week before. 

He had gone to bed that night with a smile on his face.

And then he had woken up to see that his Strictly tweet going viral, on a small scale in the UK but still. A lot of people called for Strictly to follow his advice and allow same-sex couples in the next season. Most people seemed to care more about the sentiment than Dan himself and he was thankful for that. He always liked that his ideas and the sentiment could be carried on, even when he wasn't personally spearheading it.

Dan accidentally ended up dedicating most of the episode of his weekly podcast _gender roles are the worst kind of bread_ the following week, catching people up on the tweet he had made and why he had meant the idea seriously despite the silly tweet. As the theme of the podcast was to address gender roles and how harmful they could be, as well as cast light on them, so others became aware of how they shaped so many things, it was inevitable that he’d talk of Strictly now that he’d tweeted about it.

The podcast episode had done really well, even gaining him a bout of new followers, and Dan was pleased but he had also been more than happy to forget about Strictly after the discussion had died down and it now wasn’t a weekly thing that he had with his grandmother anymore. He however had promised her that he'd watch along with her next year and she had been ecstatic. 

It was only months later when Dan got the call set in motion by the tweet.

He was officially being invited to be one of the “celebs” on Strictly.

And they wanted him to dance with one of the male dancers.

Dan’s first thought was that at least his grandmother would be pleased as punch to see him on her favourite show. His second thought was that he absolutely didn’t think he could learn to dance in just the span of a few weeks. His third thought was spent mentally sorting through the male dancers he could remember and wondering who might be his partner.

Dan had no idea what he was about to embark on because of that one little tweet. But damn, he had promised himself not to be a quitter anymore. He accepted the invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea has been rummaging around my head for about two years and it's so nice to finally sit down to write it. You all are not even ready for the journey these two boys are going to get on. Phil shows up next chapter, I promise, and Dan will not know what hits him. Strictly will not know what hit them either, DnP are going to tear it up. As always, comments are very, very welcome.
> 
> This story will run on a weekly schedule, updating every Saturday around 8 PM CEST.
> 
> I'm currently doing PEDIA (Posting Every Day In August) so I'm going to be uploading loads, also more phanfiction than this one.


	2. Launch Show: Dancing On The Ceiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan was starting to doubt whether this had been a good idea at all. He didn't know how to dance, he was clumsy as hell and he most certainly didn't fit in with all those shiny celebrities. But the wheels were in motions and Dan had little choice but to stay on the train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First proper chapter and it's a long one to make up for the short prologue last week. Enjoy!

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to do this,” Pj said, watching Dan fret around his flat.

Dan was regretting calling him over for moral support but he had needed someone here to make sure that he was kicked out and he actually showed up to meet all of these professional dancers.

Things had been set in motion a few months ago, and Dan had been surprised by the quite long selection process when in reality, it had sounded like he had the job during the initial phone call. Now it had been a couple of weeks of interviews and arrangements. Dan had paused most of his other projects, the book he was writing that no one had really known about yet anyway and he had reduced how many videos and podcast episodes were due to go out in this period.

Today, they would meet the dancers and in just three short weeks Dan would be dancing on the Strictly stage. In just a few days, he would be on the stage for the first time, to do the partner reveal that would air in the launch show. It would be the first time he would see the place where he might be dancing for weeks.

His grandmother had already made him promise that she would have a ticket to each live show, even if Dan doubted that his grandmother could make it to the outskirts of London for so many Saturdays in a row. However, he had promised her all the same. Every celebrity got two tickets for each show. Dan didn’t really have anyone else to invite, except maybe Pj but Dan doubted that he would want to sit in the Strictly hall every week.

“Maybe, I shouldn’t,” Dan said, clutching leggings in his hand. “Do this, I mean.”

Pj shot him a kind smile, and reached out to firmly grasp Dan’s shoulder.

“You already signed the contract, boy. You know you can’t bow out now.”

“I could get sick.”

“With what?”

“With anxiety and depression,” Dan grumbled. It was half-hearted. Partly, a joke and partly, too real a truth.

“Never let those stop you before,” Pj said, tone turning kinder.

Dan let out a grunt but really, he appreciated the kind look in Pj’s eyes. He was right. Dan made sure he was still out there doing things that his mental health would previously have left him too crippled to do. 

The medicine and the therapy weren’t for nothing. He was in a much better mental space these days. Good enough to appear live on BBC? He wasn’t so sure about that. It was a whole other ballpark from posting his own stuff on channels that he had cultivated himself.

Dan cringed as he remembered an embarrassing instance when he was on Radio 1 a few years ago and he had not yet figured out how to work the whole gigantic keyboard. Suffice to say, Dan wasn’t sure why there even was one sound of a woman screaming her head off but he had somehow managed to find it.

Pj grabbed the leggings out of Dan’s hand only to toss them directly in his face.

“Go, change into these now. You have ten minutes before I’m physically dragging you out of this flat by your curls,” Pj promised, making grabby hands and raising an eyebrow in challenge.

Dan knew he would actually do it if it came to it. Unfortunately, they had been locked in a tug of war with hands in each other’s curls one too many times.

“Wanker,” Dan said, but he was smiling.

He was happy to have a friend like Pj. He didn’t have many people in his life. Or rather he didn’t have many people he let close, not really close. Even with Pj, Dan created a bit of distance but it was less than with so many others.

Dan arrived at the dance studio space just five minutes before he had to be there. He wondered if it was normal to be more nervous to meet all of the professional dancers instead of the famous singers, actors and god-knows-what people category that he supposedly belonged to. Frankly, he would rather not engage with any of them too much. It would only make it clear that he wasn’t like any of the so-called celebrities.

It wasn’t a new feeling for Dan. He had always felt one step behind, just stumbling around while everyone around him seemed to have their shit together. Even as he gathered followers and people who said that they admired him and his work, it had never felt real. He had always had to choke down the question asking if they were sure about that stamp of admiration of him. He didn’t feel worthy of it. It had terrified him when he had been younger because he knew he made mistakes. More back then, but still today. He was flawed like anyone else. It had become a little easier to bear with time. He still hated to be on any pedestal.

Even if he was only trying his best, he had a feeling that his time was limited. It would only be a matter of time before he stumbled down off any pedestal he was put up on.

“Hello!” said a chipper voice. Entirely too bright and sunny for the morning. The woman was young and she looked fit and Dan had a sinking suspicion that she might be a dancer too, even if he was pretty sure that he hadn’t seen her in the list of professional dancers. He couldn’t remember all of them, but he knew most of the ones that continued from last year’s season.

“Dan Howell,” Dan said, a meek smile. “Hopefully, I’m in the right place?”

The woman swung her head, making her high long pony tail swish behind her.

“Of course! I know, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.”

“Great,” Dan said and tried to hide the cringe. He had a feeling that he wasn’t where he was supposed to be at all and he had a sinking feeling that he was going to pay for this commitment in one way or another.

He figured he’d probably just land on his bum on national prime time television. Honestly, it would be on brand and at least his followers would appreciate it.

“You’re through that door there,” the woman said, still a permanent smile on her face. She was very attractive and charming and her voice was nice. If Dan hadn’t been gay, he wondered if he would feel flustered under her smiling eyes. As it was, he was just wondering if everyone would be looking like models, both the staff, the professional dancers and the celebrities. Dan felt a bit like a potato.

The door let into a very large studio with way too many people and too many cameras. Dan longed for his little flat, his one camera and full creative control. He tried to stand up a little straighter but his posture had always been horrible. What had he been thinking?

“You look like you’re about to hit yourself over the head,” a voice said to his side.

Dan recognised him from his late-night frantic research trying to remember the names of everyone. This man in particular was one that Dan hadn’t forgotten the face of but he had completely forgotten his name until last night. At least right now, he could recall it and not be a total fool. Dan had had too many bad experiences of forgetting people’s names and now he made it a priority to remember as many as possible.

“Phil Lester, nice to meet you,” Dan said, feeling a little proud of himself and the slight raise of surprise in Phil’s eyebrows. “And yes, I do feel like slapping myself in the face. Just a little bit.”

Phil tilted his head to the side and tugged his hands behind his back.

“Why? If you don’t mind me asking?” Phil asked, amusement clear in his voice and his eyes.

“Oh, just…” Dan said and waved at all of the people in front of him. He was happy to see most people either talking to each other or looking over the cameras. There were no eyes on him. Yet. “Intimidated.”

It was a big understatement, but at least it was still a truth.

“You? Intimidated?” Phil asked, sounding both amused and curious now. “You don’t seem like the type.”

“What do you know about my type?” Dan asked, wondering why that came up as a pick-up line in his head. Maybe, it was the slightly teasing tone or how Dan couldn’t help but cock his hip out a little and smirk at Phil.

“Oh, more than you know,” Phil said, and it would have been a smooth line if not for the fact that Phil burst into giggles right after and hid behind his hand.

Dan wanted to see his smile unobscured.

It was a small thought, just a flickering of a second, where he could imagine himself reaching out and tugging Phil’s hand down to see the smile he was hiding. Obviously, he didn’t do that because Phil was an actual stranger and Dan had no reasonable way to demand to see his smile.

“Oh! You’re here, come, come,” someone with a clipboard said when he spotted Dan. Before Dan could register it, he was getting tugged along by his sleeve and he supressed the urge to flinch away. He didn’t like it when strangers would touch him.

Fuck, he really hadn’t thought this through at all, had he?

He had just seen an opportunity to give heteronormativity the finger. He had never been one to resist such opportunities but maybe he should have considered the consequences of this a little before he was standing in front of more than a dozen dancers that could become his partner for weeks.

Well, two weeks at least, since they didn’t kick anyone off the first week. Dan doubted that he would last much longer than that. Maybe another week if he was lucky.

The next hour or so passed in a bit of a blur for Dan, he was just trying to keep his wits about him. It was also constantly interrupted by a few of the celebrities showing up late. Most who did apologised but for some, it was clearly half-heartedly. Dan wondered if they thought that their time was more precious than anyone else’s.

Mostly, the group of them were just getting introduced to each other and told how the day today would progress. They would all get to meet each other and the professional dancers and get a chance for a little dancing here and there, which would be filmed.

In two days, they would meet on the actual Strictly stage and film the segment where they would get their partners. There would still be an audience but it would only be friends and family of the people at Strictly and the competitors. Dan was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that they would be competing. Dan had never won anything in his life.

Phil had said that he knew more about Dan’s type than he knew.

If Dan had to say something about his own character right now, he would say he was one of those anomalies that was neither lucky in games or love.

Once the briefing was finally done and everyone had safely arrived, the staff pulled back to behind the cameras. The celebrities, god, Dan really, really hated that word attached to himself, were filmed walking into the studio anew and being “surprised” by seeing all the professional dancers. Dan knew this was how it was played but it still grinded his gears a little.

He knew he was the only one who would be dancing in a same-sex couple but he was pleased to see that just now, everyone paired up regardless of gender when they said hello to someone. Mostly, it was men with women but there were a few who strayed as the celebrities stumbled through a few awkward dance steps with the pros.

Dan had managed to dance with a little smiling redhead named Diana Bussell and a stunning black-skinned Oti Mabuse, as well as a quick swing in Anton du Beke’s arms before he found one of the taller dancers again.

Upon seeing Phil stride up to him, hand extended in invitation, Dan remembered how he had almost reached out to Louise to ask about her dance partner. It had been Phil, Dan recalled in that moment.

He had never done it, but even so Phil was in front of him now. Much different circumstances than Dan just seeing a handsome man on TV and wondering. It was always the thing with people like him. He had to tread carefully, even in this day and age and even in this environment where being gay wasn’t outrageous. It was still fairly outrageous for a lot of the UK.

Like a true gay, Dan hadn’t been able to refrain from looking at the dancers’ personal sections on Wikipedia wondering if any of them would be out and part of the queer community. He had found no answers there or on his general Google search. It was a pity really.

“May I have this dance?” Phil asked, when Dan was still just staring at his hand.

People had walked around, dancing interchangeably but as far as Dan had seen, no one had actually been properly asked to dance. But here Phil was in front of him asking him to dance.

Dan had an inkling what it meant, just like how Phil had made sure to rush over to greet him when he had come through the door. Almost like he had been watching the door and waiting for Dan specifically.

In Strictly, it wasn’t announced who would partner with who until the ceremony but the dancers were usually told beforehand from what Dan could gather. They probably wouldn’t know yet, not until after this day where they had would get to try dancing with each other but Dan’s situation was special.

His demand, he should say.

He had been told that they would make an arrangement with one of the male dancers beforehand, just to make sure everyone was on the same page about it. The way the woman had worded it made Dan wonder if some of the male dancers would actually object to dancing with him.

Well, he’d have objected to dance with himself, but on part of the clumsiness and not the gayness. Not that he was likely to change either one.

“You may,” Dan said after looking at Phil’s hand for another beat. He had been staring for too long, caught up in his head like usual, but Phil hadn’t seemed to mind. He had waited patiently, not pushing or snapping like most people did when Dan zoned out on them.

Phil only tugged him forward when Dan put his hand in Phil’s. The momentum carried Dan almost barrelling into Phil’s chest, but he caught himself. He caught himself with a hand on Phil’s chest but he reminded himself that this was okay.

Dancers were used to being close to other people, even those they didn’t know too well, like this. It was a normal thing for them.

Phil started to move them and Dan just followed, trying not to trip over his feet. He was a little distracted by Phil’s face being so close to his and the air around them. Every single one of the professional dancers were intimidating to Dan but there was something about Phil where it felt like everything was kicked up a notch.

Maybe because when Dan looked at him, Phil actually looked back.

“So, are you my partner?” Dan asked, feeling bold as Phil spun them around in circles in a rhythm that Dan was definitely falling behind. This was much different from having his hands on the keys of his piano.

At Dan’s words, Phil’s feet stumbled and he managed to step on the edge of Dan’s foot before he corrected himself. He made up for the blunder by continuing the simple dance like nothing had happened. Dan’s foot said different.

“Sorry,” Phil muttered. “I… You distracted me.”

“Are you easy to distract?” Dan asked, again finding himself slipping into that flirty tone without really meaning to. It wasn’t even like he was big player. He normally hated talking to guys, it felt scary as heck to know he would likely be rejected, but Dan didn’t have any hopes here.

Especially not if Phil was indeed his dance partner. Dan doubted that they would have paired him with another gay out of some twisted stereotype about how gay men couldn’t keep it in their pants when they met each other.

“Yes,” Phil said, shooting Dan a glare and tugging him a long a little faster. Phil seemed to navigate them between the other dancing couples with practiced ease. The only thing that gave away his concentration was the little line between his eyebrows. “And you shouldn’t ask such a question, you know.”

Dan smirked. He couldn’t help it. Phil’s tone was just begging to be made fun off. He sounded like he tried to be strict and maybe a little offended but he just sounded amused instead.

“Why not?” he asked, leaning in a little closer as they continued to sway together. Phil had stopped pulling him around all over the place now.

“Celebs don’t get to find out until the ceremony,” Phil said. “Haven’t you ever watched the show?”

“One year only,” Dan said, wanting to wag his finger in Phil’s face but both his hands were currently occupied. Dan had found it difficult to keep up with the other dancers he had danced with today, but it was different now. Probably because Dan was paying more attention to just bantering and naturally followed Phil’s command. He didn’t really need to think or figure out how to move his feet. Phil just guided him along. “And my situation is a little… special, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Phil said, slight amused tone and the barest raise of an eyebrow, and there was that crack in his armour. A little confirmation.

Dan pounced. He had been waiting for an opening.

“Oh, I believe they only told my dance partner about my condition for joining, so that must be you,” he teased.

Again, his words caused Phil to stumble. This time it almost brought them into the couple behind them but he managed to pull himself right at the last second.

Phil ducked his head a little shaking it, while a smile formed and steadily crept higher.

“They did tell us all, thank you very much. It’s not the kind of thing that people might appreciate being sprung on them. And you made a very public tweet last year that went viral too, in case you’ve forgotten. But…”

“But?”

“They did also make sure to ask your partner personally that he’d be okay with it, considering it’s the first time they’re doing something like this. Thank you for that, by the way,” Phil said and suddenly, Dan was spinning out, away from Phil’s body and he almost felt like he was falling, but Phil’s steady arms pulling him back in a moment later.

Dan should probably have been worried about how easily he followed. Or how nicely it felt to nearly collide into Phil.

“Thank you?” he said confused, because he had stopped paying attention now that Phil was so close to him.

“For making Strictly, an old and traditional show, just a little bit gayer,” Phil said with a wink.

“Oh, you _are_ so my partner,” Dan said, a sudden surge of confidence running through him.

Phil’s smile turned a little more wicked but he didn’t say anything, not even as he stopped them in their swaying. Dan realised he must have been dancing for minutes now without feeling awkward. The power of one Phil Lester it seemed.

“Mum’s is the word,” Phil said, with a wink before he mimicked locking his lips and throwing the key away. Then he did a proper bow, hand behind his back and all before he was twirling off and walking up to one of the female celebrities.

Dan danced with more professional dancers that day but he couldn’t even properly say who if you’d asked him. He was still all wrapped up in Phil’s words and hands.

Dan realised he was in real trouble when it was two days later and he was about to walk out to his little special part of the ceremony. It would take place after most of the men had been paired with their female dancers but before any of the women had been paired with their male dancers.

Dan would walk out to see all of the options of male dancers. All alone. He gulped a little and tried to keep himself from wrinkling the shirt Pj had insisted on putting him in. It had taken Dan about 20 minutes to even find his ironing board. He was very happy that he would be in costumes chosen by professionals from here on out. They had actually offered to dress him for this but he hadn’t wanted to add to their workload. He figured you couldn’t go wrong with a nice shirt and dress pants when all he was doing was literally just getting his partner assigned. It was the only thing that they would film that day.

With his heart in his throat, Dan was waiting behind the stairs that lead from backstage to the actual stage and he wondered how many times he would be allowed to take these steps before they kicked him out. How many weeks would he be allowed to make a fool of himself on stage before the judges or the audience kicked him out?

There was a small voice in the back of his head reminding him that he did have a quite passionate audience and that might be enough to drag him a lot of the way, even without any dance skills. No one had ever said that Strictly was a fair competition. He also knew that there were one or two singers in this year’s competition too and they likely also had more dance experience.

Dan had none. Not even at school dances because he had always been too shy to ask anyone.

“Dan Howell!”

His name was shouted loudly, almost startling him out of his thoughts as he walked down and out. The small audience of just friends and family that cheered was still intimidating. Maybe because Dan hadn’t invited anyone along to it. He might have promised his grandmother that she should come to every show, but it was too long of a journey just for this little thing. She had obviously meant the real live shows, Dan had reasoned.

Tess and Claudia were familiar faces from when he had watched the show but he hadn’t actually gotten to meet them before. They looked just as glamourous and shiny as they did on TV.

“And you might be wondering why we are inviting Dan here down when we have all our handsome and talented male dancers on the floor, anxiously awaiting the reveal of their partner,” Tess said, voice peppy and loud.

“Well, that is because this year’s Strictly is a very special one,” Claudia said, effortlessly taking over where Tess had stopped. “The rumours that you might have heard are true! We will have our first same-sex couple!”

People applauded, but Dan had a feeling that it had more to do with the man running around in front of them, signalling that they should applaud. Well, there were a few people who clapped really loudly and even whistled and their enthusiasm seemed real enough that Dan felt a little embarrassed. He wasn’t sure why he was embarrassed, but he just felt like there was a lot of spotlight on him specifically.

It was silly. If Dan had been at home on his sofa watching this, he would have cheered or at least said “hell yeah” or something. He would have been pleased. This was really a good thing, even if Dan had set it in motion kind of by accident.

He hadn’t meant to be leading the change, not with his own face and his two clumsy feet but he was happy that it was happening. He thought of Phil’s words when they had danced two days ago, and he looked over to the crowd of men to find Phil’s face. He was already smiling and looking at Dan.

Tess or Claudia, Dan wasn’t really sure, kept talking and explaining how it the same-sex-couple thing would work but Dan didn’t really pay attention. He was still looking at Phil, thinking of the way Phil had thanked him, so easily but also so genuinely.

“Looks like we’ve lost him, have someone caught you eye?” Tess teased and Dan managed to snap his attention back to the two hosts.

He cracked a nervous smile, and tried not to fidget too much with his hands.

“Oh, I’m just… nervous,” Dan said. It was the truth but it wasn’t really the real reason that he had been distracted.

“They are quite a nice group of lads, aren’t they?” Claudia asked.

Dan knew her tone was meant to be innocent and she had said the same to some of the other male “celebrities” about the ladies, as quite a few of them had been mesmerised by the ladies in pretty dresses. Still, Dan really didn’t want to play into the stereotype that gay men were attracted to every single man on earth.

Dan put on his stage persona more tightly and pulled out a bit of a cocky smile.

“They’re all exemplary dances, that’s for sure,” Dan said, smile in place. “I will look like a hippo trying to keep up with any of them.”

Claudia and Tess seemed baffled for about half a second before they both let out polite laughs at his joke.

“Well, Dan, are you ready to meet your partner?”

Dan almost wanted to say no, because he really didn’t feel ready even if he was almost certain that he had already figured out who was going to be his partner. Getting a partner assigned would make this whole thing real. It would mean that in two weeks he would be back on this dance floor actually dancing. It would only be the opening group dance but still, Dan would have to dance in front of other people.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Dan said, smiling a little because he had a feeling that people who followed his stuff would know that really meant no. But then again, it wasn’t a lie because Dan most surely was as ready as he’d ever be, even if that was not ready at all.

The lights on the stage went red and Dan looked over at the dancers again and some of them caught his eye.

Anton du Beke winked at him, AJ Pritchard was decidedly looking straight ahead, Kevin Clifton wiggled a little back and forth, and Aljaž Skorjanec went as far as blowing him a kiss. Phil Lester did none of those things. He was still looking at Dan, with that small but sure smile on his face.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make out of that giving him the most butterflies out of the lot.

“Phil Lester!”

The announcement didn’t come as a surprise but Dan still felt himself flood with relief. It was one thing to come out to the whole world, which he had only done last year, but it was another to spend a lot of time with someone when you didn’t know how they felt about you being openly gay. Phil had felt safe, comfortable, and Dan trusted his readings that Phil was either a fellow member of the LGBTQ+ community or a very dedicated ally. He had a feeling that he would be safe in Phil’s capable hands.

Dan wasn’t sure what expression he was wearing, but it must be a smitten one. Phil ran towards him, almost managing to trip over his own two feet, even on the flat surface.

“Clumsy Phil strikes again,” Claudia joked, even as Phil came stumbling into Dan’s side.

He slammed into him, more like, but Dan was quick to reach out to keep both of them from toppling over. Dan wasn’t familiar with what clumsy Phil meant but he had to say that he was a little surprised to see Phil stumble just like Dan could have. Weren’t dancers supposed to be light on their feet and elegant? Phil had certainly looked elegant as he had danced.

“Hi Phil,” Dan said softly, correcting his arm so it was more looped around Phil’s waist as he leaned in on him. Dan was aware of the cameras, because he was always aware of the cameras, and they were zooming in. As if he could forget for a second that everything was filmed.

“How do you feel, Dan?” Tess asked.

“I feel really happy,” Dan said, sincerely, taking another look at Phil who was still just smiling, but now his smile was broader. “I really hoped that I would get Phil because we really seemed to click when we met at the first introduction.”

“And what about you, Phil?” Claudia asked. “Are you excited to try the new challenge of dancing with a man instead of a woman?”

“Oh, it will be no challenge at all,” Phil said easily. “You all know how many women couples dance in the younger dance leagues because there aren’t enough male dancers. It’s exactly the same and now we have the added fun of switching.”

Dan’s thoughts went to a place that he should not try to visualize and he wondered if Phil had made the innuendo on purpose or if it was an honest slip up. Phil’s smile was still innocent and Dan wondered if it was just a straight man not knowing the double meaning of the term, or something else.

“Oh, you mean that you can lead or Dan can?” Tess clarified but there was a smile creeping higher on her face.

“Yes, of course,” Phil said, and there was something in his tone Dan couldn’t identify. “I rarely get the chance to be led, so that’ll be fun.”

“I think you’ll be leading at least for the first few weeks, Phil,” Dan said, tapping a hand against Phil’s chest. He did know that a lot of the male celebrities struggled because they had to lead their female dancers around on the floor. It was supposedly easier to be led. “And then we’ll see where we are. Might not even last that long.”

The last part was a slip up. They had been told not to talk about anything like that, when Dan had done the embarrassing personality/introduction segment a week prior. They should not boast too much that they were sure they would win but they most certainly shouldn’t imply that they would get kicked off immediately.

But Phil came in to save him.

“I’m determined to take us to the final,” he said resolutely. “And I see great potential in Dan. We’ll do well. We’ll show everyone.”

It was the perfect mix of confident, but not overly cocky. It was the words that could have come from any couple.

“Well, with those words of confidence, you two best be heading off,” Claudia said.

Dan felt like he didn’t know how to move his feet but Phil solved that one too, moving his hand down to lock their hands together and simply pulling Dan along. He seemed to do that a lot. At least, Dan found himself following easily, it probably boded well for when he was supposed to be led around on the dance floor.

The second that they ducked behind backstage, Dan felt like he could finally take a deep breath and figure out how to breathe normally again. The spotlights were intense and he felt like he was melting under them, in more ways than one. What if all the cameras and lights and the probing questions managed to melt his defences as well as making him sweat?

“You’ll get used to it,” Phil said, kind expression in his eyes.

“Huh?” Dan asked, with his hand pressed to his heart that seemed like it wasn’t going to listen to him at all when he asked it to calm down.

“You’ll get used to all the lights and the cameras,” Phil explained. “When I joined two seasons ago, I was blinded by them constantly. I was very lucky to have Cornelia to pull me out of it. She was more used to the grandeur of stuff like that.”

“First partner?” Dan asked, and he wasn’t sure why there was a little flare of jealousy in Dan’s chest. He had literally just gotten partnered with Phil and he had no claim to him at all. None. Past, present or future. Even while they were partnered, he’d still be doing dances with the other professionals as well.

“Yes, and now one of my best friends,” Phil said. “She’s dating my big brother.”

“Oh,” Dan said. “I didn’t know that.”

He’d known of Cornelia Dahlgren, even if he hadn’t watched that year. He had listened to her when she was still a bit of an indie artist but she was brilliant. Dan had several of her songs in his Spotify playlists before she had a big breakthrough a couple of years ago.

“Yeah, she’s awesome but you and I can beat her and I’s scores,” Phil said and he still had that cocksure tone that Dan couldn’t help but admire, even if he felt the furthest from confident about this whole thing.

“How do you figure? I should warn you now that I really am that clumsy person with two left feet. I can’t dance for the life of me.”

“Well, duh,” Phil said, leaning in close to bop Dan’s nose with his pointer finger. “That’s why I’m going to teach you. I know a thing or two about teaching clumsy people with lack of coordination to dance. Trust me. And there’s another reason we’ll get to the final too, you know.”

“And what’s that?” Dan asked, even if he was still a little too wrapped up in the fact that Phil had _bopped_ his nose just like that while smiling so sweetly.

“Because us dancing here matters. It sets a precedent.”

He didn’t need to explain what kind of precedent. Dan knew. If this went well, it might mean that there would be more accepted same-sex couples in the future seasons. If they crashed and burned, Strictly might not be very keen to repeat it. It was a terrifying thought that Dan’s ability to dance could impact something so important.

“Wow, no pressure,” Dan said, feeling the nerves claw all over his back again.

“Dan,” Phil said putting a hand on each of Dan’s shoulders. “Nerves are good. They mean that you care. It makes you better but only if you don’t let them get to you. I’ll be here. Every step, you’ll take in tandem with me. We’re in this together.”

Phil did not change his tune over the next two weeks but Dan almost wished that he had. He quickly realised just how horrible out of shape he was when he suddenly had to been on his feet, attempting to dance for hours on end, nearly every day of the week.

It wasn’t even Phil’s fault. He was a kind and sweet teacher, even if he was also the reason that Dan got more flustered whenever he would suddenly just man-handle him into position. Dan found that he still followed Phil whenever they were dancing together but he wasn’t following correctly, like a dancer should.

It was worse for the sections that Dan had to dance without Phil, as small and few as they were in this early beginning. Phil had kindly told him to stop looking like a sack of potatoes that flopped over whenever Phil let go of him.

Halfway through their preparation to the launch show, Dan just let himself flop down on the floor. He tried to look as much potato like as he could just to try to piss off Phil. Not that he thought that Phil would be pissed off, he had been a picture of patience.

Yesterday had been what Phil called a resting day and Dan had spent all of it on the sofa feeling every single ache in his body as Phil had tried to mould him into a dancer for the first six days of training. Dan knew he must be learning, because some of the steps came a little easier, but only when Phil was standing next to him reminding him how to stand or better yet if Phil was just the one pulling him along. That was undoubtedly Dan’s favourite part.

“Do you need a break?” Phil asked, looking down at Dan trying to imitate a sack of potatoes.

It was really unfair that someone like Phil could look attractive from this angle. No one was supposed to look good from below but Phil was still stunning, standing there with his hands on his hips and looking amused rather than angry at Dan’s antics.

“I think we should not have resting days; I feel like my body is refusing to dance now that it had been reminded what it feels like not to dance,” Dan said, trying to stretch out his back but he couldn’t even get a proper stretch. Everything felt too tight.

“This is mostly because you skimp on the warm-up, like I tried to tell you, but also, your body is adjusting, you’ve never moved so much in dance before.”

“I think I’ve moved more than I ever have in this week than my whole life,” Dan complained.

“Come on, get up,” Phil said, reaching a hand out.

Dan pouted.

“Come on,” Phil repeated, smile just growing more amused.

Dan let out a deep sigh.

“Fine,” he said and finally took Phil’s hand. It had nothing to do with the fact that Phil had really nice hands and Dan might really love holding them. He was half determined to stay in the competition just because it meant more dancing with Phil. More of holding Phil’s hand and of Phil holding him.

“Want me to tell you the secret to being a great dancer?” Phil asked, still pulling on Dan’s hand until he was in the middle of the room, in front of the too big mirrors. Over the week, he had been a little hesitant to look into them. He had always been a little insecure about his appearance and he found it difficult to intensely study it, his form, like Phil so often asked. At least, he was in a much better place with his body now than just a couple of years ago.

“Oh, teach me, wise one,” Dan teased, but mostly because he wanted Phil to break out of his professional teacher role.

Once they were in the studio, Phil was clearly trying to be the focused teacher. He let his guard drop a little on the breaks but it was different from the carefree Phil that Dan had seen glimpses of here and there. He clearly took dancing very seriously.

“The secret to being a great dancer, is to figure out what kind of dancer you want to be.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah,” Phil said coming up behind Dan, hands on his shoulders. Since Dan was just a tiny bit taller than Phil, Phil had to move his head beside Dan’s, nearly resting it on his shoulder. “When you decide what type of dancer you want to be, you set the parameters, not anyone else. No judges, no fellow dancers, just you and your own body.”

Dan saw his reflection frown while Phil’s smile right at him.

“But… it’s a competition, surely the greatest dancer is the one who can win competitions?”

“Nah, competitions are overrated. If you dance a good dance, a dance that you think is wonderful, then you’re already a winner.”

“That sounds like the stuff they say to kids at camp when they suck at an activity,” Dan said and he had meant it to be a jape, even if a mild one. He liked to challenge people and the way their mind worked because it almost always let to revelations when they needed to defend and explain themselves. Some people just got angry and shut down, but Dan had never seen Phil angry in the couple of weeks that he’d known him or the mounting number of hours they had already spent together. 

“Maybe,” Phil just said easily, not rising to Dan’s bait at all. That was a new thing. “But that’s how it is.”

Phil offered him another smile before turning around and walking a few paces back. Dan watched him in the mirror, and the lines of his back. Phil like this, talking and relaxed, was a world of difference to Phil when he was dancing. Now he looked like he was content that his body carried him from one place to another however it wanted, even if it was slightly hunched over. But when Phil was dancing it was like he was in control of every part of his body.

“What’s a great dancer to you?” Dan asked, still looking into the mirror. He could see Phil turn around, and their eyes met in the mirror.

“To me?”

“How did you become a great dancer?” Dan said.

Phil smiled, looking pleased and still maintaining eye contact with Dan in the mirror.

“I decided to learn how to choreography my own wacky routines and learn how to execute them. That’s why I’m a great dancer. I care less about being nice and proper and more about adding something new, something that’s my own.”

Before being signed up to Strictly, Dan had only seen Phil’s final routine with Louise Pentland, the one that had gotten them kicked off the show. Dan remembered the initial fascination with Louise’s male partner, who had not only looked stunning but also happy. He had been smiling the whole way through the routine, looking giddy as both he and his partner nailed the steps.

After getting confirmed that Phil would be his partner, Dan had watched ever Strictly video of him dancing that he could find and even diving back into old recordings from proper dance competitions. Phil always smiled and he looked proud and like he was having a blast. Some videos that had included remarks from judges, they had sometimes pointed out that a specific style of dancing didn’t fit with his gleaming smile.

“And that’s what you think I should do too?” Dan asked, finally turning around to look at Phil head on. It was almost intimidating to see him standing there after minutes of only looking at him in the mirror.

Phil let out a snort that really shouldn’t have been as charming as Dan found it.

“No, you shouldn’t be my definition of a great dancer, you should find your own. Find what it means to you. I’m not expecting that you’ll have it figured out in a week or even a month, Dan. So, for now, I just want you to do one thing while you figure it out.”

“And what’s that?” Dan asked, smiling because it was entirely too easy to smile when Phil’s attention was on him.

“To have fun, and dance with me. Come on, we’ll go over the group dance for the launch show one more time.”

Dan didn’t want to, every muscle in his body was protesting, but he found it almost entirely impossible to say no to Phil. Perhaps that was why Phil had never taken a stern voice or turned angry. Even when Dan got something wrong again and again, Phil would just patiently correct him and ask him to try again and again.

Dan didn’t feel like he was getting any better but Phil assured him that as a trained professional he could definitely see improvement. The launch show approached entirely too fast. It was still a pre-recording but it was filmed just the night before and there was a real audience now. Even if the audience was mostly people who had been in the audience for Strictly for years and they had an in to get the pre-live show tickets.

Dan wasn’t sure why anyone would want to see this show, but he reconsidered when he was reminded that the professional dancers would be doing four or five dances and the celebs would only be part of one of them.

“When did you even have time to train?” Dan asked, as he adjusted his costume backstage while waiting for his first time dancing on the stage. Phil had just come back into their joint dressing room after having finished one of the dances with his fellow professionals that would be filmed tonight.

“Before we got introduced to you lot,” Phil said, wiping his brow. “We had rehearsed it to near perfection and then just did a refresh twice this week. Not to brag but…”

“Don’t.”

“We’re pros,” Phil said, smiling and pushing his tongue against his cheek. It was not the first time Phil had made a pros joke about himself and his fellow dancers and he clearly got a kick out of the fact that Dan reacted like that to the joke, which as why Dan had kept doing it.

Dan huffed out a silent laugh, because Phil looked entirely too proud of himself. It made Dan feel a little better, to focus on Phil’s smile and dumb jokes and not focus on the fact that he would soon be dancing in front of the whole of the UK.

It was a small mercy that at least this show wasn’t live and if he did trip on his face and get a bloody nose then at least, it could get edited out. It wouldn’t make his grandmother and grandfather unsee it but he couldn’t do much about that. They had insisted on being here, even if at least his grandmother knew perfectly well that he wouldn’t be much on the stage.

“You’re going to be okay, Dan,” Phil said, and put a hand down on Dan’s shoulder.

It had taken a little getting used to and it still surprised him at times, but Phil was a very tactile person. He was almost always reaching out to touch Dan. He was pretty sure it just came with the territory of being a dancer and constantly having to be up close and personal with people you might not know well. Dan was taking a lot longer to warm up to all the casual touches as well as the sterner and guiding touches as Phil led him around on the dance floor.

“Anything shy of a bloody nose will be a huge success,” Dan said.

“Then you’re doing to do smashingly.”

“Hopefully, nothing is going to get smashed, nothing at all.”

“One day, you’ll appreciate all my expressions, when you’re not nervous as hell. I have a language degree, you know.”

Dan did not know and he wanted to ask Phil about that, because why was a professional dancer doing with a language degree but Phil had already turned to walk out of the door again. He blew a kiss in Dan’s direction, before disappearing.

Dan adjusted the cuff of his flashy suit, with nearly too many sequins for his liking, before walking out of the door as well. Phil was right, he could do this. He had been able to do this, at the rehearsal with all the other dancers and celebrities yesterday. He had nearly tripped up during his introduction part because a whole five of the male dancers would come charging at him, veering for his attention, until Phil came running past them, extending a hand and sweeping Dan along.

Dan hadn’t been sure who had thought of that choreography but he wasn’t opposed to it, even if he definitely never had more than one guy trying to catch his attention at one time. It was a little intimidating to have so many of the handsome dancers up close, while Dan was supposed to just brush them all off, and dance into Phil’s arms.

It had gone okay at rehearsals but now it was the real deal.

Dan swore under his breath but he made his feet move all the same. It was too late to back out now. His grandmother was awaiting him in the audience and he could not disappoint her at whatever costs. Whenever he had talked to her this past month since he told her the news, she had been so ecstatic. She had tried to show up to one of his and Phil’s rehearsal sessions but Dan had at least managed to nip that in the butt before it became something of a bigger issue.

“Dan, was it?” one of the celebrity men asked. He was one of the sports people whose name Dan had never heard before he’d done his research session.

“Yeah,” Dan said, smiling politely. He should probably have tried to do more to bond with the other celebrities but a lot of them had already known each other one way or another and Dan had felt like an outsider.

“Best of luck out there on the floor, mate. We’re teammates in this one but I hope you brought your competitive spirit from next week on.”

Dan supressed the annoyed expression that would have appeared on his face otherwise.

“Yeah, let’s do our best with this dance and take things from there,” Dan said.

Based on sports dude’s reaction, it was not what he had thought Dan would say. He turned his attention to the woman at his side instead, an actress, while Dan found himself pulled into conversation with the model and singer already chatting to his left.

Dan couldn’t tell you what they talked about, even if you’d threatened to beat it out of him. He felt like he had cotton in his ears and nothing really got through. He could only watch the clock on the wall and see how it ticked down, down, down.

They would be on soon.

Too soon.

It was only when Dan felt the presence of Phil coming up behind him that he felt like someone pulled the cotton out of his ears. Phil’s hand came next, just resting on the small of Dan’s back, a very light touch but a reassuring one nonetheless.

“We’ll be told to head into positions in a moment. Dan, are you ready? Anything you need to ask me, or something?”

“No,” Dan said, shaking his head. “No, no questions. Just… catch me if I fall on my ass,” Dan said, going for humour like he often did when he was on edge.

“I’ll do my very best,” Phil promised, sincerely, even if he was smiling a little cheekily.

Dan would not be coming onto the stage until half way through the song but he was beginning to consider that a bad thing rather than a good one as he intensely listened to the beat and lyrics of Lionel Richie’s _Dancing On The Ceiling_ and feeling more and more on edge. His fellow celebrity dancers disappeared one after one, or in pairs out to the stage to join the professional dancers that had already been bedazzling the audience for a full minute.

The stage manager looked just as intense and focused and Dan jumped when he finally pointed at him. Dan moved out from backstage and tried to walk with a sway in his hip like he actually knew how to dance.

It felt awkward and he was sure people could read it in his entire body, even if he tried to pretend like he had the confidence and elegancy to carry off this walk. He tried to channel his inner Phil, putting on the dance persona and turning elegant at a snap of his fingers. It didn’t really work, but he got distracted when the professional dancers came up to him, pretending to want his attention. It was just as overwhelming as during the rehearsal and he’s sure he is very much looking like the definition of gay panic.

His followers were going to make gifs of this expression, he knew that already.

The five professional dancers circled him once, Kevin reaching out his hand and flashing him a warm smile, before Phil came charging over, quickly stepping in. The second Dan’s hand was in Phil’s, it was like something clicked.

This was a move that they practiced over and over, until Dan was sick of it. Phil knew that but he had kept going _just one more time_ and Dan had done it. Even if Phil had kept saying it and one last time had turned into about a dozen.

But now Dan found that he knew how Phil will pull on him and he remembered Phil’s words about his posture, also repeated again and again along with the movements. His shoulders relaxed and he made sure to straighten and hold his arms as well as tilt his head a little. He’s sure he looked stiff as a board but he still caught a smile from Phil out of the corner of his eye. It was a second or less, probably not even enough time for Dan to properly see it, but more so than anything it was the feeling he felt afterwards.

It was a nod of praise and reassurance. Phil believed in Dan.

Dan followed easily as Phil spun him and then let go to propel him to the centre of the stage. The music was blaring in his ears, almost too loudly, but the melody and the beat was another thing that Dan had been made familiar with over and over again in the training sessions.

One, two, one, two.

He landed the steps without much wobble, and then he made himself scarce as the camera zooms over to another celebrity entrance. Dan swirled into Phil’s arms once more, only to have to part from him only seconds later.

It was more nerve wracking to be twirling between his fellow celebrities, and Dan almost managed to step on one of the women’s dresses, which he really sure how was possible considering none of them were particularly long. He had one misstep and he feel it reverberate all through his body. He almost stopped to do it over, because that’s what they do in training, but he managed to keep going.

It’s less than elegant but he made it through the rest, until he was back in Phil’s arms and blessedly the final notes rang out of the song. Dan’s chest was heaving, he was entirely too sweaty and he was sure his legs might actually give up on him any moment. It seemed like Phil could sense this, because not a beat later, Phil’s arm came to rest around his waist and holding him steady.

The lights were still blinding and the applause from the audience and the judges was a very surreal experience, but he hadn’t collapsed on the stage. He hadn’t fumbled to a complete stop even if it had been close. He had made it through the group routine.

His ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton again and the lights were blinding his eyes. But Phil’s arm was steady around him.

Dan had just proved to himself that he could dance on this stage, but the question still remained how he was supposed to do a whole full routine when just this little bit nearly finished him. It seemed like a nearly impossible task.

On top of that, he wasn’t actually sure the quality of his dancing was up to snatch, despite Phil’s praise and encouragements.

“Well done,” Phil whispered into his ear, from right behind him and that made it through the clogged ears and the overwhelming senses. Dan’s heart decided to kick the beating up another nudge without his permission.

Everything about this whole thing terrified Dan but at least he didn’t have to face it all by himself. He had been given a partner, now he just had to learn to work with him and build up trust. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I hope you liked this first chapter! Can I just say I am a little overwhelmed with the love this story has gotten right off the bat, and I really hope it lives up to all your expectations. I'm having a lot of fun with it, even if I know very little about dance. Ah! There is so many things for these boys to learn about each other while cha-cha-chaing into each other's hearts. Thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the prologue, I know I haven't gotten around to replying yet but I treasure every single one and I will reply later. Comments on this chapter is also very, very welcome.
> 
> Next update will be on Saturday, at 8 PM (I hope at least, I might be a little behind on the writing, oops).
> 
> Also! If you have any song suggestions, I will happily accept them!
> 
> I am still doing PEDIA and there are six other new works up on my AO3 from this past week, two of which are phanfics, if you're interested.


	3. Week 1: Jive to Little Bitty Pretty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being on stage with a whole hoard of dancers is one thing, but it's something else when it's only him and Phil on the stage. It doesn't help that Dan's legs are not very keen to become dancing legs. Even so, the first live show will not wait for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have time for editing today, so apologies for any errors that might have slipped through.

“Alright, this is official. I cannot move my legs like that,” Dan complained and let himself fall flat onto the practice space’s floor again. It was probably grubby with too many dancing shoes and runaway sweat but Dan didn’t care.

The smooth floor felt nice against his own sweaty back and he just wanted to lie here for a little while. Phil was being extra strict today. In four days, they were supposed to be up on the stage dancing their first solo dance and Dan was not ready, not in the slightest.

It wasn’t the first time that Phil had to watch Dan flail around and complain that dancing was something his body didn’t want to do. It happened approximately every hour or so. But Phil wouldn’t even berate him for being annoying or unwilling, he just kept being encouraging and kind. He would hover above Dan with an outstretched hand and gentle eyes. Dan usually felt so guilty that he would be off the floor in a matter of minutes.

They both seemed to realise this by now, which was a little scary that they could fall into a routine so easily after only a couple of weeks. Dan supposed that happened when you spent multiple hours together almost every day while getting up close and personal.

Dan still found that he liked that aspect of dancing better. He felt like he wasn’t an inelegant lump when Phil was leading him around the dance floor.

It was the weird kicky jumps that he took issues with.

“They have a name,” Phil said, sounding amused, and Dan realised he must have said that part out loud. He groaned and rolled over to his side, away from Phil.

“Whatever.”

“And you are getting better, you know,” he said, again so encouraging.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re too nice?” Dan grumbled. “You don’t need to baby me.”

Dan wasn’t sure why he was lying, or if he was mostly trying to lie to himself. He liked Phil’s careful style of teaching. He was unrelenting but never hard. He would keep pushing Dan until he was satisfied but he also let him throw these mini tantrums so it all evened out. Or mostly.

Dan’s legs were killing him. He was pretty sure he was being taught to move muscles that had never, ever moved in his whole 28 year old life. They were rebelling against him but causing him random leg spasms now. It felt like a cruel fate.

“Up,” Phil said again, now crouching down next to Dan.

It was one of the days where they didn’t have a camera crew on them and Dan liked those days the best. He was too self-conscious when they were being filmed, knowing that bits and pieces would be edited into the show. Even if he was a horrible dancer, he was still a perfectionist and the idea of letting someone see an unfinished work of his, in whatever shape or form, made him want to claw his face off.

Today, it was just him and Phil, even if Phil would sometimes turn on a phone he had propped up against the mirror. He said it was important to look back at your form, so you could better understand how you’d improved. So far, Phil had been the only one watching those videos but he had at least promised Dan not to give them to Strictly.

It felt a little safer.

“I think I have become one with the floor,” Dan said, spreading his arms out, trying to imagine that he was lying in a calm meadow somewhere, light breeze on his skin and gentle sounds of chirping birds.

“Huh? So, you are part of the vomit left on the floor last week too?” Phil asked.

Dan had never gotten up faster in his whole life.

His tired feet protested a little but he was made of pure energy at that point, just leaping up and moving away from the middle of the floor where he had been laying. He was nearly ready to pull his shirt off, and maybe even his shorts, but then he caught a glimpse of Phil’s face.

Phil’s smirking face.

“You lied,” Dan said, almost astonished because for some reason he hadn’t pegged Phil like a liar. Granted, this was a silly white lie that Phil clearly hadn’t intended to keep for long given his facial expression but it still startled Dan a little in how he was forming an personal image of Phil.

Maybe he was also guilty of putting people on pedestals.

“I lied,” Phil confirmed but he looked very pleased with himself.

“That’s rude,” Dan argued, narrowing his eyes at Phil and trying to look genuinely angry. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t pulling it off considering he felt a spark of admiration and curiosity instead.

He had many personal questions that he wanted to ask Phil, but he had already found out that Phil didn’t like to talk too many personal things when they were practicing. And it wasn’t really like they had a reason to hang out outside of the dance studio.

Unless.

“You owe me for that lie,” Dan said, jutting his jaw out just a little, staring at Phil in challenge.

Dan saw something in Phil’s eyes light up. Dan recognised that light all too well. It belonged to someone who couldn’t back down from a bet. Dan filed that away for future reference. He had a feeling that it would come in very handy in the future.

“Yeah? Like what?” Phil asked, negging Dan on in the best way.

Dan wanted to say dinner, but he stopped himself last second. It was too close to sounding like a date. Not that Dan would mind going on a date with Phil, quite the contrary really, but he had a feeling that it would just make Phil deflate and kindly reject him. While Dan was still trying to scope out of Phil could be part of the queer community, which was still a pending search, Dan did know that Phil took his professionalism seriously.

He probably wouldn’t want to get involved with his dancing partner, even if he was interested in men. Or even single. Dan had still not managed to find a way to ask that question either without it sounding like he was fishing.

But Phil was looking at him and waiting and Dan knew he needed to give an answer or it would become weird.

“Ice cream.”

“What?” Phil asked, and his challenging glare morphed into something more confounded.

“You owe me an ice cream,” Dan said, fully committing to what he had said, even if it had mostly been an accident. Phil didn’t need to know that. “Today. After practice.”

“Okay,” Phil said, agreeing much easier than Dan thought he would.

“Wait, just like that?”

“Just like that,” Phil said, smile warm and kind. “Why? Did you think I’d refuse? Why ask then?”

Dan couldn’t very well say that he’d panicked and didn’t want it to sound like he wanted Phil to take him on a date. Especially when he wasn’t even sure if going for ice cream together was any less gay. He had panicked. Phil tended to bring that out in him.

“I don’t know, just fitness?” Dan said, but he wasn’t even sure what he meant himself.

Phil laughed. It was one of his deep laughs, just a slight chuckle in the back of his throat. Dan was not in the process of categorising all of Phil’s laughs because that would be weird.

He wasn’t.

“I’m the worst at keeping a diet,” Phil confessed, almost shyly. “I just tend to dance and eat what I want.”

Dan couldn’t help the scan of Phil’s body that his eyes did automatically. He had such nice proportions, and Dan had seen how he held his body with so much power. He was a strong and fit man, but maybe he was one of those people blessed with very good metabolism. Or more likely, Phil was just dancing so much that he worked it all off without even being mindful of that.

“Did you just give me an elevator glance?” Phil asked, amused and Dan snapped his eyes away.

“No.”

It was not very convincing.

Dan’s face burned a little but he was glad to see that Phil still didn’t sound mad, just slightly confused and very amused. Dan could deal with that, even if it was still a little embarrassing to be caught staring. Even if Phil must know how good he looked.

“Whatever you say,” Phil said, shaking his head slightly and exhaling through his nose. “I’ll treat you to ice cream after this, but we’ve still got a couple hours more work to be done here. Are you going to behave?”

Dan really wanted to turn this into a flirting opportunity.

But he was trying to stop that, because the last thing he wanted was to make Phil uncomfortable in the dance studio when he was trying to be serious and teach Dan how to actually dance.

“Alright, I am convinced,” Dan said, extending a hand towards Phil.

Phil smiled, took his hand and then just spun Dan around until he was properly facing the mirror. Then he let go of his hand, but lingered right behind him.

“You need to be mindful of your knees,” Phil said, now turning Dan so they were both sideways towards the mirror.

“What? You want me to thank them for keeping my legs bones connected and carrying me forward?” Dan joked.

“Not, mindfulness, though I don’t know if you’d even do that in mindfulness,” Phil said, face twitching for a moment as he looked off into the distance before he snapped himself back to the presence. Dan couldn’t help but admire that self-control. Phil seemed to zone out just as often as Dan, but he could more often than not snap himself back to reality. Dan had only ever mastered the zoning out part.

“What did you mean?” Dan said, softer now.

“Be aware of them,” Phil said, moving a little back behind Dan.

He did the steps that they’d been practicing all day but it was the first time Dan was actually looking at how Phil’s legs moved from the side. From the front view on, it hadn’t looked like he’d moved them up that high, only just kicking over the ground really, but Dan could see now that he lifted them up higher.

Bend at the knee.

Phil did the step a couple of times, fingers snapping along to a beat that Phil was the only one who could hear. They had been playing the song they were due to perform a lot today but Phil had turned it off when Dan had decided to lie down and become one with the floor.

“You want to hit right on the beat with the kick up,” Phil said. “And it’s not as much a kick as a fluid motion. You want to be in control of your leg the whole time, through the whole movement. Right now, you’re mostly just moving out to do the kind of kick you think you need to do and then you let go. Your leg flails. Try to do it now, and I’ll show you.”

“I can’t do it now,” Dan grumbled but he moved into the resting position that Phil had been banging on and on about. It was more relaxed and it felt like Dan was almost slightly leaning back because he was so used to hunching over.

“Yes, you can,” Phil said, leaving momentarily to return to the stereo in the corner where his phone was lying. “Do it like we’ve practiced.”

Dan hated this a little bit because he knew he was going to be doing it wrong and then Phil was going to come up and tell him exactly how he was doing it wrong. He was going to nit pick at the imperfections. Dan knew it was his job both as his teacher, partner and the choreographer but it still hurt Dan’s pride a little.

But it didn’t stop Dan from trying when Phil was looking at him so encouragingly. He went through the steps as the song got to that section and he tried to both watch his reflection and remember the movement tricks that Phil had taught him. It felt like his brain overloaded slightly.

“Alright, hold up,” Phil requested, coming back over to Dan. “Take a look at this.”

Phil moved his phone, open on a video, in front of Dan’s eyes. Dan wanted to just look away but it wouldn’t have been very polite.

“What am I looking for?” Dan asked, as the video started to play, before Dan was even doing the steps.

“Your knees,” Phil said, and bumped his shoulder with Dan.

Dan wasn’t sure he would be able to see anything, other than a clumsy dancer lacking all elegancy but he tried to watch his knees all the same. It did look a little uncontrolled when he moved through the steps. Like he gave up half-way through and just let his legs flop out.

Phil played over the steps three times more before lowering his phone.

“Okay, I can see it, kind of. I just kick out and I don’t control my legs, or my knees or whatever.”

“Not whatever. And you’re right on the money,” Phil said, encouragingly. “Because you don’t control the down kick, so to speak, you aren’t ready for the next extend of your leg. Your leg is unprepared. Look again, your first step going out of resting form is much more controlled. They get worse as you keep going, which if unfortunate in a sequence and something they’ll deduct us points for.”

Phil played the video again, and now that he had pointed it out, Dan could see that the steps started out better in the beginning of the sequence.

“How do I fix it?” Dan asked, and Phil was smiling teasingly and about to open his mouth, so Dan quickly tacked on, “and don’t say be mindful of your knees.”

“I wasn’t,” Phil argued, even if he smirk said otherwise. “Alright, maybe, but then I would have said that you have to focus on moving your legs down instead of up. We’ve practiced moving your leg up a lot and your muscle memory will already be beginning to kick in. Now we focus on down.”

Focusing on down was much more complicated than Phil made it sound. Dan felt like he had suddenly no control of his legs, as he tried to focus on moving his leg back down to the ground still under control. It was so much easier to just let it fall down. He could also feel how his up movements became sloppy and uncoordinated but Phil just told him to forget about them for now.

It was easier said than done, but Phil just kept him at it, until he was sweating through his T-shirt again.

It must have been upwards of an hour before Phil announced a break and tossed Dan a water bottle that nearly hit him in the face. Dan poured water down his throat and too much escaped out the sides of his mouth in his haste but he didn’t care that it dripped down his front. What was a little more moisture at this point?

Blessed ten minutes of rest was up fast.

“And now, we’re going to take it from the top,” Phil announced, setting his phone up against the mirror again.

“The whole song?”

“It’s not the whole song that we’re performing, it’s like a minute and a half.”

“Feels like an hour and a half,” Dan mumbled.

“Let’s go,” Phil said, and they moved to stand in the corner of the practice room. Phil had insisted that they also practice the running towards the stage from the stairs part, even if it had to just be a couple of meters instead of a grand staircase.

Dan would have put up a fight about it or maybe even mocked Phil a little in playful banter, but Phil always looked so happy and giddy as he ran to the middle of the floor with Dan in hand.

The two of them would come down each their side of the staircase and at the bottom they would connect hands and run forward together. Even the running had to be in step, Phil said, so they had practiced that together too.

That part hadn’t really been what Dan had been worried about and it went easy enough too. It was everything that came after that was a struggle, mostly because those pesky kicks, or steps as Phil insisted to call them, were littered throughout the whole routine. Because the music was playing and Phil was pulling on him, Dan felt like he couldn’t focus on either the up or the down movement of his feet and legs. He just tried to get them into the right position at all.

But it did feel slightly different as he realised as they reached the end of the routine, as Dan’s chest rose and fell too rapidly.

“That was much better!” Phil exclaimed.

“Yeah?” Dan asked, a little unsure if Phil meant it or if he was just being nice again.

“Yes,” Phil said, moving over to pick up his phone and end the recording. Dan had almost expected Phil to show him it but he just pocketed the phone. “Come here, I’ll show you.”

“Show me?”

“Here,” Phil said, just beaconing him closer with his arms.

Dan came into Phil’s space, and again they were with their profiles to the mirror, only Dan was facing Phil head on, instead of having him behind me.

“Hand, and we’ll to the middle bit, where we’re doing the steps away from each other?”

That was the second most difficult part but Dan put on a brave face.

“And you’re going to watch your feet and my feet in the mirror,” Phil instructed.

“Not sure that I can focus,” Dan said honestly.

“Try, and I’ll add whatever topping you want to your ice cream,” Phil bargained.

“What? I thought I was getting that already,” Dan complained but it was all in good fun. He didn’t really need an incentive like this. He would be trying his best no matter what, because it was already a challenge posted to him.

“Watch,” Phil instructed, and counted them into the steps.

Dan liked Phil’s voice when he was counting them in, all deep and rhythmic.

They moved through the steps again and Dan watched their legs move together but in each direction. He paid close attention to the knee and how high their respective knees moved. He zeroed in on Phil’s first and then found his own, which was more difficult to look at without getting distracted and stumbling. Even so, he could see something different from when he had tried it before. It did look like he had more control over his legs now, and his movement wasn’t far off from Phil’s.

Phil kept counting, even as the steps must have tripled or quadrupled what they would actually be doing at the show by now. Dan focused in, looking intensely in the mirror and trying his best to copy while Phil coaxed him on.

“You’ve got it,” Phil praised happily.

Dan felt a surge of happiness, and it was too much, so he ended up letting go of Phil’s hand and spinning out a little. He was ready to just let himself fall to the floor again, but Phil had those pesky quick reflexes and he caught Dan by the waist before he really went anywhere.

Dan felt how Phil’s hands were warm sprayed out against his back and he wondered how he was every supposed to survive when they got to some of the dances that required more physical contact than the jive.

“You’re being too kind again.”

“Well,” Phil said, still holding onto Dan, “you made great improvements today and more so, it seems that I’ve finally managed to teach you to watch your leg all the way through steps which will come in handy. You need to know when to tense and when to let go, but even for letting go, you need to be in control at all times.”

“Isn’t that all dancing?” Dan asked, cocking his head a little to the side.

Phil was still holding onto him, like this was nothing out of the ordinary. Dan wanted to keep Phil distracted, keep him talking about the dance because a distracted Phil seemed like he didn’t move and Dan didn’t mind staying here for a bit longer.

“Yes, and that’s why I love it. It’s the one place where I can have full control,” Phil said, winked, and then regretfully let go of Dan’s waist and stepped back.

Dan knew from the mirror that he looked rumbled, sweated through and hair a complete mess, but Phil still looked so inviting. He looked a little sweaty, but kind of sweaty is a hot, having just worked out kind of way. Dan knew he couldn’t look like that, even if he’d tried. It really wasn’t fair that Phil could be attractive even now.

“I don’t think I’ll ever achieve that level of control on the dance floor,” Dan said honestly.

“We’ll see,” Phil said. “And now, I do believe I owe you ice cream.”

“Like this?” Dan asked, gesturing at the mess that was himself.

“Right after practice,” Phil said, “like I promised. Besides, there’s no better way to cool down than with ice cream. I know a shop just a couple of blocks down the road.”

“But I’m gross,” Dan said wrinkling his nose.

“Nah, not at all,” Phil said. “And who cares what others might think about us?”

Dan couldn’t help but notice that Phil grouped himself with Dan and not any of the people that they might actually meet. Like he thought that they were in the same boat, both sweaty after practice.

For a moment, Dan wondered if this was a good idea. The launch show had just gone up last Saturday and Dan’s social media had already turned into a mess. A lot of people were freaking out about it. On his behalf and because of him.

Dan had purposely decided to steer clear of articles about Strictly suddenly being gay, because every single headline that he had glimpsed had sounded more shocked than anything. He wasn’t sure what people would think if they spotted him and Phil out having ice cream together. Dan had never really had to deal with proper paparazzi, it didn’t really happen when you were internet famous. Instead, you just got fans following you around if they spotted you out and about but most people were lovely, if a little shy.

But he did want ice cream and he had won against Phil and he wasn’t going to let that just go to waste.

“Let’s go then,” Dan said, accidentally reaching out his hand for Phil to hold. It hadn’t been a conscious gesture, but Dan had just heard an echo of Phil saying something similar in training. He’d say let’s go and then hold out his hand. It was the only reason why Dan’s brain thought that this was an appropriate action. Obviously. Phil had a reason for doing it in training. He needed to move them into position and practice their routine.

Going out for ice cream really didn’t require handholding.

Still, Phil just took Dan’s hand with a smile and he started to tug him along. Dan went easily.

And he mourned the loss when they had to drop their interlinked hands going out of the building and Dan knew he couldn’t very much request that they picked it up again. It helped a little that Phil fell into step right next to him as they walked down the street.

The ice cream shop was pretty close to the studio that they had been in today. It was one of the better practice spaces if you asked Dan, even if it was on the opposite side of London from his flat which got it deducted a couple of points.

“We should get the weird non-boring flavours,” Phil said as they walked through the door to the quaint little shop.

“What justifies as a weird flavour?” Dan asked in a hushed voice.

Phil had just giggled before tugging Dan along to the side of the ice cream selection where there were a few unique or special flavours. In the end, Dan settle on a minion ice cream – whatever hell that flavour was supposed to be with its blue and yellow colours, and Phil picked an ice cream that was black.

“Almost as black as my soul,” Dan had joked when he’d seen the black ice cream, and it had made Phil scoff and instantly announce that he was getting that one, so Dan had to pick something else.

Ice creams in hand, they walked back out the shop and Phil just started to stroll down the street. Dan looked at him for a beat, before Phil looked over his shoulder and insisted that Dan should come along with rather intense hand gestures. Dan huffed out a laugh and followed.

“Your tongue is black,” Dan said, spying on Phil.

“What?” Phil asked and stuck his whole tongue out for inspection. “Really?” he half-mumbled, tongue still sticking out.

Dan couldn’t stop the actual giggle at Phil like that. He seemed like a kid in that moment and Dan couldn’t help but be so endeared. There were so many sides to Phil Lester it seemed and he had only just scratched the surface.

“Yeah.”

Phil closed his mouth. “Like proper black or just a black tint?” he asked sticking his tongue out once more.

Dan wasn’t sure when he had ever been so acquainted with a tongue that he hadn’t had down his throat but he entertained Phil all the same. His muscles ached from practice, but it seemed like they loosened a little now that he could just laugh with Phil.

“Here, I’ll take a picture,” Dan said, fishing his phone out of his pants and snapping a picture while Phil diligently posed.

Dan had barely managed to snap the photo before Phil was pawing at his hand and trying to get a look at it.

“Okay, so proper black,” Phil said and he seemed satisfied with that, taking another lick of his ice cream.

Dan’s ice cream was running now, and he quickly put his lips to the edge of the cone, sucking up the melting ice cream. Phil seemed to take notice of it, which wasn’t surprising with the loud slurping sound that Dan hadn’t intended.

When Dan turned his eyes back to Phil, Phil almost looked a little flustered. Before Dan could ask what had put that look in his eye, even if he had a slight idea already, Phil was looping his arm around Dan and continuing to drag him down the street.

Phil found them a park and a bench to park their asses, which Dan was grateful for. He felt like his body was about to rebel any moment if he kept dancing and practicing like this. It was a recipe for disaster.

Again, it felt almost date like, even if it was a very casual and fun date vibe. Dan would honestly have loved to go out for ice cream with someone, even if he was getting scarily close to 30 with each passing year and it seemed like something young smitten people did in school.

“Hey, I realised I never asked, but do you have a significant other?” Dan asked Phil, purposely keeping the question gender neutral.

It wasn’t because he wanted to hint anything, but it was a habit he had taught himself. He liked not to assume anyone’s gender or sexuality until they either told him or he would just stay in neutral territory. It had required a little practice but after the habit had been implemented it had been quite easy.

“Why are you asking me that?” Phil asked, lips quirking up into a small smile. “All of a sudden?”

It wasn’t exactly sudden for Dan. He had been quietly wondering about Phil for the weeks he had known him but he had never really found the opportunity to ask, despite his curiosity.

“Just casual conversation, innit?” Dan said, shrugging in a manner that was supposed to be casual. He was pretty sure his attempt at being casual wasn’t coming off very well.

Phil clicked his tongue and then licked his ice cream. Dan thought he wasn’t actually going to answer and he was willing to drop it, if it wasn’t something Phil wanted to talk about. Instantly, Dan worried suddenly that Phil was a tragic widower or something and Dan had just stepped into something massive.

“I’m single,” Phil said, nearly after the moment had passed. “I wouldn’t have time to much else right now. The first few Strictly weeks are very time consuming and hectic.”

“Weeks?” Dan asked, now more than happy to tease that he knew he hadn’t stumbled across some tragic backstory. “Doesn’t the show go on for months?”

“Yes,” Phil said almost a little shyly. “But I’ve been kicked off in like week three or four with both my contestants so far. It’s very much less work if you’re only worrying about the occasional professional dances and not training a partner anymore.”

Dan hummed, in consideration and took another lick of his ice cream. The minion flavour wasn’t actually bad all things considered.

“So, how long do you give us?” Dan asked, challenge in his voice.

“I already said so before. I’m going to take us all the way to the finale this time, baby.”

The nickname was clearly just slipped in there for comedic effect. Phil even tried, emphasis very much on tried, to wiggle his eyebrows. Even so, it caught Dan so much off guard that he almost choked on his ice cream.

What a death it would have been.

He died like he lived, choking on something and being awkward.

Dan cleared his throat twice and it was not as unsubtle as he had hoped. Phil was grinning at him, tongue lightly poking out in his amusement and Dan thought once more that Phil had no right to be the perfect combination of pretty and adorable.

“You’ve got more confidence than me, that’s for sure,” Dan said, and he was forced to clear his throat again to get rid of the tight feeling.

“Someone has to. And your confidence seems to have left all of our practice sessions,” Phil said but then he leaned over to nudge Dan. “But worry not, I will teach you.”

“Oh? You’ll teach me?” Dan asked, eyebrow cocked up.

“I am your teacher, Dan. It’s kind of my job. At least, it’s my job right now,” Phil said and Dan realised that Phil would have to be doing something the other months of the year when it wasn’t Strictly season. He wasn’t sure that one could live off of just being a professional dancer at Strictly, not with how BBC was funded but who knew? It was a beloved show.

“What do you do outside of Strictly?” Dan found himself asking.

“You’re full of questions today, huh?” Phil asked, and he sounded a little amused. Dan was almost about to apologise, because he hated it when people asked him questions. Mostly, because he never knew how to reply. But then Phil continued. “Hey, I don’t mind.”

Dan wasn’t sure what his face had done or how Phil had been able to read him so well. Maybe he should have been a little worried. He knew that Phil was always watching him during their practices, and he had said that he was trying to familiarise himself with how Dan moved. Dan now wondered if Phil had also been analysing his facial expressions.

“I was just curious what brought it on now,” Phil said when Dan was still silent.

“We’ve never really met outside of the practice room,” Dan said, as if it explained everything. It did in his head. However, for Phil it didn’t look like it explained anything.

“You’re allowed to talk to me about private stuff during practice too,” Phil said, almost gentle. “That’s fine. It’s actually nice if we were to get to know each other more. It will make us more compatible dancers.”

“Alright, but I can’t promise I’ll do that. When we’re dancing you get this look in your eye and you’re just _intense_.”

“I’m intense?” Phil asked, sounding very amused. “I suppose. I get very focused, or I’ll be tripping over my own feet.”

There it was again. That weird contradiction of being a clumsy person but an elegant dancer. Dan wanted to know more about that too, but Phil had already left one of his questions go unanswered.

“You never said what you did other than Strictly,” Dan reminded him, eating the last bit of his ice cream. Phil had somehow managed to finish his without Dan noticing.

“I edit videos. I mostly do freelance jobs, because it has to fit in with Strictly but I’ve gotten so many connections through Strictly that it’s never really hard to find projects in the off-season.”

Dan had not expected that. “Wait, didn’t you say something about a language degree? How did you land in dancing and editing?”

“Well, I took a Masters in video editing after my bachelor in English language and I’ve been dancing since I was a kid.”

“Huh,” Dan said, and even though Phil had answered his question, he felt like he just had ten more now. He had a feeling that it would always be like that with Phil. It felt exciting. “That is not what I imagined you doing.”

“What? What do you mean with that?” Phil asked, shoving Dan’s shoulder slightly.

The causal touching was still something Dan was getting used to but he found that it was quite nice.

“Just, I thought you’d be doing something with your body? Like another physical thing? I find it hard to see you hunched over in front of a computer,” Dan said, honestly. Even now, looking at how Phil had tilted his head back and crossed his long legs at his ankles, he looked like he was made to move. It must be the dancer in him.

“No, no,” Phil said, deep chuckle following the words. “When I’m not in the studio, I am either glued to my couch or my desk chair. I do as little moving as necessary.”

The mystery of Phil Lester deepened for Dan but he didn’t get to ask any more of his pressing questions because Phil was pulling him to his feet again and looping their arms.

“Where are we going?” Dan asked.

“We’re getting a car and then I’m dropping you at your flat. You’re tired.”

Dan hadn’t felt tired when talking to Phil but even so it was like Phil’s words unleashed something and Dan felt the wave of fatigue all over again, and he remembered just how many times Phil had made him go back over the steps.

Dan had tried to argue that he could get a car for himself, but Phil had still insisted after having “drilled into him” all day. Dan was not sure if it was just his mind that tended to take Phil’s words as innuendoes or if Phil enjoyed dropping them and then pretending like he meant it in the most innocent way.

Phil might be more interested in learning about Dan to make him a better dancer but Dan was more interested in learning about Phil because he felt something tug in the bottom of his stomach. Nothing was fluttering yet, but he wondered if the feeling could be described as caterpillars, just waiting to turn into butterflies.

“Hey Dan,” Phil said, leaning out of the window after Dan had stepped out of the car in front of his flat. The driver was holding up traffic but Phil didn’t seem to notice. He was only looking at Dan.

“Great work today. We’re going to kick ass on Saturday,” Phil called out after him and waved. Dan was a little stunned, and he kept standing on the pavement even as the car window rolled up and the car disappeared.

Dan wasn’t sure he could do it, not at all, but he knew one thing. When Phil believed in him so much, he needed to give it his very best shot.

Rehearsals on the day before the first live show was not his best shot.

It was clumsy and intimidating to be back on the Strictly stage and there wasn’t even an audience. Just a few staff and camera men looking on and trying to follow them with cameras to try to prepare for how to frame the shots for the actual show.

Dan was a bundle of nerves and he felt like everyone was looking at him. Dan was sure he looked like a lumpy potato next to Phil in all his elegance.

Even when Dan actually tripped over his own feet and slammed his knee into the floor, Phil didn’t lose his patience. He lost his smile for a beat, out of concern and he had rushed over to help Dan up, even if it was just a minor stumble.

Dan couldn’t help but think that it felt quite nice to have someone pick you up when you fell down. He wasn’t used to that.

“A bad rehearsal means a good premiere,” Phil said encouragingly and slapped Dan’s shoulder lightly as they were ushered off the stage for the other couples to practice their routines.

“I’m not sure that’s a saying,” Dan said.

“If it isn’t, then I just made it one. I’m just happy you didn’t get hurt,” Phil said nodding towards Dan’s slightly bruised knee. “You have to take care of yourself. If you’re out of balance, you can’t just push further. You will fall on your ass.”

“I’m always out of balance,” Dan whined.

Phil got a twinkle in his eye. “Then it’s good you’ve got some good padding,” he said before winking and walking off.

He was already halfway down the hall and disappearing among the other professional dancers before Dan realised what Phil meant. He couldn’t stop his hand from going down to his ass, and he wondered if Phil was delusional. If anything, Phil was the one with the well-padded butt.

Even so, that single comment made Dan sheer up and forget about the terrible rehearsal.

It lasted until he was backstage and waiting his turn and just hearing couple after couple go out onto the stage and the cheers from the crowds. He felt a little like he needed to vomit, but Phil had refused to leave him out of his sight.

Both his and Phil’s suits were inspired by late 50s fashion in America, although with some modifications so they were still able to dance in them. At the first fitting, Dan had felt like he’d rip the pants if he just took as much as a long step. It was better now that they had been tailored but he almost wished that he could blame the costumes for what might be very bad dancing coming up.

He clutched his stomach and tried not to look constipated as the cameras turned back on and Tess started speaking to all the celebrates and dancers gathered behind stage, as last the couple came running up to talk about how it had gone. Dan had already been through this with five or seven couples and he was mostly just trying to nod along supportively. Until Tess turned her eyes to him and Phil.

“You two are up soon,” she said with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Err… I… it’s…”

“Nervous,” Phil said moving in to place an arm around Dan. It shook him out of his stunned surprise.

“We’re ready to tear up the dance floor,” Dan said, trying to channel some of Phil’s confidence. It sounded flat to Dan’s own ears but no one else seemed to notice.

Except Phil, of course. Dan caught Phil’s slight flicker of concern before he schooled his expression. Then the camera was thankfully cut off them and focusing back on the judges again.

It was only a brief reprieve before Phil was tugging him along to stand ready for their dance.

“You can do this, Dan.”

“Can I?” Dan asked and he hated that he had to ask for validation all the time.

Just like the many times during training, Phil gave it to him freely.

“Of course, you can. I have taught you all the choreography and muscle memory has retrained a lot of it, even if it might not feel like that. Let it guide you, and then let me guide you too. I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“What if I forget it all?” Dan asked, imagining himself in the middle of the dance floor. Standing still and frozen on his stupid long legs.

“You won’t,” Phil said, “but if you do, I’ll run up and pull you along. I’ll spin you around the whole stage and we’ll make them all laugh.”

Phil said it so confidently and it surely made Dan laugh.

“I think we’d be disqualified for that, or something.”

“Nah,” Phil said. “No one gets kicked out the first week anyway. This is all trail.”

Dan didn’t remind Phil that the points from today as well as the points for next week would all contribute to where they would land on the ranking. Phil knew that. He was just trying to reassure Dan once more.

Dan heard the first tones of their music, that damned music that must be burned into his mind at this point, and then they both moved.

This song was not Dan’s style at all but he couldn’t help humming along under his breath like Phil had so often done while he guided them along the steps in the practice room. He focused on his steps, on controlling his legs all the way through the motion and he saw Phil’s smile while they were doing it opposite each other.

For the “sit on my knee” part of the lyrics, Phil sat down for a beat on a chair left in the middle of the stage for them, and Dan very gingerly sat down. It was only meant to be a brushing touch, before Dan was supposed to step for daintily make his dance steps away from Phil who would then follow. Dan stumbled a bit, almost landing up in Phil’s lap.

He almost freaked out because this wasn’t supposed to happen. It should just have been a light touch and then he should have moved and now he was going to be out of count for his steps, but before too much time could pass, Phil was already in motion.

Phil’s large hands came up to Dan’s hips, lifting him up and urging him forward and following right behind instead of some steps behind. Phil also added another spin and then Dan managed to get into the step sequence, even if it felt a little off beat.

The dance was only a little longer than a minute but Dan still felt like they had been on the stage for hours when he could finally move into the ending pose with Phil right next to him.

The cheers sounded loudly and happily and Dan was a little shocked. He wasn’t as shocked about Phil throwing his arms around him and lifting him off the ground to spin him around. If it hadn’t been a televised and live event Dan was pretty sure he would tease Phil about how he must be used to picking up his female partners which were easier to lift. For now, he just smiled and clapped Phil on his back as they stumbled over to hear the judges’ verdict.

As the first show with so many dancers, it was a bit of a time crunch and they only got to hear two opinions for the judges.

Darcey was the first to speak. “You were lucky that Phil managed to style you out of the little stumble with the chair,” she said, and Dan nodded in agreement. “But overall, a very decent first performance for someone who looked so nervous.”

Next up was Craig and Dan had been a little more worried about him, since he was cast as the hard judge that always seemed to be on panels at shows like this.

“Your expression was a mess and you need to get a lot stronger to hold your form properly,” Craig said and Dan was surprised to hear someone boo from the audience. “However, good work on your knees. It can be hard to make the steps look so effortless.”

“Thank you,” Phil said, answering for Dan who was once more stunned into silence. “We worked on that a lot.”

“Okay, you two, you need to head up,” Claudia said waving them off. The audience cheered.

Dan couldn’t recall any of the question they were asked or answers him and Phil gave while waiting for their score. He was just watching the screen trying hard not to let the nerves make him say or do something stupid.

Objectively, the worst was over now. He was done dancing, and while this score wasn’t inconsequential, he wouldn’t be leaving tonight. None of the constants would

“And now we’re ready for the scores,” Tess said and Dan was pretty sure he wasn’t breathing.

Dan’s ears were ringing but at least he saw the numbers come up.

  1. 4\. 5. 6.



Okay, that wasn’t great but it wasn’t as terrible as Dan had imagined. It gave them 20 points, which put them almost at the bottom.

“How are you feeling about those scores?” Tess asked and there was a microphone in front of Dan’s face again. He barely managed to supress the urge to bat it away.

He knew he should say something like he had heard from all the other dancers. They were okay with it but they wanted to do it better next time, or something like that.

“I’m just glad I didn’t fall on my ass,” Dan said instead and his brain stalled for a moment afterwards, when he realised that he had once more given his fans a gif-able moment. Maybe that would be his legacy, saying weird shit on Strictly.

Tess and some of the celebrities and dancers politely laughed and then it was thankfully the last of it. Dan could go hide until next week now. There was no big elimination ceremony happening today. That circus wouldn’t start for another week.

Dan sought temporary refuge in his and Phil’s dressing room. He leaned in over the make-up desk, bracing his arms on the edges and decidedly not looking at the mirror in front of him. He didn’t need to see his messy and sweaty face right now.

Dan had left the door slightly ajar behind him, because he had expected Phil to follow. He had been right.

“Dan,” Phil called.

“Hmm?”

“I’m proud of you.”

The words were enough to startled Dan out of his thoughts. He did catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he moved his head up to stare at Phil and he got to see what his own surprised face looked like.

It wasn’t that people never told that to Dan. His online audience tended to say it quite often whenever he did one of his projects but it was different hearing it in person from someone like Phil. He was saying it so sincerely.

“I almost fell down on you for the chair bit,” Dan said, because he was still a perfectionist that always tended to focus on the flaws.

“Hey, as if I’m going to complain about having someone like you in my lap,” Phil said playfully. His tone was teasing and light and Dan didn’t know how to read it. He almost wanted to take Phil by the shoulders and demand to know what that meant but on the other hand, he quite liked this.

It felt a little like a dance, slowly approaching and figuring each other out. Dan wasn’t keen to speed up the tempo. Not yet. He needed to know how to dance better before he would be able to keep up anyway.

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan said. “You saved us out there.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To save you,” Phil said, smiling so softly and Dan wondered if Phil was meant to save him from more than falling on his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it is now official that PEDIA is kicking my ass, but I still really liked how this chapter turned out. I tried to make it a bit shorter not to stretch myself so much but as you can see it is almost as long as the previous chapter. When these boys get started to talk, they just don't stop.
> 
> Thank you to @tarredion for the suggestion of this song!
> 
> Next update should hopefully be on next Saturday, but I will not promise I can stick to my 8 PM CEST upload schedule there, but I will try. Thank you so much for the comments on the first two chapter - they help so much with motivation, you don't even know.


	4. Week 2: Charleston to Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first week that really counts. The first time they could get kicked off before it even really began. Dan is still struggling to get the steps right but Phil continues to be a patient and kind teacher, but is it enough to keep them in the game for another week?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again posting without editing and proofreading due to time constraints. Apologies for errors, but I still hope you enjoy!

Dan had been expecting the media attention. He wasn’t exactly new to the game, but he hadn’t been ready for it being such a huge influx of attention from outside of his little internet bubble.

Sure, there was plenty on social media too but he would see himself in old school newspapers now. Who even read papers like that except for old people? It turned out more people of all ages than he had expected.

He started to get recognised more in the days following the first live show. He would occasionally get recognised in public before but it had always been pretty chill encounters. The people who watched his videos or listened to his podcast felt a little bit like his kind of people – awkward, introverted queers. It wasn’t true for all of them obviously but Dan still felt like they had a general chill vibe, even if he always kept joking that at least one of them was probably a cannibal.

The viewers of Strictly Come Dancing were a lot more outgoing and almost aggressive when they spotted him. Most of the interactions hadn’t been bad, just overwhelming. Lots of talking and people almost demanding hugs and photos. At his local Tesco on Monday evening, he had suddenly gathered a line of people coming up to see him.

Granted, it seemed that most of those people were just lining up because of the first few people being very excited to see him. Some of the people queuing were a foreign family who was clearly just tourists and excited to see what the fuss was about. Dan had never been so embarrassed to explain Strictly Come Dancing to someone who didn’t know what the show was beforehand.

Yeah, famous people deciding to dance for the country’s amusement all of a sudden and compete against other famous people in a low-production Hunger Games for staying on the show. It was a lot.

“Enjoying being famous again?” Pj asked, smug grin on his face as he munched on the snacks that Dan had just gone down to get from Tesco and in turn been overrun.

“Again?” Dan said. “Are you saying I wasn’t famous for a bit there?”

“Well, you did have your hayday in like 2014, didn’t you?” Pj asked, teasing him like only a best friend could.

Dan threw a pillow on his face but that boy had too good reflexes and he caught it before it made contact with his face. Maybe he should have been the dancer.

Dan was in the mood to complain, or at least be a little pampered and he lied down on the sofa, as long as he was, and he didn’t care that he was not lying across Pj’s lap.

“Do you mind?” Pj asked, sounding amused.

“No,” Dan said and pulled a pillow closer to his face to hide from the world a little. “I’m so sore and I just had to smile and be polite for like twenty minutes. You should be nicer to me.”

“I am nice, mate! I’m making sure that you don’t get a big head,” Pj said and knocked gently against Dan’s skull.

“My head was big before I started dancing on TV,” Dan muttered.

“True,” Pj said, huffing out a laugh.

“Why are you here, anyway?” Dan asked, even as he snuggled closer to the comfort of the sofa and Pj’s warmth. Dan had just come home to find his best friend lounging on his sofa. It wasn’t something he’d done in a long time, but he did still have a key to Dan’s flat. After they had been flatmates a few years back, they had always had keys to each other’s places.

“I haven’t seen you in like weeks, dude,” Pj complained. “You’ve been too busy cha-cha-chaing or whatever it is you do.”

“Haven’t done the cha-cha-cha yet,” Dan said. “We’re working on the Charleston this week.”

“Potatoes, potatoes.”

“You know you have to change your intonation for that saying to work. You can’t just say potatoes twice.”

Pj jabbed Dan in the side.

“Ouch, hey, quit it. I told you I’m sore,” Dan said.

“In more ways than once?” Pj asked teasingly and Dan groaned into his pillow.

Perhaps because he wouldn’t exactly mind that, but he was still feeling Phil out. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of him. He also knew it would be a terrible idea to get involved with his dance partner. He was just being swept up in the grandeur of it. Just because Dan wasn’t used to being swept around the dance floor, he had to remind himself that Phil did this a lot. Dancing to him wasn’t something special.

“Oi, you’re too quiet, normally you’d have told me to fuck off by now,” Pj said and poked Dan’s side again. “Wait, do you actually like him? Phil, right?”

“No, of course not,” Dan said, even if it was a lie. Pj would be able to hear it. “I mean, I like him but just like, a normal amount or whatever.”

“Or whatever?” Pj asked.

“I hardly know him,” Dan said.

“You’ve spent like three weeks in his constant company and you’ve had how many hours of dance practice together? I’d say you are acquainted by now.”

“Stop bullying me,” Dan complained, and then sat up.

Pj was looking at him with that analytical look of his.

“Be careful with your heart, yeah?”

“My heart?” Dan scoffed. “Dude, we’re just talking about me finding the dude attractive. I’ve got two functioning eyes. I find lots of dudes attractive. I find you attractive.”

“Thank you, I’m flattered,” Pj said, smiling so easily. Dan was reminded of how Pj was one of the first people he had come out to and it was by far the best experience out of the lot. Pj had pulled him into a hug, said he was proud of him and they could talk about anything Dan needed but first he was going to continue to beat his ass at Mario Kart, which he had only stopped because Dan was fidgeting and nervous and about to come out. It had been perfect, such an easy acceptance and friendship not altered at all.

“Ass,” Dan said shaking his head.

“But I wasn’t just talking about finding someone attractive. You know how you get when you find someone you actually like, someone who fascinates you. You don’t do half measures, Dan.”

Dan both hated and loved that someone knew him so well.

“I’m not going to fall in love or whatever,” he said. He was pretty confident in those words. It was so unlikely to happen. Pj was right that he didn’t do things in half measures and he had been a bit more careless with his own heart at times, but the world literally had their eyes on him and Phil. What they were doing was important and Dan wouldn’t begin to fuck that up but getting feeling involved.

He’d appreciate Phil, acknowledge that he was attractive and befriend him, but that would be it.

“Famous last words,” Pj whispered, which he always liked to do when he thought Dan said something that was going to come back and bite him on the arse.

Dan hit him over the head with a pillow and this time Pj was too slow to stop it.

They laughed and ate too many snacks and watched a corny movie before Dan had to head off to bed. Phil insisted on meeting up fairly early, at least much earlier than Dan’s night dwelling nature would normally allow.

Still, he hadn’t argued. He had only complained a little. He knew they needed all the practice hours that they were officially allowed to take. There were restrictions in place, on how much you were allowed to train because some years the celebrities had been worked to the bone.

Phil didn’t work Dan to the bone, even if he was relentless with his teaching and he kept insisting that Dan did movements over and over again. Phil just kept going on about muscle memory and Dan would be happy if he never heard those two words in that order ever again.

“I can’t keep the rhythm, I have no rhythm,” Dan said about half-way through the practice when he was still unable to make his feet move like Phil wanted. Let alone remembering that he also had to be conscious of his arms.

The Charleston had some fun little steps where you needed to almost criss-cross your legs and it looked so easy when Phil showed him but Dan was slowly becoming convinced that his legs and feet just couldn’t move like that. Phil kept insisting that they definitely could.

Dan was about to fling himself to the floor again, since it was becoming a coping mechanism of his but Phil grabbed his shoulder and pull him up.

Dan made a grumpy face.

“You look like a potato, when you do that,” Phil said and suddenly he was poking Dan’s cheekbone and then his cheek.

“What?” Dan asked, a little taken aback by how close Phil was and why Phil was touching his face. But he was sure he would have had an even more extreme reaction if it was anyone else. Maybe other than Pj, who also got up close and personal.

Dan wondered if he was getting desensitised to having people in his space, as he was learning to dance, or if it was just Phil that he was getting used to.

“A cute potato,” Phil said as if that made any sense. Dan’s head was spinning a little. “But a cute potato that can learn to dance. Now try with me again.”

“I can’t do it in step, Phil,” Dan whined. “Can’t we just do this bit again?”

Dan did the single ladies walk while moving his hand back and forth like they did in the music video. He really liked that bit and he had begged Phil to include it somewhere in the choreography.

Phil had then revealed that it had been the plan all along. He said that you couldn’t do this song without having that moment.

“Did I ever tell you why I wanted to do Single Ladies this week?” Phil asked, suddenly pulling Dan down to sit on the floor with him. Dan went easily. Sitting on the floor meant that he was off his feet at least for a moment.

“’Cause Queen B is iconic?” Dan said.

It got Phil chuckling which had really been the true aim with the comment instead of trying to guess. Dan was making it his mission to make Phil laugh as much as possible during practice. Phil sounded nice when he was laughing.

“I mean, yes, but no, that’s not why,” Phil said.

“Then why?” Dan asked, suddenly a little curious why Phil was allowing this break in their otherwise very packed training schedule. He usually didn’t talk to Dan like this but maybe something had shifted after the ice cream non-date last week.

Phil shifted a little, seeming to almost settle into story-teller mode. He pulled his legs to his chest and rested his chin on the top of his knees. He also got a faraway look in his eyes that seemed almost strikingly familiar to Dan. It took him a good moment until he realised that he had seen it in the mirror often. Longing. Vulnerability.

“You remember when England passed the law to allow same-sex marriage?” Phil asked, almost conversationally. Like they could be talking about anything simple like the weather.

Dan did remember. He remembered being in his early twenties and feeling like the world had tilted on his axis. The thing that he had always been bullied for, even before he fully understood what gay meant, was now a thing that could be legally recognised. Love not constricted to opposite genders anymore. Dan almost wished he had the power to travel back in time just to wrap up his teenage self and tell him that in less than a decade, things would start to change. It would not be the end all be all, but it would be a start.

Back then, Dan hadn’t believed that something like that would ever have happened in his life. It had seemed so far-fechted and unattainable.

“Yeah, I remember,” Dan said with a small smile.

Phil’s question made Dan want to pose a question of his own. He wanted to ask if him and Phil was the same, but he still didn’t feel like it was his place to pry. He would have hated if someone had pried or tried to shove him to coming out before he was ready.

It had happened a lot in the last few years where he had slowly been telling some people but not been out publicly. He had hated it and he would never do that to Phil.

“So, it’s been what, a few years, right? And mostly, people have warmed up to the idea and a lot are just ignoring that it’s a thing, since it doesn’t directly affection them, right? But it does affect people, it could have changed someone’s life. So, I thought a song about putting a ring on it, dance by two men, might be a nice little nudge. The pink costumes are just a bonus.”

“The pink what?” Dan asked, pulled out of the fondness he had felt growing in his chest up to that moment. 

Phil giggled a little. “Hot pink costumes, with frills. They’re cute.”

“I’ve never worn hot pink anything,” Dan said, lying about that one time he thought sexy underwear was a good thing.

“Well, you will on Saturday,” Phil said. “We’re going all out. If we’re not going to do it then who will, am I right?”

“I suppose, and we can get kicked off and then that will be that!” Dan said.

“We’re not getting kicked out while dancing to Single Ladies, Queen B, as you said, won’t allow it,” Phil said, smiling brightly.

“We might, if I don’t get these steps right. I feel like too much of the choreography is me by myself this time,” Dan complained but got up and stretched out his back all the same.

He was a little touched by Phil’s reason behind the song choice, even if it was still a light-hearted and funny song. Dan had definitely danced to that song quite a few times while out clubbing in his early university days. He had never minded joining the single girls just for the shits and giggles. Looking back, he was pretty sure he was very unsubtle about being gay even before he ever came out to anyone.

“We will,” Phil said, pulling himself off the floor just as clumsily as Dan. How this man was such an elegant dancer was beyond him sometimes. “We just have to persevere and figure out how to get your brain and body engaged. Now, you’ve got a reason for wanting to learn this dance in the first place.”

“Oh, so it was a ploy all along?” Dan asked, teasingly.

“What, of course not!” Phil insisted before he saw Dan’s smile and realised it had been a joke. “Anyway, no, it wasn’t. But I would not complain for the story to serve a dual purpose. Even a triple one, I suppose.”

Dan could identify maybe two purposes. One, just to share it and two, get Dan motivated. He wasn’t sure what third purpose went over his head.

Phil smiled like he could see the wheels turning inside of Dan’s head.

“Let’s stick with only the two ones, then,” Phil said. “Now, I think we need to think of it differently. I dance a lot with my head. I visualise what I’m going to do before I do it and I have all these little silly references in my head to help me remind how I need to move. For the steps you’re struggling with in the Charleston-”

“The cross-legged madness steps,” Dan said.

“Not what they’re called,” Phil corrected but otherwise went on undeterred at the interruption. “No, back when I was learning them, I thought more about it as walking on a tightrope. You know with one foot in front of each other? Granted, that’s not exactly what the steps should look like properly but newbies often benefit from doing it too much just to get the feel of it. Let’s try, shall we?”

Dan was already aware that there was very little he could do to deny Phil Lester anything and as such he got back into position. He was quite surprise to find that it was actually a bit easier now that he thought about it a different way.

“What the hell, this is witchcraft,” Dan said, looking down at his feet.

“No, it’s visualisation and muscle memory,” Phil said, clapping excitedly next to him. 

“But I’m still getting the rhythm wrong, and it’s not because I don’t know the beat of the song. I know that song embarrassingly well, even before we started to dance to it.”

“I’m very curious about what that means,” Phil said, genuinely looking curious.

“Just… I might have gone up on top of a bar to dance along with a lot of ladies,” Dan said and Phil almost fell over with the force of his laugher. “Hey, in my defence, I was drunk, a closeted gay and just a baby at eighteen. I should not have been making any decisions at that age. Let alone to go to university. I dropped out after like a year.”

“Yeah, what did you study?” Phil asked.

“Law,” Dan said.

“Woah, that was not what I would have imaged you doing,” Phil said, and Dan had felt the same about Phil having a degree in both English language and video editing.

“What did you imagine I would study?” Dan asked.

“Drama, probably.”

“Drama?” Dan huffed out, almost offended. “Why?”

Phil raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“Because you are dramatic, Dan,” Phil said looking at Dan like he was proving his point right now. Which to be fair he might fear a grumpy look and have placed both of his hands on his hips but that didn’t make him dramatic, thank you very much.

Maybe a little.

“I want to be offended but I’m not sure I can.”

“I didn’t mean to offend,” Phil said. “I was just teasing you, you know.”

The way Phil said it, wrapping his words up in hesitation, Dan found that he wanted to be the one to reassure Phil now. It was easy to forget that they didn’t know each other so well yet, when they clicked effortlessly most of the time.

“Oh, I can take anything you throw at me, Philly,” Dan said, smirk on his lips and fire in his eyes.

He hadn’t counted on Phil’s eyes lighting up and then suddenly Dan felt himself bushed back until Phil was caging him in against the mirror. He was still at a distance but Dan felt like a magnet that had to move whenever Phil came close. It was entirely instinctive. Phil looked pleased and a little amused.

“Anything?” Phil asked.

Dan had to swallow the lump in his throat before answering.

“Anything,” he said while trying to figure out why his heart was beating so fast or what Phil was on about. Dan felt himself flush with excitement.

“Then we’re taking the song from the top. Three times in a row.”

Dan’s excitement vanished just as quickly as it had arrived but it was replaced by a pleasant buzzing. Dan was finding himself so entertained by Phil and he wasn’t even mad about anything he did. He just wanted to know more and more.

He could hear Pj’s words of warning in the back of his head but it was all too easy to silence them.

“As you wish,” Dan said, extending a hand for Phil to take. Phil’s hand closed around his and pulled until Dan was snugly fitted against Phil’s chest.

Dan felt like they were doing more than one type of dance but unlike all of their Strictly dances this one didn’t have a strict deadline and Dan didn’t want to speed up the tempo just yet. In reality, he should probably pull back. It was the safer bet.

But Phil’s hand was warm and steady.

They went through the whole routine three times, Phil insisting that they kept going, even when Dan messed up and he messed up a lot. It was only their second day doing this dance and last week Phil hadn’t made him go through the motions of the full routine until closer to deadline. Dan wasn’t sure this change was an indication that Phil thought Dan was doing better or worse than the previous week.

He got angry with himself for the mistakes he kept repeating over and over, but after the three run-throughs, Dan felt more familiar with the choreography and how everything fit together. It made him more conscious of ending steps right to make it easier to move onto the next set.

Phil would take him through the mistakes, but he would try to explain how to do the steps a different way just like he had done with the cross-cross steps of madness and Dan found that he wanted to know how Phil’s mind worked to come up with such explanations, and metaphors that shouldn’t have made sense but did all the same.

It was even easier the next day and the day after that. He was getting into more dancing shape and being less out of breath. His muscles were constantly aching but he had started to just lean into that feeling. He knew it would only be even worse after their Sunday rest day at the end of the week.

It hit him Thursday afternoon that it might not just be a rest day but a rest entirely. He could get kicked out of Strictly now. Before he had joined, he almost wanted to get kicked off early so he didn’t have to endure months of this.

He didn’t feel like that anymore. He couldn’t let his time with Phil get cut short and he also couldn’t let them get booted off as the first same-sex couple in UK Strictly’s history. Dan didn’t want that to be a thing.

He had just left Phil and the practice room an hour prior but he almost wanted to get back over there and train more. It was already Friday tomorrow and Friday meant rehearsals and last bits of training. Dan wasn’t ready to leave it all behind, but he might have to whether he wanted or not.

He had to record his podcast _gender roles are the worst kind of bread_ Thursday afternoons. It was the only one of his projects that he hadn’t put down in volume or put on hold entirely over these past couple of weeks. It was a place for him to vent and get all his thoughts out. It aired on Friday afternoons right around the time when most people got off work. He knew a lot of his listeners started their weekend with it, and he couldn’t take that away.

Besides, it felt good to do something else that wasn’t just dancing. Dan’s whole body was just one big sore spot.

Dan set up in his little studio and started the podcast off about a rant about people on social media had been butt hurt over a TV show host coming out as gay because he had a family and wife. That ranting took up most of the episode and Dan was proud of his arguments, but as usual he ended the episode by checking the hashtag for the podcast as well as scrolling through his submission email.

“Wow, lots of people are talking about Strictly Come Dancing,” Dan said, seeing as 90% of the messages seemed to be related to the show. “I’ve talked about it briefly on here before but last week was the first live show episode where you could see me, yes, me, dancing around on BBC1 during prime time. It’s not something I thought I would do either.”

Dan took a moment to gather his thoughts.

“But you know what? I’m finding it quite fun. It’s just a double bonus that I can see that some people are pissed off about me being on there and dancing with a man. As you know if you’ve been around a long time, such hate just feeds me and makes me more positive. I see a lot of lovely comments as well. People being happy to see gay representation. Oh,” Dan said as he stumbled across a thirst tweet. It happened but it was usually directed at him and not at someone in Dan’s life. Dan should just have kept talking about something else but he couldn’t help himself. “Yes, my partner Phil is quite the handsome lad, Twitter user but I will refrain from both reading your username out because while I can be crude, I do not want to say such things about someone else. He is a fit lad though, I agree.”

When Dan was editing through the podcast on Friday before heading for rehearsals, he got to that bit and wondered if he should edit it out. He could already tell that it would make some people ship him and Phil. He had been quite used to being shipped with Pj back in the day but he had never minded as long as people stayed respectful, but then again, he had also checked in with Pj about it when it was at its height.

Pj had just found it hilarious and he had insisted that the stage an elaborate photoshoot where it looked like him and Dan were taking romantic pictures while Sophie, Pj’s lovely girlfriend, was scowling in the corner. It was still some of Dan’s most popular photos uploaded on Instagram and Twitter.

But something felt different about Phil.

Even so, Dan was curious and he lived to push boundaries a little. He hadn’t said anything bad, so in the end he included the bit in the edited episode before he had to head out of the door.

Rehearsals went mediocre, Dan still falling back on old mistakes, even if Phil insisted that they were just small beginner mistakes that he’d soon grow out off. You couldn’t rush it, even if that was what the show was designed to do. They would have to take their time and Phil would make Dan into a wonderful dancer.

Dan hadn’t quite believed that but at least it had made him laugh and made the nerves disappear for a moment.

It hadn’t made him laugh as much as when Phil had brought in their very, very pink suits for the dance tomorrow. That had been a proper laughing fit and Phil had tried to defend the outfits for about ten seconds before he joined Dan. The door to their dressing room had still been propped open to help a bit with the stale air, and Dan was sure anyone who walked past them would think that they had gone crazy. Not that he particularly cared when Phil had leaned entirely into his side and Dan could not only feel his own laughter but also Phil’s. It was quite heavenly and they very much existed in their own little bubble.

The bubble around them managed to last just over 24 hours until everyone was back in the building gearing up for the show. Dan could feel that the bubble was burst a little violently by all the nerves. Dan felt like he had been okay, until he was standing among the other celebrities and the professional dancers.

It was clear that everyone was nervous, even the ones who were pros at dancing. Dan figured they were probably more nervous about their partner messing up. No one wanted to get kicked off early.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked, coming up behind Dan and speaking in a hushed voice. Dan jumped a little but his heart seemed to calm down as soon as he realised it was just Phil. Phil was back in the pink costume and it was really entirely unfair that he could look so hot in hot pink. He was pulling it off all too well and he had his hair slicked back. Dan had never thought that an exposed forehead could be powerful but Phil’s felt like that.

“I’ll never be ready,” Dan said, and looked around at all the contestants around them. Him and Phil were a little off to the side, in their own little space but he did always like that the best. “Everyone is so nervous.”

“Well, by now the trail period is kind of over,” Phil said.

“Reassuring,” Dan grumbled and hugged his arms around his own torso.

Phil tapped his arm. One, twice, thrice. All excited little taps made in quick succession.

“I’m just being honest. You seem to like it better when I’m honest with you.”

Dan cracked a smile and for a beat he forgot about the nerves to just smile at Phil.

“Yeah, I do,” he said and wondered when he had been that obvious that Phil already knew that about him. “So, tell me why are the pros nervous? Worried their dancers will fall on their asses?”

Phil chuckled, lowly and stepped closer to Dan as he dropped his voice.

“Nah, they’re worried that the judges will criticise their choreography more, I think.”

“Oh, is that what you’re nervous about?” Dan asked. Phil had always seemed so on it with his choreography, so focused and determined and he seemed almost giddy with excitement every time he had introduced one to Dan.

“No, I don’t worry about that. A lot of people don’t like the way I do choreography. I’ve learned not to listen to baseless criticism. Most just don’t like it because it’s different, skirting on the edges of what proper traditional routines look like. That’s their issue not mine.”

“Man, I want your brain,” Dan muttered, a little jealous at Phil’s confidence.

“It’s not always been like this but it just got better with time. You’re a few years younger than me. I didn’t have myself figured out at your age yet. Getting cast for Strictly was a big confidence boost. I was both so happy and so confused when I got it,” Phil said.

Dan got more questions and he was ready to bombard Phil with them, except that they were now called to attention. The show was starting. Dan only really had time to say one more thing before him and Phil were properly interrupted.

He had meant to choose his words with care, but something a little rushed and a little too honest came out instead.

“One day, I’m going to know everything about you,” he said with a smile. He heard the words play back in his head, and he worried that they had come off creepy. That was a pretty creepy thing to say to someone, wasn’t it?

Phil seemed to notice the raising panic in Dan’s eyes, because a beat later, Dan had a hand on his hip, giving him a gentle and reassuring squeeze.

“Can’t wait,” Phil whispered, close enough that Dan could feel the breath on his neck. Anyone else and he would have beat them way for being annoying and too close but he didn’t move with Phil.

They were on as the second couple of the night and Dan preferred that much to being later in the show where he would have to stew in his nerves for way to long. However, moving into ready position as the first couple took to the dance floor was a little much. It felt almost as if it was too soon.

Dan played with the frills on his suit.

“You look good in pink, Dan,” Phil said, clearly trying to distract Dan from the thought spiral that he was heading into. “You should wear colours more. I only ever see you in shades of black, white and grey in the training room. I’m going buy you hot pink pants for next week.”

“If we make it that far,” Dan said, brain never shutting up, not even when he was fighting a blush and a smile at the same time.

“We’ll make it,” Phil said and then they got their warning as the first couple’s dance had finished and now, they were on the final count down. Dan could hear the applause from the crowd and it was loud.

Dan had always loved a good crowd. He’d to lowkey comedy shows sometimes just to make sure he would be in front of a live crowd now and again and not just seeing numbers on his screen. But those crowds were very different from Strictly. They were made up of his people, the people who already knew him. Pretty much no one in Strictly seemed to know what he did despite him being a supposedly famous celebrity. It was quite humorous.

“Phil, you better do like a dramatic lift or something if I slip and fall,” Dan said.

“Why do you always talk about falling on your ass while dancing?” Phil asked, mirth in his eyes. “The only time I’ve seen you lying down on the dance floor is when you’ve sat your ass down there voluntarily.”

“Firstly, rude,” Dan said listing off on his fingers. “Secondly, true.”

“Thirdly?” Phil prompted.

“Thirdly, my ass deserves your respect. You’ll feel bad when I actually do land on my ass.”

“Then I will personally pick up your ass,” Phil said. “I’ll give it a kiss too for good measure.”

Dan’s brain felt like it blacked out for a moment. He couldn’t even begin to formulate a sentence because they were being called forward.

Dan had to sneak down into the middle of the stage and they all pretended that it wasn’t happening because the camera would just open at him, sat at a mock vanity, pretending to put on his make-up. The audience cheered as he came out. His grandmother and grandfather louder than anyone else.

Since this wasn’t being aired, Dan allowed himself to blow her a kiss and tell her that he loved her, before took his position. He said, stiff as a board and trying to loosing up as he waited for the music.

This was nerve wrecking. He didn’t want to start in on the stage ever again. He would have to mention that for future choreography. If they got another shot at this. Dan really needed to learn to quiet that voice.

At least it was startled into silence when the music suddenly played and Dan sat up straighter and started to mimic powdering his nose. He did a spin on his chair a beat later, a little clumsily with his too long legs but at least he didn’t knock the vanity over.

Phil was coming rushing down the stairs, chasing after Dan, trying to grab him. Dan let himself spin into his arms only for Dan to keep spinning out of them at the next beat. Phil dance-ran after him and they moved into the first step sequence. Dan hated being on his own too selfconcious about his whole body and how it moved but he locked eyes with Phil and Phil was smiling that blinding smile of his.

Phil had said that this chorography was just meant to be fun. The song was a kicked up a little faster to match the Charleston steps and it was a little hard to keep up. It made Dan feel somewhat out of breath, even after a week of practice but he was pretty sure that Phil was partly to blame for it too.

They made it through that part of the choreography okay and then moved into the iconic single ladies move that had the whole crowd roaring. It was the most Dan had ever gotten a reaction on stage and it fuelled him. He had always thrived on the attention of others, ever since he had been a young child.

It was something he had worked on as he had grown older and realised that it wasn’t so healthy but, in this situation, it served him well and he didn’t mind embracing it. He let the roar of the crowd fuel him and maybe he shouldn’t have been so hard on Phil’s rants on muscle memory because he found that he moved through the steps very nicely.

It was a fun song and a fun choreography; Dan was in front of a crowd and he was in a silly but fun costume and he was dancing with someone he trusted. He was just having fun and probably because of that the song felt like it came to an end entirely too soon.

Dan ended in the middle of the stage, Phil behind him, hands on Dan’s hips and Dan did the iconic hand movement. It was supposed to end there but he was feeling a little extra and dramatic and he couldn’t resist blowing a kiss for the camera centre stage.

The crowd roared again and Dan threw his head back laughing, knowing he was leaning right into Phil’s warm and comforting space.

“You did great,” Phil said, momentarily lifting and spinning Dan by his hips. Dan let out a squeak at the unexpected lack of ground under his feet but he couldn’t say that it didn’t pique his interest. They were working their way up to lifts but Dan suddenly wanted to get to them sooner rather than later.

“Come over here, you too,” Claudia called, waving a little frantically at them. Dan realised that they were lingering too much.

Dan and Phil stumbled over, still not letting go of each other, even if they were both sweaty and panting slightly.

Bruno was the first person who spoke up, clapping loudly and then blowing kisses at both of them.

“Magnificent! The energy the two of you just displayed was extraordinary. Dan, you’re still a little unsteady on your feet and you’re not as much on beat with your steps as I would like, but that blinding smile makes me more inclined to forgive you.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, nodding his head a little.

It was almost difficult to listen, even to the constructive criticism, when Phil was pressed against his side and his pulse was beating in his ears.

“Shirly, a last comment before we see them off?” Claudia said.

“Oh, yes, Phil, firstly I must praise your choreography. It’s so clear to see that both you and Dan was having a lot of fun with it. And Dan, be careful to not get sloppy with your rhythm once the beat moves a little fast. You need to match and follow the music.”

“I will,” Dan said nodding, and then looked at Phil. “And we did have fun. It was really fun. I hope we get to come back and dance here again.”

“And with those parting words, we’re seeing you off to go wait for your scores.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and started to drag him off just like last time. They were rushed into the middle of the celebs and the pros and Tess awaiting with questions while the time needed to be filled up for the judges to cast their votes.

“That was quite the smashing number and the cute outfits,” Tess said.

“Thank you,” Phil said. “I think we pull off the colours quite well. And for the song, we just wanted to have fun.”

“And it’s also the perfect excuse to show all the lads watching that I’m single,” Dan joked. “My dms are open, folks.”

Tess looked a little panicked but she eased a little when Phil laughed along with Dan’s joke.

“Oh, and it looks like the scores are here,” Tess said, turning the attention to the screen.

Dan waited and he hadn’t thought that he would be this tense about the results. They were almost at the bottom due to last week’s scores and that meant that they were in danger of being at the bottom two and having to dance again for survival.

If they weren’t saved by the judges then they would have been kicked out. Dan wasn’t ready for it to be over.

  1. 6\. 6. 7.



It still wasn’t amazing scores but it was so much better than they had done last week and it was still early in the show. He had seen someone score an 8 last week and been a little baffled at being considered at that level already. This was a good enough score, he thought.

The rest of the show was swept up in a whirlwind and Dan realised that he didn’t really like being early in the line-up either because it meant loads of time waiting to get to the elimination at the end of the night.

Phil made it a little more bearable, cracking silly jokes and saying that it was going to be fine.

“I’m not getting kicked off early again,” Phil said. “Third time is the charm and all that. We’ve got this!”

Dan just smiled and nodded along but he was really grateful for the reassurances all the same. He tried to just smile and nod too when they were gathering on the dance floor for the announcement of the final scores with the audience votes called in.

Dan knew he and Phil had been the fourth from the bottom, which was still a bit of a vulnerable position if they didn’t get a lot of audience votes. Phil seemed much more chill than Dan, but that was nothing out of the ordinary.

One couple got saved, then another and another and then suddenly Dan heard his and Phil’s name being called and he thought he had misheard. He was about to ask for them to repeat themselves or clarify or something but Phil threw his arms around Dan and squeezed him tight and then he didn’t care about hearing it again.

They had made it through the first round of eliminations. They wouldn’t be going home just yet. Standing at the elimination process was a little terrifying but it was also highly motivating. Dan felt how it lit a fire inside of him and a desire to stick around.

He might be a procrastinator but he was also a perfectionist. Once he started to do something, he wanted to do it perfect.

Dan had never thought himself wildly competitive. He had felt a little too mellow for that but right now, he wanted to keep doing well and sticking here. He wanted to do all the theme weeks and dance at Blackpool and stand in the final.

He wanted to win it. For himself but for Phil too.

They rushed off stage, in a dash of pink and excitement and Dan couldn’t bear to look behind him to see all the couple’s still awaiting their fate.

“Phil,” Dan said, pulling him aside as soon as they made it backstage. “We’ve got to do this. All the way, okay?”

Phil smiled and there was even a twinkle in his eye. Dan would almost dare to say that he looked proud.

“All the way,” Phil agreed and locking hands with Dan.

It wasn’t much of a handshake of a promise, not when Phil intertwined their fingers like that but Dan didn’t have a single complaint. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of Single Ladies and their hot pink outfits. Phil is definitely going to get Dan those workout pants in the same colour just for the shits and giggles of it. I have also finally settled on all of the songs that DnP are going to be dancing throughout this fic. I have them in a Spotify playlist that I could share if it was something people would want? Of course, it would be spoilers in terms of the upcoming dances but let me know.
> 
> Thank you to all of you leaving comments and being lovely, as well as cheering me on.
> 
> Next update is planned to be on Saturday, potential upload time around 8 PM CEST. It might be later but I made today's upload on time, so yay!


	5. Week 3 (Movie Week): Quickstep to You're The One That I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wasn't sure when anyone had ever made him feel this comfortable and at ease, everything just felt easy with Phil. He just wished he knew how to deal with all of their hang outs outside of training feel like the most wonderful dates ever, when Phil probably didn't even think of Dan that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again going up without edits, 'cause it was written all in one day and now my brain is tired. But enjoy! I love this chapter a lot.

“What does that even mean? Movie week?” Dan asked, Sunday morning when Phil had called him entirely too early.

Dan had been knacked after the previous night with Strictly but Phil had still woken up too early the following day and decided to bother Dan as well. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t really a bother and it might already be 11 AM but it was too early, and if it hadn’t been Phil then Dan would just have told everyone to shut up and then rudely hang up on them.

But Phil didn’t call him. He usually texted to schedule their practices and this was the first time Phil had decided to call him. When Dan had woken up and seen Phil’s contact flash across the screen, his mind had instantly thought that Phil might be in trouble and needed his help.

That might be in part because Dan had been having a dream about him and Phil being a superhero duo, but that was beside the point.

“You really haven’t paid attention during the show, have you?” Phil asked gleefully and Dan could imagine the smile that would accompany that kind of tone. He almost wished that Phil had Facetime’d him now.

“I have,” Dan argued. “And I can guess movie week means songs from movies, dork, but I meant what does that mean for us? Why are you calling me on my one day off? You know I see your face six days a week already.”

Dan’s jokes after having just woken up clearly didn’t come out right. It was meant to be teasing and light but he heard the hesitation on the line and he instantly regretted it. It had sounded like he was annoyed that he had to spend so much time with Phil, which was the furthest thing from the truth.

“Oh,” Phil said and now he didn’t sound very excited anymore

“Phil, that’s a joke,” Dan said, a little panicked. “I didn’t mean it. It’s just a dumb joke. Please ignore my brain. I’m still asleep. I love spending time with you!”

In Dan’s hurry to reassure Phil, he had kind of revealed more than he had intended but at least Phil was giggling now instead of sounding hurt.

“You love spending time with me, huh?” Phil asked and he sounded almost smug but that was a much better sound.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled and rolled over in his bed until he could hide under the covers. It wasn’t like it could hide him from Phil on the phone but it made him feel a little better.

“You must really still be asleep, if you think I’m letting that go,” Phil said, gleeful once more. “Or should I say, keep dreaming.”

Dan groaned but he was smiling wider than he would ever admit.

“That’s a bad joke, Phil.”

“Better than yours,” Phil shot back and Dan couldn’t really argue with that. “Anyway, I was calling to talk about movie week before you so rudely hurt my feelings.”

“Phil…”

“I’m joking with you now, Dan. It’s okay. I now know you _love_ spending time with me,” Phil said.

“Fuck,” Dan said and he couldn’t help laughing a little. “Okay, what did you want to tell me?”

“Have you ever seen _Grease_?” Phil asked.

Dan knew of the movie of course. It was a culture phenomenon but he had never actually seen it, other than scenes here and there.

“We’re doing a song from _Grease_ , which one?”

“Dan, you didn’t answer my question!”

“You didn’t answer mine either!”

“I asked first and I’m the pro. I have privileges!”

Dan burst out laughing, the kind of laughter that made him want to curl together. Phil just sounded so adorable and Dan couldn’t deal with it. He wasn’t sure what powers above, or rather the producers at Strictly, might have chosen to bless him with this man but he was very thankful.

“Okay,” Dan said, trying to get his laughter under control. “Sorry. Okay, right! I have never fully seen _Grease,_ so that is a no. Now can you tell me what song we’ve doing from it or are you just a huge _Grease_ enthusiast and this has nothing to do with our dancing?”

“Of course, it has to do with our dancing, idiot,” Phil said but he said the last word almost like a fond nickname. “Okay, so are you free tonight?”

Dan’s heart stopped for a beat. Sundays were off days. It meant no practice, it meant no seeing Phil, and despite Dan’s poorly timed joke earlier, he kind of hated those days just a bit. He liked getting to see Phil every single day and Sundays always felt a little long, even if he had to spend most of them catching up on sleep or work.

Phil was asking in a casual tone, like this wasn’t a big deal, but Dan’s poor gay heart couldn’t help but wonder if this was a date. It clearly wasn’t because why would Phil want to date him? And if by some miracle he did, he probably wouldn’t ask like this.

Normally if people asked Dan if he was free at a certain time, he would ask why they wanted to know. He would need to know what the plan was before agreeing to it conditions unseen. He always did that.

“Yes, I’m free,” Dan said, breaking off from his norm.

“Great!” Phil said, sounding giddy with excitement. “I’ll text you my address and see you at 6? We can order some takeaway when you get here. Okay, bye!”

Phil had sounded excited but he had also sounded incredibly nervous and he had been speaking so fast that Dan almost hadn’t caught everything. Dan had questions about what any of this meant but Phil had already hung up on him.

Dan stared down at his phone screen with a bit of suspicion. Phil still hadn’t said what they would be doing. He had just asked him about _Grease_ and talked about coming over and ordering food. It felt almost like a university date. Not that Dan had many of those before he had dropped out of uni to pursue that YouTube thing but it had happened once or twice. Coming over to each other’s dorms to hang out and make out. Netflix and chill before that term was even coined.

Dan’s phone buzzed in his hand and it was a London address. An address literally a couple of blocks away from where Dan was right now in his own home. Phil Lester essentially lived around the corner and Dan wasn’t sure how to explain that the revelation made his heart beat really fast in his chest.

Phil had been this close the entire time?

Dan wondered if they had passed each other on the street or gotten off at the same nearest tube stop. He could never recall seeing Phil anywhere but London was busy and Dan tended to try to keep to himself and keep his head down when he was out and about. It wasn’t even that often, since he could do his job from his home most of the time. He was spending more time out and about in London than ever, going from one Strictly practice room to another.

Sufficed to say Dan didn’t have a very productive day, trying to work out what was going to happen tonight. He could just text Phil and ask, or better yet call him back and demand to be told what was about to happen, but Dan didn’t dare. He didn’t want Phil to realise what Dan was thinking by the invitation when it was likely something completely innocent.

Dan spent almost an hour deciding on an outfit, which wasn’t exactly news for him, but usually he only fretted this much over his outfit if he knew he was going to a fancy interview or he was going on a date with someone he wanted to impress.

Somehow, this felt like both.

He ended up going for a mostly casual attire, since they would be staying at Phil’s and getting takeaway. He couldn’t exactly show up in one of his Alexander McQueen shirts without it being weird. He wore those shirts for movie premiere. Since he had been in doubt, he had ended up with an old trusted look. Black and white striped jumper over black skinny jeans. It wasn’t anything revolutionary but he knew he looked good in this. His hair refused to cooperate. His curls had seen better days, curling very densely after his shower for some reason but he didn’t have time to try to fix that.

The walk over to Phil’s flat could not be more than 500 metres but it felt like it took 500 years. Dan’s feet were heavy, his hands were clammy and he couldn’t stop his heart from freaking out in his chest. During the walk, he realised that he didn’t bring anything. For house parties, you were usually expected to bring wine or a present or something. Dan was turning up empty-handed and he suddenly felt even more worried.

He knew he was being ridiculous, but that only made the unsettled feeling worse. It was just Phil. Phil who he had been hanging out with for nearly a month already and seen him nearly every day. Just Phil.

When Phil opened the door and greeted Dan in sweatpants, although fancy sweatpants, and a Steven Universe T-shirt, Dan felt like all of his worries disappeared.

“Yay! You made it,” Phil said happily almost dragging Dan in by the arm.

“Am I late?” Dan asked and he wanted to look at his phone to check the time but he was more occupied with wangling out of his leather jacket.

“No,” Phil said. “I think you’re early. I’m just impatient. Hey, this is a nice jacket.”

“Thanks?” Dan said, a little taken aback by the compliment.

“And it suits you,” Phil said, humming to himself. “I’ll see if we can get to use it or something similar.”

“What are you talking about?”

“For the song!” Phil said as if that explained everything. It didn’t.

“What song? For this week? Movie week? You never told me,” Dan reminded him. “You just hung up.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s supposed to be a surprise, and I figured you wouldn’t know the songs very well when you haven’t seen the movie. Okay, so are you good for dominos?”

“For?”

“Dinner,” Phil said and started to walk into his flat while typing away on his phone.

Dan was still standing in the hallway a little confused.

“Are you coming?” Phil called and Dan got his feet moving.

Phil had already plonked himself down on a comfortable-looking couch and he had blankets over the arm rests and different bowls with snacks laid out on the table. There was even a candle lit too. It seemed very cosy. The TV was on as well and it was only then that Dan realised what they were doing. He felt a little stupid.

A menu of setting for the movie _Grease_ was on display.

They were having a movie night. Phil had gotten blankets and snacks ready and he was ordering pizza. It clearly wasn’t a date; Phil had probably just wanted Dan to see the movie before doing a dance from it. It was likely completely platonic. Professional.

Dan knew he couldn’t tell Phil that this set-up was taking straight out of Dan’s perfect first date dreams. He didn’t want to make it weird.

“What do you want on your pizza?” Phil asked, looking up at Dan who was still trying to take it all in.

Dan managed to shake himself out of it, and he came to sit down next to Phil on the sofa to look at the option on the screen that Phil was turning towards him.

“Okay, I actually care less about the pizza, as long as we get all the dips available,” Dan confessed.

“All the dips? I think they have like seven different ones,” Phil said and he sounded both horrified and impressed.

“Yes,” Dan said with a deadpan expression. He was revelling in how easy this felt. It felt so natural, like they had done it a million times already. “All of the dips.”

“Fine,” Phil said, hands typing on the phone. “But then you’re answering the door.”

Dan chuckled. Phil was too precious, but he hadn’t shamed him. He hadn’t even really questioned him. Dan had a date do that to him once at a restaurant and he had considered just walking out with all of his dips.

But this wasn’t a date, he tried to remind himself.

“Deal,” Dan said.

True to his word, Phil shot Dan a look when the delivery guy arrived. Dan didn’t care. He had no shame about his dip preferences. It had been a quick turnaround, just half an hour since they had ordered and Dan wasn’t even sure what him and Phil had talked about in that time.

They always seemed to be able to talk about everything and anything as soon as Phil wasn’t wearing his professional face and trying to get Dan to memorise chorography. Teacher Phil would be back tomorrow and every day of the week to come, so maybe Dan was taking extra advantage of this unexpected Sunday down time.

It was only when the pizza and all of the dips was spread out on the table amongst the snacks that Phil wanted to press play on the movie. He had insisted on draping blankets of himself and Dan too. It was peak cosiness, Phil’s words, but Dan couldn’t agree more.

Dan couldn’t remember last time he had just had a movie night like this. Pj and him liked to watch movies together but that was usually a trip to the cinema, it was not like this. Dan settled deeper into the very comfortable couch and he munched on his slice of pizza.

His eyes would keep drifting over to Phil during the early scenes but he wasn’t sure that he could be blamed for that. Phil had turned the ceiling light off to make it cosy and Dan was just a little mesmerised by how beautiful Phil looked in the flickering light from the TV.

Phil always looked beautiful but Dan usually wasn’t allowed to just stare. He had tried to hint at wanting to watch Phil practice for his dances with the other pros but Phil had thought that Dan had just been joking. Dan would never joke about getting to watch Phil dance. It was a mesmerising sight and one that Dan usually couldn’t take the time to appreciate when they were dancing together because he had to focus on his own feet not getting tangled up.

If he wasn’t careful, being mesmerised by Phil would end up with him landing on the floor.

“A curly fry is a superior form of a potato,” Phil said suddenly, dipping his fry into one of Dan’s dips and then happily munching on it. He turned to look at Dan, and Dan wasn’t sure how to make it seem like he hadn’t been staring at Phil for what must have been minutes.

“You okay there, Danny?” Phil said, nickname coming out unfamiliar and teasing.

Dan usually wasn’t big on people giving him nickname but he found that he didn’t mind much when it was Phil. He had a feeling nicknames wasn’t the only thing that he felt like this about.

“Yeah,” Dan said shaking himself back into the moment. “Good. And yes, curly fry, S-tier potato.”

“S-tier?” Phil asked, clearly confused.

Dan just smiled. Why was everything he might find annoying in anyone else just endearing when it was Phil Lester? A mystery.

“I’ll tell you later,” Dan promised, and then resolutely turned his attention back at the screen.

They had absolutely demolished the pizza, side orders and a lot of the snacks by the midway point of the movie. Dan mostly wanted to curl up into a ball and get comfortable, but he didn’t want to be rude.

He was just so content, fed, warm and in good company. He wanted this to continue, even if he also kind of wanted to sleep. He hadn’t had a long day, other than all the unnecessary nerves over coming by to Phil’s flat.

“You can lie down if you want,” Phil said, noticing that Dan kept shifting back and forth. “The sofa is big enough, come on.”

When Phil tugged on Dan, Dan couldn’t resist. Not in the practice room, not on the dance floor and not in Phil’s home either it appeared.

Dan didn’t fully lie down but he did pull his legs up under him and shift more towards the middle of the sofa, and Phil too. Dan tried to stretch out his legs a little more and he ended up almost pressed against Phil’s side.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and tried to shift back but to his surprise Phil just moved his arm so Dan fit better against his side.

“I don’t mind,” Phil said, voice barely loud enough for Dan to hear it over the loud talking on the TV. “You can lean on me.”

Dan was sure his heart legitimately skipped a beat at that. Phil said it so softly, almost like a quiet admission and Dan had so many things he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask if Phil was gay, or rather, if he was interested in other men. He wanted to ask if this meant something other than just dance partners watching a movie. He wanted to ask if he should at least try to stop how his heart seemed to race whenever Phil was near.

Dan didn’t ask any of the questions.

“Okay,” he said instead and shuffled a little closer. He stretched his legs out a bit more and kind of brought himself even closer to Phil. He was in the perfect position to put his head on Phil’s shoulder and he just couldn’t resist.

Phil had said that it was okay.

It felt like Phil was tense while Dan settled, but as soon as Dan stopped moving, Phil drew out a breath and seemed to properly relax. This close, Dan could smell Phil so well. He had always been a little envious of how Phil managed to smell nice almost all of the time, even he was slightly sweaty during their practices. Then again, Dan was usually the one sweating buckets, while Phil was just a little moist.

Phil smelled very nice today in particular, almost like he had a bit of a floral scent. Dan wondered if Phil had put on cologne on a Sunday even if it looked like Phil hadn’t stepped outside all day. Why would he have put it on then, if not because Dan was coming over? Dan was getting his own hopes up and it was stupid.

But he couldn’t let himself walk away from the opportunity to essentially snuggle up with Phil. He didn’t know if he would ever get a chance for this again. There were no more movie weeks. There was a musical week somewhere down the line, weeks and weeks from now but they could have been kicked out long before they got to that. Dan was determined to get as far as he possibly could.

Maybe he could go to see a musical with Phil. He wouldn’t mind that one bit. He was pretty sure that he would love to be out with Phil in any capacity.

Phil was warm and he smelled nice and Dan was settling a little into a food coma. He could sleep here. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep his eyes on the teen drama happening on the screen, even if he was sure that everyone was in their twenties.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Phil said, almost as if he could feel where Dan’s thoughts were at.

“I’m not,” Dan argued, even as he let his eyes fall shut. He was being a bad guest, literally falling asleep on the host, but he didn’t feel like he could pull himself out of that. Phil was making him let down his guard in so many ways.

Dan drifted off to sleep, and he could have fought it but he didn’t want to.

He was shaken awake what felt like only moments later and he sat up a little abruptly and started at Phil. It wasn’t one of those cases where he had forgotten where he had been because he was sleeping in an unfamiliar place. He knew exactly where he was, he was sleeping on Phil’s shoulder and he had just been so peacefully asleep.

He almost wanted to pout and complain about being waken up but he was poked in the ribs once more, before he could get a sound out.

“Watch,” Phil said imploringly. “This is the end of the movie and the song I wanted us to do is coming up now.”

Dan reached up to rub his eyes and he tried to focus them on the screen.

“I’m watching,” Dan said, even if the edges of his vision felt a little blurry. As soon as the song started, he recognised it. He had heard it play somewhere before but he had never known that it was a _Grease_ song. It was a good one though and it was really fun to see the characters run around the fair ground.

“See? This will be so much fun. It won’t be quite like the movie obviously but we can still have that chase element to it. I’ve already got most of the choreography outlined and it’s going to be so fun. The quickstep is well-suited for this song.”

“Fuck, let me guess? It has really quick steps?” Dan asked, and Phil shot him an unimpressed look.

“I emailed you a guide to all the dances, you know,” Phil said but he didn’t sound mad.

“But then I wouldn’t get to annoy you with all the gaps in my knowledge about dance. It is a huge source of amusement for me. Don’t take that away,” Dan said, leaning back into Phil’s space and poking his side lightly.

“You know, I knew you were going to be a handful from the moment I saw you,” Phil said.

“Yeah?” Dan asked, feeling like it was a compliment, even if it could be taken either way. Whenever someone said something like that, Dan tended to accept it as a compliment and even if the opposite had been intended, people were usually too embarrassed to say different.

This wasn’t why he was doing it with Phil though. He could sense that Phil liked that he was a challenge. He showed him that every time they were practicing together. Phil liked the pushback, and so did Dan.

“Yes, and I was right,” Phil said, pulling his arm around Dan’s shoulders and giving him a squeeze before reluctantly pulling back.

Dan looked back at the screen where the song had finished.

“She’s got a lot of curls. Do you think the stylists could try to make my hair as big as hers? And do you think one can get those shoulder tops in a men’s size?” Dan said, thinking out loud as he watched Sandy strut across the fair on John Travolta’s arm. Dan knew his character had a name too but he had forgotten it even before he fell asleep.

“You want to do it dressed as the characters?” Phil asked sounding both surprised and delighted. “And you want to be Sandy?”

“Why not?” Dan said. “I’ve got great collarbones, you know.”

Dan felt the need to demonstrate, grabbing the already wide neckline of his jumper and pulling it out further. He twisted his body so that his collarbones popped.

Phil looked very amused.

“Yes, great collarbones, I concur,” Phil said and cleared his throat.

“And maybe, I want you to see you dressed as John Travolta. Get those guns out,” Dan said only half joking and allowing his hand to rest on Phil’s bicep.

“His name is Danny Zuko in the move,” Phil said, and he looked almost flustered, even in the low light.

Dan was pretty sure they were missing the end of the movie. There seemed to be another song on now, but he really didn’t care. He had never cared about watching the movie. He had only cared about being here and spending time with Phil outside of the practice room.

“As Danny Zuko then,” Dan said and looked at Phil’s dark hair. “I’m sure your hair will look great done in his style.”

“Okay, now you’re being mean!”

“How do you know I’m not being genuine?” Dan asked, not able to keep the laughter out of his voice.

“Because you get this look in your eye,” Phil said astutely. “I can tell the difference.”

Dan really hoped that wasn’t true because there was a lot of times where Dan had skated along the line of saying too much and saying too little to show how much he was growing fond of Phil.

“Well, either way, I think you would look stunning in all black. I think it would really suit you.”

“I think an of the shoulder blouse would really suit you,” Phil countered.

Then they stared at each other and Dan felt almost like they were engaged in a compliment war. He had never tried that before but there was little he didn’t want to do with Phil.

Dan stayed for another hour, where they continued to bicker and Phil started to show him just a bit of the routine they would start working on tomorrow. Dan hadn’t wanted to practice dance right now but it was too funny to see Phil try to do steps in his relatively small living room.

Quickstep looked hard though, and Dan did not look forward to learning it.

He did not change his mind over the week that they were learning the dance. The other dances had been hard but quickstep was the devil. Dan had decided that and declared it to Phil as well, but he had gotten little sympathy.

He would have been more annoyed if he still didn’t feel like he was floating after that night in Phil’s flat. He had walked out of the door, at around 11 PM and he wasn’t even sure how he had gotten home. He had been in a cloud of soft comfort and he wasn’t sure that he hadn’t teleported home.

The floaty feeling was slowly wearing off with each and every step that Dan seemed to miss.

“It’s moving too fast,” Dan complained, probably for the hundredth time. He would have thrown himself onto the floor in protest but Phil seemed to anticipate that now, and he would just hold Dan’s hand.

It should be embarrassing how something as simple as that could make Dan more well-behaved. Dan would have complained about that too, but then again, it might mean that Phil would stop holding his hand and he couldn’t have that.

“As you so astutely pointed out on Sunday, it is called _quick_ step. It’s supposed to be fast.”

“What if I want to slow dance instead?” Dan whined and he only realised what it sounded like too late. Not that he didn’t want to slow dance with Phil. He very much wanted that but all of the dances they had been doing so fast always seemed to be a hurricane of movements.

Dan wanted to know what the dance was called where you just swayed in your partners’ arms.

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Phil said. “Come here.”

He didn’t need to tell Dan, because just one tug at their clasped hands and Dan followed where Phil positioned him.

“We’re slow dancing?” Dan asked, and he might have been exhausted one moment ago but right now, he felt like he had been doused in cold water. He did want to sensually slow dance with Phil but he needed preparation, damnit!

“No,” Phil said, with a soft smile, and Dan didn’t know whether to be disappointed or thankful. “We’re doing our quickstep dance but slowly.”

That was not what Dan had meant at all, but he went along with it. When Phil said slowly, he meant very slow, and he meant everything. The steps across the room, the movements in itself, even how his hands moved where they were holding Dan. It was like he was pretending to be in slow motion.

But once Dan got over how funny it looked, he realised that he could actually better control everything like this. He could see how Phil would kick out his legs, how far, and then imitate it.

Things were still hard when they went back into normal tempo again but Dan had a better grasp of it once again. Whenever he whined about it, Phil would make them go through the slowed down version again. Dan liked that, because Phil seemed to hold on just a bit tighter to focus on making his movements slow.

Dan was beginning to feel like it would always feel like an impossible feat to learn the choreography Monday morning but by the time it was Friday afternoon and they were at the rehearsals, everything felt more settled. He had never failed to learn the choreography; it was more a matter of him being able to do it well.

It was nerve wrecking to go onto the Strictly stage and perform the choreography for the first time in rehearsals but Dan did love that they got to try on the costumes as well. Dan liked to call them his dancing uniforms, even if Phil insisted that most of the outfits from Strictly wasn’t following the usual dance code.

Dan didn’t care.

He was busy admiring himself in the skin-tight black pants and the off-the-shoulders top that they had found for him. He had even left his hair alone that morning, because then it tended to turn out curler. He didn’t exactly look like Sandy but he did look fly. Dan was all for wearing things that wasn’t part of the norm. It was like to challenge gender roles with fashion. Fun.

Dan decided in that moment that he would try to see if him or both him and Phil could have at least one dance with them wearing dresses. Dan wanted to try that. All the female dancers looked so elegant with skirts twirling around them.

Phil had been changing in the other corner of their joint dressing room but Dan had kept his eyes averted and given Phil the privacy. He might be interested in seeing Phil shirtless but he would never try to sneak a peek without permission.

It was only when Phil came up behind Dan in the mirror that he got a good look at his Danny Zuko outfit.

Dan had been right. Phil looked absolutely stunning in all black. It was something about how it complimented his black hair, his pale skin and his striking blue eyes. Phil looked like trouble when he was wearing something like that, even if he might be the most adorable person in existence.

Dan felt a little breathless.

He moved aside so that they could both look in the mirror at the same time. Phil was busy looking at Dan, eyes lingering very long on his exposed shoulders before Phil’s eyes flickered up to meet Dan’s in the mirror.

“You look good in black,” Dan said, smiling. “I knew it would be your colour.”

“Not a colour,” Phil argued. “But yeah… thanks. You look good too. You were right about your collarbones. Stunning.”

Dan’s whole face broke into a genuinely delightful smile and it was almost a little weird to see how the emotion spread across his face. God, he was really obvious. He hoped Phil couldn’t tell.

“We look good,” Dan said, barely catching himself from adding _together_ , but he was pretty sure that his eyes were saying it.

Phil didn’t shy away though; he just smiled a little softer and put a hand on Dan’s hip and gave him a little squeeze. It was a talk they had had this week, Phil asking if Dan was comfortable with little touches here and there.

Phil had said that he tended to do that a lot when he got close to someone, but he wanted to ask Dan if he was okay with it, or he could try to tune it down. Dan had happily agreed, even if he had definitely had a blush creeping up on his neck.

He wasn’t someone who had it easy with casual touches like that, but he revelled in how Phil had been doing it. He had already done so before this week, but after having gotten permission, it was like there was almost always some part of Phil lingering on Dan, even when they were outside of the practice room.

Dan was a distracted mess all through the rehearsal. He just kept staring at Phil and forgetting to keep the tempo right. He would fall behind or his kicks would be too slow and it wasn’t a good time. Dan felt a little down when they’ve run through it twice and both times had just been kind of meh.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s up with my tempo,” Dan said, frustratedly after they were done. “I thought I had it but something about the big stage just…”

“It makes you nervous?” Phil asked.

Dan hated to admit that he was nervous. Growing up, he had been taught that being nervous wasn’t something real, or rather he had been reminded again and again that it wasn’t an excuse for not wanting to do something.

But Phil wasn’t asking like that. He was asking like he understood. It made Dan feel safe enough to nod in confirmation.

“I used to always get like that,” Phil said, pulling Dan along and then sitting them down on the couches where the celebrities and pros usually waited for their turn during the show.

“But you overcame it like a functioning human?” Dan asked, unable to push away the self-deprecating comment.

“No,” Phil said.

“What?”

“I didn’t overcome it. I get nervous every time I step onto the stage, whether it be here at Strictly or for competitions. I can nail everything perfectly in the practice room but out there? When it counts? I get so nervous; you don’t even know. I never overcame that but I learned what it means. At least to me. Do you want to know?”

Dan was pretty sure he would listen to anything Phil would want to tell him. He in particular wanted to hear this because Phil was very good at motivating pep talks, even if he seemed a little self-conscious about giving advice.

“Of course, I want to know,” Dan said and leaned in a little closer.

“Nerves mean that you care and for some people that jittery feeling will never go away or even die down much, but it’s all about channelling it into something productive. You might be nervous but that also makes you able to do better. It gives you an edge. It can make you crash and burn-”

“Comforting.”

“Or,” Phil continued, shooting Dan a glare. “it can make you soar even higher. Nerves mean that you can reach the extremes instead of lying on the average.”

“But haven’t I been getting pretty average scores so far?” Dan asked, only to tease, because his heart felt a little funny. He understood what Phil meant but he had never had it explained like that before. It was the same end result as Dan’s father had tried to shout into him, about not letting you being nervous stop you from doing a thing but Phil went about it a whole different way.

Dan wondered what it would have been like knowing Phil Lester growing up. He would have liked that.

“You’re a beginner, and for a beginner I will say that you’re both soaring high and crashing within the same performance for now. You’ve got great elements, stuff that even impress me but you also make big mistakes. It’s both in the same performances now, and that’s why it seems to come out at average scores. But with more practice, we can tilt the scales on our favour.”

Dan really liked the sound of that.

Phil had managed to do it again. He had calmed Dan right down, talked him away from the cliff’s edge of self-depreciation, and Dan wondered if Phil even knew he was so multitalented.

Dan was still nervous the following evening when the Strictly show kicked off. He was nervous but he wasn’t as afraid of it anymore. He liked his outfit a lot and the stylist had managed to do an incredible job on his hair. His curls had more volume than ever and he decided to put on a fire red lipstick. The stylist had looked at him for a beat when he had requested it but then she had dutifully put it on him. It looked great and Dan was very scared of smudging it, or sweating it off. He wasn’t even sure that was a thing you could do to lipstick.

Dan had snapped a photo of himself, or rather about a dozen and then posted it onto his Instagram. Likes and comments had started flooding in and he had smiled brightly at all the people complimenting his shoulders and his lips.

A lot of people wished him good luck tonight and said that they would vote for him, even if he hadn’t even mentioned something about that in the post. Before last week, he had felt a little odd about it, knowing he had such a dedicated audience that would definitely vote for him just because they like his regular stuff, rather than his dancing. However, he had come to the realisation that every single celebrity had the potential for that advantage too, and now he wasn’t shy about his audience wanting to vote for him anymore. If they could keep him safe from elimination and they could give him more time with Phil, then he would just happily take it.

Dan walked out of the dressing room to small talk with the other celebrities who had all gathered while most of the pros had been out doing another dance. Dan had almost wanted to sneak off to the audience just to see all of the pros do their thing but apparently that was frowned upon by security. Dan would have to watch through the screen like everyone else.

He decided in that moment that he would get to see Phil properly dance in person at some point, even if he had to command Phil to dance for him. Dan was actually pretty sure Phil would be game for that. He would be rightfully confused but he would probably go along with it.

After the dance Phil and the other pros that had been involved, rushed back to all of their respective dressing rooms to get changed and ready in a jiffy. Dan had wanted to go talk to Phil while he changed but he couldn’t find a chance to leave.

He was pouting when Phil finally emerged and he only knew he was doing that because Phil came up being him, giving him a hug from behind and telling him that he was pouting.

“I wasn’t,” Dan said, turning his face to watch Phil, “how could you even see it from behind?”

“I could see that pout from space with such a fierce lip colour. You look hot.”

Dan’s brain momentarily cut out. Had Phil just called him hot? Dan suddenly felt very hot under the collar, only he wasn’t wearing a damn collar, he was wearing a top that revealed all of his shoulders and collarbones, so really, he was feeling his skin flush at the compliment which was infinitely worse.

“Let me see you,” Dan said, turning around and stepped out of the back hug, because as much as he loved it – which was a lot – he was curious to see what the stylist had done with Phil’s hair.

She had not disappointed. She had managed to almost perfectly replicated the hairstyle from the movie, undoubtedly hairspray holding Phil’s fringe in place to jut out like that. But as cool as the air was, Dan was still more appreciative of the outfit. Phil in tight black jeans and a black shirt that clung to his chest, but mostly Dan was appreciative of the fact that the shirt had the tinist sleeves known to man and as a result almost all of Phil’s arms were exposed.

It wasn’t even that Phil was overly muscular, because he wasn’t, but he was like the definition of fit. Dan kind of wanted to get his hands all over those arms. He had to almost physically restrain himself from making a comment that would be a little too revealing.

“I think you can bring the hairstyle back,” Dan said, with a wink.

“Thanks,” Phil said sarcastically and gave him one of his looks. It was the look that meant he thought Dan was being ridiculous but he didn’t mind it.

After Phil arrived, they spent their time watching two more couples dance on screen before it was finally their turn to stand ready. Dan felt like the nerves had come back full force.

“Remember what I said about being nervous?”

“Either crash and burn or soar and fly?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, but how do I make sure we fly?” Dan asked, leaning in to Phil’s side a little. He would have to part from him soon, the two of them starting out at opposite sides of the stage.

“Let your feet follow the rhythm.”

“That I’ve barely been able to follow at any point throughout the week unless it was slowed down?” Dan said, nerves definitely tipping in the wrong way.

“Okay, how about we focus on having fun? Remember the scene from the movie? That’s two people getting together, confessing their love to each other and they’re just running around like they’re at the top of the world. Dance with me like that?”

Dan wanted to ask what that meant, how Phil could say something like that so casually, but they had to move now, get into their designated spots and Dan had to step away from Phil. He took a deep breath as he found his position and they waited for the countdown.

The music started and Dan moved. It was becoming more familiar, even if it was still terrifying. It was a fun and upbeat song and Dan followed Phil’s advice and he just threw himself into it.

Phil appeared, in all his pretend bad boy glory and Dan couldn’t help but look smitten. It worked well for the role thankfully but it was a very real emotion. Phil chasing after him around the dance floor was fun but it was better when they came together and danced up a storm. Dan was off count, just slightly and he could feel it but he wasn’t sure how to correct it in the moment. He felt that Phil was almost pulling him along, forcing him into higher tempo and he just did his best to follow.

Step sequence done and Dan tried not to feel dishearten that he had messed up on the tempo which meant the whole thing was off. Phil pulled him along, to the little podium where they would dance back and forth into each other’s space, just like the movie.

For this bit, Dan let himself just stare at Phil and then it was easy to get lost back into it. Phil made it feel fun, and when they jumped back onto the floor and did another sequence of steps, Dan felt like he leaned into them a lot better.

They were Danny and Sandy and they were only focused on each other. There were people around them, people looking at their every move but none of it mattered because the song was a request for each other. A desire spelled out and laid bare, ready for acceptance. It was a lot easier to dance when Phil was the only thing Dan could take notice off.

The end felt like it came almost too soon, ending with Phil slid unto his knees, palms coming to rest on Dan’s hips and gazing lovingly up at him. Dan was glad that the dance was over because the look in Phil’s eyes, even if it was likely fake, seemed to force all the air from his lungs.

It looked like someone who was confessing their affections and Dan wasn’t sure how to handle that.

The audience roared and Phil got up from his knees, only to almost knock Dan off his feet with the force of the hug.

“I did shit,” Dan whispered, into Phil’s shoulder.

“Nah,” Phil said. “Mistake doesn’t mean shit.”

He said it so sincerely that Dan couldn’t help but believe him. He wondered how Phil could do that, speak something as if it was a fact, even when it was just his personal opinion. However, it felt like a fact, a truth, because of how he said it so convincingly. Phil could probably be a dangerous manipulator if he wanted, but thankfully he had a heart of gold.

“Sandy and Danny from Grease has never looked better,” Claudia said as she called them over.

Dan couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that.

“Thank you,” he told her. “But personally, I think makes a much better Danny than John Travolta.”

“And you make a much more beautiful Sandy than Olivia Newton John,” Phil said and again he said it like he meant it.

“Well, if you two aren’t adorable!” Bruno exclaimed and the audience cheered in agreement. Dan wanted to hide but the closest place to hide was in Phil’s neck and while he was sure Phil wouldn’t mind, it wouldn’t necessarily make the cheers die down. Quite the opposite in fact.

“Bruno, why don’t you start us off?” Claudia said.

“Well, firstly, Dan, you are rocking that lipstick,” Bruno said, “and I really liked your energy, especially in the latter half. However, the entire long first step sequence was off beat and it really will affect the overall result.”

“Yeah,” Dan said, huffing out a breath. Phil’s arm came to rest around his waist to ground him. “We know, sorry.”

“You should not be apologising, Dan,” Shirly chimed in. “It’s good that you’re aware of it. You’re still a beginner and we know that, even if it going to be tougher moving forward. You need to improve and fast. What we can praise is your form. You know how to carry yourself, which is also very difficult, but you’re steady as you move through the choreography.”

“You still shouldn’t excuse his sloppy footwork,” Craig added. Someone in the audience booed at the comment but Dan was listening. “This is serious business. Falling out of rhythm throws the whole thing off.”

Phil’s arm around Dan’s waist tightened.

“Okay, got it,” Dan said, wondering if he looked as intimidated as he felt.

“And we’re going to ask you to head up now, while the judges cast their votes,” Claudia said and sent them off.

Dan felt a little wobbly on his feet but Phil didn’t let go of him, not when they were made to stand next to all the celebrities and pro dancers and have Tess ask more questions. Dan was pretty sure he zoned out during all of that. He just wanted to know his scores and if he was hopeless.

“And it sounds like they’re ready with their scores, now,” Tess said, and Dan moved to watch the screen with a small amount of fear.

  1. 2\. 5. 6.



Dan’s heart sunk a little. He knew Craig would give a harsh score but a 2? Bruno was still the one giving them the highest score but it wasn’t much help. An overall of 18, two point worse than their first dance together. Dan wanted to curse but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t an acceptable thing on BBC during primetime. He had already gotten in trouble with that once back when he had run a radio show on BBC for a few months.

“That’s disappointing,” Dan ended up saying, “but it’s a fair verdict.”

“Craig was a bit of a hard ass,” Phil said, completely shameless and Dan felt even more endeared. “But he was right that it was a big issue. We will make sure to get the rhythm down next time.”

Next time. There Phil was again, spoken as if he could control the future. They might not get a next time, not with such a crappy score. But Phil spoke with such certainty that Dan found himself believing.

Phil turned out to be right. They had to stand through torturous call round first where they were the last couple to be called through as safe, but they made it without getting into the bottom two positions. For a brief moment, Dan wondered if Phil really was physic.

Dan was so happy when their names got called that he flung himself into Phil’s arms and Phil then proceeded to just lift him off the ground and spin him around like it wasn’t a big deal. Dan had clung on for dear life but he had also started laughing. He felt a little bad, all of this happening next to the two couple who would have to re-dance for their chance at survival.

But Dan hadn’t been able to help himself. Each week they passed felt like a huge accomplishment. One more week of dancing with Phil. One more week of hours and hours of practice and getting to know Phil. It mattered much more than staying in the show for the chance to win at the end.

Dan wanted to improve though, he was a perfectionist through and through and he hated doing something and not being good at it. He would get that rhythm issue down, even if it killed him. They had been on the bottom of the list with just the judges’ rankings this week, meaning that only Dan’s followers had saved them and given them their straight through.

They couldn’t always depend on that happening. Dan pulled Phil aside after the show was done. Phil looked particularly fluffy and soft after a Strictly show because he showered in their little closet shower in the dressing room and then he got dressed in soft and worn clothes.

Phil looked a little bit like an exhausted child who was ready to nap anywhere when he was done dancing for the night. Dan almost wanted to offer to take him home, or something but he was scared of the connotations it would carry.

“You need to be meaner to me,” Dan told Phil.

“What? Why would I be mean to you?” Phil asked, looking utterly confused and so beautiful at the same time. “I like you.”

One day when Dan got the courage, he would ask how Phil could say something like that. If there was something more behind all of the compliments or if this was just how Phil worked. Another day, when Dan was feeling more courageous.

“Okay, maybe mean was the wrong word. Err… stricter? You don’t have to be afraid whip my butt into shape. I want to stay in the show, go to the finale and all that jazz,” Dan said, hoping that Phil wouldn’t bring up that Dan didn’t mention winning the show, because he cared very little about that.

“No,” Phil said.

It caught Dan off guard.

“No?”

“No, I will not be mean or strict to you,” Phil said. “It’s not how I do things. You’re doing excellent. Dan, you’ve never _ever_ danced before, and in just a month, you have improved leaps and bounds. I will not push you past what I think you’re ready for, I refuse to do that. You’re responding well to my teaching; I can see it.”

“But-”

“No buts. I am the teacher and the professional, you have to trust me. I know this week was tough but Strictly is designed to be that way. It rushes contestants along too fast because it wants that glam and challenge, but I refuse to give into it. We’re moving at our own pace and figuring out how to dance together and it _is_ going great. Don’t let a couple of numbers make you think differently.”

Dan was stunned into silence. It tended to happen around Phil more than it did other people. Dan was once more a little bit in awe of Phil. He seemed so sure of himself, so unfaltering and Dan had never known how admirable and attractive that trait was before he had met Phil.

After that speech, Dan didn’t want to argue about different training methods. Phil was right. They were moving at their own pace – in more ways than one, Dan was pretty sure – and it was going great. Rushing it could potentially ruin it.

“Okay,” Dan said. “Okay, you’re right.”

Phil looked like he had expected that reply. Had he already figured out Dan in just the span of a month? Dan always felt both a little too exposed but also seen and understood when he was with Phil.

“I know,” Phil said, not unkindly, and he reached out a hand for Dan to take. “Now, let’s share a cab?”

Dan took Phil’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you said that you'd like to have a look at the [Strictly playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3jONYSbaoZiPY1Y1U6wyov?si=jcfseJ8JTR2vuGVw7XAhWA)! It's all the songs that DnP are going to be dancing to in this fic, in chronological order.
> 
> What did you think? I love their little movie night so much, and I very much enjoyed putting them in the movie outfits as well. Don't tell me that they wouldn't rock those looks? I'm also really proud of Phil's little speech here at the end. It was a very spontaneous addition but I love it.
> 
> As PEDIA is now nearly over, I'm going to need a little bit of a breather because posting for 31 days straight is A LOT. This fic is going on a brief hiatus and I am coming back with an update on Saturday the 19th of September, so unfortunately two Saturdays without updates, but then I should be coming back strong and the last 10 chapters will run on the weekly schedule.


	6. Week 4: Cha-Cha-Cha to Dear Future Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan was beginning to believe that his grandmother was conspiring against him. She seemed so ecstatic to have Dan both dancing and hanging out with such a nice man like Phil. And Phil was nice, more than nice really, and Dan loved how he kept having an LGBTQ+ perspective for most of their choreographies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the updates! Thank you for all being so lovely about the little hiatus. I'm coming back with a beast of 10.4k for you all. 
> 
> TW: brief talk of past bullying - being called gay as an insult, old people having gay stereotypes

It was nothing new for Dan to have phone calls with his grandmother. He always tried to call her about once a week just to catch up on the gossip in her knitting group or her book club. Most of the weeks, it felt like she had a more active social life than he did.

Something had stared to shift over the past month of Strictly craziness. Dan had never been someone with an active social life and lately everything that wasn’t making his content or Strictly related had been pushed all the way out. However, he was still more around people than ever before. He met with Phil almost every day of the week.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that he had missed Phil yesterday, their Sunday without training. He was trying to rationalise that it was just because Phil had called him the week before and their little movie night had been so fun. Dan was never the kind of clingy person who missed someone when he didn’t see them for a day. Still, he had nearly wanted to call Phil and asked if they could hang out.

Phil was making him want to be a little clingier. It didn’t help that Phil always acted extra excited to see Dan on Mondays after a little time apart. He spoke of 24 hours apart like it was a _long_ time. It was all relative, Dan knew, but it still made his heart do little funny flips. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever missed his company after what he would have deemed like a short time.

Since he hadn’t gotten a chance to talk on the phone with his grandmother for a while, she had called him bright and early Monday morning while he was on the way to the studio that was booked for him and Phil today. Had he not been up and about, he would have been cross with her calling at this time when he’d usually be in bed.

The anger would only have lasted less than a minute, not even a full ten seconds probably, because there was something too sweet and endearing about how much his grandmother loved him. He could never really be mad at her for calling, even if it was inconvenient at times.

“No, nan, I can’t tell you what song we’ll be dancing to this week. I don’t even remember the style,” Dan said, shaking his head and making his way into the building. It was one that he had only been at a couple of times before, but the procedure was pretty much the same everywhere they went. Arrive, state your name and be told where to head up to meet Phil. Phil was always earlier than Dan, even if he arrived ten minutes early.

Dan’s grandmother made an exasperated sound. “You will have to give me your partner’s number, so I can stay updated.”

Dan felt his feet coming to a stop abruptly, surprise making his movements freeze, and he nearly toppled forward and lost his balance. Damn, having a high centre of gravity. He wasn’t sure why his grandmother’s words got him like this.

Or rather he wasn’t sure why his body decided to have such a big reaction to those seemingly innocent words. He knew perfectly well what his grandmother meant but Dan’s mind was a master in overthinking and it was all too easy to consider those words spoken in a different context.

Like if Dan had an actual romantic partner and his grandmother wanted to stay updated on their relationship. It was the kind of easy and casual mention that his heart still ached for at times. She had taken his coming out so well and honestly, he wanted nothing more than to introduce her to a boyfriend but he had never been with anyone for long enough to get to the meet family stages.

He was not letting his poor grandmother anywhere near his past hook ups that was for sure.

Maybe there was an added layer of her talking about Phil. Phil Lester, dancer extraordinaire and someone Dan found himself crushing more and more on with each passing day.

“Daniel?” she asked, when he had stayed silent for too long.

Just as she asked, the receptionist looked up and asked him if he needed help.

“Hold on for a sec, nan,” Dan said, lowering the phone and forcing his feet to walk up to the reception. “Hello, hi. Yes, I’m Dan Howell. Strictly. Which room?”

The receptionist tapped a few times on his computer and then reached under his desk to grab a key. Dan was so distracted by the appearance of a key and his grandmother’s words that he didn’t even hear the number.

He took the offered key and nodded as he walked over to the elevators. It wasn’t until he was stepping into them that he realised that he never got to actually pick up the key. Phil always did it. It had to mean that Phil hadn’t arrived yet, which was weird. Dan turned over the key in his hand and he was happy to at least see a familiar number on it and he knew to head for the room they had trained in last time they had been in this building.

He put the phone back to his ear.

“Yes, sorry, had to pick up the key for the practice room,” Dan said, even if that wasn’t the real reason that he had gotten distracted.

“Are you just keeping quiet about this week’s dance because you’ve signed something? You can tell your nan, you know. Grandparents don’t count,” she said, still clearly bursting with curiosity.

She was one persistent lady. He was pretty sure he got his stubbornness from her and he was proud of that. 

“No, I have not,” Dan said with a laugh as he unlocked the door and moved into the room. Familiar but empty. He wasn’t sure why it felt eerie to walk into a studio without Phil. Flipping the light on helped a bit but not much. “I don’t know which one we’re doing, sincerely. All I know is Phil texted me yesterday with a whole string of emojis that I didn’t understand.”

“You know,” she said, “I could maybe decode that. In my magazine there was an article about how kids were using emojis instead of words. They could spell out whole sentences with them! It really is quite something.”

Dan remembered when his grandmother had gotten an old iPad from him and he had taught her about emojis. Since then, when she did text, she always made sure to add them. He only hoped that magazine hadn’t gone over what an eggplant emoji could mean.

“Well, I certainly didn’t understand,” Dan said, huffing out a breath. This was too early in the morning and he felt more tired now that there wasn’t an excited Phil to greet him.

Phil was quite the energy booster.

In Phil’s text from last night there had been a lot of dancing lady in red, an engagement ring, explosions and sparkles. The ring emoji had made Dan’s heart flip for a moment before the follow up text had ticked in shortly after to say that it was hints for this week’s dance.

“How are you doing, my boy?” she asked, her voice changing. She sounded concerned now, but trying to hide it. Younger Dan would have fallen for it but adult Dan was better at picking up nuances in someone’s voice.

“I’m doing fine,” Dan said, and while it was a stereotypical response, it was the truth this time. “I like the routine that I have right now, I’m just… I don’t know, I feel like I can’t let myself relax into it. It could be ripped away from me with a day’s notice. I don’t know how to deal with that.”

It was more honest than he was most of the time with his grandmother but she had always been someone who had brought up vulnerabilities in him. Once, when he was still just a big kid, he had run to her house after school while bawling his eyes out. Bullies had been after him, throwing the word gay at him and he had been so confused.

It was the first time he had come close to coming out to anyone, back when he was only starting to grasp that gay meant liking other boys. It was before he realised that that part of himself was something, he would have to hide away for years before he finally felt safe enough to come out.

“You will make it through because you are a strong and capable man, Dan. And if you are worried about staying on the show, I think you will do fine.”

“I’ll do fine?” Dan echoed, turning towards the mirror and doing some stretches just to keep his body occupied. It wouldn’t stop his thoughts from running off with him but at least it was a slight distraction.

“Yes, I have seen every single season and you are in a good position. You are a bit of an underdog but you are a vision on the dance floor.”

“Nan,” Dan said, complaining. “You cannot say that.”

“Yes, I can and I will,” she said, chuckling heartily.

At the sound, he almost felt bad that he never had time to talk to her on Saturdays when she came to see the show. She had been there every week, either with her husband or Dan’s mum, but they usually had to leave before Dan had any chance to properly say hi.

No one seemed to hold it against him. Not even the fact that he didn’t feel capable of saying hello before dancing. His mother had tried to push for it, when she had been along a couple of weeks ago, but his grandmother had just said that one should not interfere with a dancer’s process and he should be allowed to prepare how he needed.

Dan found it hard to think of himself as a dancer but in that moment, he had felt like he might become one.

“Well, I know at least my audience will keep me in it for a while. They’re loyal and lovely, and they seem to really enjoy me being on this show.”

“And the gays!”

“The what?” Dan asked, and normally he might be worried if someone said that, but his grandmother sounded so gleeful.

“The gays, I read an article on my iPad. They are all very excited about you being on the show. You have impressed many of my friends too. They say you’re a lovely boy.”

“Nan, please stop,” Dan said. He flipped the phone onto loudspeaker and put it down next to him as he sat down to stretch out his legs.

“I will not stop when it is the truth,” she said, completely undeterred. “And they were all very curious whether you and your dance partner was dating.”

Dan felt himself go stiff. If he was a cat or a dog, he would have bristled. He went straight into defensive mode. He had countless arguments on the tip of his tongue instantly. It was part of his job; he spoke out against gender norms and societal assumptions. If it had been anyone else asking, he would have been ready to verbally run them over but Dan took a breath and reminded himself to be calm and collected.

He knew for a fact that his grandmother was accepting and supportive but even so, her and her generation got things wrong sometimes. It wasn’t an excuse, merely an explanation, and Dan tried to correct her gently whenever that happened. Thankfully, she was always susceptible to it.

“Nan,” he said. “Were your friends suggesting we would be dating because I’m gay? It’s… it’s a very bad stereotype that gay men just can’t help preying on other men and wanting to sleep with them, you know?”

“Oh, of course not! Or… I do not think so, at least. I suppose some of them might have that in their heads. What is it you say it is? Societal brainwashing? I do not think that was most of them. They all just seemed to notice how much the two of you look and smile at each other.”

Dan felt perplexed once more. He went into his stretch and tried to get his brain to work fast, because he couldn’t leave his grandmother hanging on the line for too long. It was difficult to focus when his brain was busy screaming and freaking out over the fact that him and Phil looked or smiled at each other in a certain way? Did they? Dan hadn’t even noticed, but he wouldn’t be surprised.

“Well, I don’t know. But just… tell your friends about the gay thing? Not every gay wants to sleep with someone of the gender they find attractive. It’s a bad assumption.”

“I will tell them,” she said resolutely and Dan knew she did that whenever he told her about anything. He would get updates from her later after she’d talked to everyone and mostly, they seemed happy to be educated on topics they had never considered. “But you still didn’t answer my question.”

“Question?” Dan asked, stretching his arms behind his back.

“If you and Phil are dating, silly,” she said and her voice was so soft. “Forget about my gossipy friends. I have grandmother privileges.”

“Doesn’t really work like that,” Dan said, with a fond laugh. “But I’ll tell you all the same. We’re not dating.”

She tutted. “You know, he is a very fine man. He is not someone you expect to be so elegant on the dance floor but he really is mesmerising. He is not a bad catch is all that I’m saying.”

Dan felt his ears and face burning a little and he was sure it wasn’t from the light exercise with his stretches. He turned sideways to stretch his back and that was when he saw something out of the corner of his eyes that caused him to scream.

He screamed way too loud and he was flailing and falling over on the floor from his cross-legged position.

Phil’s hands instantly went up, worry and amusement painted across his face, as he waved his arms back and forth. Dan got up on his knees and tried to calm his racing heart.

“Daniel! Are you okay?” Dan’s grandmother yelled through the line. It sounded loud in the studio. Too loud. She was still on loudspeaker. Fuck. How much had Phil heard? Dan wasn’t even sure what he had talked about except for the fact that Dan’s grandmother thought that Phil was a great catch.

Dan was inclined to agree most of the time, but right now he glared daggers in Phil’s direction for this sneaky appearance.

“I’m okay,” he called in direction of the phone. “Phil arrived and surprised me.”

“Oh, Phil is there? Hello Philip!” Dan’s grandmother called out, loud again. “How are you, dear?”

Phil seemed both baffled and entertained. He took a few steps closer to the phone but he didn’t say anything. He looked over at Dan for help, and Dan mouthed the word ‘grandmother’ and gestured for him to reply.

“Yes, hi! Hello Dan’s grandmother. I am doing very well. How are you this fine morning?”

“See, Daniel? He is polite as well,” she said, sounding scheming.

“Okay, okay,” Dan said and launched for the phone, intending to turn it off immediately before his grandmother could say anything more.

“Wait, Phil!” she said, insistently and Dan’s finger hovered over the speaker button.

“Yes?” Phil said, looking at Dan. His amusement was growing and Dan wanted to fucking throttle him but he would wait to chastise him until he didn’t have his grandmother within earshot.

“What dance and song are you doing this week?” she asked.

“Nan, he can’t answer that,” Dan said. “It’s supposed to be secret until Strictly reveal it.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Phil said with a wave of his hand. “You can keep a secret, can you not?”

“I have been keeping secrets for longer than your lifespan, dear.”

Phil laughed, amused and delighted and it was such a beautiful sound. “We are doing the Cha-Cha-Cha this week.”

“Oh, one of my favourites!”

“To the song _Dear Future Husband_ ,” Phil tacked on and then he had the audacity to wink in Dan’s direction.

Why wouldn’t it be any other song with any other title? It fit too well with the suggestions that his grandmother had just made and that made Dan’s stomach feel tight.

“Oh, you don’t say?” Dan’s grandmother said, and Dan could hear the smugness in her voice as well.

Dan turned off the speaker now and pressed the phone to his ear. He was pointedly not looking at Phil, who was still standing above him, now with his hands on his hips.

“You got it out of him, nan. Now you have to leave us to practice, if you don’t want us kicked off on Saturday,” Dan said.

“Do not even joke about that, Dan. If you put things into the universe, it might happen. Only manifest good things.”

It was too endearing and Dan’s heart melted along with his irritation.

“Okay, will do. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yes, see you. Say goodbye to Phil from me,” she said and hung up. It was one of the things he always appreciated about their phone calls. While she would call at inconvenient times, she always respected if he needed to cut the call short for whatever reason and she didn’t linger on the phone like a lot of people.

“She’s right, you know,” Phil said and Dan had a moment of utter panic.

He had no idea what Phil was referring to. Thankfully, Phil seemed to see that and explained.

“About the manifesting thing. You _should_ only put out things you want to happen, or something you said in jest might come back to bite you in the ass.”

Dan barely refrained from saying something stupid like, I’ll bite you on the ass. It would not lead him anywhere pretty. Or rather it might, but he really did not need to think more about Phil’s ass than he did already.

“You could hear that?” he said instead.

“She’s got one of those loud voices. It carries.”

“Still not nice to eavesdrop, you know,” Dan said, allowing himself to be salty for just a moment. “How didn’t I hear you come in?”

Phil did look a little bashful. “Your grandmother’s voice, I bet but I did go through the door quietly. I actually just wanted to see if you could do your stretches properly without supervision but I got intrigued. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Dan let himself look at Phil, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, and really that was all he needed to forgive him. He found it way too difficult to stay mad at him. However, he knew he would keep worrying if he didn’t get one question answered.

“How much did you hear?” he asked and pushed himself up from the ground. He felt more collected now, if only slightly.

“You were taking about gay stereotypes,” Phil said and then he sounded excited instead of guilty. “I loved how you explained it actually, correcting your grandmother and her friends, but gently? I don’t know. It’s just cool. Hearing someone talk about something like that.”

Dan felt himself flush again. He had never really learned how to take compliments, especially not sincere ones like that. He did what he usually did. He joked around.

“Then you should hear me waffle on for hours on my podcasts,” he said with a snort, and he had meant it to be a bit self-deprecating and a dig at himself but instead Phil’s eyes lit up.

“Would you be okay with me listening to your content?” he asked, hands clasped in front of him.

Dan was stunned into silence once more. He had just assumed that Phil had looked him up when they had been partnered together. He hadn’t expected Phil to go through all his content online – over a decade of making content amassed to a lot – but he was surprised that Phil sounded like he hadn’t watched or listened to any of it. He wasn’t sure whether to be touched or offended.

“You haven’t listened to any of it? Seen any of it?”

Phil shook his head. “No, I… I googled you, of course, but some of your stuff seemed really personal and I didn’t want to pry into your private life if you didn’t want me to do so.”

Phil was once more proving that he was too pure for this word. Dan decided that it definitely wasn’t an offence and he was touched by Phil’s thoughtfulness.

“It’s not like it’s _that_ private. I’ve put it on the internet for potentially the whole world to see.”

“Yes,” Phil said, tone insistent now. “But it’s different if someone personally knows you. It changes things. You have to ask then.”

Dan was feeling too many sensations rushing through his body. He felt elated. How could Phil make him feel that with just a couple of words?

“You can dive into my content. This is my official and formal consent for you to do so,” Dan said, trying to joke by making it sound grander than it was but Phil just leaned forward a little bit and winked. At least, Dan was pretty sure it was supposed to be a wink. It looked like a slightly off-beat blink. He was using both eyes but he looked like he was trying to blink.

“Enthusiastic consent?” Phil asked, tone either flirty or joking. Maybe both. Dan wasn’t sure how to tell.

Dan snorted and he was sure the blush that had been going down decided to flare up again. He shoved at Phil, and both regretted and enjoyed getting to push into Phil’s toned chest. He was rather looking forward to some of the more romantic and slow dances where they would be pressed chest to chest.

“Yes, whatever. So, dancing?” Dan said, clearing his throat.

“Dancing,” Phil said, smile bright enough to light up a whole city.

Dan both loved and hated their Mondays. He loved them because he got to see Phil again and it was making him feel giddy like a kid with a school crush. He hated them because Monday meant new choreographies and new steps and too many difficult new things.

Even so, he had a favourite part about new learning new choreographies too. It was hard not to find the good even in the bad when someone like Phil was at the heart of it.

It was a joy to watch Phil introduce new choreography to Dan. He usually had a general idea about the choreography and most of the main moves down but he was also making adjustments on the fly. It was something Dan had seen happen several times now but he was never going to get bored of it, he reckoned.

Phil got his dancing face on as he took Dan through the motions slowly. He would pull Dan along with him, trying to already program the movements into his body. After he had explicitly and a little shyly asked if he could adjust Dan physically a few weeks ago, it had also been a lot of either grabbing Dan’s hips or shoulders or arms. He moved like puddy in Phil’s grip, and it already felt natural.

Phil had large and nice hands but there was also something almost dainty about them. Maybe it was just the soft and gentle movements. Even when he corrected Dan from a poor stance, the nudges and pokes and pulls were gentle.

It was fun to notice that now but it was so clearly different from how some of the pros corrected their partners. Dan had seen some of them practice on Friday nights and he had also seen the clips that were showed during the show. A lot of them became frustrated much easier, trying to more roughly force their partner into the right position.

It might be more effective, but Dan still found that he liked the gentle nudges here and there instead.

Phil pulled on his hips a little, adjusting his stance and trying to take them through the choreography again. Dan was just letting it happen and he wasn’t actively trying to memorise anything right now. Phil had his thinking face on, which meant that he was going through the movements and checking them. It was a very specific expression and it always made Dan smile.

“What are you looking at?” Phil said, sounding amused. Despite it being a question, he didn’t seem to expect Dan to answer it since he was suddenly pulling on him and forcing him to move.

Dan really did long for the slower dances also so he wouldn’t have to tumble to try to keep up with the faster ones. He was getting better at keeping up but it was still a big struggle. The Cha-Cha-Cha seemed even worse and they had only been at it for a couple of hours.

In some of the twirls of movements, Dan almost felt like his hand needed to cling to Phil’s waist so they wouldn’t be spun apart from each other. He did not want to land on his butt just because he forgot to hold on.

Phil didn’t seem to mind that he almost clung on, he just made gentle remarks about loosening up his shoulder and not be so stiff. Phil took them through the routine again and Dan couldn’t follow the steps at all but Phil didn’t expect him to do so.

“How do you do it?” Dan asked, suddenly when Phil went over to his phone to stop the music loop for a moment.

“Huh?” he said, absentmindedly, and tapping at his phone. “Sorry, my brother,” he said as an explanation when he realised Dan was waiting for him to finish.

Dan wasn’t sure why his first thoughts was to say that he’d love to meet Martyn one day. Phil didn’t talk about his personal life a lot but when he did, he often brought up his older brother. He talked about him with such love and respect and Dan couldn’t help but wonder what that would be like.

Adrian would definitely not be talking about him like that. He would be embarrassed for anyone to recognise the family connection he was sure.

“What were you saying?” Phil asked. “How do I do what?”

“Err…” Dan’s mind blanked for a moment but then he remembered. Christ, he should not be this easily distracted but Phil brought it out in him. “Choreography. How do you just _do_ that?”

“You mean how I make it?” Phil said, walking over and only stopping when he was all up in Dan’s space. It seemed to be Phil’s standard proximity in the studio. He was all up in Dan’s business all the time and Dan could not find it in himself to complain one bit.

He was getting used to it. It was a very tempting feeling but Dan always liked feeling like that.

“Yeah,” he confirmed not sure why he was feeling breathless all of a sudden.

That was a lie. He did know. It was Phil. Of course, it was because of Phil.

“Well, I just like the music, you know? I’ve been dancing for so many years now, and accumulated so many different styles and stuff that most of the time I actually only struggle with keeping it within one specific genre. I like to mix and match whenever I do my personal showcases. They’re a bit of everything.”

“You do your own showcases?” Dan asked.

He made a mental note to ask Phil about getting tickets or just where to buy tickets for such a thing. He was already impressed that Phil came up with dances like this that made him have fun out on the dance floor while still looking impressive and elegant on video. A whole show for Phil with no restrictions? It sounded beyond awesome.

“Yes,” Phil said and he sounded a little shy. “I do them sometimes when I have the time. They’re fun.”

“Oh, please tell me that there’s videos of them out there,” Dan said, not even realising what he was saying until the words were out of his mouth. He didn’t even try to take them back. He meant it, even if it was more forward than he had planned.

“Yeah, you can find them on YouTube,” Phil said and he stepped back from Dan a little now.

Dan wondered if he had pressed too far.

“I don’t have to, if you don’t want me to see. Consent and all that,” he said, meaning it sincerely even if his words were coming out causally.

“No, it’s okay. You have my consent to go seek them out,” Phil said, and he looked a little more at ease. “Seriously. It’s only fair, right? I’m going to be looking you up.”

Phil said it teasingly and again Dan wasn’t sure if there was meant to be a flirty undertone or not. It was not easy to tell with Phil sometimes. However, he was still enjoying it too much to say anything to call attention to it.

“You didn’t answer my question though,” Dan pointed out. “How do you make the choreographies?”

Phil hummed. “If I told you, I would have to kill you,” he said and tried to wink again. It wasn’t better this time around.

“What? Seriously?”

“Don’t you know I’m renowned for my wacky and creative choreographies?” Phil said and he was putting on an announcer voice now. He was definitely quoting something. Maybe it was something Phil had heard again and again. Still, the way he said it, it didn’t sound like he actually agreed with them. “If I tell you my secrets, I will be compromised.”

He was joking around but Dan wondered if it was something deeper than that. It wasn’t his place to pry. He was ready to drop it entirely but then Phil shifted a little with his shoulders.

“I… I’ll tell you, yeah? But not today, I have to focus on getting this choreography shaped like I want it and if I talk too much about my process, then I’ll bring myself out of it. It’s not an easy question to answer. It’s one that goes all the way back to me learning to dance. It’s a long story, I guess, is what I’m trying to say.”

Dan wanted to tell Phil that he was willing to listen to any of his stories, no matter how long or short they were but it would probably come out too sincere.

“Okay, another time,” Dan said, reaching his hand out pinkie sticking out.

“Are you going to make me pinkie swear?” Phil asked, sounding delighted.

A bit of tension eased out of Dan’s shoulders. In any other circumstances he might have worried that the other person would find him childish but Phil sounded downright excited. He locked his pinkie around Dan’s finger.

“Swear then,” Dan said and winked properly at Phil. He could do it with just one eye like you were supposed to, after all.

“I swear I’ll tell you about how I got into dance and how I make my choreographies,” Phil said, still sounding giddy but also sincere. “One day.”

Dan unlinked their fingers, even if he wouldn’t have minded to hold on for a little longer. He tried not to linger too much on Phil’s words. The phrase _one day_ was on that had both haunted and excited Dan.

One day no one will watch you anymore.

One day you will be okay.

One day you will lose everything.

One day you will find all you ever wanted.

It was a double-edged sword and Dan didn’t know how to deal with the uncertainty of the future. It was something that scared him whenever he thought about it too hard. He would start to feel insignificant. It would end up with him lying face down on the floor.

It was not ideal when the only floor available was the worn floor in the dance studio or Phil was watching him very keenly.

“Okay, so the flowers prop, we definitely need to practice you handing me that, or I will just drop it,” Dan said trying to focus back on the choreography not to let his mind set too hard. It would freeze there if he let it and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

“You want me to buy you flowers?” Phil said, smirk on his lips and a glint in his eyes. Dan’s poor gay heart was definitely going through too much lately. A flirting Phil Lester was too much to take in but Dan still found himself leaning into it.

“You would be the first, if you did,” he said, matching Phil’s tone.

They were kidding around but also not really. It was a balancing act and Dan was enjoying it even if he was bound to fall off at one point. The only question was whether he would fall with or without Phil.

“Wait, really?” Phil said, joking tone dropping entirely. “No one ever bought you flowers?”

Dan felt shy all of a sudden. Phil’s surprised gaze was intense. His disbelief was palpable and Dan felt flattered.

“I only came out earlier this year,” Dan said and it still felt weird. He was out, if you just searched up his name and it meant that he didn’t necessarily have to come out formally anymore but he still felt that slight unease and worried anticipation rise in him when he had to talk about his sexuality with someone new.

“So? No one you dated bought you flowers?” Phil asked, like he genuinely couldn’t understand that. He looked like someone had just told him the earth was flat.

Dan wasn’t sure how to say that he hadn’t really properly dated anyone. Ever. He had several hook-ups and a few non-committal flings under his belt but nothing had ever been serious. It had been hard when he had been closeted, but it hadn’t gotten much easier since he was officially out.

He had never really found someone who made him feel like he was in love. Now that he was 28, he had started to wonder if he was growing too old to even meet someone who he could spend his life with.

He told himself that he was entirely happy on his own, making creative content he enjoyed and having a few good friends.

He was deceiving himself a bit, but that was nothing new.

He wanted that easy companionship and someone to love, even if he also knew that he would be perfectly fine without it. It was something to additionally enrich his life.

“I’ve bought myself flowers,” Dan said, putting his hands on his hips. “Because I am a strong independent gay and I deserve beautiful flowers, even if no one will buy them for me.”

“I’d buy you flowers,” Phil said, no hint of teasing or hesitation in his voice.

Dan shoved him. It was a defence mechanism, his brain just reverting to being a lizard and trying to push away something bright and lovely before he could let himself get attached. Phil didn’t seem to see that, he just smiled, like he always did when he noticed Dan was being more tactile.

Dan needed to really steer them out of any cute conversation topic. His last diversion hadn’t worked well but he wasn’t giving up just yet.

“What about doing something fun for that almost dirty joke in the lyrics?” Dan said, the first thing he could come up with. It wasn’t the best but it was something, or at least that was what he told himself.

“Which part?” Phil asked, hands on his hips and watching Dan keenly. His smile said that he knew exactly what part Dan was talking about but he was still making Dan say it out loud.

“You know, _open doors for me and you might get some_ …” Dan said, hesitating just like the beat in the song, and then he added a wink for good measure, “ _kisses_.”

“ _Don’t have a dirty mind_ ,” Phil quoted back, with an attempt of a wink once more. He was really going heavy on the winking today and he was not getting better with practice. Dan should not feel this endeared by it; he knew that but he didn’t have much choice.

Phil made his insides feel all warm and mushy, like a baked potato.

“Yeah, that part,” Dan said, wrinkling his nose.

“What did you have in mind? Fitting something into the choreography?” Phil asked, and for a moment Dan wondered if he had overstepped. He knew nothing about choreographing dances he shouldn’t be suggesting things not even like a joke.

“I’m sorry I did-”

“Hey, Dan, calm down. Of course, you can suggest things, I mean, I’ll have to see if they fit but for the little jokey or freestyle bits? I’m only excited that you want to offer up ideas. It’s cool,” Phil said and he sounded genuinely excited.

“Cool?” Dan asked, still not believing him.

“Cool,” Phil confirmed, voice steady and sincere. “So… what did you have in mind?”

Dan really should check in with his brain before he spoke because it was not a very PC idea, even if it was innocent enough. Hell, the song itself alluded to getting head, Dan was only going in the same vein of that.

“Err…”

“Come on!” Phil encouraged, “tell me.”

Dan tried to make his brain come up with anything other than the initial idea which got his brain to take this path but right now it was too empty.

“Well, I was going to suggest that we mimicked like, marching up close and then one starting to dip down in front of the other…”

“Oh, like alluding to giving someone a blowjob?” Phil said, way too casually.

Dan could talk about sex with other adults. He had no trouble with that but for some reason this was making him feel flustered. For a moment, he wondered if Phil was indeed straight and he would be offended by the mere notion.

“Yes?” Dan said, but it sounded like a question. He was questioning a lot of things right now. Mostly, how easy it was to make spontaneous combustion a thing.

Phil chuckled and it was a beautiful sound, both because it was Phil but also because it meant that he wasn’t mad.

“Might be a bit too _suggestive_ , shall we say, for Strictly,” Phil said but walked closer and held both of his palms up. Dan took them purely out of instinct. “But what you said did just give me an idea for that bit of the song. Come closer.”

Phil pulled on Dan’s hands as he said the command and Dan followed, as always. He was even more malleable right now because he was still giddy with the feeling that Phil wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

“What’s your idea?” Dan asked.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked, ignoring Dan’s question.

Dan wasn’t sure what to expect but he knew it couldn’t be anything bad with Phil. It was quite incredible that he was already feeling like he could put himself in Phil’s hands and Phil would treasure and protect him. It was a long time since someone had ever made him feel this safe and it had only been a month and a half.

Dan didn’t want to consider that he might never have met anyone who could make him feel safe like this. It was too big an emotion and if he let it linger for too long, it would steal the breath from his lungs.

“I’m ready,” he said resolutely.

“Get ready to slide then, weight on your heels,” Phil said and that was all the warning Dan got before, Phil tilted him back a little and then started to pull him forward and down. Dan was sliding before he was even comprehending what was happening. He went in through Phil’s legs and he felt like he was moving too fast.

Phil started to pull him back up, presumably to put him on his feet again but Dan felt heavy and clumsy and he didn’t help Phil carry the weight at all. It turned out that Phil might be able to get Dan between his legs but he could not get him out from under him again.

Dan’s brain made the connections to the same thing happening under very different circumstances and he couldn’t stop the awkward but amused smile on his face. Phil dropped his hands, when he realised Dan had just turned into a lump.

It was really unfair that Phil could look attractive when you were staring at him from the ground up. Most people had unflattering double chins, but while Phil looked a bit odd at this ankle, he still looked so good. Dan was just openly staring at him.

Phil quirked an eyebrow but he stared right back at Dan.

“You hit your head?” he asked, gently.

“Isn’t that my line?” Dan asked, watching now as Phil shifted his feet a little and settled his hands no his hips. Dan was still just lying between his legs but he made no move to step away.

“Line?” Phil asked, confused but still amused. He looked like around Dan a lot, in fact, Dan took pride in it. He liked the slightly smiling baffled look he would get in his eyes.

“When you fell from heaven and all that,” Dan said, smiling stupidly even if he was completely messing up the line. Phil was still smiling at him kindly. It meant he wasn’t messing up with Phil at least.

“Good one,” Phil said, shaking his head and then taking a single step back and extending his hand down to Dan to take. “Now get on your feet and I’m going to teach you how to do a heel slide through legs, it would be a nice addiction to the choreography.”

“You’re going to get me in between your legs?” Dan asked, taking Phil’s hand and letting himself get pulled up.

Phil definitely flushed a little at that.

“Focus,” Phil ordered, but it feel like all his orders did, gently and nicely.

Dan was finding that he was having a lot more trouble not to obey them than if Phil had been harsh and angry.

“Whatever you say, sir,” Dan said with a wink.

“Stop!” Phil insisted but he had a giant smile on his face that soon morphed into laughter. Dan joined in. He might love to watch Phil laugh but he loved laughing with him even more.

They did manage to focus on the choreography but it was entirely because Phil could be professional even when Dan was still trying to be cheeky and lowkey flirty. Phil was susceptible to it all, even pushing back a little on rare occasions and Dan revelled in it.

The next day when Dan arrived at a new studio to find Phil there before him, he was faced with a lovely surprise.

Phil gave him a bouquet of flowers with a sweet smile. Dan had been stunned into silence accepting the bouquet with a bit of trepidation. Dan had almost wanted to ask if this was meant to be a romantic gesture before Phil excitedly announced that they needed to practice the _flowers every anniversary_ line of the choreography. Dan’s heart had sunk a little at that but then Phil had shyly added that he was honoured to be the first person to gift Dan flowers nonetheless and Dan’s heart had melted all over again.

Half the time, Dan felt like him and Phil were dancing around each other in a more metaphorical way as well. It felt sharper and more present now, maybe because this particular choreography contained the part where they would have to tightly hold onto each other while twirling around. It was a little scary, and Dan’s feet kept getting tangled up but he wasn’t sure if that was just his subconscious trying to make sure they had more training with Phil so close.

He couldn’t really blame it if that was the case.

By the time they had the Friday rehearsal, they had worked out pretty much everything down to a T. Dan was feeling a lot more confident about this one, even if he was still a little scared of the tempo.

On the actual night of the show, however, he found himself relatively calm about it. Phil had insisted that the two of them met up half an hour before they had to be at Strictly and just take a walk together. He had nudged Dan tried to get him to voice what he was worried about and then he had reassured him one by one.

Dan felt a sense of clarity after that, like when one of his therapist sessions went well without them having to dig up too much of the mess in his head. When they worked on the smaller and more manageable things.

“You look good, mate,” Harry said, out of the blue as he came up to Dan while they were waiting with the other celebrities.

If anyone was worthy of the title celebrity, it would probably have to go to Harry Styles. Dan still hadn’t quite believed it when they had said he would be part of this season of Strictly. Of course, everyone had been excited and Dan was fairly sure that about a third of the shows viewers this season would be old directioners.

To be fair, he had been one too, even if he had never been involved with the fandom side. He had liked their music and he had been to a couple of concerts. Still, he hadn’t had much chance to talk to Harry yet, since a lot of people constantly seemed to surround him.

Dan realised that he should probably reply instead of just staring like a weirdo.

“Ah, yes, right, thank you,” he said, and quickly took in Harry’s tailored and gorgeous suit. “You too.”

Harry’s smile widened and there was something intense about having him look at you. He seemed attentive and present in a way some of the other people in the room weren’t when they went to strike up a conversation.

“Thanks,” he said, speaking slowly. “But I was more talking about your energy than your outfit.”

“Oh, right,” Dan said and wanted to hit himself on the head.

He got a horrible, horrible flashback of the one time he had actually interviewed One Direction on behalf of BBC Radio 1. It had been a disaster and a half, and he tried to re-repress the memory. At least, there was no chance Harry would be able to remember a tall awkward radio host with an emo fringe, or be able to relate him to Dan of today. Small blessings.

“Hey, I think it’s really cool what you’re doing, by the way,” Harry said, smile still wide and friendly. Dan could see the dimples that so many people raved about. “A gay man dancing with another man on this show. It’s something that’ll help so many people, you know? Breaking down stereotypes. It’s important.”

Dan felt a little taken aback. He had heard similar words from people online but it was different to hear it from a fellow constant. He knew Harry had an air of sexual ambiguity that wasn’t dissimilar to how Dan had started to open up about his own queerness.

“You…? Right, yes. It’s… it is important, to me too. I- thank you, for saying that,” Dan said, not sure why he was suddenly stumbling over his words again as if he was 22 once more and interviewing One Direction.

Harry didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. He was probably used to it. Dianne Buswell came over to them, tugging on Harry’s arm.

“Hi Dan,” she said first in greeting. He liked her, she was one of the nicest people and he had never once felt any hostility from her like some of the other professional dancers. It also helped that he knew she was dating someone who had gotten their start in YouTube as well. She didn’t look at him like he didn’t belong. “Hey, Harry, we need to get ready.”

“Alright,” Harry said, easy going. “Good luck tonight, Dan. I hope you’re in this for the long haul.”

“You too!” he said genuinely and bid the dance partners goodbye.

One a few seconds later, he found his own dance partner at his side.

“Already replacing me with younger British lad, I see,” Phil teased, leaning in close. He even put his hands on Dan’s waist, turning him a little so the two of them were blocked more off from the other people in the room.

Dan found himself endeared. Phil being jealous? At least in this mild mannered and teasing way, it sparked something in Dan. It gave his head ideas. Dangerous and enticing ideas.

It was also a ridiculous notion because even next to Harry freaking Styles, Dan found that he would rather be looking at Phil Lester. He wasn’t going to bare his heart like that though. It was too soon. Too many uncertainties.

“Of course, a man who can sing and dance? I’ll swoon,” Dan said, cheekily but even so, he leaned in closer to Phil to breathe out the words in a hushed voice.

“I’ll learn how to sing,” Phil said, undeterred.

Dan had heard Phil sing along to songs when they practiced and it wasn’t the most beautiful thing that he had heard but he did have a decent voice. He could probably learn if he really wanted. Dan didn’t really care if he could sing or not but the fact that he readily offered to learn was too charming.

“Nah,” Dan said, placing a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “I’d rather you focus on how to sweep me off my feet.”

“You…?” Phil’s face did something weird, almost like he was glitching. Dan took pity on him.

“For our future lifts, of course,” he said squeezing Phil’s shoulder.

“Ah, right,” Phil said, ducking his head a little. “Lifts.”

There was a shuffle behind them and they had to focus back on the cameras with the show starting. Dan kind of hated this bit where all the dancers that weren’t up next had to linger in the waiting room area and be filmed. He would much rather just be pacing up and down in his and Phil’s dressing room.

His newfound calmness was rapidly slipping away as soon as the show started. He wondered how it could both feel like a familiar routine and terrifyingly new each time. Maybe it was the changing choreographies and dance styles or maybe that was just how Dan was wired.

He didn’t relax until him and Phil were on their marks and the next dancers up. Despite hating starting on the stage alone, he would have to do it again. Phil had apologised but said that it worked so much better with the choreography. One look at Phil’s puppy dog eyes and he had melted.

Dan might still be a novice dancer but he was an experienced performer and he was getting the hang of this even if he still had his reservations. He went into his dancing mode and he listened to the ghost of Phil’s voice in his head, reminding him how to hold himself and land his steps.

They had practiced the bouquet toss so many times but, on the night, Dan fumbled the bouquet as he moved to catch it. Out of instinct, he twisted to the side to grab it and he ended up spinning the whole way around.

He got the bouquet in his hands, but he didn’t have time to lift it up and pretend to smell them like planned. Dan nearly froze, after having been thrown off his rhythm but as usual, Phil reacted and stepped in to help.

He strode over to Dan, elegant and intimidating, grabbing the bouquet and tossing it towards the edge of the stage like Dan was supposed to do. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw it land pretty much right on one of the cameras and he would have laughed, if Phil hadn’t stepped closer to pull him into the step sequence coming up.

Dan’s mind clicked back into the routine then, and the extra adrenalin made him more careful and precise.

When Dan rested a hand on Phil’s chest to the infamous blowjob allusion line, he even felt extra cheeky and managed to toss a wink in the direction of the camera that Phil had accidentally thrown the bouquet at. He heard the laughter from the crowd and he smiled as his hands found Phil’s and they went into the slide move.

They had practiced that one a lot and Dan felt that his body moved like it was supposed to. It twisted just right, the slide of his heels was smooth and Phil managed to pull him back up in no time at all.

Dan felt like he was floating when they moved into the last step sequence. It was all going so freaking well, despite the early mishaps. He could see it on Phil’s face too. He bore a proud smile and Dan was sure he was wearing a matching one. He would have been a little embarrassed if he wasn’t so smitten.

Dancing to a song called _Dear Future Husband_? It felt like it mattered. Phil had told Dan that he had also picked this one for the LGBTQ+ perspective just like with _Single Ladies_. He had wanted to show that gay love was also finding someone to marry and grow old with. It had always been something the queer community wanted, but now it was also legal for them to get married. The LGBTQ+ perspective seemed to be a running theme and Dan was so on board with it.

There was also a little part of Dan’s brain that couldn’t help but pose the seemingly innocent question of what it would be like to have someone like Phil to be his future husband. It was just a fleeting idea, one that Dan purposefully didn’t entertain.

The choreography ended with Dan in a slight dip, Phil’s strong arms around him and man, it was getting harder to push those fantasies aside.

The crowd roared when they finished and Dan just burst into giggles. Phil was pulling him up, but still holding him, hands going from his waist to his face and Dan felt so giddy and warmed.

“Come on over, boys,” Claudia called, beaconing them closer. Reluctantly, Dan let go of Phil, but it didn’t last for long because Phil kept clinging onto him even as they walked over to the judges’ panel.

“That was quite a wild choreography,” Claudia said. “Phil, did you notice you tossed the bouquet right at one of our cameras? Quite the dramatic shot, if I must say.”

“Huh?” Phil said, confused, and looked around him as if he could see the treacherous bouquet of flowers that had betrayed him. “I don’t… wait?”

Shirley spoke up from the panel.

“Only someone like you could make something look so stylish by accident, it was quite the nice little touch. You as well, Dan, with how you twisted around to save the bouquet. I’m guessing by your expression that it wasn’t planned that way.”

“No,” Dan said shaking his sweaty hair and huffing out a breath of air. He still got so breathless dancing with Phil. He had a feeling it would never go away, not even when he was in proper dancing shape like Phil.

“Can we get another comment from the judges? Darcy perhaps?” Claudia asked.

“Oh, yes,” she said and excitedly clapped her hands together. “What a beautiful couple you make. You complement each other so well, and you’ve really improved since last week, Dan. Other than the little mishap, you’ve done wonders on your form.”

“All Phil’s work,” Dan said easily. It was true, and he pinched Phil’s side when he was about to open his mouth to protest. The little gesture did not go unnoticed.

“And that heel slide was excellent, especially considering the two of you had the challenge of you being rather a tall lad. Well done,” she said complimentary.

“Thank you, Dame Darcey,” Phil said politely, and then turned his eyes to the camera. “We’re just out here showing that gender and size doesn’t matter.”

A few careful cheers came from the audience but Dan wanted to scream louder along with them. He wanted to lift Phil up and spin him around, and then tease him about the slight innuendo that seemed genuinely accidental at this point.

They were sent on their way to await the results and Dan was finding that it was easier to wait when he could hold onto Phil’s hand while they both answered more questions about their training and how they think it went on the floor. Dan knew they needed to fill the time and be entertaining but he was too wired up to be entertaining.

Then the scores came and Dan’s heart jumped.

  1. 6\. 7. 7.



Their highest score yet. Dan literally jumped of joy and flung his arms around Phil. Phil seemed to be on the same wavelength as Dan because rather than Dan just thinking about picking his dance partner up, Phil actually did it. Suddenly, there were hands on Dan’s hips and his feet were off the floor.

It was just for a moment before Phil sat him back down but it was a glorious moment all the same. He really couldn’t wait to do more lifts, even if he felt a little bad that Phil had to lift all his weight. Phil had already reassured him that it would be fine, and not to worry about it. Easier said than done, but Dan was trying.

Their score landed them just in the bottom of the top half and Dan felt more secure than ever before. He even dared to properly watch some of the other dancers. Harry Styles and Dianne Buswell absolutely stole the show, as did Anton du Beke who was dancing with Annie Mac. Both couples landed in the top 3 and Dan thought they deserved it. He made sure to go out of his way to congratulate them. He’d met Annie Mac a couple of times at BBC Radio 1 but he hadn’t tried to speak to her before tonight.

He had kept himself isolated, in just his little bubble with Phil but now he was finding that he wanted to know more about his fellow contestants. He wanted to hang around and let himself get involved. He felt like he was properly earning a place here now.

Him and Phil made it through the elimination as the third couple called. They were called at a random order, and Dan knew they wouldn’t be that high up on the scoreboard but he was still thankful for the mercy of being called early. It was horrible to stew in the anxiety.

After the show had finished but before any of the dancers or celebrities had been allowed to leave, Phil suddenly dragged Dan off and back out to the stage. Dan was surprised to see his grandmother and grandfather lingering by the stage, and he kind of wanted to run away when he saw them but he forced himself to smile and not wonder about how sweaty he was right now when his nan pulled him into a hug.

It didn’t take long to figure out that Phil had somehow coordinated with some of the Strictly staff that they could go out and say hello to Dan’s grandparents. Dan was a little embarrassed but also oddly touched.

“You really are a fine young man,” Dan’s grandmother said, holding onto Phil’s hand.

“Thank you,” Phil said, looking a little abashed but mostly happy.

“You’ll take care of him for me, won’t you?” she asked Phil, her old hand still clasped around Phil’s in what looked like an iron grip.

Dan’s grandfather even tried to pull his wife away with the gentleness of someone who loved their partner and their silly whims a whole lot. As in, he was barely trying and just watching fondly.

“Nan,” Dan groaned in complaint but mostly because Phil was just looking at her, mouth slightly open and eyebrows raised. He didn’t want her to make Phil fell uncomfortable.

“Oh, hush,” she said, and waved her free hand at Dan.

Phil’s eyes darted in Dan’s direction, now with a smile on his face, and then he leaned in close to Dan’s grandmother and whispered something in her ear.

Dan already knew that his grandmother was one hell of an actress and she gave nothing away in her face even as Phil pulled back, smile shyer now.

“What did you tell her?” Dan demanded to know, too impatient to even pretend that he wasn’t curious as hell.

Phil just let out a chuckle. “You’ll see. One day.”

There was that word again. It still made Dan feel nervous. Untethered. However, there was something in Phil’s tone that made him feel hopeful too. He didn’t say it like it was a bad or a neutral thing. He said it like it was a happy thing.

“I will never tell!” Dan’s grandmother announced proudly, mimicking to lock her lips and then swallowing the key.

Both Dan and Dan’s grandfather started to laugh.

“Okay, keep your secrets,” Dan said, in between laughs, and then he locked eyes with Phil. “For now.”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, for now.”

Dan wasn’t a patient man but Phil was showing him the virtue of patience. He was leading him to rather a few new experiences if he was being honest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! It feels so good to be writing this story again, and man, I loved being able to show more of Dan's grandmother. And a few other contestants, I know some people were asking about them. I won't go into all of the contestants but there are a few that have been picked out and decided. I hope you liked this chapter, thank you for reading!
> 
> Next update will be in a week on next Saturday, around 8 PM CEST.


	7. Week 5: Waltz to Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan never expected to be combining his piano playing and his dancing but he finds that it comes quite naturally. Or maybe it is just Phil’s steady presence that makes everything easier. Even if Phil did decide to finally drop a big truth about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for any errors, most of this weeks chapter was written over the last few hours and is unedited since this week has been a lot and I couldn't find the time before.

It always felt weird to return home to his flat after a Saturday performance. It had always been like this whenever he got back to his home or even just a hotel room after any kind of performance whether it be a public talk or on the rare occasion a piano performance. Dancing was different but also more of the same.

It felt exhilarating to be up on stage in front of people and have them pay attention to him. It was nice because he thrived off of that kind of energy but it was also always a bit intimidating. He had gotten better at handling it over the years but it had never quite gone away. He was getting familiar with the dancing now but he knew he would still feel that jolt of nerves.

Add Phil Lester into the mix and Dan knew he would stay on his toes the whole time.

Dan was used to the quiet of his flat feeling a little too quiet. He would usually turn on a podcast or a show on Netflix just to have someone talking while he was getting settled in for the night. Part of him always just wanted to collapse into bed but it always took a little bit for the last of the adrenalin rush and excitement to leave his body.

He needed at least an hour to just quietly exist and recharge his energy after such big and intensive days.

He had not expected the phone to ring shortly after he had gotten home. His first thought was to just ignore it and let it ring but then he got the thought that it might be some sort of emergency due to the late hour and he made himself check.

He had not expected to see Phil’s caller ID.

Dan answered immediately, without even hesitating.

“Phil, are you okay?” he said as soon as he had accepted the call.

“Oh, hi!” Phil answered and he certainly didn’t sound like he was having an emergency. He just sounded slightly confused. “Sorry, I didn’t check the time. I was actually going to stop the call but you answered so fast!”

Phil was just stating facts without any reservation but Dan felt his cheeks flush a little all the same. He wasn’t even sure how to explain it. It wasn’t like they were dating or anything like that and Dan had to worry about coming on too strong. They were dance partners and friends.

New friends, but it didn’t even feel like that anymore. While Dan still wanted to learn more about Phil’s life whenever he got the chance, he also couldn’t help but feel comfortable around Phil like he was a long-time friend. He didn’t have that new friend anxiety that he could remember from when he was younger. It had been a while since then. Making friends when you were an adult was a harder task.

“Dan?” Phil asked, and Dan realised that he had just gone silent while he had been pulled into his thoughts.

“I’m here,” he answered, still trying to get his mind to focus.

“Crap, I didn’t wake you, right? I know it’s late but I didn’t thi-”

“You didn’t wake me,” Dan said to reassure Phil. Dan went into his bedroom and let himself fall back first onto the bed. The first thing he had done when he had come home was to change into his pyjamas. Pants were for the real world. No pants in his home.

The mattress felt nice under his tired muscles.

“Oh, good.”

Dan wanted to ask what Phil had called him for but he didn’t want to make it seem like he wasn’t happy with Phil calling because he definitely was and he didn’t want him to think otherwise.

Phil did seem at a bit of a loss of what to say, even if he had probably called with a purpose. He couldn’t just have called to hear Dan’s voice, could he? They had parted ways not even an hour ago. The thought was highly improbable but it made Dan smile all the same.

“Thank you for today, by the way,” Dan said.

“What do you mean?”

“My grandparents,” Dan clarified. “It was really nice to get to see them.”

“Yes!” Phil said excitedly. “I was happy to help. I know it must suck not being able to say hi normally, though my motives weren’t exactly 100% pure.”

He said it so innocently that Dan couldn’t help but laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“You talk about your nan a lot, I wanted to meet her,” Phil said, like that was a completely normal thing and Dan’s heart did a little flip.

Just normal friend things. Right?

“She was delighted to meet you. I think you made her week,” Dan said, and then boldly added, “charmer.”

Phil giggled. “I don’t think anyone has ever called me a lady charmer,” Phil said with a deadpan tone of voice that made Dan once again think that there was something between the lines. He could push the question of possible queerness but he still didn’t want to push Phil in any way.

“She was charmed all the same,” Dan said, softly and rolled over to get more comfortable in his bed. In his living room, the TV was turned on with some Netflix Original show that held much less appeal than Phil.

“Old people are cute,” Phil said, “anyway, I was actually calling because I have this idea about our choreography next week. I want you to do something special.”

That sounded foreboding and Dan instantly felt like he would be inadequate even if he didn’t know what it was yet.

“You do know that you’re the professional dancer here, right? If anyone is doing any special moves, then it should probably be you.”

“Yes, if I was talking about dance,” Phil said, mysteriously.

“Phil, it’s mean to torture someone when they’re tired.”

“Alright, alright,” Phil said, voice bouncing around happily. “It’s not a dance move. It’s piano.”

“Piano?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not making any sense,” Dan said, laughter in his voice.

“Hey! You’re not the only one who is tired,” Phil protested.

“Fair point.”

“I just wanted to know if you’d even consider that, playing piano on Strictly?”

“Depends,” Dan said. He knew that some of the Strictly recruiters had brought it up when he had first entered the application process. They had been thrilled to learn that he could play an instrument and piano no less.

Something about it adding pazazz to the show, or something.

“On what?” Phil asked, intrigued.

“I’m already struggling to learn a new choreography for each week. I’m not sure we should add learning new songs into the mix,” Dan said, but he was smiling.

If Phil wanted him to learn a new song to perform, then he would. There were only so many hours they were allowed to do dance practice anyway and Dan could take some of his own work hours to learn a song if he must. He usually picked up on them pretty quickly, but he spent a long time getting them perfect, instead of just a general approximation.

“Do you know Elton John’s most famous songs?” Phil asked vaguely.

“Phil.”

“Dan?”

“I’m gay.”

A beat of silence on the line.

“I thought your name was Dan?”

Dan groaned. “Nope, you’re not allowed to make dad jokes. I will not be able to take that.”

Phil burst into laughter. Dan loved that he made Phil laugh so much without trying and Phil was making him laugh so much in return. It felt so easy to fall into laughter when they were talking. It had never been like that with anyone else. Even now, bone-tired and lying on his comfortable bed, Dan felt wide awake because Phil was talking to and laughing with him.

“Hey, those jokes are top tier comedy.”

“Agree to disagree,” Dan said and he was actually smiling so wide that his mouth hurt a little. He didn’t have to hide anything on his face now that he was just talking to Phil on the phone. He was sure it was written all over his face. It was probably bleeding into his voice as well but he would have plausible deniability for that.

Tone of voice shouldn’t be enough for him to reveal that he was smitten.

He was okay to admit it to himself now. It didn’t feel so bad or wrong, even if he was pretty sure it was still just a nice idea that could never turn into reality.

“Want to know what song it is?” Phil asked.

“Nah, if it’s a famous Elton song, then I do know it. I wasn’t kidding. I had a bit of a phase. And a gay musician that plays the piano a lot? Of course, I wanted to learn his songs.”

“Yeah, representation really does matter so much,” Phil said and now his voice turned a little softer.

“I know, and representation was spare when I was a kid but it’s getting so much more open now. It’s nice. It’s the kind of world I want to live in. I’m happy I get to see it. The young generation brings me so much hope.”

Late night Dan meant late night thoughts. A few of years back he had made his first podcast just called _nights thoughts_ where he would go and record his thoughts on nights when he couldn’t sleep. It didn’t have a schedule and he didn’t even actively promote it. He just dropped the link in his twitter bio and YouTube descriptions next to his other links. People had found it and it had resonated.

His later podcasts were better if you were to ask him but that one held a special place in his heart.

“Tell me,” Phil said, a gentle request.

“Huh?” Dan said, and let out a yawn.

“About the young people, the LGBTQ+ artists that you admire. You seem to know so much about them. Please tell me, I want to know too,” Phil said.

It was late and Dan should be sleeping and resting but he couldn’t deny a request like that. He wanted to ask Phil if he had caught some of his podcast episodes since he knew that Dan knew a lot about this topic and that he was passionate about it.

Maybe the ideal would have just been to direct Phil to the specific episodes where this topic had been brought up. It would be more coherent thoughts for sure, but there was something beautiful about a conversation authentically stringed together, even if it would be a little messy.

Dan started talking and he pulled his duvet up over his body and got comfortable. It was too easy a topic to talk about and Phil listened intently. He jumped in with questions or asking Dan to elaborate or just to tell him how cool all of this was. Dan’s heart felt very full.

It was surreal to think that Phil was just a stone’s throw away right now, in his own place. Dan almost wanted to walk over there and have this conversation in person but there was something vulnerable about this too. It made Dan feel a little braver.

At some point, he fell asleep.

He woke up to a text message from Phil that was just all of the emoji hearts arranged in their rainbow order. Dan sorted fondly at the message and sent a pride flag back at him, before he rolled over in bed and allowed himself a few more hours of sleep.

When he got the address for their meeting on Monday, it was in a studio that he had never been to before. It had been a couple of weeks since they had been in a new practice space. They tended to just rotate the same four studios that seemed to be Phil’s favourites.

Dan didn’t have any favourites as long as Phil was in them. He was glad he could manage to keep cheesy thoughts like that inside of his head but he also knew that it was only a matter of time before they would start to slip out.

He had naively wondered if this crush would go away with time, as the newness of the meeting had faded but Dan was only getting more and more invested. It was becoming a problem. Last night he had finally looked up some of Phil’s old showcases and he had felt so intimidated.

Phil’s choreographies were indeed fun and quirky and he performed with a smile on his face but they were also so impressive. Dan wasn’t sure how he could just turn on a switch like that and just command the attention of every single on in the room.

He seemed to do it even at Strictly when they were surrounded by famous people and the professional dancers. It was a crowd where everyone was loud and demanding attention in one way or another. Phil did fade into the background when he was quiet. He would just people watch and smile and nod.

But as soon as he started telling stories? Or even more when he started dancing? He commanded everyone’s attention and they couldn’t look away from him no matter what was happening around them. Dan was getting more used to dancing with Phil and not being so awestruck but it still happened to him now and again.

Dan wasn’t sure what to expect from this new studio but he felt almost silly when he stepped in and saw the piano. It had only been a day and a half before he had fallen asleep talking to Phil on the phone about playing.

Phil was already sat at the piano, aimlessly pressing the keys, and Dan wanted to go up behind him and correct _his_ posture for once. He was sitting all wrong but it just made Dan feel endeared.

Despite not playing any particular melody, Phil was still lost in his playing. Dan decided to quietly enter the room, wondering if he should try to prank him or just enjoy the view in front of him.

The piano had been Dan’s first proper love. He had wanted to learn it for a long time, and he had saved up money to go to a piano teacher. He had begged his parents about renting a piano for the house but they had both said that it was too expensive. Dan’s first piano teacher was a tyrant and Dan even made a hilarious YouTube video about her, but he hadn’t let it deter him.

He had found another teacher and he had made a deal with the local pub when he had moved to London that he could come and practice during the day. He had been penniless and directionless but all of that faded away when he sat down to play on the keys. For a while he had considered throwing himself into pursuing a proper career as a pianist but he was happy with the way his life looked now, and he did still do the odd performance now and again.

His second piano teacher, an older woman he adored, had made him promise that he would still perform in front of crowds now and again. He was too old for her to make him do recitals but she had still wanted him to push himself.

Phil’s hands clunkily fell over the keys and Dan suddenly recognised the melody, or rather what it was supposed to be. It was almost embarrassingly that it took him that long to recognise one of his own pieces.

It was a simple song, one of the first he had ever written but he still liked it. A few years back, he had done a video on how to play it. It was a good starting song for anyone to learn but it had a bit of charm since it wasn’t any of the handful of songs that every new piano student started with.

Phil pressed a finger down on the wrong key.

“One to the left,” Dan said, softly.

Phil startled, nearly managing to fling himself off the piano bench. He put a hand to his chest, right over his heart, and he looked at Dan with surprise in his eyes one moment but a huge smile on his lips the next.

“You startled me,” Phil said, smile never dropping.

Dan pushed himself off the wall that he had leaned against to observe.

“Payback for last week then,” he said, cheekily even if that hadn’t been the case at all.

Phil snorted. “That’s fair, I guess,” he said and stood up.

Dan couldn’t have that, he rushed over, putting his long legs to good use and put a hand on Phil’s shoulder to keep him seated. Phil looked over his shoulder and up at Dan but he didn’t try to stand.

“Play it again, but correct the last note,” Dan said, softly. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing. He just wanted to keep Phil playing.

“You’re the piano player, you know,” Phil said but he moved his hands to the keys all the same. “I’ve never been very musically gifted.”

With those words he started to play again. He was hesitating too much and out of beat but he was hitting most of the keys right. Dan smiled.

“You looked up my videos,” Dan said.

“I told you I would,” Phil said, “I started already last week but you have an impressive amount of content to get through between the podcasts and the videos. I am glad to hear that you called me a fit lad though.”

Phil chose that moment to look back up at Dan and try to wink. It wasn’t working any better today but Dan still found himself blushing. He had forgotten that he had said that when he told Phil that he could go listen to and watch his content.

Well, at least Phil seemed to be taking it pretty fine.

“I don’t tell lies on my podcasts, so of course,” he said, but he felt a little shy now. He needed something to distract him. “Get up.”

Phil didn’t hesitate getting up from his seat at the piano and Dan didn’t hesitate to sit down. He let his fingers play the first song that came to mind which was the work in progress that he was playing a lot on the downlow these days. It was usually how he would start out writing songs. He hadn’t written that many but now and again, he would just hear something in his head and play around with it until he could get it to make sense.

“New one?” Phil asked and Dan wanted to ask how he knew. He wondered how much of him was laid bare in front of Phil without his explicit permission. Phil could see right through him, and if it had been anyone with bad intentions then it would have been a horrible thing.

Phil was a good person and he had never given Dan any indication that he would misuse his perceptiveness.

“Yeah,” Dan said, shyness not going away. “Just something I’m playing around with.”

“Sounds pretty good for something that you’re just ‘playing around with’,” Phil said and he did air quotes around it, only he seemed to be using most of his fingers to do so. Dan loved every little quirk that he learned.

“Well, any choreography you come up with is just ‘playing around’ at first too but it always looks hella impressive to me,” Dan countered.

“Touché,” Phil said and placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder. It was a light and friendly touch but Dan still found himself leaning into it.

It was too difficult not to do so.

“What are we dancing this week?”

“The waltz!” Phil said, regrettably drawing back his hand but it was made up for by the fact that he did and excited little clap.

Dan did not share in the excitement. Waltz sounded intimidating.

“Great.”

“Dan, you look like I just told you that you were going in the stocks for an hour and people would be hauling rotting fruit at you,” Phil said with a little giggle.

“That’s… not an unfair metaphor, I suppose.”

“Waltz isn’t scary!”

“It is,” Dan insisted.

“You’re strange.”

“You’re stranger.”

“Thank you, I happily accept the compliment,” Phil said, even going as far as doing a twirl and then a bow. Dan felt some of the worry leave him.

“What song?”

“ _Your song_ ,” Phil replied, mirth in his eyes.

For a terrifying moment, Dan thought that Phil genuinely meant that they were supposed to dance to one of his songs and his brain nearly went into panic mode until he remembered that Elton John did indeed have by that name.

Phil looked like he was about to call Dan out for being terrified of the song as well as the dance now, so Dan jumped the gun. He put his hands to the keys and tried to recall the notes. He stumbled through the first couple of notes but then he started to remember.

He had always loved that about piano playing as well. Any song he had ever properly learned seemed to be remembered in his fingertips. Even when he thought that he couldn’t remember one, it would only take a couple of stumbles before he fell back into it. Pure muscle memory he was sure.

If anyone asked him to write out the notes for them, he would be at a loss but he could sit down and play it. Easy as that. It was like it had been programmed into his body and all he had to do was find his way back to it and it could play like it had just been yesterday and not years in some cases.

Dan wasn’t much of a singer but he still found himself singing along under his breath. It was natural to do so when Dan knew the lyrics. He knew this song well, it was a wonderful love song and while Dan might be pressed to admit it, he was quite the romantic at heart. He loved all of this stuff.

“ _I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is while you’re in the world_ ,” Dan sang softly, under his breath and his eyes flickered over to Phil. He was watching with a soft gaze in his eyes and Dan had to snap his eyes right back to his fingers moving over the keys or he would have stopped playing all together.

It felt like something of a confession but Dan couldn’t regret laying it bare. He thought that his life these past couple of months had been quite wonderful since Phil had come into his world.

When the song came to a close, Dan pulled his bottom lip through his teeth, knowing at it slightly.

“You play beautifully,” Phil said, so genuinely that it felt like a punch in the gut. Dan knew he would be smiling proudly too.

“Thank you,” he said, burying the desire to dismiss the compliment. He still felt inadequate with his playing but he had to stop putting himself down. He already knew that Phil would make him accept the compliment one way or another.

“Can you play it again? A couple of times? I want to get the choreography strung together and you playing sounds so much more lovely than my speakers,” Phil said, tilting his head to the side and smiling sweetly.

Dan wasn’t even sure why Phil was playing it up while making the request when Dan had already showed that he was weak to Phil simply asking.

“Of course, good practice too, if you actually want me to be playing this in front of a whole ass crowd and the bloody BBC1.”

“Not a crowd of asses, though that sounds quite fun,” Phil said, poking Dan in his side. He smiled cheekily, in a way that his tongue poked out through his teeth.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled, smiling despite the joke being so lame. He was such an easy mark. At times, joking around with Phil felt like he was back in school and hiding a crush on a boy.

Dan played but he didn’t focus too much on it. It was quite more interesting to see Phil twirl around the floor. He seemed to move in squares, and have his arms out in a proper stance. Dan would be in those arms, being led around by Phil. His fingers hit the wrong note as that thought entered his head but Phil didn’t seem to notice. 

After a good half an hour of Phil putting together most of the choreography, Dan joined him on the floor.

“So, do you want to lead this time around?” Phil asked as they found their position in the middle of the floor. He had put on the speaker now and Elton John’s soft voice and _Your Song_ played in the background.

“Me? You want me to lead? I can barely keep up!” Dan said, a little horrified.

“Well, it’s worth asking,” he said, smiling. “And I don’t think you’re barely keeping up. You’re keeping up excellently, Dan. Don’t doubt that. Maybe we’ll leave the leading for another song but mark my words, I will make you do it. You will look smashing and I want to be led around by a fit lad.”

Dan blinked a couple of times, trying to wonder if he was hearing that right. That specific set of words meant that Phil was probably referring to what Dan had called Phil on his podcast but it still stirred something in his stomach. Phil never said anything he didn’t mean. Dan decided to focus on the part of Phil’s words that didn’t turn his stomach into butterflies.

“I’ll have to stay in the competition then,” Dan said. “If you expect to make a leading man out of me.”

Phil took Dan in his arms, closer than they usually danced. Dan placed his own arms, only to be corrected gently by Phil. He liked this; he didn’t care that some people would say that he was less manly for always choosing to be “the woman” in the dances. He liked being steered around Phil entirely too much.

Still, there was something thrilling about being the one who would lead them around at some point too. All in good time. Dan just hoped they had the time.

“So, I like to think of the waltz as breathing. There’s a lot of up and down in it. It feels like you move with your breath, and we follow each other. I take a step forward and you take a step back. In perfect balance,” Phil said, pushing forward. “Left foot back,” he added for Dan.

Dan had been right about the waltz feeling romantic or maybe it was just the song choice. He was up in Phil’s arms for most of the routine, and he loved it a little too much.

“You’re enjoying this,” Phil remarked when he had called the end to their practice for the day. Dan’s head felt a little tired, trying to remember all the rules of waltz and his legs felt a little achy but Phil was right.

Dan was enjoying this quite a lot and it was putting a spring in his step despite the fatigue.

“It’s fun, I like the waltz, I didn’t think I would,” Dan said and dapped a towel at the back of his neck. He had foolishly thought that maybe he wouldn’t break as much of a sweat with a slower song and being in better shape. His body was proving him wrong.

Phil sat down on the floor to stretch out and cool down. He kept insisting that it was an essential part of dancing but Dan always tried to shorten it or protest. Phil never let him skimp out on it.

“I’m glad you enjoy it,” Phil said with a smile as he stretched out his back. “My ex hated it.”

“Oh?” Dan said, and he tried to not feel the stab in his gut. He didn’t like thinking about Phil’s exes but his brain didn’t seem to care. It was conjuring up images of beautiful people. Women first but then the idea morphed into men too. He wasn’t sure what was more tortuous.

He knew he should focus on the fact that Phil was single right now. Everyone had a history. Phil had an ex, probably more exes. He had probably had hundreds and hundreds of dance partners too. Still, Dan felt a little salty and he knew he didn’t have any rights to be that.

Phil was free to date or dance with anyone in the world. Dan could only hope that he liked dancing with him.

“Yeah,” Phil said, continuing on without having seen Dan’s pinched expression. “He never wanted to let me lead.”

Dan had been trying to stretch out his legs but he froze in his position now.

He. He. He. He.

The pronoun seemed to ricochet inside of Dan’s skull while there was something akin to a flower opening and blooming in his chest. He hadn’t been wrong about everything he had been picking up on. Had Phil really just said that? Dan wondered if he had heard him wrong. It felt almost too good to be true.

“Oh, he… did?”

“Yeah,” Phil said. “He was a great guy, but man, we had so many silly arguments about that. That’s what I get for dating another dancer, you know?”

Guy. He. Guy. He. Guy. He. Guy. He.

Dan felt like he might be ready to pass out. He told himself to breathe. This was okay. Phil had just come out to him. Kind of. Indirectly. The only thing was that he was saying it like he already expected Dan to know. Had Phil said it earlier and Dan hadn’t remembered?

No, that wasn’t possible. He knew for a fact that he would not have forgotten if Phil had said that he liked men. It was something that he had wondered about too often.

“Dan, hey, are you okay?” Phil asked, and there was a warm hand on Dan’s back. “You look pale.”

“Ah, err… sorry. Just processing,” Dan said and then cringed at himself. That was something well-meaning parents said when their kid came out to them for fuck’s sake. He could do better. They were too queer adults. It was supposed to be the easiest coming out experience. “Thank you for telling me, Phil. That’s awesome.”

“Telling you?” Phil asked, eyebrows pulling together. “What are you talking about? Telling you about my ex? I’m not sure what you mean. He’s taken now, I think?”

Dan burst into uncontrollable giggles. He slapped Phil’s thigh. It felt easier to do now for some reason. It felt like some kind of boundary had crumbled between them even if Dan knew that Phil might still not be interested in Dan just because he liked men.

“No,” Dan got out in-between giggles. “You, you idiot.”

“You’re glad I’m single?” Phil asked, still completely missing the point. He was pouting now too, clearly annoyed that he had no idea what was going on in Dan’s head.

“No. I mean, well, yes, actually, but that’s a conversation for another time,” Dan said, words coming out fast and he hoped that Phil would forget them. “I meant you coming out to me.”

“Coming out?” Phil said pushing away from Dan to stare at him.

Dan’s stomach dropped instantly. Had he heard him wrong? God, this was even worse, if that was the case. He was about to open his mouth and apologise but then Phil just burst out into the loudest laughter that Dan had ever heard.

Phil threw himself back, actually rolling back on the floor. Dan had written rotfl on many post in his younger years, but he had never seen something actually do it in real life. Phil was encompassing it entirely. He was laughing his head off, squirming and rolling over and he looked so happy and adorable at the same time.

It was highly distracting and Dan forgot about his stress and worries pretty much instantly.

When Phil finally managed to sit up, pulling his legs under him, he had to first wipe his eyes and let the laughter subside. Then he looked Dan dead in the eyes with the most amused expression and asked a question that made Dan blush.

“You thought I was straight?”

“What? No! Yes! I mean, no, I didn’t because I kind of think of everyone I meet as somewhere in the middle of the sexuality spectrum unless otherwise confirmed but I do assume that most might be more straight leaning because that’s what society tells us. If you want the truth, I don’t think anyone is fully straight,” Dan said, accidentally rambling.

“Okay, maybe not, but I know I’m fully gay,” Phil said, smiling widely.

“Fully gay?” Dan asked, matching Phil’s wide grin with one of his own.

“110% gay,” Phil said with a nod.

Now it was Dan’s turn to laugh loudly.

“That’s even beyond the scale.”

“Yes, I’m gay off the charts,” Phil announced proudly. “I can’t believe you thought I was straight!”

He started laughing again and this time Dan joined in.

“Hey, not straight, straight leaning, maybe. You can’t laugh! I didn’t want to assume!” Dan argued but it was difficult to properly argue when you were sharing a laugh.

“Same thing,” Phil said and lied down on the dirty studio floor. He was usually the one to pull Dan off it when he laid down in protest. Dan had never actually seen Phil lie on it. It felt like the most natural thing to lie down next to him.

“It’s not,” Dan said.

“I am clearly doing something wrong if a fellow gay has me pegged wrong,” Phil said and then did a little giggle. “Pegged.”

Dan snorted. “You’re ridiculous. And keep this up and you’re going to embarrass me so much that I’ll disappear and go to Ireland to be a potato farmer or something.”

“As if, you wouldn’t last a day.”

“Yes, I would. Back to the land of my people.”

“You’re not Irish.”

“I could be.”

“Liar,” Phil said.

“Fine, I’m not but the point still stands,” Dan argued.

“That your gaydar is broken?” Phil asked, rolling over to his side, to poke Dan in the ribs.

“It is working fine, thank you, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Dan said, a little too honestly and then the mood changed.

It wasn’t a bad change but some of the light heartedness just gave way for a more serious tone. It was probably good.

“Sorry, that… that must have been scary actually,” Phil said sympathetically.

“It was okay,” Dan said with a shrug. “I knew you were at the very least a hugely supportive ally. You never made me feel uncomfortable, Phil.”

“But you were worried that you’d make me uncomfortable?” Phil asked him to clarify.

“Yeah, I’ve had… bad experiences with people before. I guess, I still have quite a bit a guard up.”

“Well, I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier. To be honest, I kind of thought I had already told you. It’s something I tend to accidentally slip into conversation all of the time, but I guess I have been kind of nervous around you since we first met?”

“Nervous? Around me? Why?” Dan asked and there was that flower of hope opening further in his chest. Surely Phil couldn’t mean it in the way that Dan thought.

Phil didn’t answer that, he just smiled softly.

“I’m sorry if you felt like we were on an uneven footing. I should have come out formally to you. Gay is pretty much my middle name. Philip Gay Lester,” Phil said proudly.

Dan laughed at that and then a thought occurred to him. As soon as it had entered his brain, he needed to know.

“What’s your actual middle name?” Dan asked. In the back of his head, he remembered some song having lyrics about wanting to know things like your middle name and your favourite sweets and all those little things.

“Why do you want to know?” Phil asked, voice turning gentler.

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know, just… I want to.”

It was a simplification but it wasn’t a lie.

“Michael. My middle name is Michael,” Phil said.

“Huh, not what I would have imagined. You don’t look like a Michael.”

“I know! I don’t know what my parents were thinking. But I like Philip, so they are forgiven. It’s the best name in the world.”

“That’s arguable,” Dan said, fondly.

“Nope, I just decided. Wait, what’s yours?”

“Best name?”

“Middle name, idiot,” Phil said and Dan was usually the one calling him idiot in a fond voice. Dan could get used to this switch. He could get used to a lot of things.

“It’s James.”

Phil actually wrinkled his nose like he smelled something bad.

“That doesn’t suit you.”

“I know,” Dan agreed. “I didn’t like Daniel for a long time either. I always went by the shortened version.”

“But Daniel is such a pretty name!” Phil said, so insistently and earnestly. It was making Dan feel flushed. That was ridiculous, Phil was just complimenting the name. He wasn’t complimenting him.

“Yeah, I just don’t know if it suited me.”

“What do you mean? Pretty name for a pretty boy. Fits perfectly,” Phil said and Dan realised that he had actually said stuff like that before. Borderline flirting. Maybe Dan had been a bit thick-skulled. Now there was the added excitement of knowing that Phil knew that Dan knew about Phil’s gayness. It felt new and even more exciting.

It was like something unspoken was shifting between them.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Dan asked.

“Hit me,” Phil replied.

Dan let his hand fall to Phil’s chest with a thud.

“Not literally,” Phil complained but he made no move to remove Dan’s hand where it rested on his chest.

“Are you out? Publicly? I feel like I would have stumbled upon it if you were.”

“Not really, but also not really not. I’m just not famous enough for people to care that much about it. Also, I’m a professional dancer so it’s not surprising that I’m queer for most people? It’s like an understood thing and I’m out to a lot of friends. But I guess the media still doesn’t have a conclusive answer for me. I kind of like it that way. Out but not out, you know?”

Dan did. For a long time before he had come out, there had been a phase where he had actively stopped hiding and lying. He had just started to be himself. He would never answer the question directly but he would dance around it. He would never deny it in that phase. It was a nice place to be for a while but it had also felt nice to come out and shout it from the rooftops. It had been liberating and Dan had been hiding from the word for so long.

“I’m still sorry I messed up your coming out to me,” Dan said.

“You didn’t mess anything up, Dan. You couldn’t. Oh, oh! I know, ask me if I know any Elton John songs!” Phil said excitedly and tapped the floor with his hand.

Dan knew where this was going and maybe he shouldn’t entertain it but he was a softie at heart.

“Phil, do you know any Elton John songs?”

“Dan, I’m gay,” Phil said with a straight face and a proud smile.

Dan shook his head a little in fondness. “110% yeah?”

“110%.”

Dan let himself flop down on the floor. He could stay there for a while if Phil had let him, but Phil got back into his professional mode and insisted that they had a proper cooldown.

Dan felt like he was dancing on a cloud for the rest of the week and it wasn’t just because he was finding the waltz surprisingly easy compared to some of the other dances. It was entirely due to the fact that he had found out that Phil – in his own words – were a fellow gay. Dan remembered the lightness in his chest and the spring in his step when he had first come out to Pj. He had felt like he was walking on air then.

However, he had never felt like that after having someone come out to him before. It was a new feeling and Dan had an inkling that it was something uniquely related to Philip Michael “Gay” Lester.

His nan was extremely excited to see him waltz and she had been texting him messages of encouragement every single day. Whenever he got one, the first thing he would do was showing it to Phil, or even sending it if it came through when the two of them were not together. Phil adored Dan’s grandmother and the feeling was very much mutual.

Last time Dan had talked with her, she had not so subtly brought up again that Phil was a lovely young man and that he seemed to make Dan very happy. Dan hadn’t told her about Phil being gay because that could only end in her doubling down on her efforts.

Dan didn’t need anyone to sing Phil’s praises. He was seeing them himself all of the time.

When you were happy it seemed that time moved too fast. Before Dan had managed to mentally prepare himself, it was Saturday once more. They seemed to sneak up on him faster and faster as the weeks advanced. It was foreboding and he knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn’t measure up anymore.

He was trying to be more outgoing and talk to the other contestants and the professional dancers but it was hard. Still, he wanted to try and that Saturday, he made it a point to stroll up to one of the couples when they were all anxiously waiting for the show to start. He avoided the couples that looked on edge and nervous and instead headed towards a somewhat familiar face and her partner.

“Dan! Hi!” Carrie said, greeting him warmly.

Carrie Hope Fletcher was so many things now that Dan had trouble keeping track but it seemed that she still remembered him from when they had met during a YouTube convention back in 2012. It was odd to see different parts of his life coming together like this.

“Hi Carrie,” he said.

When she opened her arms for a hug, it was surprisingly easy to step into them. She had a big personality and even bigger curls but she was a small human and Dan had to bend down to give her a proper hug. He did so happily.

“Hi Kevin,” Dan said as he pulled back from the hug with Carrie.

“Are you always this nervous talking to people?” Kevin asked, but despite his words, he was smiling kindly.

Still, Carrie hit him on the chest. “Be nice. Dan is an old friend.”

Hearing her say it so easily made something ache in Dan’s chest. He wondered how many people who had been in his life still considered him an old friend even if it had been years since they communicated. Carrie was a good one and Dan was honoured to still be considered her friend. It was making him feel a little choked up if he was being honest.

“Oh, yeah? That’s cool,” Kevin said earnestly. “How do you know each other?”

“YouTube,” the two of them answered in unison. Carrie flashed him a grin and then Dan started laughing. She joined in too. It felt nice. Good.

They got a chance to chat a little more before the show had to start. Dan found his way back to Phil who had been called aside by one of the producers just before.

“It’s nice to see you laughing with someone else too,” Phil said, stepping up to Dan and naturally putting his arm around Dan’s shoulders.

“Yeah, Carrie is lovely. What did they want?” Dan asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Phil said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Dan knew that Phil was usually an honest and open person, which was why it was so blatantly obvious when he was telling a lie. Dan wasn’t sure what he was trying to hide, but if he had to take a guess it was something that Phil was trying to shield Dan from. Dan wanted to ask him, but Phil was also entitled to his secrets. It wasn’t Dan’s place to pry if Phil didn’t want to talk about it.

He kind of wished that it was his place though.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked, close to Dan’s ear. “We’re on first tonight.”

Dan nodded. He knew that. He just hoped he could remember both the opening notes to the song and that he had actually remembered all of the choreography he had learned while being in his own little gay bubble this week.

The lights went down bathing the stage in darkness and Dan was allowed to slip on and find his way to the piano on the raised platform. In that moment it was like two sides of him was crashing. He was at one of his piano performances and one of his dance performances at the same time.

It felt good. Dan felt more and more like he belonged in the spotlight.

He let the soft tunes play from the piano and he could feel how the audience was listening to him. It was an exhilarating feeling.

Phil stepped out onto the stage, spinning and doing advanced steps that Dan was nowhere near capable off and Dan gazed at Phil softly as the professional singer sung Dan’s confession for him. 

Watching Phil stride towards him, extending a hand was something of the most beautiful that Dan had ever seen. He couldn’t even see the rest of the world around them. There was only Phil looking eternal in the spotlight and reaching out for Dan.

It took no time at all for Dan to leave his piano behind and take Phil’s hand. He fell into his embrace, maybe a little too close but Phil fixed it professionally like he always did. Dan was watching Phil’s face the whole time, but somehow, he still managed to keep up with his steps.

It felt like when he played an old song on the piano. His fingers would just move. Right now, his legs also just moved, even if they had only learned these steps six days ago. He let Phil lead him around the dancefloor and it felt like they moved in perfect synch.

Dan could understand what Phil had meant about the waltz feeling like breathing. He felt like they were one single organism moving across the floor. Like they were two halves that had found their missing piece.

Dan had never given much thought to the Greek mythology of soulmates. If anything, he had just thought about it enough to call it a ridiculous notion. He wasn’t changing his mind about that but there was something about moving with Phil that felt special all the same.

It felt like the dance put Dan into a hazy and all he could see was Phil’s eyes. He wasn’t even sure his limbs were his limbs if he was being honest. It took him a full second to realize that they had finished with the dance, even with the applauds.

It was like his hearing came back bit by bit, the sounds of many clapping hands fading in and growing louder while Dan just kept looking at Phil’s eyes. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. He felt like it wanted to leap right out and into Phil’s hands.

“Dan,” Phil said, fondly and teasingly all at the same time.

“Huh?”

“We’re done,” Phil whispered and that was all the warning Dan got before he was dragged over to Tess.

He couldn’t even take in what her or the judges were saying, but he felt like they were very nice. Lots of smiling. Even Craig didn’t seem to be so dismissive. Phil seemed to notice that Dan was all zoned out and he took over the talking position, just like he would have saved Dan if he made a mistake on the dancefloor.

It wasn’t until they got their marks that Dan could snap out of it and that was mostly because Phil clutched his arm so hard that it hurt.

  1. 7\. 7. 8.



Dan thought he was dreaming when he saw those numbers but Phil’s nails digging into his arm was proving that theory wrong. 30 points clean. Dan couldn’t even say anything when Claudia congratulated him or some of the other celebrities clapped his back more congratulations.

It felt so weird.

They landed on the top of the leader board, but that was inevitable when they were the first couple of the night. What was more incredible was the fact that only two other couples managed to beat them out, one of which was Kevin and Carrie. Dan at least managed a proper congratulations to them despite his hazy state. Carrie had wrapped him up in another warm hug.

In the intermission, Dan got to once more experience what it was like not to be worried about being kicked out. It was strange feeling. It just made him not want to step out onto the stage and experience all that stress of his fellow contestants.

“You’re miles and miles away,” Phil said when they were alone in their dressing room, just for a moment. Dan heard him step closer but he was still surprised when he found arms coming around his torso or Phil putting his chin on Dan’s shoulder.

It was nice. Dan leaned back into the embrace. There was something soft about back hugs, and hardly no one had ever been tall enough to properly do this with Dan.

“Sorry,” Dan muttered, and his hands moved to rest on top of Phil’s.

“You have nothing to apologise for Dan,” Phil said, right next to his ear. Dan let out a sigh he didn’t know that he’d been holding. “I just wanted to check that you were alright.”

“I’m alright,” Dan said, squeezing Phil’s hands a little where they were still secured tightly around him. Phil didn’t seem like he wanted to let go any time soon. It gave Dan more hope.

All of this was giving him so much hope. He was wondering if it was a balloon being blown up and if it would pop and suddenly all of this would be ripped away from him. He would come crashing down so freaking hard. Phil lifted him up so high.

“You can tell me if you’re not,” Phil said gently. “Or if I can do anything to help. Even if that is to just shut up.”

“I don’t want you to shut up,” Dan said and he moved to turn. Phil loosened his grip but he didn’t step back. They were so much up in each other’s spaces but it felt easy by now. Dancing together for weeks had made it all feel so easy and natural. “I never want you to shut up.”

“You will regret saying that someday, when I throw it back in your face when I’m annoying you with my chatter,” Phil said, grinning proudly.

Dan seriously doubted such a day would ever come. Phil’s words only made the hope bloom more. Someday. It was an indication that maybe Phil saw the two of them past the scope of Strictly too. Maybe Dan didn’t have to tie the two of them so strictly together.

Maybe he could still have one after the other was bound to end.

Dan leaned in and gave Phil a hug. It was more of an embrace when Phil’s arms came back up around him and they just stayed in the embrace for a moment. A knock on the door and a shout startled them out of it later, saying that it was time for them to get ready for the elimination round. It was okay.

Dan felt a little better. Phil made him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan finally knows about Phil's sexuality! Not going to lie, that scene was so freaking fun to write. I even went back and expanded on it a little. I love the two of them a whole lot and I adore this song. I've had it on replay while writing most of this chapter and it just makes my heart feel soft. I hope you liked this week's chapter. Please do let me know your thoughts, they make me so happy. 
> 
> Next update will be on Saturday, hopefully around 8 PM CEST.


	8. Phil's interlude #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil had never quite had a dancing partner like Dan and he was trying to pin down what could make Dan so different. So far he had only come up with one option, but it wasn't one he allowed himself to think about too much. He had to be professional, even if it was very difficult when Dan looked at him like that with his warm eyes void of judgement. Phil had never felt so seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're switching it up this week because I wanted to break up the formula a little and I also wanted to show off Phil's point of view for this personal story of how he got into dancing. I hope you like this chapter and sorry for any errors, I didn't have time to edit.

Phil was looking down at his phone again. Sundays had usually been his favourite days of the week but lately that had started to change. It was the only day that he didn’t get to see Dan now, even if he sometimes made up excuses to meet up with him or even call him. It just felt weird not to talk to him.

It had never been like this before. Phil had loved dancing with both Louise Pentland and Cornelia Dahlgren but it had never quite felt like this. He wasn’t sure if it was simply because the weeks on Strictly had gone on with Dan longer than anyone else. It could certainly be part of the explanation if you wanted to look at it logically. More time together equalling more attachment.

Only…

Phil had felt a pull towards Dan the day that he had met him. He had been watching the door anxiously, awaiting the arrival of one Daniel Howell. Outspoken gay on the internet with opinions about everything. Phil was intrigued. He was elated that someone had managed to challenge Strictly and prompt this shift to same sex couples being allowed. It was something that Phil himself had tried to subtly bring up more than once but as a dancer he didn’t have much power.

Dan Howell had much more power than he realized. His tweet that had stared this whole thing had landed right after last year’s Strictly finale and it had created such a freaking buzz. No one had been able to expect it. They had thought they would be overrun with people sharing their praise or discontent with the winning couple but instead Dan’s tweet had caused a flood of similar replies and pleas. The Strictly staff hadn’t wanted to react to it exactly but they had been left with no choice.

Dan was an influential man, even if Phil had since learned that Dan despised the word “influencer” which seemed to be attached to him quite often. Phil was not sure why that was but he was sure he would find out all of Dan’s mind’s inner workings if he was only enough time with Dan.

Phil had never worked harder with his choreographies, not even for the other seasons. He needed to keep him and Dan in this game for as long as possible. Not only because it was important to show them as a same sex couple on the screen but also because he wanted to keep seeing Dan almost every single day.

Dan had slotted himself into Phil’s life so nicely and Phil felt like everything before this season of Strictly truly felt like it was an important _before_. For some reason, Dan’s arrival in his life had felt like the beginning of a new arch. Phil hadn’t been ready to evaluate what that meant just yet.

Phil was a man who believed in fate, even if he couldn’t quite see how all of this would be coming together. He still felt himself tugged along by an invisible string and he had never felt like he had been on a right path more than when he was dancing on the stage with Dan. It felt like so many things had clicked into place.

For the first time in his life, Phil was considering coming out publicly. It was not something he had ever given serious thought before. He had been quite content with being out to his family and friends. It allowed himself to be himself and not feel like he needed to censor himself but he was still given a bit of protection from random strangers knowing. Phil in his younger years would have nervously chuckled at the idea of coming out and letting everyone have access to that information and then he would have deflected.

Phil felt like he had settled more as he had become 30. He felt like he had settled into himself more. He wasn’t nervous or scared by the idea anymore.

But he could see that Dan was still a little tense about being out publicly. He had been a little nervous during their first meeting and Phil hadn’t missed how Dan’s eyes seemed to dart around and around at the other dancers and celebrities. He probably thought he was being subtle, or maybe he was even doing it subconsciously, but he had watched them and their reaction to seeing him.

He had his defences up.

That had changed over the weeks as they had advanced in the competition. Phil had watched how Dan now made an effort to talk to the other celebrities and the pros. He was still a little awkward about it but he was trying. And as for Phil, Dan had lowered his defence a long time ago.

Phil twiddled his phone in his hand. The Sunday afternoon sun was creating a beautiful light in his flat but Phil was restless. He wanted to call Dan, to ask to hang out but he wasn’t sure if that would be okay. He was desperately trying to keep it professional between them even if it was a true struggle with Dan looking so stunning and being so funny. Dan had a way of moving past all of Phil’s defences as well.

It didn’t help much that Phil would poke his chest and gently whisper to his heart that it was a bad idea to get attached. He only had Dan for Strictly. They were living on borrowed time, and he shouldn’t be trying to steal into Dan’s personal time.

He decided to bother someone else instead.

“Phil, why are you calling me on a Sunday?” Martyn asked, sounding annoyed as soon as he picked up the line.

“That’s no way to talk to your favourite little brother,” Phil teased.

“You’re my only baby brother, you tosser,” Martyn said.

“Which makes me the favourite by default,” Phil said insistently.

“You know if Mum had never enrolled you into dance, you’d probably be the village idiot,” Martyn said.

Phil didn’t argue back. Martyn liked to show his affection with teasing. It was just how the two of them worked. There was nothing mean-spirited about it and Martyn was definitely the person he called when he was in a crisis. Instead, Phil gave as good at he got.

“And you’d be a lost goose in Manchester if I hadn’t introduced you to Corn last year,” Phil shot back.

It was not something he would have ever imagined happening but Martyn and Cornelia had hit it off right away. Martyn had come up to stay with Phil in London for a couple of weeks during the early weeks of Strictly last year and he had ended up tagging along to practices a couple of times.

It had left Phil with a very distracted and flustered Cornelia and while he had been a little miffed about it in the moment, he couldn’t even be mad at the two of them. They suited each other really well and Phil had never seen Martyn as happy as he had been in the last year. He had essentially helped Cornelia start a whole proper merch site for her and now accompanied her on tour as well. He had never been more in his element and it had been a really cool change to see his slightly aimless brother find his tether.

“Why are you calling me anyway?” Martyn asked, sounding slightly distracted.

“I’m booooored,” Phil said and leaned back on his sofa.

“Work on your choreographies,” Martyn suggested.

“I did that, I’ve done it. I can’t do more before I’m allowed to meet Dan tomorrow,” Phil complained.

“Go meet him then,” Martyn said.

“I can’t. It’s not allowed.”

If it wasn’t because a rest day was important or they had a restricted number of hours that they were allowed to train, Phil might already have tried to talk Dan into the studio. Maybe he could convince Dan to play the piano again. He had been quite the mesmerising experience. He wanted to include it in more of their performances if possible.

“I know you have those training hours, Phil,” Martyn said. “I’m not a total idiot.”

“Debatable.”

Martyn continued, undeterred. “But you can just go see him. That’s allowed, isn’t it?”

“Oh… I mean, yes?” Phil said, suddenly feeling nervous. He felt like how it had been trying to awkwardly talk to Martyn about boys he fancied when Phil had come out to his brother in his early twenties. Bless his heart, Martyn had tried so hard but it had always been an awkward thing.

Martyn barked out a laugh so loud that Phil pulled the phone back a little

“You’re not fooling anyone, mate,” Martyn said, more perspective than usual. Phil knew what he was talking about but he wasn’t going to acknowledge it.

“You’re dumb,” Phil said which was a very lame comeback.

“You’re the dumb one,” Martyn said but he laced the words with affection. It felt a bit like a call out. “Just call him.”

Phil felt exposed. He wasn’t even sure how Martyn had been able to pick up on the vibes between him and Dan. There were vibes there for sure, Phil knew, but he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to make something of them. It was not a good idea, but Phil still kind of wanted to do it.

Still, Martyn had only seen him and Dan together on Strictly. Clips from one of their training days a week, the live show itself and the behind the scenes stuff that was released. Had Phil been so obvious in those? He hoped not, but he was willing to admit that he had stayed off social media pretty much since Strictly had started up. He didn’t need to hear everyone’s opinions about his choreographies because it had the ability to throw him off. Now he wondered if there might be something about him and Dan.

Phil didn’t call Dan, but he did decide that he wanted to go for a walk. It was a beautiful October afternoon and the leaves around London had shifted to gorgeous shades of orange all over. Phil liked to see how the shift from green to orange could happen so rapidly.

Phil hadn’t even made it around the corner before he ran directly into someone. He realised who it was before he had even looked at his face. When they knocked into each other, Phil got a familiar smell in his nose and he was smiling as he pulled back from his accidental collision partner.

“Dan,” Phil said, so utterly delighted that he couldn’t even hide it in his face.

Dan blinked rapidly, even reaching out to touch Phil’s elbow like he wasn’t sure he was seeing the real thing. He had the most adorable frown on his forehead. He squeezed Phil’s elbow through his coat and Phil couldn’t stop grinning like a madman.

He hadn’t been willing to call Dan and disturb his day and now Dan had ended up right in front of him anyway. Phil liked to think that it was fate making statements that there was definitely something happening here. It felt like too much of a coincidence.

Phil didn’t think about how they lived in the same neighbourhood and Sunday was Dan’s only rest day so he might have to go to the shops or something. No, it was fate. Phil decided.

“Phil,” Dan said eventually, seemingly processing that Phil was in fact real and in front of him. Phil was dying to know what was going on in Dan’s head when he looked at him like that. Dan had an intense gaze and when he looked at Phil, he felt really seen. Dan was looking at him, picking apart all the pieces but only to put them gentle back together again. He never did it to destroy. If anything, he smoothed over Phil’s edges and made him feel like they weren’t so jagged. 

“What a coincidence to run into you here,” Phil said, with a smirk while he was chanting _fate, fate, fate_ in the back of his head.

“Yeah, I… err, I didn’t do it on purpose or anything!” Dan insisted vehemently and it made Phil wondered if Dan had indeed walked right by Phil’s place on purpose. Maybe he was just reading into it but if that was the case, Phil wouldn’t be mad. It only made butterflies stir in his stomach.

Dan was definitely blushing. He had been blushing a lot more this last week since Phil had officially come out to him. Phil was quite enjoying the subtly rosy colour in Dan’s cheek and in particular how one patch on his cheek seemed to stay rosy for a long time, even after the blush had died down.

Phil still couldn’t believe that Dan hadn’t known he was gay. He had been so sure that he had come out during their early weeks. He tended to joke around with being gay and attracted to men so often that it was clear to anyone who had met and talked to him more than a couple of times.

It was only upon reflection that Phil had realised that he hadn’t talked about finding men attractive around Dan. He usually said it pretty easily when he was around people, he felt comfortable with, so it only left one real reason that he hadn’t told Dan.

It was Dan himself.

Phil had been a little too distracted about not allowing himself to act on his attraction to Dan, but it had still been there from the get-go. Dan was an attractive lad and he had only gotten more and more appealing in Phil’s eyes as they got to know each other.

“Well, we are practically neighbours, we were meant to run into each other some time,” Phil said, trying to give Dan an easy out.

It had the desired effect. Dan scrunched up his nose in amusement and he looked decidedly less tense.

“Living three blocks from each other does not qualify as neighbours I’m pretty sure,” Dan said with a smile that was growing wider and wider on his face.

Phil was reminded once more that he was very, very gay. His heart felt sped up and he laughed nervously.

Now Dan was the one giving him an out.

“You going out?” Dan asked softly.

Phil looked down at his empty house and his coat that he had thrown out over his pyjamas. He hadn’t really counted on running into Dan, or he would have dressed up just a little. Done his hair. Put in contacts.

“Just getting fresh air,” Phil said and reached up and adjusted his glasses.

Dan’s eyes followed his hands. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

Phil reached for them again. He hadn’t realised that he hadn’t seen Dan with them before but it made a lot of sense, since Phil never liked dancing with his glasses. One too many times he had thrown himself enthusiastically into a dance move and flung his glasses off his face. As soon as he was sixteen, which was the age where the eye doctor had told his parents it was acceptable to get contacts, he had gotten them. Dancing had been much easier after that.

“Did you know I wore contacts?” Phil asked, curious.

It made the beginning of a blush appear on Dan’s cheeks. “Well, I wondered, because sometimes, I thought a saw a faint line around your eyes but I wasn’t sure.”

Dan had looked at Phil’s eyes closely enough to be able to pick up on the edge of his contacts. This really wasn’t fair to Phil’s poor heart.

“I have horrible eyesight. I’m basically a naked mole rat,” Phil said, trying to distract himself from Dan’s adorable blush.

“Naked mole rat?” Dan asked, raising just the one eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Phil said. “Wait, why are you out?”

“Oh…” Dan said and then looked a little hesitant.

Phil wondered if he had stumbled onto something private and he was about to take back the question but then Dan answered.

“I just… I kind of promised my therapist that I’d get out of my flat at least once a day. Fresh air and exercise and all that. It’s good for my mental health.”

Dan said it like he said all vulnerable things. He said it like a challenge, like he dared you to counter him or prod at the vulnerability, and then he would be ready to bite back. Phil would never want to make him feel like he needed to have that bite ready.

He hadn’t known that Dan was in therapy before he had listened to some of his podcasts where he mentioned it. He had gone on a deep-dive of Dan content and he was still only scratching the surface but he did know that Dan had suffered from pretty bad depression. Phil didn’t know what that would be like but he could relate a little with his own anxiety.

“You’re getting plenty of exercise lately,” Phil said with a kind smile. “And walks are nice. Hey, do you want to take one together? Unless I’m like intruding on your alone time. I know I pretty much hound you six days a week already.”

Phil laughed nervously and he was hoping that Dan wouldn’t be able to see right through him. Dan did watch him very carefully and his whole expression turned soft.

“I’d love to walk together, and you’re not hounding my ass,” Dan said. “You’re teaching me to dance. You’re an excellent teacher.”

Phil continued to laugh nervously. Dan seemed to bring that out in him. He was always laughing in one way or another. Phil still wasn’t sure how to accept compliments when they were delivered so sincerely but he had been trying to get better at it.

“Thank you,” he muttered and then turned slightly to face the way towards their local park. “So… walk?”

“Walk,” Dan said with a determined nod and he started to walk next to Phil.

They fell into step and into conversation so easily. It was so easy to talk to Dan. Whenever they weren’t in the studio, or Phil allowed his brain to move out of his dance mode, they could talk about anything and make riveting and fun conversation. Usually it started with music or video games but it had moved onto childhood stories, concert or festival experiences or the places they had travelled to. They seemed to always be in sync with their interests.

As for how they seemed to move in sync as well, Phil couldn’t stop looking at how they moved like they were completely in tune with each other’s bodies. Phil loved when that happened on the dance floor. He had felt it yesterday when him and Dan had danced to _Your song_. It had felt like they were floating and Phil had known that he had Dan’s undivided attention.

Kind of like how he was looking at him now, even if they were just walking and talking. Time seemed to be an illusion but Phil could see it getting darker out in the horizon. It was the only indicator that time was passing and the slight ache in his feet. He was pretty sure him and Dan had looped around the park two or three times but Dan didn’t even seem to notice. Phil just kept marveling how their stride was perfectly matched up while they were both moving comfortably. No one was getting slightly ahead and had to slow down and no one was falling behind or having to speed to catch up. They just matched.

Like they were heading in the same direction at the same speed.

Phil couldn’t stop his brain from making that a metaphor, even if he had promised himself to keep this professional.

“What are you smiling at?” Dan asked, softly and bumped their shoulders together.

Phil wasn’t sure what to say for a beat because he didn’t want to lie to Dan but he also didn’t want to say exactly where his head had been at, so he tried to find a happy middle ground.

“We move in sync even outside of the studio,” Phil said, and it came out a little too honest so he decided to tack on something different. “I really am surprised that you’ve never danced before.”

It made Dan throw his head back in a full belly laugh. He looked cute like that, laughing without a care in the world.

“I appreciate the compliment but you don’t need to butter me up,” Dan said.

Phil frowned in confusion. “I’m… not? What do you mean? You’ve got a great form, you’re hard working and you know how to follow the music? You are becoming a very good dancer, Dan.”

“Stop it,” Dan grumbled. “I am like a sack of potatoes being slung around.”

“Am I the potato slinger in this instance?” Phil asked, amused but not willing to let this go. Dan deserved to know that he was a good dancer, or at the very least becoming one. Phil knew he likely wouldn’t be dancing after he finished on Strictly, most of the celebrities that joined the show never used their new dancing skills for anything. They just went back to their regular lives.

Maybe there was a part of Phil that yearned for that not to be Dan either.

“You would make a handsome potato slinger,” Dan said in a flirty tone but Phil wasn’t sure if it was genuine or just banter. He had to assume the latter for his own sanity.

“I never did tell you how I became a dancer, did I?” Phil said, and he let out a slight sigh. It was not a story that he told that many people because it was a bit weird. It felt like it made sense for him as a person.

He had learned to embrace his weirdness but it was still a little intimidating to explain it to other people. He had been holding off on telling Dan because he was slightly worried about tainting how Dan would see his dancing instructions. Phil knew that Dan put him on a pedestal when it came to dancing. He watched in awe whenever Phil was dancing and it was a bit intoxicating. He didn’t want to remove that from Dan’s eyes but he also knew it was never healthy to stay on a pedestal.

“You didn’t,” Dan said, “but you don’t have to if you don’t want.”

Phil already knew that Dan wouldn’t judge him but it was still nice to hear. Dan was a compassionate person and he never seemed to judge. Probably because he had faced more than enough of it himself and he knew how harmful it could be.

“I want to tell you, it’s not like it’s a big secret or something,” Phil said with a shrug. “It’s just an odd entrance into dance. A bit of a strange career journey.”

Phil’s feet were still walking in perfect sync with Dan, even as he was struggling to make his thoughts into something coherent.

Dan blew out a raspberry. “Phil, please, you’re talking to the master of unconventional career paths. I have no idea what I am doing at any given point in my life. I am always just winging it.”

“But you’re soaring so gracefully,” Phil teased.

Dan snorted. “You haven’t seen all the failed attempt at getting off the floor.”

Phil felt like a shot went through him. Another way that they were related. _Kindred spirits_ , his mind whispered to him. It was getting harder and harder to ignore.

“I wasn’t a very graceful kid,” Phil started. It seemed as good a place as any. “I was clumsy. Always knocking into things. Zero spatial awareness. I always had bruises all over and I didn’t even know when I got them. My mother got worried about me.”

“God, you must have been a handful to raise,” Dan said and he wasn’t the first person who had told Phil that but he was the first one who had said it so softly. So fondly. “I would have loved to see that.”

Phil forced himself to focus on his story and ignore his racing heart.

“My mother will pester you with childhood horror story after story if you let her,” Phil said, and there was something shifting in Dan’s face. He almost looked like he would like that but Phil didn’t give him a chance to reply. “Anyway, she wanted me to learn how to control my limbs so I wouldn’t get hurt. She enrolled me in dance classes. Ballet back then.”

“Ballet?” Dan asked, mouth falling open. He looked delighted.

“Yeah,” Phil said a little shyly.

“Please tell me that you have baby pictures,” Dan said, clapping his hands together in excitement.

“You’re getting nowhere near those,” Phil said with a pointed finger.

“Really?” Dan asked. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“No,” Phil said resolutely but it didn’t sound like that when he was smiling so warmly. He was so amused. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever shown interest in him like this. It really was intoxicating. “I stuck with ballet for like a year. I had quite the mean teacher, but I still liked the dancing. It felt more like jumping around and having fun but that was exciting and I made friends. Some of the people were in another dance class for children which focused on mixed styles and I just ended up transferring. I loved my new dance teacher; she was the one who inspired me to dance properly. She encouraged me to make up my own moves, even before I knew that was essentially what choreography was.”

“Good or bad teachers can really make all the difference, can’t they?” Dan asked and Phil had a feeling that there was a story there too but he couldn’t let himself get distracted or he would never get to tell Dan the most important thing.

It was the thing that Phil felt like he should probably know. He had a feeling it might become a bit of inspiration.

“They can. And I was devastated when she left the dancing school. None of the teachers that came after were really on her level. They told me to stick to the choreography that they were teaching instead of making up my own. I hated that. I wanted to make my own, so I did. I started to watch countless of videos and try to mix together things that I found cool.”

“Wait, how old were you there?”

“Like eleven,” Phil said with a reminiscent smile. “I made my first full choreography at that age and I performed it at our yearly recital without having told anyone first. I had just befriended the janitor who was manning the lights and he made sure to keep the curtains open and the spotlight on me and my music playing even after the recital had officially ended. My teachers were both so mad and impressed.”

“You’ve always been a force to be reckoned with, haven’t you?” Dan asked and when he looked into Phil’s eyes, Phil could see something so soft reflected in his expression.

“Maybe, but I was still a clumsy mess outside of dance. I had gotten a little better at not bumping into things but it all really changed when I started to make my own choreographies. I just, somehow knew how to tie the moves together and I could be strong and elegant and in control when I’m dancing to choreographies. Preferably my own but I’ve gotten better at following other people’s through the years.”

“Wait, so only when you’re like explicitly dancing some pre-set choreography?” Dan asked. “But I’ve seen you make up the choreographies and you look graceful then too.”

It was adorable that Dan thought what Phil did on the Monday mornings wasn’t already half-finished and it just needed to be put together. Phil was good but he couldn’t just shake a full choreography out of his sleeve within a couple of hours. That would be impossible.

“Those are pretty much finished by the time that I show them to you, Dan. I’m just doing the finishing touches and getting you familiar by watching the moves come together.”

“Wait, really?” Dan asked, looking utterly surprised.

“I’ve been preparing for a couple of months before I even met you, Dan. A new choreography a week is a lot but it’s entirely impossible without preparation. I’m still doing a lot of the work in the weeks but I also need to have them somewhat polished to be familiar enough with them to teach you, you know?”

“I would love to watch you coming up with one from scratch then,” Dan said earnestly.

Phil couldn’t handle this. Dan wanted to see him at his most tumbling, most chaotic, and he looked utterly delighted at the opportunity. Like it was a treat instead of a punishment.

“I look like a clumsy mess,” Phil said and as if the universe was conspiring against him, his feet chose that movement to trip over a slight dip in the gravel path. Fate was a cruel mistress it seemed.

Dan’s hand wrapped securely around Phil’s arm and kept him from tumbling over. Only Phil seemed to have fallen with such momentum that Dan was pulled slightly forward. Phil twisted where Dan was holding onto him and a second later they were face to face and Dan’s other arm had come around to hold Phil by the waist so he didn’t tumble.

To anyone who just saw them in that moment, it could look like they were caught in a dance and Dan had just dipped Phil. Phil’s heart was going haywire and he was once more determined to show Dan that he could learn to lead in a dance.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Dan blinked down at him, mouth open in surprise for a beat before it changed to a fond smile. Dan pulled Phil to his feet again but he didn’t let go just yet. He let his hands linger. It was something that Phil quite liked about Dan now. As the weeks had progressed, he had found it easier to reach out and touch both when they were dancing and when they weren’t. It felt nice.

“Clumsy person and kickass elegant dancer,” Dan said, voice hushed just like Phil’s had been since the stumble. “You’re full of walking contradictions, aren’t you?”

There was something serious in Dan’s eyes. A silent confession that seemed to choke Phil up. Phil wanted to let himself look at Dan like that too but he had to be the professional here. It was too important for them to continue and get along and stay on Strictly as long as possible. He couldn’t risk the jump. Not yet, anyway.

If they were truly moving to the same direction and at the same pace, then they could get there eventually. He pleaded that fate would not be cruel in that instance.

“More like full of stumbling contradictions,” Phil quipped, hoping to break the tension.

It worked. Dan laughed and carefully retreated his hands. It was getting late and Phil was feeling hungry. He should head home to the food in his fridge but he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Dan yet.

It seemed like Dan’s head was at a similar place.

“Hey, want to go grab dinner at the local pub?” Dan asked, and then he looked a little nervous. “Just for convenience, I mean! I’m starving but I don’t want takeaway or to be confronted with the sad emptiness of my fridge.”

Just for convenience. It sounded like a lame excuse but Phil didn’t challenge it. It was something that Phil could have made up himself to ensure Dan that it wasn’t a suggestion for a date. Just two mates hanging out on their day off.

It was all that Phil could let it be right now anyway.

“I’d like that,” he said and then he allowed him the small pleasure of linking arms with Dan. He wasn’t sure if that would read platonic or romantic to someone else but he needed something to tether him too, or he’d float away.

Dan didn’t seem to mind, since he shot Phil a warm smile and they continued to walk on in perfect sync. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? I hadn't planned on making a chapter from Phil's point of view but I did quite like it and I might do it again once or twice as the story moves on. We'll see. Please think of this as a little bonus chapter. He is so smitten with Dan but he isn't allowing himself to be TOO smitten. Poor Phil is trying so hard to be professional. I guess I officially need to add that Mutual Pining tag, huh? Please let me know that you thought! I treasure comments, even if I know I've fallen a little behind on replying to them. 
> 
> Next chapter is due for next Saturday, around 8 PM CEST.


	9. Week 6 (Halloween week): Foxtrot to Youngblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan had never really put much of stock into Halloween, but if it could get Phil dressed up as a sexy vampire and give the two of them an opportunity to exist in their own little world at a fancy celebrity party, then he figured that he couldn't really complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back to the usual scheduling with Dan's point of view, and it accidentally turned out to be a long chapter. 
> 
> TW: mention of putting something in your drink (it doesn't happen!), and drinking

It’s quite something to be allowed a glimpse into someone else’s life or how their brain worked. Dan wasn’t very used to it, especially not lately as he hadn’t exactly been out befriending new people. Even if he was, he wasn’t sure how to even approach that kind of topic. It was something deeply personal. It wasn’t something you really could ask someone about right off the bat.

Dan had always hated that small talk was the only acceptable thing when you were just acquaintances. It wasn’t like you could say that you were having a shitty day or outright complain about something in your life. No, you didn’t do that. British people did it even less. Dan was guilty of this. He said “I’m fine” with ease, even if his tone probably betrayed that he was very much not fine. It was okay, people didn’t pry even if they could tell that you didn’t mean it.

Dan hid behind the British stiff upper lip approach and he didn’t let anyone see too much of himself. He didn’t try to pry into other people’s issues or brain’s either. He didn’t like it when anyone tried to get him to open up about something personal.

Give him a microphone, sometimes adding a camera, and his own little office at home and it was just so much easier to talk. He had bared several pieces of his soul in videos and on podcasts just because it came easier like that. If anyone who actually met him tried to talk to him about it, he would freeze up and then make an awkward joke.

Still, he knew most people were private about their inner workings and they might not have any outlet for it, other than sharing with their family or close friends. The person Dan arguably knew the best other than himself would be Pj.

Pj had a very unique and creative way of looking at the world. He was very visual in his approach and he made sense of the world by trapping it in images or crafts. It was like he sometimes reached out into the air and pulled something physical and tangible out of it. It was art, even if Pj might argue against him, whether it be a doodle or a craft project. He used to say that it was just something he quickly did but Dan had always envied that he could just put his ideas and thoughts into shapes like that. He could capture them, make them real.

Dan’s own brain worked better with words. He could trap his thoughts into words if he tried hard enough, and he had learned how to tell them in a captivating way. His brain could spiral and overthink but it was also what allowed him to deep think and some of his best ideas came out of that.

Now Dan knew a little more about Phil and how he thought, specifically with his dancing. Dan had been quite surprised when Phil had opened up about it because it was clear that it was something dear to his heart. He spoke about it a little cautiously, as if he was trying to gauge Dan’s reaction. Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil noticed himself but he had so many tells. Dan had a feeling that other people had made fun of his process, other than just the old ballet teacher. It was almost a given when you were something strange and unusual.

Phil Lester was all that and more. Odd. Weird. Not normal. Intriguing. Creative.

Dan thought that all of them were something positive, because they would be when connected to such an interesting and compelling person. Phil could do something quite unique with his ideas as well. He could turn them into motion. He might be a klutz but he had a discipline in his body now, even if he might have had to actively train it.

Most people did to achieve something. Dan hadn’t just sat down at the piano one day and been able to play the notes. He supposed that prodigy kids might be able to do that but regular people had to practice and learn and stick with it.

It was what Phil had done with dancing and he looked entirely too good while doing it. Now that Dan was aware of it, he could see the switch more easily. When Phil went into dancing mode, how he held himself and even his facial expression changed. He looked different. Still hot obviously. Dan was pretty sure there wasn’t anything Phil could do to make him look less attractive.

It was an unfair world but Dan was willing to live in it when he could admire Phil and call him pretty in his head. One of these days he would work up the courage to say it to Phil’s face. He wondered if he would blush, or get shy. He was confident as a dancer, could dance sexily and everything, but off the dance floor Dan was wondering if he wouldn’t have a softer reaction. Dan would do it sometime. He was fairly sure that Phil would just be flattered, even if he might also think that Dan was actively hitting on him now that his sexuality had been cleared up.

It was a risk that Dan was very willing to take.

“You’re staring,” Phil said, mouth quirking up just a little and Dan realized that he had gone into his head again, as he had watched Phil twirl around the floor and check the choreography once more.

He mostly did this on Mondays, making sure everything fit together but even now on their last full training day, Thursday, he went over the small details to make sure he didn’t want to make any minor adjustment. Perfectionist. Dan could relate and he liked it. There really was nothing more attractive in a person than seeing them passionate and excited.

“I’m not staring,” Dan said, which was a weak comeback and an outright lie because he had very much been staring. It wasn’t fair because Phil’s shirt was just a smidgen tighter than normal and it hung over his chest so nicely.

“What are you doing then?” Phil asked, cocky eyebrow raise and hip thrust out just a bit. Phil was being unfair, looking so confidently beautiful.

Dan’s brain was weak. They had already been dancing for a couple of hours and Phil went hard on Thursdays, before they would have to do their light training early Friday and go to the Strictly stage for the official rehearsal.

“I am looking at you,” Dan said, not being able to deny that.

“Yes?”

“But I wasn’t staring,” he said, digging his feet in for no particular reason other than the fact Phil looked amused at his obvious lie. “I was observing your form,” Dan finished.

It made Phil break into a huge smile. Success.

“Right, totally,” Phil said, around his huge smile. If anything, it was just growing bigger as he held Dan’s eyes. Then he shook his head just slightly and lowered his eyes to the floor.

“It’s the truth,” Dan said. “You have quite a good one.”

“Form?” Phil asked, teasing notes in his tone.

“Yes,” Dan answered, even if he was tempted to answer _a good everything_ , grammar and sense be damned.

“Come here,” Phil asked, hand extended and it was something he had done so many times over the last couple of months but Dan’s heart still jumped just a little as he walked up and took Phil’s hand.

It was the foxtrot this week and Dan was finding that it was somewhat easy to follow, or maybe he had just built up the stamina and remembered all the things he had already learned from his teacher. He liked this dance because they were moving around in each other’s arms quite a lot in what felt like a comfortable tempo. It wasn’t so fast that Dan felt like he was falling over his feet or so slow that he felt like he was more prone to overthink his steps. When Dan said this to Phil, he came out with an absolute gem.

“It’s like Goldilocks then,” Phil said so certainly that Dan had just stopped mid-routine and squinted at him.

“You know,” Phil had elaborated, “not too small or too big, just right?”

Dan had to physically bite into his tongue not to make a dick joke right then and there. He had been pretty proud of himself for that.

However, while Dan did like the foxtrot’s tempo and he liked the kind of chase elements Phil had incorporated in between because of the lyrics, there was one bit that Dan found particularly difficult. It wasn’t even a proper bit of choreography, even if they were still dancing. It was just the standard step that Phil had already hammered into his brain but it was what their arms and eyes were doing instead.

Phil had incorporated a bit where they would softly grab each other by the back of the head, almost moving in circles as they held eye contact. Dan had always been a sucker for eye contact, even if he would often be the first to look away after feeling overwhelmed.

The eyes being the windows to the soul was nothing more than a pretty metaphor.

He had thought so, at least, until he had met Phil and now, he felt like he was exposing entirely too much with those eyes of his. He felt laid bare as Phil looked into his eyes and he felt like he might have locked up and frozen if it wasn’t for Phil insistent voice.

Phil liked to guide him through the new routines, helping with little vocal directions as they moved, but he usually let it taper off by Tuesday. However, for specifically for the part where they were looking into each other’s eyes, Phil had kept it up.

They moved into it now and Dan’s heart kicked up just a bit.

“Good,” Phil said in praise, eyes so soft and captivating that Dan was pretty sure he had stopped breathing. They weren’t all up in each other’s spaces but they were still dancing quite close and Dan had been spending these past four days trying to map out all the shades of colours in Phil’s eyes. It was impossible. They looked blue on first glance but there were also shades of green and yellow in them. Together they all mashed into something quite extraordinary.

“Breathe,” Phil said and Dan could hear the smile in his voice, even if he wasn’t looking away from Phil’s eyes.

They moved to part, Dan’s hand slipping from the hair at Phil’s nape and he had to physically pull his hand away. He stumbled a little in the steps, trying to move out smoothly but it wasn’t fair for Phil to expect him to be fluent in his movement or have coherent thoughts after having stared into Phil’s eyes for like ten seconds.

It was maybe even less than that, but it felt like several minutes. Dan was screwed if they did more eye contact stuff because he felt like he just straight up forgot to think or move his feet.

Phil hummed under his breath as they finished the run-through and Dan knew it was just contemplative hum. He did that hum when he was unsure about something, and his brain was thinking over five different things at once. It would come up with a solution, one way or another. Phil didn’t let any roadblock or mental block stop him. He found a way to climb or break through it.

“What?” Dan asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor. His muscled ached and standing was overrated. Besides, he had quite a lovely view from Phil from down here too. The only thing that would have made it better might have been some crisps. A crunchy potato snack to make up for how much he was busting his ass to keep up with Phil.

“It’s nothing,” Phil said, just a little muffled.

“It’s clearly something, if you’re worried about it,” Dan said and he wondered if Phil had figured him out. Could you reveal a crush just by eye contact? Maybe. Fuck. It was one thing if Phil saw but what if everyone else saw? “You can tell me,” Dan added a little softer.

Phil seemed to catch onto his genuinely concerned tone and he shot Dan a warm smile, before deciding to join him on the floor. Phil didn’t sit or lie on the floor often, not like Dan who did almost every session.

“I’m just worried about your concentration; it can be difficult to focus in and then focus out again. You have to be present with me for a handful of seconds but then you have to be ready to spin your focus out to the audience again just like that,” Phil said with a snap of his fingers. “It’s nit-pick stuff. You’re nailing the steps, and you’re great at following directions.”

“It’s not nit-picking,” Dan said in earnest. “And I did notice that I did it…”

“Oh?” Phil said and Dan tensed just a little, wondering of the implications. “Well that’s good, it means you’re becoming aware of yourself on the dance floor. It can be hard to pick up on your own shortcomings.”

“Yeah, I just don’t know what to do to help it.”

“That’s my job to figure out,” Phil said and nudged their shoulders together.

“Yeah, but we’re partners,” Dan said and it came out a little more intimately than he had planned. He hadn’t said anything wrong. They were dance partners. Phil knew what he meant, if anything Phil was the one casually calling them partners more than Dan. “You might be the pro and the teacher but I still have to work at it too. We’re in it together.”

“Maybe we just need practice,” Phil said, contemplative voice back and it was again accompanied by a hum.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked, with a bit of trepidation. They had about two and a half days until they had to perform it when it counted.

“We’ll practice holding eye contact, of course,” Phil said like it was the most logical option. “Throughout today, tomorrow and Saturday we’ll just move in close now and again, establish eye contact and then move away. Practice makes perfect, right?”

Dan nodded, trying to be as excited as Phil seemed. It seemed like sweet, sweet torture.

In the end, both of them turned out to be right. It was the sweetest form of torture for Phil to come up to him again and again, looking him deeply into his eyes and then pulling way. Sometimes, Phil would even reach up and hold Dan’s head too. He would do it sneakily when they were already talking or just come sprinting up when they first met. It was a lot for Dan’s poor heart and it only intensified his crush to see Phil this adorable and looking into his eyes, but Phil was also right in the sense that it got slightly easier with practice.

Dan was almost sure that he could to it after the Friday rehearsal went very well, but he had forgotten about one vital thing.

It was Halloween week and that meant that both of them would be dressed up but specifically it meant that Phil would be a vampire. Because of the song Phil had chosen for this week, _Youngblood_ , the vampire theme had been an easy choice.

Phil had even gone as far as incorporating a fake bite in the middle of the choreography but thankfully, for Dan’s nerves and his sensitive neck, Phil didn’t actually get close enough to his neck. He didn’t even touch it, but he did dip Dan slightly down and make it look like he did.

It hadn’t been an issue when it has just been them in the studio but Dan was about to question if it would be now. Phil dressed up as a vampire was something else. He suited it too well with his high cheekbones and stunning eyes and pale skin. Now he had fake teeth in and contacts that made his eyes seem like they were black. It should have looked intimidating on anyone else but after Phil had changed, he came bouncing up to Dan and showed off his teeth. He even made Dan pull on one of the teeth to show him that it was really stuck in here.

Dan definitely did not imagine what it might be liked to be pinned against a wall and for Phil to kiss his neck with those fake teeth in. No absolutely not.

As distracting and hot as the teeth were, the most startling difference was that Dan couldn’t look into Phil’s eyes anymore. It made him feel a little on edge. Over the past couple of days with Phil’s “attack of eye contact” as he called it, Dan had settled into looking at them a little more.

Now he was the one who reached up to gently cup Phil’s face and look deeply into his eyes. Phil’s breath stuttered a little, clearly caught off guard by the fact that Dan was reaching out this time. He had been in the middle of a rant about how cool his teeth were but now his mouth fell shut. Dan belatedly realised that Phil hadn’t actually touched his face ever with these eye contact attacks; at most he would grasp the back of his neck.

He wondered if he should be pulling his hands away but he couldn’t make his hands move from Phil’s soft cheeks. He did what he usually did when he had to do something that intimidated him. He pretended that he had it all under control.

“Your eyes look weird,” Dan said after a few seconds of tense silence. He still didn’t remove his hands.

“Weird?” Phil asked and some of the tension disappeared from his face as he scrunched up his nose cutely. “I think you mean cool, or dangerous. Mysterious too.”

Dan snorted and reluctantly pulled his hands back. He didn’t mean any of those things but it was too endearing for him not to react with a smile. He hadn’t meant weird in a bad way, he actually always meant that Phil was weird in a good way but right now it was more in line with it being unusual in a slightly jarring way.

Dan wouldn’t be staring at the merging colours of Phil’s eyes tonight during the performance. It was probably good for his concentration but he just wanted to see Phil’s eyes. It was too often that you didn’t realise what you had until it was taken away from you.

Dan was thinking too hard and Phil seemed to noticed this as well because he flashed his teeth and did his best Dracula impression. It wasn’t very good but Dan smiled all the same. Any Phil antics could make him smile. Fuck, he was so easy when he was soft on someone.

Waiting around before the show started and between performances was a little easier now. There were fewer of them, it was generally a nice vibe. Dan fell into conversation with Saoirse-Monica Jackson and Sophie McShera who both looked stunning in their costumes and Dan was sure that the two actresses were going to be brilliant tonight. They had done well most of the nights, with AJ and Aljaž respectively, and while neither had been the best technical dancer, they had a certain stage presence.

Dan was pretty sure he could listen to Saoirse’s accent for a long time, especially when she spoke fast and slipped into her Irish accent. She was ranting about a step sequence in her dance being too fast, which Dan could relate to, and the worry about tripping over her dress, which Dan couldn’t relate to at least not yet, when AJ came over and demanded her attention.

He almost yanked her impatiently from the seat, but she didn’t let him get away with that. She scolded him, even if she kept her tone playful and excuse herself politely to Dan.

Sophie watched on with a bit of a look in her eye.

“What?” Dan asked quietly.

She immediately shook her head and smiled. “Nothing, he’s just a lot, you know? Even in the videos we get from their training sessions, he’s always hammering away on her. Very strict. Aljaž is nothing like that, he can get a little worn out and frustrated but the tone is always nice. Different methods, I suppose.”

Dan hadn’t even noticed that but granted, he never paid any attention when they showed their training videos before the couple went on with their performance. Dan knew that him and Phil were filmed once a week as well, but he hated that hour when they had a camera on them and it was always a relief when the cameraman left.

Phil had called it ironic once, since Dan was the one who had been used to filming himself quite frequently, but Dan had argued that it was difference since he was in control of the edit. He could leave things in or take things out. It was different when it was someone else deciding. 

Upon having it explained, Phil got it. After that time, he had also always asked it if was okay that he recorded the two of them before ever setting up his phone. Dan had to be faced then with the realisation that he trusted Phil a lot more than the staff of Strictly. He told Phil he could film them whenever but Phil still asked.

“Huh,” Dan said, looking at AJ and Saoirse who were arguing in hushed voices near the edge. It didn’t seem like something was really wrong but it was clear that they weren’t on the same wavelength. That must be hard. Dan couldn’t even imagine that he would have made it this far if it hadn’t been for Phil’s approach and how familiar they had gotten with each other. They had fun when they were dancing and it wasn’t quite like anything Dan had ever experienced before.

“Yeah, it’s nice when you vibe with your dance partner,” Sophie continued. “Like you and Phil.”

“I know,” Dan said, suddenly feeling a little sheepish.

“You know there was this group chat for all the female celebrities after we had all met that first time,” Sophie continued. “So many of them wanted to get paired with Phil. They were quite jealous of you when you got him instead. Not in a bad way or anything! Just like… Phil isn’t one of the most established dancers but he’s just fun. Interesting.”

All of that had gone over Dan’s head but he had spent the first few weeks just trying to keep up with Phil. While they had been doing performances, Dan wasn’t sure that he could focus on much of anything else. He had only looked at Phil.

“Really?” Dan asked.

“Really,” Sophie said with a little smile, “but between you and me, I don’t think he would have gone this far with anyone else. The two of you look good on the floor, and when I’ve seen him in the other seasons, he hadn’t quite been like this.”

“What do you mean?” Dan asked in a whisper, not sure why he was trying to lower his voice. They weren’t discussing something private per say but it still felt like maybe it should be. Dan felt a lot about him and Phil should be private.

“Just… glowing? I don’t know, you just look like you fit? Some couple just move and look like they make sense, you know?”

Dan did not know but he nodded like he did. He didn’t get to talk more with Sophie when Phil came up to him, dragging him from the sofa as they went to applaud Harry and Dianne who had just come off the stage. Harry Styles dressed like a forest nymph was not something Dan had ever thought he would get to see up close but he wasn’t complaining. They raked in a great score like usual and both Dan and Phil genuinely congratulated them.

Before soon, it was their time to take their places again. Due to Dan’s protests, Phil would be the one starting on the scene tonight instead of the other way around. He would be casually lounging and looking on the prowl and Dan would come in, in a carefree and frolicking way that was meant to be endearing. A prey about to be caught, Dan could play that part. His frilly shirt and slightly flared pants made him feel slightly delicate and he was all for Phil hunting him down.

Until he found out that it was just as intimidating to dance onto the stage when he was alone. Really, he needed to talk to Phil about the two of them always moving onto the stage together. Clearly, it was the only way that he would feel okay.

Still, Dan gridded his teeth and made in onto the dancefloor and as always it became easier when he got near Phil. It became a game then. He felt light and airy and their play of makeshift tag was fun. Phil would grab his hand after a few chase steps and they would dance together only to separate again. The second time, Phil would manage to fake bite down on Dan’s throat and then they were moving again too. Phil was meant to be more stone-faced like an emotionless vampire but he was smiling a lot, and Dan couldn’t help but smile back. Neither of them looked like they would mind being caught up in each other.

The third time that Phil caught up to him, they had to stare into each other’s eyes and softly grasp the back of each other’s necks. It had gone fine in rehearsal other than Dan being distracted when they moved away from it, but now both of them accidentally grabbed onto each other a little too hard. Dan wasn’t sure if it was nerves or anything else but it nearly brought them out of balance.

As always, Phil managed to magically fix it, but he did so by pulling Dan a little closer and then nudging him to the left so he stayed on his feet and moving the right way. It made sure that Dan was on the beat but it also meant that he was so very close to Phil’s face. Much closer than planned.

It didn’t last long but for a couple hurried seconds they were breathing the same air, slightly panting due to the dancing. Or in Dan’s case at least, both due to the dancing and the sudden proximity, he wasn’t sure how Phil was so freaking good at making his heart race, even when he wasn’t actively trying.

It was either a blessing or a curse, Dan had not yet decided.

The rest of the routine went smoothly but Dan just kept feeling the funny swirl of emotions in his chest and seeing Phil’s blacked out eyes. He missed Phil’s regular colour so much and if he was to be given such a close up, then he would have liked to see Phil’s eyes without the coloured contact.

They came to a stop in the middle of the stage, Phil’s hands around Dan’s midriff as the music cut out. Phil would surely be able to feel how fast Dan’s heart was beating but he wouldn’t think much of it. His own was probably pounding too. From the dance. Only the dance.

Phil broke into a big smile as the audience reacted and then he leaned in closer and actually swept Dan off the floor to spin him around a little. The crowd roared even higher but Dan could barely hear them from the pounding in his ears.

“You did well,” Phil said, almost dragging Dan over to the judges. Dan didn’t really try to move on his own accord. He knew he was safe in Phil’s hands.

Bruno was the first to speak up, even without Tess prompting him.

“Bellissimo!” he exclaimed. “The passion, the chase, the drama!”

“And the dancing,” Shirly interrupted. “Don’t forget about that. Dan, your form as gotten so much better. You and Phil move stunningly together.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, now both feeling a little embarrassed and a little breathless.

“But you did almost have a stumble,” Craig interjected, much to the discontent of the audience. Dan didn’t actually mind. Craig was casted to be the hard-ass judge, every show like this needed one but he never actually said anything that wasn’t true. He was just a little too harsh at times, and it would have been discouraging only to get feedback from him but the other three judges tended to upweight that.

“We know,” Phil said, hand curling more securely around Dan’s waist. He hadn’t let go since they finished the dance. Dan had hardly noticed, too swept up in his own head and now attempting to focus on the feedback from the judges.

“You cannot depend on Phil saving your ass every time, Dan,” Craig said, “but you managed to mostly style it out once more. Well done, Phil.”

Phil looked like he wanted to say something but instead he just nodded and smiled. It wasn’t until they were running up the stairs to meet with Claudia and wait for the judges’ scores that Phil got what he had been planning to say out. He added in a hushed whisper and for a second, Dan was sure he had heard him wrong.

“I’d always save your nice ass, don’t worry,” Phil had said, so casually even if he had spoken in hushed tones.

Dan missed the step and then Phil proceeded to laugh but also grab his hand to steady him. It was a lot to deal with and Dan was struggling with staying in the moment.

“That was quite a biting performance,” Claudia said, way too cheery and smiling so wide, even if it wasn’t entirely genuine. Dan kind of hated that the hosts of the show were made to constantly be smiling like they were some old school game show girls spinning a big wheel and just being there for eye candy.

It was also ludicrous since if anything, the professional dancers were the eye candy. Dan kind of wanted to take Phil’s hand and spin him around and get everyone to look at this beautiful man, even as he was wearing fake vampire teeth and black contact lenses. He could pull off any look if you asked Dan.

“We had a lot of fun with it,” Phil said, as usually stepping in and speaking when he could feel that Dan’s mind was miles away. They had been doing this for six weeks and Phil already did so many things automatically. Dan was very excited to see what would happen if they were given another six weeks in the show but that meant making it all the way to the semi-finale at least and that seemed like quite a lofty goal.

Phil was aiming for a spot in the finale as it was, so maybe Dan just needed to have more faith in them. They were doing quite well so far, never having been in the bottom two and had to compete for survival yet. It was good so far but Dan wasn’t sure if the wave would last. 

He hoped it would.

“And it looks like the judges are ready with your scores!” Claudia said and Dan realised he must have completely ignored her for a full minute or two. Phil’s steady arm that had found Dan’s waist once more was the only thing that reassured him that he hadn’t just been awkwardly staring and accidentally ignored questions. Phil would have grabbed the ball if Dan had dropped it.

Nerves jumped around his stomach as the judges revealed their scores one by one.

  1. 7\. 7. 7.



Sevens across the board. Dan broke into a smile. It was less than what they had gotten last week but it was still pretty damn good for the two of them. He turned to the side to see that Phil was smiling too. Dan didn’t even notice that he leaned into gently bop his head onto Phil’s head. It was just a little gesture of comfort.

It was always a little nerve wrecking to wait for the competition’s performances and see if you were in the danger zone or not but Dan still preferred it to just sitting around and being anxious about his own performance.

A couple of the couples had a few mishaps, nothing major but enough that the judges deducted points. It made them land in the middle of the scoreboard at the end of the show, and they were called through as the fourth couple from the stage where they had all lined up. Dan hated that moment of the show the most and he just tried to block it out.

Even if he hadn’t been forced to dance again, and to fight for his survival as of yet, he had seen it happen several weeks in a row now. It felt brutal even more so because Dan had adequately been able to pick out who would make it and who wouldn’t even before the two couples had danced.

It was predictable when Dan studied the judges and just from listening in to them give feedback. They all had favourites and it didn’t look like it mattered how well they danced in the final round. It was just all for show.

“It isn’t,” Phil insisted when Dan told him it quietly as they were watching from the side-lines.

“It matters.”

“The judges make up their mind the moment the names are called. It’s cruel to make them go through the dances again. It’s just for more airtime and for people back home in their living rooms to be biting their nails and wondering if their favourite will make it through.”

“Isn’t that what your grandmother does?” Phil asked, softly with a teasing smile on his lips.

“Leave my nan out of this. I’m talking about the corruptness of the show, it’s not her fault that she falls for the flair,” Dan said grumpily.

He was sore and tired but he also felt more fired up that usual. He wasn’t sure why but it was putting him a little on edge. He had more leftover energy after the performance that normal, maybe it would have been good for him to go out and burn it on a second dance. Only he didn’t want to be in the position of being voted off. Him and Phil weren’t any of the judges’ favourite, except maybe Bruno and he didn’t want to be held up against any of the other couples if he could avoid it.

“I’ll prove it to you someday, when we’re in the bottom two,” Phil said. “We’ll blow them away and claw our way out.”

“This coming from someone who has been kicked out both times he landed in bottom two before,” Dan remarked and then he felt a little cruel. He was about to take it back, but Phil was just chuckling.

“You’re right, but it’s different this time around.”

Dan wanted to know so desperately what he meant but he was also a little afraid of the answer. He waited for Phil to elaborate but he didn’t, so in the end Dan just let it drop.

“Do you really think we’ll end up in it? Soon?” 

“I hope not,” Phil said, eyes scanning the couple currently on the dance floor. “But it’s always a possibility. You’re getting better and better but so are the other contestants. One slipup is enough to get you into the danger zone, unless your followers can pull us back out of it.”

“They are quite enthusiastic,” Dan said, but he wasn’t sure if they could pull them up entirely. He had a dedicated following but there were a lot more general of viewers of Strictly, and he wasn’t sure if he was so popular with that crowd. He hadn’t dared to look it up.

He had learned not to look at things online that had a high chance of being hurtful. He couldn’t avoid seeing shit about himself now and again but he had stopped seeking it out and his life had been better since then.

“It’s likely we will end up there at some point, unless we can cruise into the finale by staying in the top 3, even in the later shows. I’ll prove you wrong and then we’ll prove them wrong and fight for our spot. It’s going to be glorious.”

Phil said it with such conviction that Dan almost believed him. He believed him a little less when fifteen minutes later, the couple that Dan had predicted before the dances were kicked out of the judges.

There was a buzz backstage and a lot of enthusiastic discussion at something that went entirely over Dan’s head until he heard Harry call his name.

“What about you, Dan? Are you coming along too? It could be fun.”

“What?” Dan asked, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

“They’re going out to party,” Phil said, having paid more attention than Dan. It seemed to be a topic today more so than usual.

“Oh,” Dan said. Again, an actual One Direction member asking him to join for a night out. It was surreal when Dan thought about it too hard. He really, really hoped that Harry wasn’t aware he had once interviewed him. It would be so embarrassing if he found out later.

“Do you want to?” Dan asked Phil, turning to face him.

Phil’s face did something funny, like mental gymnastics but Dan just waited patiently. It was Halloween night and he had heard some of the celebrities talking about an afterparty. It was unusual for them, as most of the time they all just wanted to go home after the night of stressful dancing.

Maybe the Halloween spirit were in all of them tonight.

“You can come too, Phil,” Harry said, before Phil could answer. “More the merrier.”

“Then I’d love to go,” Phil said, face breaking into a smile.

It was only when they were piled into a couple of taxis that Dan realised that Phil hadn’t immediately been invited but Dan had just asked him along anyway. It might have been considered poor party etiquette but considering Harry or the other celebrities hadn’t seemed mad about it, Dan figured he was okay.

He hadn’t even considered that it might be a “celebrity only” thing, even if that could have been an option. If it was the idea, it had been a stupid one. Dan wasn’t even sure he officially qualified for that category. The word still rubbed him the wrong way.

All of them were still in their costumes because someone, Dan suspected Toby Regbo, had sweet talked the costume department. Dan had only had a flute of champagne at Strictly but he already felt a little floaty. It helped to lean into Phil’s side. He was warm and comfortable.

The club they ended up at wasn’t something that Dan would have ever suspected to be a club in the first place. It didn’t look like one from the outside, which he suspected might be the idea. Even so, it was relatively packed inside and lots of people were in costumes too. Dan caught a few familiar faces from TV and music. It must be a celebrity hang out place then.

“I’ll go get us drinks, yeah?” Phil said with a hand on the small of Dan’s back and then he was gone.

Dan wanted to pull a grumpy face at being left alone. Well, not alone. He was around like seven A and B-list celebrities but he still felt a little more alone. Harry seemed to spot this and come up to his side immediately, even if he had to pull away from a couple of 20 something girls that had come up to chat to him. Maybe, he was also hiding a little.

“Sorry if I made it seem like Phil wasn’t invited before,” Harry said earnestly. “I’ve tried inviting the pros along before and their celebrity partners mostly just say that they wouldn’t like to come along.”

“You sure they’re not assholes?” Dan asked in a hushed voice and scanned the crowd with them tonight. It was not any of the celebrities that Dan had really talked to before.

“I don’t think so, but maybe they’re a little careless,” Harry admitted. “I did ask Dianne by the way, but her boyfriend Joe is sick so she wanted to go home to him.”

“It wasn’t any slight towards you, Harry,” Dan assured him. “I just… I hate that there’s still a bit of a divide, you know? Like everyone is paired up but it’s still the celebs in one corner and the pros in the other. Why? We’re all just people.”

Dan realised that he was rambling perhaps a little too much and he was talking to an actual popstar with millions of fans. Granted, the millions of fans part was also true for Dan, even if it had never felt like such a big deal. It was mostly numbers on the internet, but when he did see them at any event he made, he got blown away by their sheer size.

Harry thankfully didn’t seem to take offence.

“You’re right, of course,” he said and sipped the drink that Dan was half-certain that he hadn’t had in his hand a minute ago. “Maybe we should do something to break those walls down. All hang out together.”

“If anyone can manage it, it will be you,” Dan rushed to say, not as much to flatter Harry but to make sure that he was far, far out of the equation. He didn’t want to be responsible for hosting any mixers or anything else. Harry seemed to pick up on that, smirking in a way that made his cheek dimple.

He was a fellow person with dimples but Dan was fairly sure he pulled it off better.

Harry looked at him a little funny all of a sudden.

“Well, I think both of your dimples look great,” Phil said, coming up behind Dan with two very colourful drinks.

“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” Dan asked, muscles locking up in embarrassment. He wasn’t sure if he was asking Harry or Phil or just the universe at large.

“You did,” Harry said, grinning wider, “but I think you pull them off well. Cheers, Phil.”

Harry clinked his glass with the one in Phil’s right hand before turning around and giving them space.

“Why am I acting like I’m drunk?” Dan asked Phil as he took the brightly pink drink from him. He took a sip; it was sweet but delicious. It didn’t taste like alcohol at all. Those kinds of drinks were dangerous. “Or rather why am I speaking like I’m drunk? Maybe I am more tired than I thought. Is this what they mean when they say that it’s as dangerous to drive exhausted as it is drunk?”

Phil looked very endeared and it was shining out of his eyes even in the low lighting and the club and those damn black contact lenses he still hadn’t removed. He had argued that he couldn’t because they were prescription and he would be blind without them.

“You just drank without questioning it?” Phil asked, sounding amused.

Dan twirled the little stick in his very pink drink. “Shouldn’t I? It’s not like you’d put something in my drink.”

“What? No, of course, I wouldn’t, Dan. I’m sorry, I-”

“Phil, it’s okay. Actually, I probably shouldn’t joke about it. It’s a horrible and dangerous thing,” Dan said. “Sorry.”

“For clarification, I just meant you drank a pink drink you didn’t know what kind of alcohol it had.”

“It doesn’t taste like it has any alcohol in it. It’s fruity and sweet, like you, and-”

“Like me?” Phil asked, amused, but Dan didn’t stop. If he dwelled on it, he would have to confront the words that had accidentally slipped out. It was better to just keep going.

“And I don’t give a flying fuck about the colour. I would have when I was younger. I’d go order a pint and then just miserably gulp it down. Trying to be manly or some shit. Now I thrive on girly drinks, you know.”

“Thrive? Maybe I should watch your intake if you’re already this incoherent,” Phil said jokingly but warmly too.

“I’m so coherent and I’m going to prove it to you,” Dan said, drinking the rest of his drink in one go and pulling Phil onto the dance floor to initiate their routine from tonight. It was the wrong song and they didn’t have enough space at all but Phil went along with it.

An hour later, Dan really felt like he was floated. They had migrated to the bar and Phil kept spinning around on the barstool. Dan might also have been spinning him around a couple of more times when Phil complained that his arms were tired. He was such a freaking sap.

“But listen, why is it called foxtrot? It’s nothing like fox trotting? I’m not sure what that would even look like but I’m pretty sure it’s not like that!” Dan insisted.

His tiredness had evaporated a little and he was just full on tipsy but he wasn’t drunk yet. Phil was laughing and almost falling over on his bar stool. Dan reached out to steady it. They were in their own little bubble, so he was pretty surprised to see two girls come up to them. They looked a little nervous and pretty but Dan instantly worried.

“Excuse me?” one of them asked.

“Oh, sorry, we’re together,” Phil said, so casually and put his hand on Dan’s knee for emphasis.

Dan kind of wanted to laugh and kind of wanted to disappear. Phil should probably have talked to him before going around saying stuff like that, especially when the two girls looked very confused, and then a little excited.

“Oh, you are?”

“You’re the guys from Strictly Come Dancing, right?”

Dan cursed under his breath and he saw Phil go stiff as a board. Fuck, they really didn’t need any rumour about them being a couple. Dan felt tongue-tied and Phil was not saying much anything else.

“We just came over to say hi,” one of the girls continued. “She used to watch your videos all the time but now she’s embarrassed.”

“I’m not,” the other girl said, tightly grabbing onto her friend’s hand. “I said I wasn’t sure that it was him.”

“Well, clearly it is and they are dating like you thought,” the first girl continued undeterred.

Dan felt a little nauseous all of a sudden. He was on the way to finding his voice to explain but Phil beat him to it.

“Sorry, I just meant that we’re here together. We’re just dance partners. Nothing more,” Phil assured them.

It was the truth, at least mostly. They were also friends, but Dan knew that Phil was just denying any romantic involvement between them. It was the truth, so why did it feel like it made something burn horribly in the pit of Dan’s stomach. It was like a sour taste rose in his throat too.

“Oh, well, sorry for interrupting but nice to meet you, Dan,” the second girl said and smiled kind of shyly before turning on her heel and dragging her louder friend along with her.

“That was something,” Dan said, feeling significantly more sober all of a sudden.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I thought it was just the quickest way to get them off our back. I forgot about the whole,” Phil waved his hand in Dan’s direction, “celebrity thing.”

“Call me a celebrity again and I’ll fucking deck you,” Dan threatened because it was easier than to deal with the sour feeling in his stomach. He could do this, joking around with Phil. He wanted to prove that it hadn’t changed.

“Like you could,” Phil said, eyebrow raising up in challenge.

Dan leaned in close, intending to be intimidating, but all it did was bring him close to Phil’s black eyes. He hated those contacts, he wanted to rip them out.

“Why are you pouting?” Phil asked softly, but even over the faint music around them, Dan could still hear him perfectly fine. They were too close but Dan couldn’t make himself take it back.

“Your eyes,” Dan whined, still looking at them all black.

“What? Still weird?”

“I miss them.”

“Dan, they’re still my eyes.”

“I know but… black!”

“I thought you’d appreciate that, isn’t it your favourite colour?”

“Technically, it’s not even a colour.”

“Smarty-pants.”

“I just want to see _your_ eyes. The blue, green and yellow,” Dan said and he knew he was letting out too much information. He was revealing just how closely he had studied Phil’s eyes but it wasn’t his fault. It was Phil who had decided they had to practice eye contact if anything, it was Phil’s fault

“What?”

“It’s your fault,” Dan said, even if he wasn’t sure Phil would be able to follow his train of thought.

Phil was suddenly pulling back a little, but still smiling so warmly.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Phil said, eyes narrowed.

“Yeah?” Dan said. He was pretty sure he would be willing to do any deal that Phil wanted to make him. Maybe it wasn’t the ideal time when he was sore, tipsy and tired at 2 AM in a swanky celebrity club but he didn’t are. If Phil wanted a deal, then he would get a deal.

“I’ll take off the contacts but then you have to promise to get me home,” Phil said.

Now, if Dan’s logical part of his brain had been turned on, he would immediately realise that this could be a difficult feat. It was definitely possible but it required a lot of responsibility.

The logical part of Dan’s brain seemed to have shut off for the moment and instead he just instantly agreed because he wanted to see Phil’s eyes. He would follow him all the way into his bedroom if it was necessary, even if it probably wasn’t a good idea.

Watching Phil remove his contacts was something quite bizarre. He seemed to just reach into his eye and effortlessly pull them out. Dan couldn’t get his hands anywhere near that close to his eyes, let alone touching the damn eyeball, contact in between or not. It took only a few seconds.

“That’s magic,” Dan said, slightly mesmerised. “How can you just do that?”

“ _They_ were magic. Magic that made me see. I’m blind now,” Phil said, reaching out to hold onto Dan’s elbow.

“Can you really not see?” Dan asked, suddenly concerned. His brain’s logical part was awakening again. “At all?”

“I can see your shape. You’re just blurry, I would be able to see you if you got really close.”

“Yeah?” Dan asked, and started leaning in instantly. “How close?”

“Closer,” Phil whispered.

His eyes did look different without contacts in, only because they were a little unfocused. Dan was mesmerised. He kept getting close and closer and he could see when Phil’s eyes were able to focus on his face.

“Here?” he asked, even if he already knew the answer.

“A little closer,” Phil said, and Dan had a feeling he was lying but he moved closer all the same.

Part of Dan wanted to reach out and kiss Phil. This felt like it might be a kiss moment but it could also ruin the night. He had promised to get Phil home safely in his half-blind state. He didn’t want to mess anything up. He also didn’t want to be drinking when they shared their first kiss. Dan didn’t want to rush it but the urge still sat overwhelming in his chest and he had to do something.

“Close your eyes?” Dan asked, feeling brave for just a moment.

Phil’s eyes looked into his for a moment before they slowly shut. Phil was really pretty like this. Dan hoped that he had many ex boyfriends showering him with compliments, only he also didn’t want that to be a reality upon second thought. Phil deserved all the compliments in the world, but Dan also wanted to be the one who could give them unabashedly.

He leaned forward just a little until their foreheads rested together. Fuck, Dan wanted to pepper him with kisses all over. He had never felt such a fluttery and innocent desire before. Phil was making him a huge softie. Dan pressed a soft kiss to Phil’s left eyelid and then to Phil’s right eyelid. It was the smallest amount of pressure, but it still satisfied a little bit of the urge. Phil’s eyes opened when Dan pulled back a little but he still stayed within Phil’s range of visibility.

“What was that for?” Phil asked.

“Trying to work a little magic of my own,” Dan said, and then chickened out and went for the joke instead. “You can see now, right?”

Phil snorted but he humoured Dan and turned his head to look at the club around them.

“Nope, still a blurry mess.”

“Damn, I guess I’m not magic then.”

“You’re a different type of magic, Dan,” Phil said so earnestly that it caught him off guard.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Phil said and shook his head. He hopped down from the bar stool and immediately looped his arm with Dan’s. “You’re getting me home safely or you’ll be out a dance partner next week. Let’s go.”

Part of Dan wanted to be a little shit and bring up the fact that celebrities in the past had gotten paired with one of the other pros if for some reason their dancer had to drop out due to injury or emergencies. He didn’t bring it up because he was pretty sure he would entirely drop out if he couldn’t dance with Phil. He was sure nobody could measure up.

“Let’s get you home, naked mole rat,” Dan said affectionately and started to pull Phil through the crowd, making sure he had enough space.

Dan could get used to playing guide dog if it meant being pressed into Phil’s side. He could get used to quite a few things if it meant being close to Phil, if he was being perfectly honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? I'm sorry for any mistakes by the way, I was writing most of this chapter tonight and my brain is too tired to edit. Please don't take out your lenses in public if you don't have spare or glasses with you. I have a worse prescription than Phil and I would be so lost and disoriented out in the world without contacts or my glasses. But it's a cute little moment, so I couldn't help myself. I also threw in a couple of The Urge references (whenever I consider that Dan and Phil actually wrote phanfic about themselves, I just burst out laughing). I hope you liked this week's chapter and thank you for all being so lovely in the comments about the surprise POV change in last week's chapter.
> 
> Youngblood is kind of a special DnP song for me because it was the song that played during my meet and greet with them back in 2018. I didn't even realise until I listened back to my recording but it's playing the whole time in the background, so I'm glad I managed to sneak it in here. 
> 
> Next update is on Saturday, and I would say around 8 PM CEST but lately they're ready a few hours later so maybe aim for that instead (if anyone is even keeping an eye on the time of my uploads)


	10. Week 7: Paso Double to Shut Up and Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wasn’t sure what to expect when Phil came into the studio and looked a little insecure for the first time. He wasn’t exactly sure how it had lead to Dan leading the dance or a surprise lyrics change but he couldn’t much complain when it got them such a result.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that I have [a playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3jONYSbaoZiPY1Y1U6wyov?si=aB9YQQR-SRGHaj6-M8YD3Q) for this work if you want to see what songs are coming up

Dan had begun to think that there wasn’t any dance that wouldn’t suit Phil. No matter what they had done so far, Phil had seemed to be a master of it. He somehow managed to make everything look distinctly different while still keeping his persona touch on it. It was incredibly endearing and incredibly impressive.

It was the reason that Dan felt utterly floored when Phil came into the practice room early Monday morning with a sheepish smile on his face and hands much more jittery than usual. At first, Dan worried that it had been something about Halloween when they had both been out and Dan had to literally guide Phil all the way into his bedroom in his naked mole rat state. He couldn’t remember anything off happening, other than his internal gay panic at getting a proper glimpse at Phil’s bedroom. It had been a time of light-hearted jokes and a little too much sincere gratitude that had made Dan feel weak in his knees.

When he had departed Phil’s flat that night, he had felt slightly like he was walking on air. He couldn’t even remember the short walk back to his own place. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. He could only remember waking up on Sunday morning with a huge smile on his face and a text full of happy emojis from Phil waiting on his phone.

They had texted back and forth all of Sunday and Dan had been so close to inviting Phil over or inviting himself over to Phil’s to just hang out more but he still had a small bit of reservations. He didn’t want to rush anything and maybe it was good to take a day apart.

Healthy.

Even though Dan thought everything was okay with them, he still felt like he got jittery nervous when Phil walked in with such an unusual expression on his face.

“What is it?” Dan asked, unable to beat around the bush. “Why do you look ike you saw a sad ghost?”

“A sad ghost? Are there happy ghosts?” Phil asked, face now shifting to perplexed instead. It was slightly better.

Dan was pretty sure it was universally acknowledged that there wasn’t any type of ghosts but he wasn’t about to go down that road with Phil. Not when he had learned that Phil thought the house he grew up in haunted and his parents had once even gotten an exotism done at the place. Dan was not a believer but he wasn’t about to shit on Phil’s perception all the same.

“Maybe,” Dan said instead, and poured humour into his tone, “they could be happy to be freed from the burden of living?”

Phil’s nose scrunched up in the most adorable way. Dan kind of wanted to lean in and kiss it.

“I know all that doom and gloom humour is your brand but you’re entirely too full of life to pull it off,” Phil said, as he dumped his bag in the corner and went into his stretches.

For some godforsaken reason, Phil was wearing a sleeveless shirt that also stopped right at his leggings. It meant that when Phil stretched there was entirely too much skin on display. For a brief moment, Dan wondered if he would have had an easier time defining and acknowledging his sexuality if he had been presented with someone like Phil in gym class. He would be inclined to argue that he would have realised it much sooner.

He was so distracted that he didn’t pick up on Phil’s words for a moment.

“Full of life?” he said a little of disbelief. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever called him that. Mostly they would say that he fit into his branding very well, even if it had morphed and changed a little over the years. He wasn’t as deep in the nihilism and self-depreciation as he had been.

“Yeah,” Phil said, leaning into his stretch and the poor old shirt was clinging on for dear life. Dan wouldn’t have minded if it ripped just a little. It looked nice, old and worn in and he was pretty sure he could spot old sweat stains but there was something stripped back with seeing Phil like this. “Your eyes glow when you’re excited, you know?”

“Eyes can’t glow, Phil,” Dan said a little helplessly. It was a miracle that he could even get the words out because he felt a little breathless. “It’s not physically possible.”

“I didn’t mean literally,” Phil said with a chuckle, and thankfully dropped out of his stretch. “You know, the other one.”

“Figuratively?” Dan asked with a smile.

“Sure,” Phil said. “Anyway, sorry if I did look a little spooked today. I’m not. Well, a bit maybe. I think this week might be a tough one.”

“Oh?” Dan asked. He did not like the sound of that. It wasn’t one of the big weeks with themes or the highly anticipated Blackpool week, so he wasn’t sure why Phil would be nervous. Maybe he would just be nervous from here on and moving forward. The show lasted a total of 14 weeks, including the launch show and with they were no halfway through. It was possible that Phil saw this as the turning point where the happy amateurs had been sorted out and the competition got a whole lot sharper and tougher.

“Yeah…” Phil said ominously and sat down on the floor to stretch out his legs.

“Phil, just tell me what you’re worried about,” Dan pressed.

“We’re dancing the Paso Double this week.”

Dan waited for him to elaborate but that was all he said. He wasn’t really sure what to do with that information. Dan had done a brief research about all of the potential dances they could be doing throughout the show but they wouldn’t be doing every single option available, so he usually just looked up additional information after Phil briefed him if he needed it. So far, he hadn’t needed it very often since Phil was good at explaining things and the specific aspects that he needed to focus on.

“Okay…?” Dan asked when the silence dragged on. “So, what does that mean?”

Phil played with the hem of his pants at his ankle, and the sheepish look returned.

“It’s one that I personally struggle a bit with,” Phil said, suddenly looking bashful.

“Oh,” Dan said, and he had to take a moment to even take those words in. It seemed unlikely for Phil to be ungraceful or struggling with any dance. He hadn’t seen it happen yet but he should probably have figured that even a pro might have his weaknesses.

Dan pushed down on the desire to laugh and insist that Phil probably wasn’t as bad as he thought he would be. Dan would definitely be worse, but that had been the case so far. Phil looked as if he needed someone to talk to, more than someone he needed Dan to just blindly hype him up.

“What do you need from me?” Dan asked. It was something he had picked up in therapy and while he really wasn’t trying to be Phil’s therapist for a hundred and one reasons, he could still try to establish an open dialogue.

“Huh?” Phil asked, and he sounded a little baffed. “What do you mean?”

He said it so innocently but so trustingly already that Dan felt like he was the one who had shared something vulnerable. He cracked a small smile and reached out to place his hand on Phil’s knee.

“Tell me why you’re worried? And if you just want to get it out, or if you’d like for me to try to help. I will, you know, if I can in anyway.”

If it was even possible, Phil’s smile seemed to get even softer and he reached over to put his hand on top of Dan’s. Phil had really nice hands. They were great, in Dan’s entirely unbiased opinion.

“It’s not the technical aspects of Paso Double. I’ve got that down and I’m going to make you nail them as well. It’s the artistic aspect, I suppose? If you can call it that. Almost every dance style has a story along with it, you can tweak and make it your own when you do a chorography but it should still hit that specific base line, in particular if it’s for competition.”

Dan nodded along, and tried very hard not to put any meaning into the fact that Phil still held his hand on top of his and even gave him a little squeeze.

“But the Paso Double is more passionate, almost aggressive, in its approach. You have to be all fiery and intense out there. It’s hard for me to get into that mindset, because I just want to jump around and be happy. I can make my face neutral if I have to but looking almost mean? Like scowling, sort of? It’s something that I have to actively fight against and if I’m also focusing on keeping in with the steps and leading and helping you, it can be a bit much. It was on a Paso Double that I got kicked off last year.”

“Oh,” Dan said again but with more understanding this time. “Well, we’ll work it out.”

Dan turned his hand around, palm facing up towards Phil’s hand instead of squeezing around Phil’s knee.

“How are you so calm? You usually moan about how the choreographies will be hard all of the first day? You’re not nervous? I might be the one who lets you down this week. It shouldn’t work like that,” Phil said and Dan was all too familiar with that tone of voice.

“Hey,” he said, moving his hand a little more so that he was properly holding Phil’s hand in his. It could have been weird but Dan was a little too wrapped up in trying to comfort Phil to be awkward about it. “You would not let me down. Even if I, by some miracle dance better than you at this one dance, you would not be letting me down in the slightest. You are an incredibly talented dancer and choreographer and you literally take my breath away with every single dance you teach me. Nothing is going to change that, especially not that you might struggle with one style? Hell no, Phil. If anything, it just shows me that you’re human. Real.”

“This is way too intense a conversation for early Monday morning,” Phil said, and for a beat, Dan wondered if he had overstepped. Then Phil squeezed him back and shot Dan a smile that he had never seen before. It was timid and slow building and it spread all the way up to his eyes. Dan was about to reconsider how he had teased Phil for saying Dan had glowing eyes.

Phil’s whole face seemed to glow. It started in his eyes but it spread outwards, over cheeks and cheekbones, until it was a soft and warm expression that reached past hist eyebrows and his nose. His smile seemed the warmest of all, lips flushed slightly pinker than usual.

“Maybe,” Dan said and crinkled his nose.

“I didn’t mean in a bad way,” Phil said, the warm smile and the glow making a home on his face. “I needed that. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Dan said and he realised that it might be one of the first times that he had used that phrase where he actually meant it. He had a feeling that Phil could call him up in the middle of the night and tell him to do some utterly stupid, like scouting for squirrels, and Dan would still roll out of bed and somehow stumble his way to Phil’s location.

Having a crush was a dangerous, dangerous thing. It would make you to silly, silly things.

Dan had a feeling he should be more opposed to it, but it was difficult when he felt like Phil’s smile set his whole body alight. He allowed himself to indulge in it just a little.

When Phil showed Dan the choreography, Dan was slightly stunned that Phil wasn’t as bad as it as he had made it sound. He still looked elegant and even if his facial expression seemed a little tense and less natural than usual, he was still a vision to behold.

Where Dan noticed the difference, the most was in Phil’s confidence. Normally he executed his moves with an abundance of confidence because he knew he could land them expertly. He trusted himself, or rather his muscle memory from many training sessions to carry him through it.

With the Paso Double, he was still looking good while dancing but there was a slight hesitation in his moves that Dan had never noticed before. He only noticed it now because he had gone through weeks and weeks of Phil telling him that he needed not to be so scared to throw himself into the steps. Dan took the opportunity to throw Phil’s own advice back at him, even if he probably knew it already.

Sometimes, it helped to have someone else say it to you.

Dan for one knew that he couldn’t always trust his own brain, even when it was right.

“You know, if it were me,” Dan said and walked up behind Phil and indulged in letting his hands settle on Phil’s hips, like Phil so often did to him. “Then you’d tell me to move more confidently. Throw myself into it with reckless abandon. Trust that I would figure it out along the way, because hesitation would only get me stuck and fragmented.”

Phil looked over his shoulder at Dan, face entirely too close. Dan was almost happy that he was focused on the cheeky grin on Phil’s face to let himself get lost in Phil’s pretty features. His hands felt hot where they were touching Phil’s hips, even through the leggings.

“Stealing my words, are you, Howell?” Phil asked.

Dan gulped and almost said that it was only fair when Phil was stealing his breath away.

“Just giving you some of your own medicine,” Dan said, when he figured out how to say something that wasn’t quite as revealing to his growing emotions towards his dance partner.

“It is medicine,” Phil asked, turning around in Dan’s hold but doing it so slowly that Dan still kept his hands on Phil’s hips. Maybe he had been meant to remove them. He wasn’t sure. Still, Phil didn’t look like he minded in the slightest.

“Not bad medicine,” Dan said, and he was on a stupid tangent but he would talk about any and all stupid tangents when he had Phil’s undivided attention like this. He had it quite often, sometimes hours and hours on end, but he wasn’t sure if he would ever tire of it. “Like that sweet Mary Poppins shit, if anything.”

It was a stupid joke but it had the desired result, which was Phil laughing. Phil laughed with his whole body, even leaning into Dan a little and Dan felt like his whole body tingled with joy. He got so indescribably happy when he was making Phil happy.

Phil did seem to take Dan’s words, or Dan’s paraphrasing of Phil’s past words, to heart and he looked a little more in control the rest of the session. It got a little worse when the two of them went through it together but mostly because Phil wasn’t much for dragging Dan around like the dance demanded it.

Dan actually found an easier time to get into the mindset. It might be his theatre background or it might have something to do with the fact that he wouldn’t mind aggressively spinning around with Phil on the dance floor and trying to seduce his partner.

Towards the end of the day, Phil suddenly snapped his fingers and pointed them straight at Dan. For one horrible moment, Dan thought his crush had somehow been revealed, even if he couldn’t remember making anything explicit at all. Maybe all the little hints and longing glares that he couldn’t quite keep in check were just adding up.

Dan was momentarily relieved and then terrified when Phil explained what had given him that epiphany expression.

“You are going to lead this dance.”

It was relief because Dan hadn’t been found out in his hopefully still quiet pining but then it was terror at the mere idea of having to lead a dance. He would be responsible for steering him and Phil around on the dance floor? It could only end in disaster.

“Absolutely not,” Dan said and he wished he had sounded sterner and more confident. His voice wavered already.

“Come on, you will do great,” Phil said, with full puppy dog eyes and Dan could already feel the thin sliver of resistance melting under that gaze. “You will blow them all away, and it would also be a tremendous help for me.”

“I’d never be able to learn it all,” Dan said, one last attempt at shooting down this idea.

Phil’s eyes were glimmering with victory already and Dan couldn’t really deny it either. It had always been the idea that they could switch up who was leading the dance. It was a fun thing to play around with in their situation. Dan was nothing is not versatile.

“It’s not harder than learning being led,” Phil said, and Dan wasn’t sure if that was a white lie or not. “You’ll do great.”

Dan really stood no chance against a pouting and enthusiastic Phil Lester. He had already accepted his fate.

There was also a small part of him that was thankful for Phil’s little bush because he had wanted to get around to leading a dance before he would inevitably get kicked off. As the competition had only gotten harder and harder, they could never know which dance might be their last.

Phil did check in with him as they walked out of the studio on Monday, assuring Dan that he wouldn’t actually have to do it, if it made him uncomfortable. Dan appreciated it but he had waved off Phil’s concern.

He was regretting it slightly when it was Wednesday evening and he felt sore and beat all over. The Paso Double was a lot to handle, even if Dan knew a fraction of it came from leading the dance. It was just a lot to deal with and Phil had taught him to do these weird kicks in the air where his legs went in different directions. He had insisted and kept gently nudging Dan and even promising him to bring him any snack he wanted if he could just keep going for a couple more tries.

A couple more tries had turned into about ten more and Dan’s legs had ached so much. Not only was it the kicking and the flexibility needed, he also needed to leap off the floor. Still, it was almost preferable to the bits of the last part of the dance where he would have to grasp Phil’s neck and stare into his eyes once more only, he needed to keep up that intense facial expression.

When Phil had asked what kind of snacks Dan wanted tomorrow, Dan had been so tired and out of it that he had just answered potatoes. It had made Phil laugh, but Dan had stayed in the hole he had accidentally dug himself and he insisted that any type of potato was a good potato and therefore a valid answer.

Dan had a feeling that Phil would just show up with a sack to following day.

After the Wednesday training, Dan had just wanted to just go home and crash out like he did most weekdays, but he couldn’t that night. He only had enough time to take a shower and get dressed in fancy casual before heading off to a YouTube event he had been explicitly invited to.

He had wanted to blow it off, but he had already agreed to come before he knew he had known he would actually be on Strictly. His manager had told him that it wasn’t nice to bow out, if he at all could drag his body to it.

Dan was nothing if not dedicated and he had shown up to the event all the same. It was a party celebrating the British creators on the platform and they had still felt like Dan should be there despite only putting out a handful of YouTube videos in the past year. He honestly wouldn’t have blamed them if they had cut him.

However, it seemed he was in luck despite the unfortunate situation. If Phil had been around, he would have said that it was the universe balancing and giving him something good for having to put up with a bad situation.

“Long time, no see,” Dan said with a shy smile as he walked up to the table he would be at tonight and saw the woman to his left.

“Daniel!” Louise exclaimed excitedly almost springing up from her seat. The flute of champagne that she had been holding was almost tossed onto the table and it wobbled dangerously before settling.

Dan had been watching the drink spin and he was caught slightly off guard by the hug, but as soon as he felt it, he let out a chuckle and hugged her back. They had known each other for ages, both coming to YouTube back in the early days where you would be looked at weird for saying you made YouTube videos. It was a different space now, which was one of the reasons that Dan had pulled back from it slightly. Still, he couldn’t abandon it entirely and he felt a specific attachment to the video sharing site and all the people he had gotten to know through it.

“It’s nice to see you, Louise,” Dan said, finally pulling out of the hug. “And I can see I even have the honour of being your designated table mate.”

“I wouldn’t want any other,” Louise said with a bright smile, and then it turned even brighter. “Oh, you must tell me everything about Strictly!”

Dan smiled, now a little shy, before getting into his seat. He had known that Louise had long dreamt of being on the show before finally getting on it last year and then only to be kicked off in the third week. It was really a shame that she hadn’t gotten to do more weeks, Dan could say from experience now. It got harder and harder but he also felt like he knew more and more.

“What do you want to know?” Dan asked, folding his napkin in his lap.

“How is Phil? I’ve been messaging him, but that boy is a tight-lipped one.”

“Oh?” Dan asked, this was news to him, though he supposed he had no idea what kind of people Phil might be in contact with. Louise was his former Strictly partner, it was only natural that they kept in touch. “What have you been trying to pry from him?”

He liked Louise because she was fun to be around and almost as awkward as him, but she was also much more open about stuff. She was classified as a mummy vlogger by YouTube standards but she had also been open about her own mental health struggles. It was something her and Dan had bonded over back in the day. She wasn’t a gossip per say, but she did want to know people’s business. However, she would never take it on to anyone else if you told her to keep it to herself.

“Oh, you know, this and that,” she said noncommittally. “Mostly I asked how he liked dancing with you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, of course. You have everyone mesmerised. I’m not even sure if you realise.”

“Mesmerised seems like a lot,” Dan said, suddenly feeling shy and looking down into his lap.

“Oh, it’s really not. Remember, I’ve danced with him too, even if for a shorter time. Phil is something quite special to behold just on his own but I’ve never seen him dance with anyone like he dances with you.”

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of that. Part of him felt thrilled because he still had a bit of completely irrational jealousy when he thought about Phil dancing with other people. He didn’t outright mind it but he still did want to be the one Phil had the most fun with. It was the crush talking again.

“I’ve been meaning to text you, actually,” Dan said, “but everything seems to move so fast these days.”

“I remember it,” Louise said, tinged with rosy nostalgia. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I think I just wanted to say that I finally _get it_ , I guess. I don’t think I got it before, why you always thought it was so fun and wanted to get on the show. Honestly, I thought it a little… much? Like a gimmick, I suppose.”

“And now you’ve changed you mind?” Louise asked, even if she could probably already tell by his tone.

“Well, partially,” Dan said, leaning back on his chair just a little. They were running out of time to chitchat before the presentation would start judging but the people shuffling back and forth to the little stage. “It’s still very fabricated and everything but I’ve also just gotten an immense respect for the dancers. Like it’s so incredibly what they do. A new choreography for a different dance style each week? And they’re so amazing and cool?”

“Phil does choregraph some really amazing dances, doesn’t he?”

Dan blinked and tried to quickly sort through his words but he never thought that he had specific that he particularly found Phil’s choreographies to be the amazing ones, even if it was undoubtedly true.

“I didn’t-”

Louise patted him on the shoulder. “I know you didn’t say, but it’s all over your face. And Phil’s choreographies are my favourite ones too, so perhaps I’m biased.”

Dan chuckled fondly, actually happy that she wasn’t calling him out for showing favouritism and instead joining him in it.

All through the presentations, all about how UK YouTubers had such a strong presence on YouTube that should be celebrated, and through the delicious but too small dinner that Dan wolfed down, him and Louise would find little moments to gush and catch up.

They shared stories from the training room and Dan found out that Louise had a pretty similar experience with Phil, with him being persistent but a kind and good teacher but they had never hung out outside of training. There were no ice cream trips or coming over to hang out at Phil’s flat or taking spontaneous Sunday strolls together. It made Dan feel special.

In his half-tipsy and very tired state, he suddenly thought it was a good idea to pull his phone out and text Phil. Louise would probably have stopped him if she had seen it because he had no doubt that she had already clocked his crush on Phil, maybe before he had even opened his mouth tonight.

However, it was on his way back from the bathroom that the idea struck him and he had no one to stop him. It was a simple text but still it probably said too much.

 _i feel special_ , Dan sent without any context at all.

It made perfect sense in his brain as he sent it but exactly one second later, he realised that it really didn’t if you hadn’t been privy to his and Louise’s conversation as well as Dan’s internal thought process.

He was contemplating if there was a way to unsend a text message that he had just forgotten when the reply came in. Phil had always been rather quick to reply, never letting Dan’s messages linger for long.

 _You are,_ Phil wrote back.

Dan felt his entire stomach flip. Maybe Phil was just playing along with what he thought might be a joke or he was indulging Dan because he knew he was supposed to be at a semi fancy event and he had proudly declared that he was going to get wine drunk and forget about his muscle aches.

It was only when Louise found him still staring at his phone in that hallway that he realised he had just been staring at his phone with a goofy smile for entirely too long.

Despite the text, Thursday training came and went like normal, even if it was kicking Dan’s butt this week in particular. Maybe it was because Dan was trying extra hard to nail everything. He had to admit that leading Phil around the dance floor was a rather empowering feeling.

When it came to the rehearsal on Friday, it turned out that Phil had something more up his sleeve. At first Dan didn’t suspect anything because he was used to Phil going around and striking up conversation with everyone. It was normal for him to talk to the musicians or the staff. He was a friendly guy. Dan didn’t think twice about it until they were ready on the dance floor to go through their dance in front of a small audience for the first time.

Dan was so focused on leading the dance and remembering everything that he almost didn’t hear it. He had listened to the song _Shut Up and Dance_ endless times throughout the week. When that happened, he stopped really paying attention to the lyrics, and instead he started to associate specific beats to the dance moves instead. Still, he felt something unusual catch his ears right away.

If you had asked Dan, he would probably have said that it was his inner gay always trained to latch onto subtle hints to find fellow LGBTQ+ people. In recent years, he had made sure to always address people with gender neutral pronouns unless their pronouns were specified and the same went for someone if they talked about their date.

Most people didn’t mind, but he had gotten a couple of odd looks, mostly from cishet people, who sometimes aggressively pointed out that their date was of the opposite gender or that their pronouns were in line with their gender expression. Still, he had gotten more people that had been almost touched and appreciative about his approach, sometimes clarifying happily their correct pronouns or happily living in the vagueness without clarifying anything or feeling pressured to do so.

It might be why Dan noticed the change in the lyrics. Dan almost messed up the choreography when he heard the first lyrics change in the first verse, switching to “ _he said shut up and dance with me; this man is my destiny_ ”. It continued on towards the song, all of the she’s being switched with he and her with his, and even the “ _discotheque Juliet”_ switched out with Romeo. Dan almost forgot to pay attention properly to the choreography and he was sure he had lost control of his facial expression.

That was partly Phil’s fault because Phil was also grinning entirely too much. Dan hadn’t expected it or been able to prepare for the emotions he felt swept up in. Suddenly, he was paying attention to the lyrics again and it was too much. He felt his affection build in his chest as he locked eyes with Phil.

Dan didn’t really believe in destiny, but he was wondering if maybe he had been a little too hasty in that steadfast belief. He didn’t have any proof that destiny could be a real thing so in that sense nothing had changed. However, looking into Phil’s eyes he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe something wasn’t meant to be explained by reason or science.

He still felt like he was high on life and this newfound questioning of destiny when him and Phil fell into the final pose. He wasn’t even sure how they had done in the dance on a technical score but Phil didn’t look at him with worry or disappointment so he figured that they had done alright.

Dan didn’t bring it up until they were back in their little cramped dressing room. He grabbed Phil by the shoulders and shook him slightly.

“Phiiil,” Dan whined, too high and excited for it to be really chastising.

Phil could see that too.

“Daaan,” Phil said back, grabbing him by the shoulders as well and shaking him in the same fashion. “Good surprise?”

“Yes!” Dan said too loudly, and then he made himself calm down a little. He let out a chuckle. “I mean, yes, of course. Though I would have appreciated the heads up.”

“That would have ruined the surprise though,” Phil said with a pout and Dan was overcome with the desire to close the distance between them. It was happening more and more these days. One of these days his control of himself would snap but he probably needed to talk about his growing affection for and attraction to Phil before any of that happened.

Dan would have liked to stay in the little moment of euphoria but he was a serial overthinker and his brain decided to run away with him anyway.

“Wait… is it allowed? Like can you do that?”

“What do you mean? You just heard that the singer changed the lyrics? It sounded good right?”

“Well, yeah,” Dan said and now he took a step back, suddenly a little worried whether Phil might get in trouble for this. He could handle himself getting in trouble for it because that was what he often did. He stirred up the pot and got himself in trouble by making people consider stereotypes and gender norms and all that shit, but because of that he also knew that it could blow up in your face.

It was of no real consequence for Dan in terms of Strictly since he knew it was unlikely for them to kick him off mid-season because of the public outcry that might garner but it could hurt Phil’s chances for being one of the pros for the upcoming seasons if he stirred the pot too much.

“Dan, you’re worried for no reason,” Phil said, almost as if he could read Dan’s reservations on his face. Maybe he could. Phil could be quite perceptive when he wanted to be.

“But what if I’m not though? If you get in trouble over this, I’m,” Dan said but then caught himself and corrected his words, “it’s not worth it.”

Dan wasn’t sure what he had expected, maybe that Phil just let out a sigh and agree. They were already pushing everything by being the first same-sex couple in UK Strictly’s history. Just by existing they were stirring the pot and maybe Phil speeding up his movements like this would just cause everything to spill over. Dan found that he really didn’t want Phil to get wrapped up in something that could harm him in anyway.

Changing the pronouns in a song seemed harmless and innocent enough but it was the message behind it. Dan knew his followers, most of which were queer in one way or another, would love the change. They would embrace and celebrate it and if it had the possibility of having a relatively big positive impact, then he knew it also had the risk of having a big negative impact.

“Are you worried? I can ask them to change it back if you’re worried,” Phil said seriously, even if he looked a little baffled.

Dan was reminded in that moment that Phil had been catching up on his videos and his podcasts. He would have heard Dan bang on and on about the importance of fighting back in the little ways, of changing things one baby step at a time and how if you kept going, you would eventually have covered a great distance.

Phil’s confusion made perfect sense because doing something like this was right out of Dan’s rulebook.

Dan wanted to say that he wasn’t worried about himself but he was worried about any of the blowback hitting Phil. He didn’t want to say that in those words, not knowing what it would mean to confess that he worried more about Phil being hurt than himself. He could try to argue with himself that it was simple because Phil wasn’t used to standing within firing range like Dan was, but that would have been a cop-out of an answer.

Dan decided to be honest instead. He had trouble doing that with people he cared about but maybe it was time he learned.

“I’m worried it will cause trouble for _you_ , maybe even hurt your position as a pro dancer.”

The expression on Phil’s face moved through too much all at once. First, he looked confused, then a little angry, then incredibly touched before he finally settled on something more controlled.

“I’ll be fine,” he said with sincerity.

“Are you sure?” Dan asked and he hadn’t realised that his hand had moved to Phil’s side now, resting gently there against Phil’s warmth.

“110%,” Phil said and Dan would have argued that wasn’t a real percentage you would say in this scenario but he was a little too busy smiling at Phil. “I meant it what I said to you when we started this whole thing. It matters. Us being on here matters beyond ourselves, and we should push the boundaries a little. Tiny baby steps, right?”

Having one of his own phrases spoken back to him made Dan’s heart feel incredibly soft and fond. He felt suddenly like he might burst into tears and he hid it, by reaching forward and pulling Phil into a tight hug. Phil instantly hugged him back with the same desperate force and Dan once more realised that he really couldn’t have asked for a better dance partner.

Maybe, he was a little more inclined to believe in destiny.

Even so, he couldn’t help but be a little nervous about the whole thing come Saturday night. As far as he knew, Phil hadn’t actually cleared the decision to change the lyrics with any of the producers, or even spoken a word of it to the hosts or the other staff. Phil seemed to want it to be a surprise for everyone and he had just asked it of the musicians.

It was really quite something that they had just agreed and probably promised to keep it secret because Phil had asked. Dan was almost relieved that he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t resist Phil’s persuasive eyes. Phil was just that type of guy – everyone who met and talked to him seemed to be instinctively endeared.

Dan had wondered if any of the staff members that had been around for the rehearsal or the camera crew would have brought up the issue but either they didn’t know that the song’s lyrics had been changed in the first place or they hadn’t paid enough attention to catch it. It seemed like another sign.

Dan was nervous and shifting from foot to foot as he waited as all of the pros had opened the show with a group dance. He was missing the steady presence of Phil next to him and it didn’t exactly help to have Phil twirl around the floor with someone else. Dan had never really considered himself to be the jealous type but he was finding that it was flaring up in him now when it concerned Phil. It really was a good thing that Phil was single because Dan wasn’t sure how jealous he would have become of a romantic partner when he was already so on edge watching Phil dance with other people.

Louise had sent a long text wishing him and Phil the best of luck just a couple of hours ago and Dan had been too nervous to reply. He still thought of how she had told him that she had never seen Phil dance with anyone like how he danced with Dan and he felt warmth spread all through his chest.

Dan had found himself located next to Carrie and Harry as they watched the screen with the pros.

“Do you think we’ll ever learn to dance like that?” Harry asked, watching the pros move across the dance floor in incredibly sync like they were one breathing organism and not a dozen different people.

“I don’t know,” Carrie replied. “Maybe not, coordinating stuff for the stage is a half nightmare to make sure everyone stays in their right place and move when they have to. But even I’m impressed with the pros moving like that together.”

“I think anything will be possible if you spend enough time together,” Dan said, without really meaning to butt into their conversation. He was just about to apologise for speaking but Carrie and Harry looked at him curiously all the same.

“You think so?” Harry asked. “We could learn to dance like that? All of us together?”

Dan caught how he wasn’t the only one who didn’t like to use the label of celebrity. Despite being arguably the most famous out of the lot, Harry never seemed to lean into it. Dan could both respect and relate to that, even if he felt like he existed on another level. He could still remember the time he had gone to a convention two years ago and he had been utterly baffled that he would need security because suddenly too many people were swarming around him. He was glad that wasn’t his usual day.

“We could learn,” Dan said and looked back at the screen, right as Phil and Otis came into frame. “With the right teacher,” he added almost absentmindedly. He didn’t look away from the screen until Carrie chuckled. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said, waving him off. “It’s just cute.”

Dan frowned and suddenly wondered if he had exposed himself. He wouldn’t exactly be surprised but it still made him feel tense all over.

“Relax,” Harry said and put a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “You admire your partner that’s a good thing.”

Dan wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get used to how people would casually drop the dance in dance partner. It made him feel a little too fond, even if he also wondered if it left his feeling exposed. There was something in both Carrie and Harry’s eyes that told Dan that they might be picking up what he was accidentally laying down but none of them seemed to press the issue.

Still, he felt better once Phil made it back to him. Dan even snuck off to the changing room with Phil while he switched costumes. He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to do that but Phil had smiled over his shoulder and Dan had helplessly followed.

He did turn his back as Phil changed, giving him some privacy but he was blown away when he turned around all the same. Phil was in an outfit to match Dan’s, with the same old-school looking waistcoat with strings that accentuated his waist.

“Help me?” Phil asked, as soon as he had gotten it on.

Dan’s hand obediently went to his waist to help tie the strings in while he ignored the fact that Phil could and probably should go out to the stylists to make sure that everything was in proper place. Dan didn’t mind helping not at all.

“You looked good out there on the dance floor,” Dan said, as his hands worked. It was just tightening the strings, bit by bit, but he took to the task like he was disassembling a bomb. All careful and purposeful movements, even if he on the inside was thinking about what it would be like putting his hands on Phil’s waist. It looked rather small like this and while Dan was pretty sure he couldn’t touch his fingertips together is he was to properly hold Phil’s waist; he was more than willing to give it a try.

“Thank you,” Phil said, voice hushed in the quiet of their dressing room. “Group dances are fun…”

Dan could hear the but even if Phil didn’t voice it. Maybe it was a better cause of action to let it drop, not to push, but Dan had never quite learned how to do that.

“But?” he prompted, gently as he pulled on the last string and went to tie it into a neat little bow.

“But I missed dancing with you,” Phil said simply like his words didn’t make Dan’s hands freeze and his heart literally skip a beat. “I’ve gotten used to dancing with you in these weeks. I wanted you there out with me.”

It sounded like such an innocent confession but it did things to Dan’s heart. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who felt like it was weird not to be on the dance floor side by side. Dan’s chest was flushed with too many emotions so he went for the joke instead.

“I would never be able to keep up,” he said in a hushed whisper and made his hands move to secure the bow.

Phil turned around as soon as Dan tightened it. They were standing too close but neither of them moved back.

“I could teach you,” Phil said, establishing and holding eye contact with Dan. Dan thought back to the lyrics of their song for tonight and he felt like it had been a long time since he had related so deeply to a song. He wanted Phil to keep his eyes on Dan, and maybe they were both holding things back but at least they were figuring out how to dance together.

For now, it would be enough to let the words be unspoken and instead dancing their asses off.

Dan was almost annoyed that they were the very last couple of the night. It left him with way too many jittery feelings but Phil seemed to sense it and he made it his personal mission to spew bad jokes at Dan until he cracked and laughed. Dan found out that it was quite difficult to stay tense and angry when you were being made to laugh every five minutes. He was still nervous but this was better. Much better.

When they finally rushed onto the stage in the dimmed light while their training video played on the screens around the studio, Dan felt grateful that he would start out this particular dance right next to Phil.

All the nerves that had been building up started to fade away as he could catch Phil’s eyes through the slight darkness and see nothing but happy determination there. Dan was nervous about leading; he was nervous about the lyric change and he was nervous about being half-way through the show already but looking into Phil’s eyes seemed like it could combat all those nerves and more.

The lights went up and the music started and Dan slipped into the very passionate and slightly aggressive persona that they had been practicing all week. He shut out everything that wasn’t Phil. Him and Phil circled each other coming together and staying close to each other’s orbit at all times. Phil followed Dan’s lead like he had been doing it always, even if it was usually the other way around.

In fact, it seemed like Phil had needed very little direction to adapting to being led around the dance floor and Dan felt quite powerful being allowed to lead Phil around like this. Half way through the song, they made it to the kick that had caused him so much trouble but by some miracle he landed it quite well. He could see because Phil’s eyes sparkled as they moved together again.

Dan suddenly found it hard to keep his mask on, and stop his face from smiling. He wanted to grin back at Phil as they moved to the great beat of the song. He felt both light and powerful as they moved through the rest of the choreography.

The last fifteen seconds had several bits where they would get close and grab each other by the back of the neck as they moved, but that part came easy by now. It was a grounding touch and two sets of eyes locked together even more intensely than throughout all of the song.

Both Dan and Phil broke out of their stern masks the first time then, smiles tilted up just a little as they looked at each other like that but Dan wasn’t annoyed or disappointed about it. They were doing well and Dan could live with this little mistake if it meant he got to share an encouraging smile with Phil.

Dan moved into the final bit of the choreography with a more reassured motion, even if it meant Phil half dropping to the floor, only held up by his hands in Dan’s. Dan had been hesitant almost every time he had to do it in training but now, he flung Phil without hesitating a single beat. He was not scared of dropping him anymore, not when Phil looked so sure and confident of him.

Only when Phil was hanging by his arms and smiling up at Dan that Dan even realised that the crowd was roaring about them. Dan went to pull Phil up to his feet but he suddenly felt weak and off balance and instead he was pulled forward and stumbling. Phil landed on the floor and Dan almost fell across of him, before he managed to brace himself on his knees.

The cheer did down, probably in concern before Phil stared laughing and Dan and the crowd joined in. Dan and Phil found their feet together and stumbled over to the judges.

Claudia greeted them with a smile, even if she also had that look in her eye that she would get when they were short on time.

“That was quite the stumble, good thing that it only happened after your routine,” Claudia said.

“Yeah, well… we are a couple of clumsy boys,” Phil said, swinging his arm around Dan’s waist.

Claudia didn’t seem to know what to say to that, even if Dan caught some of the audience giggling. “Why don’t we start with Dame Darcy?”

“Dan,” she said until she caught his attention. “Brilliant work. It’s the first time we’ve seen you lead a dance and I must say that I was impressed. You still have a little bit of insecurity and hesitation that stops it from really carrying through but you held yourself well out there and led Phil well.”

“Thank you,” Dan said and he was pretty sure he was starting to blush but no one would be able to tell since his whole face was already flushed from the dance. Small mercies.

“Craig?” Claudia prompted.

“You and Phil both struggled a bit with your facial expressions,” Craig said, as usual diving right into the criticism. “And falling over at the end of your routine was not the best way to end it. However, I was really impressed with your kick, Dan and I know it can be intimidating leading a dance, so overall you did very well.”

“Oh, yes, thank you,” Dan said, a little baffled at all of the positive praise. He was definitely blushing now and he wondered if it would eventually show up enough if his face kept getting hotter.

“Why don’t you two head off and wait for the judges’ scores?” Claudia suggested, even if it was more of an order.

Dan and Phil stumbled up the stairs and out to the back with their fellow contestants, most of whom greeted them with congratulations.

“What a dance,” Tess told them. “This was your first time leading, how did it feel, Dan?”

“Scary,” Dan said without hesitation and the male celebs around him laughed. “I’m still such an amateur and leading Phil around was a bit intimidating, but also really nice. To think this amazing dancer allowed me to steer things.”

“I would let him lead me around the dance floor anytime,” Phil said and he sounded like he meant it.

He should be careful saying stuff like that. Dan would take him up on it to make sure they could continue dancing even after Strictly had ended. 

“Did my ears deceive me or did you dance to slightly modified lyrics?” Tess asked, after touching her hand to her in-ear.

Dan froze but Phil didn’t let it phrase him.

“Yes,” he said happily. “We thought we should change the pronouns in the song since we’re two men dancing together. It fit a little better, don’t you think so?”

He said it so confidently, like he wasn’t leaving room for discussion, even if he must know that Tess had probably been asked to ask about it from Strictly’s producers or whoever might be in her ear.

“I think it’s brilliant,” Harry piped up from the back, voice carrying even if he didn’t have a microphone.

Dan was honestly happy for the support, even if Tess seemed a bit at a loss on how to proceed.

“Oh, and it looks like the judges’ scores are in. Let’s see what they gave you.”

Dan clutched onto Phil and waited anxiously as all of the nerves came flooded back. It eased a little when they got their first 8 and then he watched more calmly as more scores were revealed.

  1. 7\. 8. 8.



A total of 31 points which were their best score as of yet. Dan didn’t even think when he flung his arms around Phil and lifted him off the ground slightly. Phil broke into a loud laughter and Dan felt like he heard Tess say something about them being happy with the score but he couldn’t make himself pay attention to it.

The only two good things about being the last couple of the night was the fact that they found out where they placed in terms of judges’ scores immediately and having less time until the elimination round. They were just over the middle again and at the elimination they were the very first names call out as couples proceeding. Dan knew the order of being called didn’t mean anything in terms of the official ranking but still, he was overjoyed to be able to run off with Phil immediately.

“You did so well,” Phil said to him in a hushed voice as they moved into the waiting room as the first couple. “Watch me make you lead all of our dances from now on.”

Dan shook his head fondly. “Nah, that won’t do. I’ll lead some of them maybe but all? Forget about it, mate,” Dan said teasingly.

“Why?” Phil asked, smiling and tilting his head slightly to the side as he waited for Dan’s answer.

He could have explained it in many ways, ranging from jokingly to seriously, but in the end he decided to just be brutally honest.

“’Cause I would miss you leading me too much,” Dan said, poking a single finger into Phil’s chest.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed and he suddenly looked both a little bashful and a little touched.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind?” Dan asked, suddenly a little worried that he had overstepped.

Phil blew out a raspberry, and grabbed Dan by the waist. “As if I’d mind that. I like that. We switch.”

Now it was Dan’s turn to be a little bashful at the either accidental or purposeful innuendo. Either way, he liked the sound of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 200 kudos! That's so freaking cool.
> 
> Ahh! What did you think? Dan finally leading a dance? The lyric change? Phil showing his insecurities? I liked how this chapter turned out, and I let myself really sink into it because there will be a smidgen of angst coming up in the next chapter. They're been dancing on the roses for a long time, so unfortunately it is now inevitable that things get shook up a little. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments!
> 
> Next update will be on the Saturday, around 8 PM CEST.


	11. Week 8: Samba to Macarena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan didn't think doing the interview as a good idea but Phil wanted to do it, and Dan wasn't very good at going against Phil. He never wanted to be against Phil. He wanted to be beside him. However, when the aftermath of the interview leave them both unfocused it might have horrible consequences for their place in Strictly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of being outed on national television (doesn't happen but still)

“This Morning?” Dan asked, not sure he had heard that right.

“Yes,” the guy in front of him confirmed. He was a Strictly staff member, Dan was pretty sure but he hadn’t talked to him before. When he had showed up at Dan and Phil’s Monday training session, Dan had been more than a little suspicious.

“Interviewed by This Morning?” Dan asked, and stepped a little closer to Phil. Phil who still hadn’t said anything after the casual small talk had been broken. His expression was difficult to read, even after they had been given the information.

Dan didn’t blame him. He was also trying to sort it out in his own head. It was supposedly a cool thing. Most Strictly couple would get an interview when it was time for the semi-finals but that was still way off. They hadn’t even been to Blackpool yet.

Dan wanted to say no to the interview, even if it was a huge national show that probably got millions of views. It was different from the millions of views he had on his old videos or a few select podcast episodes. While just as many people, those people were _his_ people, either someone who already knew him or were likeminded.

He wasn’t so sure that the general viewership of This Morning aligned with him as the weird, introverted internet-dweller that he was, added dancing skills or not.

It was one of the reasons that he had been scared of Strictly too but that had faded a little with time. It wasn’t like he was talking much anyway, just dancing and then reflecting on the dance. If they asked Dan about opinions, he would give them, freely and probably too much.

“They want us on already?” Phil asked, speaking for the first time in a couple of minutes. He looked dubious about the whole thing as well.

“Yes,” the guy confirmed again, extending a paper to them. It almost looked like a contract. Really it was just document about the show and what they wanted to talk to them about if they agreed. At the bottom, there was a place to sign and give Strictly permission to make the arrangements for them.

They wanted to talk about the dancing of course, but Dan had a bad feeling about the timing.

While he hadn’t actively been avoiding seeing reactions to any of the dances online, he had limited how much he looked in his mentions or his feed with Strictly happening. He’d even blocked a few more words than usual. Curating his timeline was vital for his mental health and he refused to let anyone take that safe space away from him.

Still, he had seen a little slip through. It often did. Some people were ecstatic that him and Phil had changed the pronouns in the lyrics around but he had also seen more than a few people being outright furious about it. Frankly, Dan thought that was too extreme a reaction for just changing up a little bit of the lyrics and he hadn’t bothered to interact with any of it.

He had a bad feeling that him and Phil would be asked specifically about last week’s dance since the invitation to This Morning came now. Dan was ready to open his mouth and decline, even if it might not be considered a good idea in relation to Strictly. They had a quite close relationship with This Morning, even if it ran on a different network. They would love more attention on this Strictly contestants.

Dan didn’t really care what they would like, as long as they didn’t try anything shady. He was mostly confident that they wouldn’t be able to act vindictive towards him and Phil. However, just that little flicker of doubt made him hesitate. It didn’t help that the poor staff member looked like he would literally be anywhere else in the world right now.

“We’ll do it,” Phil said and snatched the paper out of Dan’s hand.

“What?” Dan asked, turning towards Phil and hissing the word out quietly more than outright asking it.

Phil ignored him as he signed his name at the bottom of the page before handing it back to Dan.

“Thank you so much,” the staffer told Phil.

Phil who already retreated and started doing stretches. It was for show more than anything, or maybe to alleviate a bit of nervous energy. Him and Phil had already been going for a couple of hours, struggling to get proper grasp of this damned samba, and they hadn’t been standing still so long that Phil’s muscles should need a stretch again.

It told Dan all that he needed to know. Phil was lowkey nervous or anxious about this opportunity as well but determined to see it through. Dan realised that he had been willing to argue with the poor staff member until he was blue in the face, while making sure to stay polite since it wasn’t the guy’s fault. He would have pulled out all his arguments and told him to relay it to his bosses.

Dan was sure he could have spun it in a way that they could get out of it but all of the fight drained out of him when he found out that Phil was opposing him. He didn’t ever want to be on opposite sides with Phil – it was a thought that would scary him if he thought about it a little more – and he would be willing to take Phil’s side no matter his initial reservations.

He signed the slip with a sigh and handed it off to the very relieved guy who had been stealing away nearly ten minutes of their training time.

“Great, thank you,” he said, already heading to the door. Small blessings. “They’ll send you all the necessary info! Have a good day.”

Necessary info Dan’s ass. What would that be? A time and place, both of which Dan roughly knew anyway. The time would be too early and the place would be across London. They were waking up somewhat early for their training throughout the week but this would mean stepping out of the house at a far earlier hour than Dan was comfortable.

As soon as they were alone again, Phil stopped with his unnecessary stretches.

Dan caught his eye and shot him an amused glance, and Phil chuckled a little to himself and shrugged at Dan as if to say ‘what can you do’.

“So… we’re going to be on This Morning this week…” Dan said hesitantly, wanting to get the conversation out of the way right away.

He was already frustrated over the Samba steps and he didn’t need another thing pulling away his focus. He needed him and Phil to be the same page about this. Phil hadn’t made him agree, but Dan had agreed for him all the same. He just wanted to know what was going on in Phil’s head.

It was something he found himself wanting more and more these days.

“Yes?” Phil said innocently, but his face was guilty as hell. Dan kept staring at him until he relented. “What do you want me to say, Dan? You didn’t have to agree just because I did!”

Phil waved his hands around and it was really incredibly endearing, even if Dan was feeling a little bit on edge. He wasn’t mad in the slightest, if he really didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t have agreed but he still would like to know Phil’s reasoning.

“Just… I’m worried,” Dan admitted.

Phil let out a laugh that was a little too dry. He started doing stretches again. Maybe it really was something that calmed him down. Dan never liked the stretches, it was a required part of their training but he just wanted for it to be over as soon as possible.

“And you think I’m not?” Phil asked and his breath came out a little shaky.

Dan was not fond of their Monday lately turning into Phil looking worried and insecure. It made Dan want to run out and find a cosy blanket, preferably weighted, and wrap it around Phil. Maybe hold his hand or play with his hair or kiss him softly.

He stopped himself before he got too wrapped up in the imagine. He just wanted to make Phil feel better.

“Is there something you’re not telling me? Did something happen with the Strictly people? Were they mad about the lyrics change?” Dan asked, brain working so hard that he was almost stumbling over his words.

Phil’s slight flinch was enough of an answer.

Dan acted without thinking and he stepped forward to wrap Phil up in a big hug. They hugged when they met up and when they left but they were mostly quick and causal hugs. Like old friends greeting each other when it hadn’t been that long since they had caught up.

This was different. Phil clutched onto Dan as well, and let out a slightly shaky breath.

“Not really,” he said after a moment but before the silence had really been allowed to settle. “They weren’t mad but they did call me yesterday and told me not to request anything from the musicians without getting clearing for it first. I apologised and they said it was _fine_. But in that tone, you know? Maybe it is fine, this once, but I think I’ve stepped out on a bit of thin ice by accident.”

“Oh, Phil,” Dan said and his hand had moved to the back of Phil’s head, gently petting his hair now. Maybe he hadn’t entirely managed to pull his brain out of his daydream world. He was about to pull his hand back but Phil leaned into the touch and made a sound almost like a purr. Dan’s heart melted, which wasn’t a new occurrence around Phil. He was pretty sure he was goo about 90% of the time.

“It’s nothing, I’m being silly. We’re fine. It’s nothing big,” Phil said, and Dan wasn’t sure whom he was trying to reassure. “I just… let’s do the interview, yeah? We don’t need them to be annoyed with both of us.”

“I will literally march over there and kick their asses,” Dan said and he meant every word. He would not resort to any physical violence but he wasn’t about a verbal throwdown.

Phil’s hand curled into Dan’s shirt.

“No, you won’t. You’re too gentle.”

Phil said it so softly and so earnestly that Dan felt like he stopped breathing for a couple of seconds just to process the timbre of his voice.

“There will probably be questions about the changed pronouns in the song at the interview too.”

“Oh, I know,” Phil said and pulled back but now there was a glimmer in his eye. Dan much preferred that look. “Which is an opportunity for us to explain. About the importance of representation and everything.”

Dan admired Phil’s positive outlook so very much.

“The questions might not be phrased so nicely,” he informed Phil gently.

Phil just shook his head and stepped back and out of Dan’s arms. He missed Phil’s warmth instantly. He had gotten used to it, as much as one could dancing with such a handsome man, when they were dancing together but it was something more tender to just hold him in an embrace, just because.

“I’m sure your sharp silver tongue will help us there then,” Phil said and poked Dan’s cheek right where his dimple must be showing. “Now, enough dillydallying. We’re got work to do and you’re quite struggling with this one.”

It was said in a humorous tone and Dan matched it instantly.

“Oi!”

Phil giggled and rolled his eyes while wearing a fond expression. “It just means I’ll have to teach you better.”

“You’re the best teacher there is,” Dan said resolutely and he could see that Phil was about to open his mouth and argue but Dan made a bold decision to silence him with a finger pressed to Phil’s lips. “Let’s get dancing, yeah?” he asked, his heart literally trying to leap out of his chest.

Phil smiled and Dan felt Phil’s mouth tilt just slightly under his finger before he pulled it back.

“Let’s dance,” Phil agreed.

They were scheduled to go on Friday morning. Dan thought that was a special kind of torture but he didn’t bring it up. Fridays were almost more nerve-wracking than Saturdays in the sense that it was their last chance to nail the choreography.

His brain had started to assign meaning to each of the days as they had gotten into the routine. Monday – learn the routine and stare at Phil admiringly. Tuesday – fail at getting the moves right and get a Phil PeptalkTM. Wednesday – try not to be anxious about the camera man showing up at the studio to film their progress. Thursday – feel slightly more confident about the routine and try desperately not to overthink it. Friday – the day of last rehearsal jitters and wondering if he was even cut out for this whole thing. Saturday – Strictly Day! Sunday – sleep like the dead and hopefully still talk to Phil.

It was something that worked for Dan. He was not sure how to incorporate the early morning start on Friday. He still felt like he could tilt his head back and nap when they sat him in the make-up chair and padded too much foundation and concealer into his skin. He was not complaining, he was pretty sure he had got some pretty dark circles going on. He had to do his work after practice most days and even if he had lessened his workload, he still ended up staying up later than planned. That in itself was nothing new.

Phil on the other hand looked very awake. The foundation that they were putting on him was too light and he would look paler than he really was. Dan had to bite his tongue not to say anything. It wasn’t his place to correct them. He had a feeling that his own foundation was a little too tan.

Maybe he had just gotten spoiled after having been working with the Strictly make-up artists. They were sweet and quick and still managed to only put on make-up enough that the dancers looked more alive on the screen. It didn’t bother Dan too much even when he was sweating his ass off.

He held his tongue about the make-up and instead addressed how Phil was bouncing in the chair.

“Don’t tell me that you’re a genuine morning person. You are always too peppy in the morning. And you’re usually there first, wait, how much before me do you arrive?” Dan asked, in a hushed voice.

It wasn’t exactly private conversation but every conversation he had with Phil was one he wanted to treat with care.

“I’m not,” Phil said with a nervous smile. It was not his official Strictly nervous smile that he flashed for the cameras before they were bound to go on. This was smaller, just a flicker of nerves but it was completely genuine. It wasn’t portraying an outward purposeful nervous smile to hide real nerves like the Strictly nervous smile.

“You look pretty awake,” Dan said and broke into a yawn just talking about the opposite of sleeping. He could technically still be in his own bed if they hadn’t been roped into this interview.

“I’ve had like… three coffees,” Phil confessed. “And yes, I do usually show up earlier than you by like an hour or two.”

“Wait, what?” Dan asked, jostling in his chair a little. He was not helping the poor guy doing his make-up but he was a little preoccupied. “Most days?”

Dan had been missing out on extra Phil time? He was already weighing the pros and cons of waking up an hour or two earlier. His body might kill him for it, because he already went to bed too late, but then again… more Phil time. It was a hard choice to make.

Dan was really fucked when he was considering consistently waking up early for someone.

“You okay there, buddy?” Phil asked, reaching out to place just the tips of his fingers on Dan’s knee.

Dan had worn his favourite ripped jeans, happy to finally be out of leggings and shorts he wore most of the week now. Phil’s fingers lingered specifically on where the fabric was ripped so that he was touching Dan’s skin.

The touch was light. Just the press of three fingers but Dan couldn’t stop himself from thinking that it meant something. Just a little nudge but Phil had chosen to touch him directly instead of touching him through the jeans.

He purposely pulled his mind far away from the gutter before it even started to descend.

“I’m okay,” Dan said.

“It’s not because I didn’t want to invite you, Dan,” Phil said, as if sensing where Dan’s head was at. “You know we have restriction on how much we’re allowed to practice together. For health reasons and fairness and all that stuff. We almost always hit the maximum every week.”

Dan had completely forgotten about that part but it made sense that Phil was more aware of it. He did tend to watch the clock a bit in their training sessions.

“Oh, right,” Dan said and shook his head a little. A stylist sighed behind him.

“It’s not because I didn’t want you there,” Phil said and now his hand moved a little so that it was the palm that was over Dan’s knee. Phil’s hand was always warm and soft. Dan like that. They were good to hold onto. They made him feel cared for.

It was like Phil only noticed the touch now, looking down at his hand with a bit of confusion. Dan could see the words that Phil was about to speak immediately, a “sorry” already forming on his lips. They had gotten comfortable with touches while dancing and when hugs or pats when they were outside of the studio but this was slightly different.

Dan gently shook his head, and smiled before strumming up his bravery and leaning over to gently tap a couple of fingers against Phil’s knee. Phil wasn’t wearing ripped jeans unfortunately but Dan was happy to see understanding in Phil’s eyes all the same.

This was okay. Those kinds of touches were okay.

Dan had no idea what they were anymore. They were not so secretly flirting. Phil was quickly becoming one of his best friends. They were becoming a quite good dancing couple. It was like a lot of things were tying them together. Dan didn’t want to separate any of it. He wanted all of the strings if they would tie him to Phil. Commitment was still something quite scary but for some reason, just spending time with Phil and letting his mind think of potential futures didn’t scare him liked it used to.

“You’re both ready,” they were told by one of the stylists and they got out of the make-up chairs.

A quick glance at the clock showed that they would be on in just a few minutes. Phil was starting to look nervous again, so Dan did something he thought would calm him down. He reached out and took his hand to give it a comforting squeeze.

Phil’s eyes moved to their hands and then up to meet Dan’s eyes and he smiled back gently.

“Thanks,” he whispered, so low that Dan almost couldn’t hear it. The volume indicated that it was definitely only meant for Dan’s ears.

They let their hands fall apart when they walked up to sit on the sofa. Dan was pretty sure he saw Philip Scofield looking rather intensely at the two of them as they walked in. Dan wanted to bristle or maybe make a joke about being so mesmerising that he caused even straight guys to stare but he held his tongue.

Holly was just as bright and vibrant as appeared on television.

“And now we’re joined by Dan Howell and Phil Lester,” she introduced them. “If you’ve been following along with this year’s Strictly Come Dancing then you are surely aware of these two tall lads. They have been quite the eye-catching dance partners this season.”

“Yes, they are the first same-sex couple dancing in a Strictly season here in the UK!” Philip chimed in. “It caused quite the media stir when it was announced, with many people being pleasantly surprised and a minority of people finding it less than agreeable.”

“You can just say haters, it’s okay,” Dan joked because he couldn’t back down from that. It was what they were. Dan had been on the internet for a decade. He knew the type. He didn’t care if it was elderly people who were out of touch with the world this time instead of teenagers who were still learning to be people. Mindless hate had never done anyone any good.

Philip and Holly laughed nervously. Phil was the first one who found his voice which was ironic when they were sat opposite two experienced people in the field.

“Dan’s a person from the internet, so he’s seen his fair share of it before. That’s what he meant.”

“Of course,” Dan agreed. “I almost meant to say that it doesn’t bother me if I do something that people don’t like. I like what I’m doing. I believe in it or I wouldn’t make it. And much to my surprise – and it really wasn’t something I was expecting – I like the dances we make happen each week.”

“Did you have reservations before going on Strictly?” Holly asked, and briefly touched her in-ears. “Because you would be the first man dancing with a man?”

“As Phil explained to me, it’s quite common for people to dance with the same sex when they’re taking lessons at dance schools. Usually, it is girls pairing up with girls because there are more girls than boys who take dance but one of them just assumed the leading role. It’s really not that complicated,” Dan said, parroting what Phil had told him. “So no, that wasn’t it, chief. I was just nervous because I’m a clumsy loaf of a person. I’m about as elegant as a sack of potatoes.”

“He’s being modest,” Phil chimed in, and they were really leading this interview by themselves, just going off each other. Dan liked it. He had a feeling it was better than whatever the producers were putting into their interviewer’s heads. “Dan has amazing lines and his posture has gotten so good. He works extremely hard and he listens so well. He’s improving in leaps of bounds from a complete novice to a capable dancer. I’m planning to make him into a great one in this latter half of Strictly.”

“Stop it,” Dan said, suddenly feeling a little shy at all of the praise. “If anything, it’s because I’ve had this guy to teach me. Phil is like a fountain of patience and he’s so smart and creative. Like… he can’t explain his process at all but he can show it and f-man the choreographies are stunning. Have you seen them?”

“You stop,” Phil said, hitting Dan’s arm.

“You two seem to be getting along well,” Holly chimed in.

Dan felt a prickle of dread. He had wondered if they would come onto this topic. The “were they dating” thingy that always seemed to happen with couple on Strictly. It was one dating rumour or another. He had thought that they might be concealed by the gay thing, and have it dismissed as just “crazy fangirl shipping”. It would not be a half-bad camouflage idea when it came to it. Something to possibly consider for the future.

Thankfully, Philip changed the conversation.

“We actually wanted to talk to you about your performance last week. It caused quite the media splash as well when you changed up the lyrics in the song you danced to,” Philip said. “It was the first time someone danced to modified lyrics, can you talk a bit about that? I heard it was your idea, Phil.”

Dan sensed how Phil tensed beside him, even if he was doing quite a good job at masking it outwardly.

“Yes, it was my idea,” Phil said and Dan hated that he couldn’t shout it from the rooftops and instead he was forced to meekly acknowledge it. It wasn’t right.

“Brilliant idea, wasn’t it?” Dan chimed in and put an arm around Phil. A casual touch but he still hoped that it made Phil understand that Dan was on his side.

“It was surely something,” Holly said diplomatically. “What made you want to make that change?”

“Well…” Phil started. “It was something fun. We’ve been playing around a lot with songs that are LGBTQ+ adjacent or have been playing around with the message in them. It’s the first time that we’ve changed up lyrics but the song choice and the costumes have always been something I considered the second I learned I would be dancing with a man.”

“And why is it so important to you?” Holly continued, Philip was tense and uncomfortable next to her and she was leading the interview.

“Not just important to me,” Phil corrected, frown on his face but still speaking gently. “Important to so many more people. You don’t know… if you aren’t part of the queer community or you don’t know anyone, you might not even realise how much something like this can mean. Strictly is a huge and prestigious show, so many people watch it, particularly the older generation. If we can show that the sight of two men dancing together, of having songs that emphasise a romantic and lasting love, then… it might mean the world to someone.”

Philip started blinking and was seemingly stunned even more into silence. Holly shot him a concerned glance, just for a flicker before touching her ear again.

“Right,” she said with a smile. “And what do you think, Dan?”

“I stand by everything Phil just said. He’s completely right. Representation matters so much. I can’t even tell you the messages I’ve gotten from people after I posted my coming out video last year. It helped so many people, many more than I thought it would. Just by me opening up and speaking authentically. We’ve got to normalise being gay. You know how much it would have meant to me that there would have been same-sex couples on Strictly when it started? I was an awkward 13-year-old who thought I was abnormal.”

Dan had talked about his sexuality and coming out multiple times since making the original video but talking about this was making him feel a little choked up. He had helped so many people with his content and he knew that but he hadn’t considered the scope of this.

Phil had always been the one more aware of this whole thing and of the importance of them dancing on Strictly. It was a symbol and it mattered to people. Dan hadn’t been looking into the effect of their dances yet, because he had been scared of pulling himself out of his focused mindset and start overthinking. If he started to overthink, he might get them kicked off before they had to go.

“I’m sure that’s really inspiring to hear from anyone still in the closet,” Philip said, speaking for the first time in minutes.

There was something in his tone, something that Dan felt like resonated within him. He had never quite believed in gaydar, mostly because it was sometimes weaponised against gay people but there was still something about fellow gays recognising each other.

Dan saw something of himself reflected in Philip’s eyes. It wasn’t his place to pry but he still tried to soften his smile. Show a little compassion. If he was right in what he was picking up, then he had been in Philip’s shoes. Lots and lots of eyes on him, only the man opposite him was older and married.

Dan still wanted him to be able to live his truth and he hoped he would get to do that soon, if he wasn’t already. It was never ever to late to figure out yourself.

Holly and Philip both reacted at the same time, Holly once more touching her ear.

“Holly, don’t-” Philip was saying, but Holly didn’t seem to listen.

That feeling of dread was back.

“Dan, you have been very open about your sexuality but what about you, Phil? Are you part of LGBTQ+ as well or just a good ally?”

Dan saw red. This was clearly not a question any of the hosts had thought of and it must have come through for them but it was entirely inappropriate. Maybe they thought it would be okay since it was phrased as a question or either or, so that Phil didn’t have to definitely out himself but it was still so wrong.

They had no right to ask that question, even less on live television in front of potentially millions of listeners. Phil would either have to out himself or lie. It would come back to haunt him if he did ever come out publicly down the line.

Phil had gone visibly tense next to him now, unable to hide it and Dan felt anger burning hotter in him. Phil would be polite. He would answer, even if he didn’t have to, or he might skirt around the question but the bottom line was the he shouldn’t have to do that.

Dan stood up, using his tall height to loom intimidatingly. He was too keenly aware that he was a representation of his community here and he hated it because it was crippling what he felt comfortable saying but he couldn’t say nothing.

“That is an entirely inappropriate question,” Dan said through gridded teeth. Both Holly and Philip looked a little shocked at his sharp tone. If Dan had been a cartoon character, he would have had smoke coming out of his ears.

“Dan,” Phil said, so freaking softly. He sounded fragile but he reached out to tug on Dan’s sleeve all the same, trying to get him to sit back down. Maybe it was the right move but Dan couldn’t let this slide. It wasn’t fair.

He had encountered unfairness again and again in his life and normally he wouldn’t be able to do something about it but this was different. He wasn’t a scared little boy anymore. He was an out and proud man and he wasn’t going to avert his eyes when he saw something wrong. He had done when he was younger, terrified of what would happen if he tried to interfere. He was a different man now.

“No, Phil. It is not okay. You don’t have to answer that,” Dan said, looking down at Phil before levelling Philip and Holly with a glare. It might not be their fault but Dan needed to address someone and Holly had still asked the question, even if it wasn’t hers. “Take it from a gay person, it’s never okay to ask someone about their sexuality like that. You are putting them in an uncomfortable situation where they cannot win.”

He took a deep breath and tried to reel himself in before he accidentally revealed too much about what he knew of Phil’s sexuality. He had a feeling that the producers might have wanted to ask because there could be rumours of Phil’s sexuality. He said he hadn’t actively hidden it but he hadn’t flaunted it. Still, it was not okay trying to make him come out on national television, instead of on his own terms.

“If you two and anyone wants to be allies, I want you to understand this. Don’t ask people about their sexuality. They will tell if and when they want to. And if they do, it is still not your information to pass on. They get to control the narrative, no one else. I think the interview is over.”

Dan stormed off and he knew he was being dramatic but he just had so much anger built up in him. He had been asked the question so many times through the years. Most had been cruel about it, but some had been well-meaning. It wasn’t okay either way.

Dan walked until he found a secluded little area with some couches. He leaned against the wall. It was just his luck that he saw a television in the corner turned onto This Morning. Phil was standing too.

“We apologise for cutting the interview short,” Phil said, much more polite and level-headed. “But I do agree with my dance partner. Don’t assume people’s sexualities and don’t ask them about it. It’s never okay to take the opportunity away from someone. Did you all not see _Love, Simon_?” Phil added with a snort. “Anyway, thank you for having us.”

It must have been airing a little delayed because Phil appeared next to him only a second later. He didn’t say anything, just walked up to Dan and pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Dan muttered. “I didn’t mean to get that mad, or storm off like that. Fuck.”

Phil shushed him, but lovingly.

“I’m not mad.”

“You should be. I spoke over you too. I just saw red. I got so angry on your behalf.”

Phil chuckled and pulled Dan a little tighter. “I could tell. And it’s okay. I would never have been brave enough to say any of that. I was considering if I would have to come out or I would have to lie. It was not a good situation. You got me out of it, even if it was less than elegant.”

“But what if I fucked it all up more? People might assume based on my reaction,” Dan said and clutched onto Phil’s shoulders. He was so steady. He was always so damn steady. Dan hadn’t known he had needed that until he had found it. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising, I told you. I don’t mind. Frankly, I found it quite hot. You know, knight in shining armour coming out to protect me? Only it’s a soft-hearted gay activist instead of a knight and toxic behaviour instead of a dragon to be slayed.”

Dan started laughing, loud and unabashed. Phil joined in. It was a weird thing to flip from such red-hot anger into full-blown butterflies in his stomach but Dan was thankful for the change. He was thankful for Phil. He wasn’t sure he deserved him but he was happy to have him in his life all the same.

“The world doesn’t deserve you, Phil Lester,” Dan said, modifying a little what he wanted to say.

“I know, I’m pretty great,” Phil said, pulling back from the hug just enough so that he could look into Dan’s eyes. “But so are you. Don’t you dare forget.”

They got a formal apology a couple of hours later. It was whatever. Dan was glad they apologised, but more than anything he was annoyed that he felt like he had been uprooted from within. He felt unfocused and jittery and it showed when they did their rehearsals. Dan kept messing up.

Even the iconic macarena meme dance that Dan had insisted they incorporated had him tripping up. It was not good. Phil was sweet about it, but Dan was forgetting moves left and right. They were allowed to do three run-throughs which wasn’t customary but the cameramen clearly could see that something was up and they made an excuse that they needed to double check an angle so they could go again.

It was nice to be reminded that there were lovely people.

However, it wasn’t the case of three times lucky. Dan felt like a mess. He got angry again but this time at himself. He was ready to tear his hair out by the time they finally made it back to their dressing room.

“Hey,” Phil told him while Dan was wondering if it would feel cathartic to try to punch the wall. It would probably just end up with a busted hand but he wanted to do something. Phil seemed to sense where his head was at and he curled his hand around Dan’s closed fist resting against the wall. “We’re okay.”

“That was possibly the worst we’ve ever danced, Phil,” Dan said, a little too harshly. He reeled himself in. The last person he wanted to lash out on was Phil. “I just… I’m frustrated. Sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s all me.”

“No, it’s not. We’re both shook up from this morning. It happens. If anything, I should be more upset. I’m supposed to be the professional.”

Dan turned around to face him and Phil used the movement of his hand to interlink their fingers. Dan wanted to ask what the two of them were doing. If they were truly moving in the same direction but he didn’t need more internal turmoil. Right not, the feel of Phil’s hand is his was more than enough.

“You shouldn’t be upset. You’re doing great.”

“I’m not, but you’re too wrapped up in your own mistakes to notice. I’m making mistakes too, and since I’m leading the dance, it spills more easily over to you too. But you are right that I shouldn’t let it upset me and I am not, for most parts.”

“How?” Dan asked because he wanted so desperately to learn.

“Because that’s the beauty of dance, of any artform really. It is affected by your emotions. You can’t cut it off. One cannot exist without the other. It’s a natural balance. Your emotions show in your dancing and that is what can make it appear so beautiful. If it was all about tactical movement, then it wouldn’t be dance. That’s why we’ve worked so much on the emotions while dancing. This is okay. We’re okay.”

“But what if we mess up tomorrow? There are no second chances here, Phil. We fail, then we’re out.”

“We won’t fail,” Phil said and Dan wanted so much to believe him but he couldn’t. He felt like he had messed everything up.

The feeling lingered and lingered. Dan had never quite felt so nervous about performing at Strictly. He was sure he was going to forget the choreography and just come to a stop in the middle of the stage. Phil was doing his best to get Dan out of that mindset but it only served to make Dan feel more guilty because now he was puling stuff onto Phil’s plate, which was already pretty fully packed.

It was a bad, bad spiral and Dan knew that but he was still finding it so hard to dig himself out. He was digging his nails into his palms, hard enough to leave indents into his skin. When Phil caught him doing it, he held Dan’s hand which stopped the anxious habit but not the anxious thoughts.

He had started talking more to the other contestants normally but people seemed to give him mostly a wide breath that particular Saturday. It was possible that he looked as horrible as he felt.

Carrie was the only one who walked up to him.

“Break a leg,” she said, just before the show was about to start. Dan and Phil would be up first, which was another type of hell. It was like they couldn’t catch a break this week. Dan forced himself to smile to Carrie. It wasn’t her fault.

“Thank you,” Dan said, “we’ll try out best.”

“You know a bad rehearsal often means a good premiere. You will be okay,” she said and Dan did appreciate it, even if he couldn’t fully believe the words. “And I wanted to say that we’re all behind you. Every single one of your fellow contestants. We might be competing but we’re also rooting for you and Phil.”

Dan was stunned into silence. “Oh.”

“Thank you,” Phil said for him. “We appreciate it, really. Sorry, we’re just nervous. This week has been a lot.”

Carrie nodded in understanding. “I’ll leave you to it, but just remember you have people that are here to have your back.”

It was so sweet and well-meant but it had not been exactly what Dan had needed to hear in that moment. It just made him feel like he was letting even more people down.

He knew it was going to be a disaster round when he stepped the first foot out onto the dance floor. The samba was difficult for them already and this dance was meant to be upbeat and fun. Dan felt nothing of the sort.

Phil tried his best to keep him on track, bless him, but he wasn’t dancing at his best either. It was just a disaster. Dan ended up going the wrong way for one of the turns. He was forgetting about how to properly carry himself. They were making it through the choreography, even with the few mistakes but it felt flat.

Dead.

Dan knew what Phil meant about emotions being at the core of a good dance and Dan just wasn’t feeling it. Phil wasn’t strong enough right now either to mask his mistakes the same way he usually did.

It got worse and worse as the dance progressed because Dan was overthinking and overthinking. They came to a stop at the centre at the end of the choreography and Dan had never felt the two minutes feel so long. Normally, it was like he blinked and they would already be done but this time it had just dragged on and on.

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s neck when he fell into his arms.

The crowd were kind and they still applauded but Dan felt hollowed out and empty. They might just have fucked everything up. A shit dance could land them in the bottom even taking in the people’s votes. He wasn’t even sure if as many people would vote for them this week if they had seen Dan’s stunt on television. His followers would still be here, but everyone else? Doubtful.

“We’re fine,” Phil said and it sounded like a lie to Dan’s ears.

“That was quite the dance,” Tess said as they walked over to her. Dan felt like he had to drag his body forward.

“Not our best, we know,” Phil said apologetically. “That’s how it goes.”

“Why don’t we start with Shirley?” Tess suggested and indicated the judges.

Dan couldn’t even look at them. He just wanted to stare into the floor.

“This wasn’t what we’ve come to expect from you. Dan, you seemed unfocused and sloppy in your movements. It’s not like you,” she said, kindly but the words still stung.

“Sorry,” Dan muttered, looking up just enough to be polite. Phil’s arm around him was probably the only reason he hadn’t bolted. He seemed to want to run away from a lot of things lately.

“Listen here, Dan. This happens to everyone, but you can’t let it get to you. You started out the dance better than you finished it. You let your mistakes get into your head and let it affect your performance. You can’t worry about that. If you make a mistake or a stumble, then you have to put it behind you immediately and focus on what is happening next. Otherwise, you will be dancing backwards.”

“I’ll try,” Dan said, because that was actually good advice but he wasn’t properly in the mindset to receive it.

“And short word from Bruno?” Tess prompted.

“We all know you can do better than this, which is why we expect better. Don’t let it deter you. You are good dancers; you just need to find your focus again. And for heavens, look at each other. You two always have the most amazing eye contact out of any of the couples. Right now, you weren’t looking at each other at all. Do. It will help,” Bruno said.

Dan was just happy they didn’t need to hear from Craig before they were sent up the stairs. Dan zoned out for Claudia’s questions and as usual, Phil took the lead. Dan felt bad about that too. He really wasn’t making things easier for himself.

When it was time for the judges’ scores, Dan braced himself but he still wasn’t prepared.

  1. 5\. 6. 6.



That was the third worst score they had ever gotten. Dan wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He stayed in the same state all throughout the show, and most people seemed willing to give him and Phil some air to breathe.

They had the worst dance out of everyone. When it came to the half hour interlude, Dan and Phil could finally retreat to their dressing room for just a moment. Dan wasn’t sure a moment would be enough to pull himself together but he had to try. He had to try for Phil and for the too many people counting on them.

“There’s a real possibility we’re going to end up in bottom 2,” Phil said rather blunty for him.

“I know, it’s my fault and-”

“It’s no one’s fault, Dan,” Phil said, a little sternly. “And it if it, then it’s both of our fault. We’re in this together remember? You and me buddy, until the end. That’s what I promise you.”

Dan’s heart had the audacity to skip a beat and imagine Phil saying those words in a different way. Treacherous heart. He had enough to worry about right now.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just…”

“This is how it goes. Most couples go through this. We will be fine. If we have to dance again, we’ll just do it better,” Phil said and Dan really did admire his confidence.

“How?”

“We’re going to listen to the constructive criticism that the judges actually gave us. If we make a mistake, we have to forget about it immediately. Easier said than done but we must try to put it out of our minds. And Bruno was right about eye contact too. Samba is a bit sexy and quite fast in pace but there are still moments where we can establish eye contact. It helps right? You lean on it, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Dan,” Phil said softly. “You were so sad about not being able to see my eyes when we danced on Halloween that you convinced me to take out my contacts in public. So… you lean into it, right?”

It seemed like too big of a confession but one Dan had to make all the same.

“Yes, I do.”

“And that’s good! That’s the chemistry and the energy. If we have to dance again, then we’re going to be fun and sexy. You hear me? We can do this.”

After the half hour intermission, Dan and Phil found themselves lined up together with their fellow contestants. It was always nerve-wrecking to stand here but Dan had never quite felt this nervous and also calm at the same time. Phil had sounded pretty convinced that they would have to dance again, so Dan had already been preparing himself for that reality.

It still didn’t mean that it wasn’t horrible to be standing left with just two couple and have someone not call out their name. It had happened. They were in the bottom 2 and in the danger zone. Their Strictly journey could be over.

The other couple were asked to dance first and Phil pulled Dan aside and almost pinned him against the wall.

“We try again, Dan. We can do it. I know we can. Forget about all this other bullshit going around,” Phil said and it was unusual for Phil to swear so Dan listened even more closely. “Just keep your eyes on me. Forget about the plans to hype up the crowd. Just focus on me. Hype me up. Seduce me.”

Dan felt like he had swallowed cotton but he nodded all the same. He had to do this. It might be his last chance. If this was his last dance with Phil, then he was going to make it count.

He couldn’t watch the first couple dance for their chance to stay. It was the sportsman that Dan had never quite liked and one of the female dancers that he hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to very much. He didn’t particularly care about them staying in the competition but he still didn’t want to see if they were amazing and him and Phil had no shot at getting saved by the judges.

This was horrible and Dan felt a flush of sympathy with everyone who had ever been in this position. He felt exposed and vulnerable in a different way than doing the dancing in the first round. The first time around, he knew that his followers also had a say in how they placed. This was only the judges and Dan was pretty sure that the female dancer was one of Darcy’s darlings, so Dan felt like the play was already stacked against them.

He pushed all of that aside. He did what he had Phil had suggested. He shrunk his world so that it was just him, Phil and the dancefloor. Nothing else existed in the moment. Just them and their little world. It didn’t matter who was counting on them or betting against them, from loved ones, to fellow contestants, to the audience to even the judges. All of that was secondary.

Phil Lester had told Dan to seduce him and have fun and he was damn well going to do that if this was his last chance.

It felt different the moment they both stepped out on the dance floor this time around. The music kicked in and Dan felt like he was back in the training studio instead of on the Strictly stage. It was the slightly bad smelling small studio with the worn floor and the smudged mirror that Phil always went over to clean.

Just the two of them.

Phil moved and Dan moved with him. He had always quite liked the move where he would be running his hand down Phil’s front, if only because it felt nice to touch him like that. Usually, he had been too scared to properly lean into it and add to the implications but with Phil’s voice echoing in his head, he didn’t hold anything back.

He pressed down as he trailed his hand down, and even with the swift movement he could feel Phil’s chest under his hand through the shirt. Phil’s gaze turned almost hungry and Dan wasn’t sure how much of it was an act for the dance or real, but for now he let himself be swept up in the fantasy.

It was the same steps but it felt like a different dance. Dan couldn’t take his eyes off of Phil this time. He wasn’t thinking about the bits they had gone through. He didn’t even think about the moves coming up. He could only focus on the present and he was happy to find that his body could remember the choreography even when he wasn’t actively thinking.

 _Muscle memory_ , he could almost hear Phil whisper to him with that smug grin. It was what Phil so often did when he made Dan repeat and repeat a move until it was stuck in him. It had annoyed Dan a little at times, because he would have understood the move and thought it was time to move on instead. Repetition was tedious. Now he was so happy for it.

When they got to the meme portion, Dan broke into a big grin and when he looked over at Phil, he saw that he was sporting a matching one. They felt like two mates just having fun. It was liberating in a way that Dan hadn’t known he had needed.

Coming to a stop at the end of the song, he was almost ready to say that he would be okay with this being their last Strictly performance. It was a good one, this time around. However, it also felt like there was something alit deep within him. A desire to stay and prove that he could do more. He could do better. Phil had been planning and planning all of the choreographies and Dan was sure that they would only get better and better from here on out. He wanted to give Phil the chance to perform them. Phil deserved to stand in the final. He deserved to win this whole thing.

This time when Dan fell into Phil’s neck at the end, he didn’t mutter the same thing. “Thanks,” he said instead and held onto Phil so tightly that it might even be slightly painful. Phil didn’t complain. 

“We’re fine,” Phil said, just like last time but this time it didn’t sound like a lie. It sounded like the truth. Phil did tell him that he would show what it would be like to turn everything around while dancing a second time not to be eliminated.

Despite Phil’s words, Dan was still nervous. It didn’t help when he and Phil lined up with the other couple to get their verdict. It was an image that Dan had seen on the TV in the lounge waiting room too many times. He knew one couple would be on the left and the other would be on the right. Both couple in frame as they struggle to manage their nerves.

Dan and Phil were holding their arms around each other’s waist. It probably wasn’t how you were supposed to stand, the other couple always stood with the woman in front in some type of hold that Dan didn’t understand. Him and Phil were different though, and frankly it felt like a good thing.

The commentator was going on, hyping up the crowd but Dan was tuning it all out. He was only listening for the names that the judges would save and let progress to next round. He had never in his wildest dreams imagined that he would care this much about Strictly Come Dancing.

Maybe he should have seen it coming. When he got into something, he did it with his heart and soul. It had always been the case. He was perhaps coming to learn that he felt the same when he got into someone special.

Bruno saved him and Phil and Dan’s heart soared. Darcy saved the other couple and Dan’s stomach dropped. Shirley saved Dan and Phil too and Dan felt like he was about to vibrate out of his skin. Two votes weren’t enough. It would have to be the majority. It was only Craig left and Dan was fairly sure that he didn’t like them. He didn’t even know what would happen if the judges were split down the middle.

He held his breath along with the audience as Craig cast his vote.

Dan frantically told himself to breathe because passing out would not be an ideal reaction no matter what way the decision would fall.

That one second seemed to hang and last and Dan wondered if they were okay, like Phil had said. He had spoken it like an assured truth because that was the type of guy that Phil was. He spoke like he knew what he was doing and then he figured out how to do it on the way. Dan admired that.

Craig voted.

He decided to save Dan and Phil.

Dan crumbled without even meaning to. His whole body felt like it had been wound so tightly and he had been so worried about being kicked off that it was like all of that was just overwhelming him at once. He would have tumbled to the floor if he hadn’t been anchored to Phil. Instead he just fell forward a little until Phil pulled him upright and into his side.

Dan didn’t care about the applause and he didn’t even care about the disappointment that the other couple would be facing. He only cared about looking at Phil’s gleeful expression. Happy. A happy Phil.

Dan wanted to make him happy again and again. He wanted to keep putting that expression on his face. Dan couldn’t even begin to explain how much joy Phil had given him in these months that they had known each other. It was not that long all things considered but Dan could already not imagine his life without Phil.

“We’re okay,” Phil said for a third time that day and threw his arms around Dan.

Dan wanted to say three short but big words in that moment. It was the first time the emotion hit him square in the chest with this kind of intensity. They had been building for a while. Building and building in his chest and Dan was losing in trying to slow the pace of his own heart. It was falling, fast and hard, in a way he had never felt before.

“Yes,” Dan replied and hugged Phil back tightly. “We’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost thought I'd have to delay this week's chapter because I'm away on this Saturday but I managed to finish it just before I left! Yay! And such a fun chapter to write, even if there was a bit of angst. This song is actually my least favourite of the bunch and the one I actively skip when I'm listening to the playlist for this fic, but I'm still glad I chose it. First time being close to elimination! Did I have any of you scared? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments (I know I haven't replied for a couple of weeks, I'm sorry but I do read them all and I will reply when I find the time).
> 
> Next update on next Saturday, probably around 8 PM CEST.


	12. Week 9 (Blackpool week): American Smooth to Can't Help Falling In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is pretty sure that he has been falling for Phil for longer than he is willing to admit to anyone. He can see that Phil is nervous about dancing at Blackpool and Dan wants to do anything to help him. He hadn't counted on it agreeing to lifts or suggesting to wear a dress but he can't say that he's mad at how things turned out.

If Dan was being honest with himself, he never thought he would make it to Blackpool week. It was a thing that his grandmother had always raved about because it was an iconic venue and so many dancers dreamed of dancing in the Tower Ballroom. She was the one who had reminded him that it was a freaking big deal that he had gotten this far.

As if that hadn’t been enough, Dan also realised that only eight couples remained, including him and Phil. They had kicked off seven already, which meant that now, theoretically it should be the best half left. Dan wasn’t sure if he felt worthy of being in the best half. He was also slightly freaked out that he mostly liked the couples that were still here. It was the ones that he had mostly talked to through the weeks.

Harry Styles and Dianne Buswell were fan favourites with the younger crowd, which was to be understandable. Annie Mac and Anton du Beke were fan favourites with the slightly older crowd. Actors Jamie Campbell Bower, paired with Janette Manrara, and Toby Regbo, paired with Oti Mabuse, were formidable couples with strong female dancers and charismatic men. Likewise, actresses Sophie McShera, paired with Aljaž Skorjanec, and Saoirse-Monica Jackson, paired with AJ Pritchard, had been stealing hearts whenever they were out on the floor. Dan’s favourite couple might be Carrie Hope Fletcher and Kevin Clifton though because he had always had a soft spot for Carrie and Kevin both seemed extremely skilled and very kind.

Dan wasn’t sure how any of them could be kicked off this week and it left him feeling a little vulnerable. It felt almost inevitable that him and Phil would land in the bottom two once more, and Dan wasn’t sure if they could make it through with the current competition.

Almost all the celebrities left were actors, either entirely or in part, and it was making Dan feel very self-conscious. He had always loved drama classes but he had never been that good at sinking into a character. He felt almost too connected to himself and he wasn’t sure how to stop being himself.

Taking on the role of someone completely different seemed impossible. He carried both his flaws and his strengths with him. At least he was starting to learn that he wasn’t just made of flaws.

Maybe Dan would have been okay, even with his grandmother’s excited rambling making him nervous or the realisation that his competition was so fierce, as long as Phil had been calm and collected. Dan had kind of started to depend on Phil to be the steady on in this… partnership, if they could even call it that. It was, Dan supposed but the word seemed too constricting for what made up him and Phil together.

Phil was not calm. Frankly, Dan had never seen him so nervous. He wasn’t sure if it was because they had almost been kicked off last week, or if it was because more drama and speculation had unfolded around them in the media after the interview last week. More people seemed to be paying attention to them than ever and there had been a surge of people hoping that they would fail.

They were still not in majority but words tended only to get through if they were sharp. They could too easily drown out the happy, joyous and by nature soft words that was outnumbering the hateful comments.

“What is making you nervous?” Dan asked, as they were getting towards the end of their Monday practice.

Dan had been feeling good about the coming week until Sunday when he had begun thinking. It was his first mistake really. He should definitely stop thinking and listening to other people because it just made him nervous. It would be horrible in the long run but sometimes Dan envied the people that could live in ignorant bliss.

“Huh?” Phil asked turning again, going through his steps.

Dan was actively trying not to think about the American Smooth because it was a little nerve-wrecking. There would be lifts. Too many lifts for Dan’s liking when they hadn’t really done them before. He felt too clumsy and heavy to be lifted but Phil had assured him that it wouldn’t be a problem.

Really, it seemed like turning off his brain this week would be a great idea. A no brainer, if you would.

“You’re nervous,” Dan said, taking note of the tension in Phil’s shoulder. It was a fun thing that he could notice it now, entirely too easily. Phil still looked stunning when he dances, even just going over steps but Dan had seen him do it so many times now that he could tell when something was off.

Phil came to an abrupt stop, mid-dance move. He stopped like someone had pressed pause on him. It really was impressive that he was in control of his body like that. Dan’s mind decided to take a dirty turn for just a hot second and wonder what he would be like with his control of his body in different instances. He shook himself out of it quickly. He had promised himself not to get too wrapped up in his crush.

He never wanted to push it on Phil, when he was fairly sure Phil just wanted to keep things professionals at least while they were competing in Strictly. Really the only upside to getting kicked off would be that he would get a chance to ask Phil out. The thought sent a chill up his spine.

Lost in his own thoughts, Dan hadn’t even noticed that Phil wasn’t saying anything. He only noticed the quiet when Phil went out of his pose and sat down cross-legged on the floor. Dan recognised a building breakdown when he saw one.

He didn’t hesitate before he came over to Phil, sitting across for him in the same pose.

“It’s just…” Phil said and then seemed to lose his breath.

Dan reached out and took his hands. It felt natural and right and he didn’t get to panic about it because Phil instantly squeezed his hands back and held on.

“What?” Dan asked softly. He wondered if any of Phil’s worries were the same as Dan’s. Maybe it would help them if they could brave their fears together. Even if Phil was worried about something different, Dan found that he very much wanted to be there for Phil.

“It’s Blackpool, Dan,” Phil whispered, almost as if someone would shout at him if he spoke the name too loudly.

It was a thing on Dan’s list but frankly on the lower end of it. Still, he was sure it must be important for Phil if he said it like that.

“What is it exactly that you’re worried about, Phil? Tell me, please?”

Phil pulled on his lower lip with his teeth, gnawing at it in contemplation. Dan did only get mildly distracted.

“It’s just a very big deal. It’s something that all of us dancers want to reach, you know? It’s like the true half-way point and if you make it to this week, then you’ve proved your worth? And… I’ve never gotten here before. I’ve never gotten here before… you.”

Phil’s words sent tingles all up Dan’s spine. Dan suddenly felt silly that he was so jealous of Phil’s past and present and potentially even future dance partners. It had illogically made him feel less special because Phil danced with a lot of people and he did it well. It had made Dan feel a little less special, even if it wasn’t fair towards Phil to think like that.

Now that insecurity, as silly as it was, was wiped away entirely.

Dan was bringing Phil a first, dancing wise, and it made him so proud. He was sure he was smiling a little too much for Phil’s worried and nervous expression but he couldn’t help it. So far it had been Phil showing Dan everything, Dan had never gotten a chance to share a first with Phil like this.

Dancing at Blackpool suddenly sounded magical and wonderful.

“Phil,” Dan said softly and squeezed his hands. “We’ll be okay, that’s what we promised each other?”

“I know, I know,” Phil said and shook his head. “I just… it’s been a dream, you know? I wasn’t sure I’d ever get here. It still doesn’t feel real. And thinking about last week… and how we almost didn’t make it. Sorry, I’m blabbeling.”

“I like hearing you blabble,” Dan said in earnest. “It’s endearing.”

There was a tender moment where Phil’s eyes softened and the tension seemed to bleed out of him a little.

“You’re something else, Howell.”

“Right back at you, Lester.”

They locked eyes but only for a moment before both bursting into laughter. They fell back on the floors, literally rolling on the floor in laughter and Dan could never quite remember ever feeling this giddy with anyone else. He was falling in so deep but he couldn’t even regret it because he was sure this was something special.

They ended up lying on their backs on the hard and dirty floor, sweat still clinging to them from the practice. It should not be a place and setting to get butterflies in his stomach but Dan could feel it, practically vibrating under his skin.

“I’m so glad I get to share this with you,” Dan confessed and for once he didn’t worry about if his voice revealed too much. He knew he sounded smitten as fuck but he knew Phil wouldn’t hold it against him.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Phil asked, sounding just as happy and vulnerable.

Normally, Dan might have said no because carrying around people’s secrets could be a big deal. When someone asked you to keep a secret it could be something silly that didn’t really need to be a secret or it could be something very serious.

Dan didn’t mind the silly small secrets but the important big ones? He had held onto enough of his own growing up and he didn’t want that in his life again.

Even so, it was all too easy to answer Phil in a way he would normally not answer anyone else.

“Tell me,” he requested.

Phil had the audacity to turn his head towards Dan and smile at him so brightly that Dan felt his breath catch already before Phil had said a single word.

“I couldn’t imagine dancing at Blackpool for the first time with anyone but you,” he said and Dan was positive that he was not breathing and he was going to suffocate because all of the emotion in Phil’s voice was actively suffocating him. “I’m really glad I get to share this with you too,” Phil added for extra effect.

Dan knew they had recorded instances of people dying from a broken heart but what about a smitten heart? He wondered if that was a thing because he felt like he might actually explode.

It felt like they were saying something without really saying something and Dan couldn’t face it head-on, not if he turned out to be wrong. If it turned out to be too soon, Dan would never forgive himself.

He let the emotion and the confessions hang in the air for a moment before he pushed himself off the floor and also offered a hand to help Phil get up.

“Then we better show all of them what we are made off, don’t you think so?” Dan asked and pulled Phil to his feet.

If Phil landed so close to him that their chest briefly brushed then none of them mentioned it. It wasn’t like it was very unusual by now. Dan had already started to accept Phil into his personal bubble. He hardly even noticed it anymore. He was also allowing himself to be more tactile with Phil than he had ever been with anyone.

It was hard not to when Phil seemed to reach for him all the time.

Dan was still not quite keen on the lifting thing though, and he found it really hard to get over his hesitation when they had to properly practice it the following day. Phil had gone easy on him on the first day, focusing on the steps instead of the lifts.

Dan had been surprised that some of steps had seemed familiar to him. Phil had just laughed fondly and told him that it was probably because they were comprised of Waltz, Vietnamese Waltz and Foxtrot steps, two of which they had already danced to. Dan might have been a proper adult and just responded by putting his tongue out at Phil. It had backfired a little when Phil had stuck out his tongue in return and Dan had gotten distracted.

It became clear early on that Phil had definitely been waiting for this dance to do the lifts because he thought Dan would have an easier time with the steps and so they could focus on it better.

“I don’t know, Phil. Why so many?” Dan whined and he pouted just in the hopes that he could get Phil to change the routine a little. “It’s like three lifts! You will break your arms.”

“It’s two lifts,” Phil said amused.

“It’s like two and a half then,” Dan grumbled. “You expect me to leap into your arm and then spin me like onto your hip and _then_ I have to hang off your shoulder while you’re spinning! And then there’s the other one too where you want me to casually lay on your shoulder, while spinning again! There’s too much spinning. You will be dizzy; I will be dizzy and a moment later we will be dizzily lying on the ground.”

“Dizzily?” Phil asked, sounding amused. Dan looked over to see that he was raising an eyebrow and not looking at all affected by Dan’s pout. It wasn’t fair. Phil in professional mode was so much more difficult to sway.

“It’s a word, look it up, Mr language degree,” Dan replied a little grumpily.

“Alright, enough sulking, come here and stand with me at the mirror,” Phil beaconed.

Dan went, because he still hadn’t figured out how to say no to Phil. In reality, he also knew that Phil knew much more about all of this than Dan and he would be following his lead either way but he just needed to be a bit of a grump about it sometimes.

Right now, he was using it to conceal his real worry that he would hurt Phil. Dan was a tall and heavy man, even if he had noticed that his body had been growing muscles and slimmed down since he had started doing Strictly. He was still a very far cry from the dainty female dancers that all the other men on Strictly usually spun around as if they weighted nothing.

Phil pulled Dan into his side as he got over to the mirror. Dan came to stand in front of Phil’s left hip, while Phil put a hand around his waist.

“Look at yourself, please,” Phil said in a soft voice.

Dan held back a sigh. He hadn’t had a huge trouble with his reflection in the mirror but he hadn’t always liked what he had seen, especially growing up. It had caused him not to turn to mirrors as much. The most he spent in front of them had been when he had been straightening his curls into an emo fringe. Since that had left, and he had left the straight approach behind, in more ways than one, he didn’t look at himself in mirrors a lot.

It had changed with Strictly because Phil was making him look in the mirror constantly. He said that it was important to know how you came off to an audience and to be aware of how it looked when your body was in certain positions.

“You’re fit as hell, Dan,” Phil said and it came so out of the blue that Dan was sure his brain left for a moment.

If it didn’t, he would probably be blushing down to his chest.

“What?” Dan asked, a little nervously and tried to turn to face Phil.

Phil had the audacity to smirk at him in the mirror while catching the back of Dan’s neck and keeping his gaze forward. It was suddenly a charged environment, but in a very nice way.

“You’re doubting yourself, and I can’t have that. You’re stunning on the dance floor and you are fit. I won’t have any problem lifting you and spinning you around, as you say. I’m fit too.”

Dan almost envied that Phil could say it so casually, even if it was the truth. He said it like he believed it and he never had doubted the fact. Maybe it was just the professional dancer in him.

“Okay,” Dan said and he had to bite his tongue to not repeat that Phil was fit. Still something must have shown on his face, because Phil’s smug face changed to a softer expression.

“I didn’t always believe that, you know? But I’ve kept saying it until I believed it. I’ll happily say it to you a few dozen times if necessary before you can say it to yourself. Also,” Phil said and spun Dan around to face him.

Phil was so damn close and it was dizzying. Phil’s hands moved to Dan’s hips and suddenly he was being lifted off the ground without preamble. Dan shrieked a little and floundered to grab onto Phil’s shoulders.

Phil’s hands were digging well into Dan’s hips but the grip was steady and strong.

“Phil,” Dan said, maybe to chastise him, maybe in warning, maybe because Phil made all other words fall out of his head.

Dan hadn’t known that he had a thing for being manhandled and literally swept off his feet but he wasn’t really surprised.

“Hold on to my shoulders,” Phil said, and he took a few steps before he started to spin them around.

Dan felt unsure of what to do with his body but he tried to remember what Phil had told him and made his body a stiff board so he was easier to hold onto. Phil spun around and around and he was looking up at Dan the whole time.

Dan didn’t feel dizzy because of the spinning, because he hardly noticed that when he had Phil’s eyes to study. He did feel a little dizzy from all of the jittery feelings erupting in his stomach.

Dan lost count of how many times they spun around but when Phil sat him down again, he did so without his arms shaking. If anything, Dan felt like his legs were the shaky one.

“Believe that I can easily lift you now?” Phil asked, a little smug but it was well-deserved. “I’ve been training to lift you well this whole time, dumbass.”

Dan suddenly really wanted to know how Phil trained for that, how much he trained outside of their dance sessions and if Dan could come. To join or to watch, he didn’t really care.

Instead, he just fondly shook his head.

“I guess I believe you, and the spinning didn’t make me feel so dizzy. It was… fun? Like you know, I just imagined I had this flowey skirt around me and the two of us were captivating the whole audience.”

Phil tilted his head to the side in the most adorable fashion.

“Would you do that? For real, I mean?”

“What?” Dan asked, rubbing his hand over his hips. He had a feeling that he might bruise a bit. He didn’t mind that very much. Leaving consensual bruises on someone’s skin had always been something he had found quite hot. He had never gotten any from dancing but frankly Phil could bruise him up in any way he wanted.

Dan reminded himself not to get drunk around Phil again because he would be sprouting out stuff like that and not be able to control his filter.

“A skirt? Or a dress? Like would you actually be up for wearing that for Strictly?”

Dan pulled his mind away from the bruises and registered what Phil was asking him. He broke into a smile. Fuck that was a brilliant idea.

“Phil Lester! You’re a genius!” Dan said and he felt overcome with the urge to sweep Phil up into his arms.

He wouldn’t have given in to that urge normally but given that Phil had literally just been carrying him in the air for a full minute or more, Dan allowed himself to grab Phil and spin him just one time before pulling him into a hug.

He then pulled back to shake Phil’s shoulders, perhaps a little too violently.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Dan said. “A dress, it’s perfect!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone this excited over a dress,” Phil said but he didn’t sound chastising. He sounded incredibly fond.

“Wait, will they even let us do that?” Dan asked, thinking back to the reception of the changed lyrics. The aftermath hadn’t exactly gone smoothly for Phil and he had been worried about pissing off the producers.

“They will, I think, if I push for it,” Phil said.

Dan couldn’t keep the worry out of his face or his voice.

“We shouldn’t do it if it can hurt your chances of joining next year, it’s not worth it then,” Dan said and he meant every word.

It might be cool to be able to dance in a dress as a man on BBC at prime time no less, but he couldn’t justify it if Phil had to pay the sacrifice.

“Who knows what will happen next year?” Phil asked. “None of us know.”

“Phil,” Dan said a little worried, even if Phil didn’t seem all that concerned.

“No, I… I’m okay with it, Dan. I realised that last week at the interview, you know? I have to try to do everything I can, and try to do everything I want to do. I can’t hold back just because I’m scared the chance won’t come again. I have no control if it come back to me. I only know that I have it right now. It’s my responsibility to try everything while I have the chance in the palm of my hand. I can’t know if it ever comes back, so we have to enjoy it.”

Dan let out a snort, entirely too fond. He knew some of these words, even if they were paraphrased a little.

“Has someone been listening to my podcasts? The old ones, I believe. Wasn’t this the pilot episode of one of them?” Dan asked, nudging Phil with his shoulder.

“Maybe,” Phil confessed, a little shyly. Dan wasn’t sure. He was frankly flattered that Phil had already made it that far into his back catalogue of content.

“This reminds me that you still owe me some dance videos,” Dan said.

“You’ve already seen what’s on YouTube, you said!” Phil responded.

“Yes, but that’s all the professional and cool ones,” Dan said. He had never told Phil how many times he had rewatched every video he could find. “I want the old and embarrassing ones and I believe I was also owed some photos from ballet you did as a child.”

“Why do you have the memory of an elephant?” Phil complained.

Dan didn’t say that it was because he always paid so much attention to any and all things that came out of Phil’s mouth. Dan was categorising and remembering every little thing because every bit of information he was told or noticed about Phil seemed to be something so precious.

“Because I am a thicc boy,” Dan said wiggling his eyebrows.

Phil just shoved at him, smiling while he whined, “stop!”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh, all of this was too endearing.

“I won’t, I cannot be stopped!” Dan said and ran a circle around Phil just to annoy him.

Phil shook his head at his antics but he still didn’t sound that mad.

“Do you really want to do it, though?” Phil asked and Dan stopped fooling around at Phil’s tone.

“The skirt? Dress? Whatever?” Dan asked.

“Yes.”

“Hell yes, I want to do that. Earlier this year I was actually scheduled for a photoshoot for a gay magazine and all of the outfits had a skirt of some kind. Unfortunately, the shoot got cancelled when the editors wanted something else but it would have been epic.”

“Well, then I’m going to let the costume department know immediately,” Phil said and pulled out his phone to start typing. “It will look very good with this choreography too,” he added and he sounded so excited.

“And you won’t get in trouble?”

“Like I said, if I get in trouble, I get in trouble.”

“No,” Dan said sternly.

“Huh?” Phil asked and looked up from his phone.

“We get in trouble, together. Pin it all on me if you have to, I don’t mind. I’m the one who wants to wear a dress after all. They’re less likely to be mad at me anyway.”

The smile that crept up on Phil’s face was something special to behold. It was so soft around the edges that Dan was sure he would melt into a puddle.

“Because you’re the talent,” Phil said with a wink, clearly teasing. “We have to adhere to the celebs’ whims.”

“Oi, mate! Stop that, you know I hate those words,” Dan said and wrinkled his nose.

Phil laughed at him, still fondly, while he finished typing on his phone.

“Okay, it’s set in motion. No takebacks.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Dan swore.

“Good because now we need to master the lifts and spins to make sure you’ll look really pretty with your flowy skirt,” Phil said and extended a hand for Dan to take. “With minimal whining.”

Dan pouted again while he took Phil’s hand. “That’s not fair.”

“I said minimal, not no whining. I do know you after all,” Phil said and spun Dan to face him. “Let’s get to work.”

Dan found it difficult to argue with that tone.

By Thursday evening, they had gotten a better hold on the lifts and the steps and the choreography was coming out nicely. Phil had even brought a skirt for Dan to put on for practice because they couldn’t see the dress that the costume department were making for Dan until at rehearsal tomorrow. Phil had received a little pushback from it, but he had evidently stood his ground and insisted that Dan wanted it, like Dan had suggested. It had helped.

However, with the choreography falling mostly into place and Saturday creeping every so closer, Phil was getting more restless and nervous. Dan could see it when they finished up on Thursday. They were in a good place with their choreography but both of them were still nervous. Too nervous.

“I’m going to go home and just pace around my damn flat,” Phil muttered to himself. “Why am I making such a big deal out of this? It’s just a venue. A ballroom. It’s not that big of a deal.”

It was clear that Phil was lying to himself, but Dan was kind enough not to say it. However, he didn’t want Phil to be alone if he was going to work himself up. They usually didn’t spend week evenings together, almost always parting ways after they got off at the same tube stop or out of their shared taxi.

Dan found that he wanted to be with Phil tonight, and he tried to lie to himself to say that it was purely because he wanted to keep him calm but the truth was that he just wanted more time with Phil.

“We could grab dinner if you wanted,” Dan said, and he tried to sound causal in the offer. “If you want to spare your downstairs neighbour from having you fall through their ceiling.”

“Really?” Phil asked and he sounded so caught off guard but also so happy about it.

Dan was about to open his mouth to confirm when Phil got a call.

“Oh, sorry. It’s my brother Martyn, hold on for a moment,” Phil said and answered the phone. “Hi Martyn.”

“You finished up with practice for the day yet?” Dan could hear someone asking through the phone. Phil’s brother spoke somewhat loud and Phil hadn’t stepped back at all. It was easy to pick up on.

“Yes?” Phil said, looking at Dan, showing confusion.

“Great! Me and Cornelia are taking you out for dinner, you must be shitting bricks by now about Blackpool,” Martyn said.

Dan was pretty sure he heard someone shout something in the background but he didn’t catch what.

“Huh? Dinner?”

“Yes, ouch, Corn, stop it! It’s non-negotiable. Big brother duties, or whatever.”

Phil looked at Dan and Dan really wished that Martyn would have called just a minute before so Dan didn’t have to get rejected. It wasn’t even a big deal but he was already preparing himself for the blow.

“Can I bring Dan?” Phil asked, and Dan frowned.

“Your partner? Sure! Is he paying?” Martyn asked and someone else, maybe Cornelia said something the background again. “Okay, okay. It was a joke. Sure, bring him along! We’ve been wanting to meet him for a while. You’re done hiding him and keeping him to yourself then.”

It must be visible on Dan’s face that he could hear Martyn and Phil noticed it. He started to flap his hands a little.

“Yes, great. Bye, Mar! Text me the address of the restaurant!” he shouted and hung up. He looked at Dan. “You heard it all, right?”

To lie or not…

“Yeah,” Dan said honestly. “And you didn’t have to do that. You can go enjoy dinner with them alone if you want.”

“Oh,” Phil said and he sounded down-beaten. “You don’t want to come?”

That had not been what Dan had meant at all. “Phil, I would love to come along. I just don’t want to intrude.”

Phil started smiling instantly. “Great, then you’re going. And you’re not intruding. You heard them. They’ve been wanting to meet you.”

“That’s not ominous at all. Do they know I have the personality of a potato?” Dan asked.

“I don’t even know what that means, but we’re going. You’re right that it’s not good for me to be alone right now. I need the distraction. I bet you do too,” Phil said and looked down at his phone as it buzzed. “Alright, we’ve got just rush home and get a quick change in before meeting them there. Let’s go.”

Phil took Dan under the arm and pulled him along. Dan once more fought with the butterflies in his stomach. 

It was never that nice to rush back home, clean up quickly and run back out the door but Dan found that he couldn’t really mind it when it meant actually going to dinner with Phil Lester. It was even more overwhelming to realise that maybe they could have been doing that for a while, if only Dan hadn’t been so hesitant to open his mouth and ask. Phil had seemed on board instantly.

Going out for dinner just the two of them could be completely platonic. Friends went out for dinner together and it couldn’t mean anything more. Dan kind of hated that it was often misconstrued. However, going out with Phil alone couldn’t be entirely platonic because Dan’s heart had been growing more and more attached with each day.

Maybe it was a good thing that their first time going out for dinner together would be with other people. Even if it was another couple. God, that was kind of like a double date, wasn’t it? Dan felt like he was almost sweatier when he waited outside of Phil’s flat for him to come down than he had been when they left the studio.

Phil flung open the door, nearly knocking into Dan who had been standing too close. Dan was ready to tease him, already opening his mouth but he felt like it got stuck in his throat when he saw what Phil was wearing.

It was still a casual outfit like they had determined would completely fine for the restaurant they were going to, but there was something special about seeing Phil in his own clothes that weren’t for dance practice or the outfits that Strictly gave them.

Black jeans that shaped his legs nicely, an animal print shirt and a dark blue bomber jacket with too many zips on it. Dan felt like he lost his breath for a moment. Phil could make everything look good, Dan had quickly realised but there was something about seeing Phil like his that was just so nice.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Phil asked, running his hands over his cheek.

“No,” Dan said fondly and shook his head. To jump or not to jump? “You just look good,” he said and it was meant to come out teasingly but it might have been a little too sincere.

Phil looked flustered, opening his mouth a couple of times.

“You look like you escaped prison,” Phil said when he found his voice, leaning in to touch Dan’s striped jumper that was visible through his open coat. “It’s probably a good thing. Bet no one could keep their hands off you.”

Dan’s head was spinning and he wondered if anyone had ever put down Phil Lester as cause of death. Maybe Dan would be the first one. It was just so fun, silly and easy to flirt like this. It made Dan’s heart a little confused, because he couldn’t be sure how deep the intentions run but either way it was so lovely to hear that Phil fancied him too.

He had never had this kind of switch between banter and flirting with anyone or dragged it out like this. He was having so much fun. It was something more than sexual attraction, hell it felt like it was something more than romantic attraction.

Nothing could really capture what Phil was doing to him.

“Let’s go,” Dan said, ears burning red. “We’ll be late.”

They hailed a taxi and arrived at the restaurant right on time. Phil seemed nervous as he walked up to the door and started scanning the restaurant. A server was approaching them, undoubtedly wanting to know if they needed to be seated but Phil seemed to find his brother first.

“Martyn!” he called happily and just started strolling into the restaurant.

Dan excused them both to the server and trailed after Phil.

The first thing that Dan noticed was that Martyn and Phil were definitely brothers. They weren’t strikingly similar, even if they shared some features but it was more the way they fit when they stood next to each other. It might also be something about the raucous greeting and the instant teasing. Dan had known that Phil was close to his family, and it made him ache just a little. His family was fine but he had always felt like the odd one out.

“Dan!” a beautiful redhead with curls to rival his own said as he approached cautiously.

He had heard of Cornelia Dahlgren when she had first started making music a handful of years ago. Back then she had still been an indie artist. It was only two and a half years ago that she had really shot to fame when one of her songs had reached number one in the UK.

The funny thing? It was a stellar song but she had so many better ones. It was like that too often really but Dan had followed her music ever since. She had only done EPs and Soundcloud tracks for a while, even when the hype around her was the largest and only this earlier year had she released a full-fledged album.

Dan already knew he would be talking about it on his music podcast that he mostly didn’t update often, but always resurrected to go over his favourite albums of the year. It really was very cool to meet her and Dan had momentarily forgotten about Phil’s brother’s girlfriend being a kickass musician because he had been so wrapped up in Phil.

“Really nice to meet you, Cornelia,” Dan said and reached out his hand but Cornelia didn’t seem to have such reservations. She was already up on her feet and giving him a very tight hug.

“Corn, let the man breathe,” Martyn teased.

“Oh, shush you,” she said over her shoulder to her boyfriend. “I’ve been pestering Phil to get us together for a while, I even asked him to ask if we could play piano together for a video.”

“Oh?” Dan asked, looking over at Phil. He reached a hand over to greet Martyn properly and then all of them found their seats. “I’ve not heard of anything like that.”

“You can’t pour more onto his plate when he’s doing Strictly,” Phil said with a pout. “He’s already working too much and dancing his ass off, he doesn’t need to do more. I will not forgive you if you cause my partner stress.”

Dan really should be used to people dropping the ‘dance’ in ‘dance partner’ but it still made his heart jump every single time. It was also ironic that Phil said that because if anything he was always the one that was causing Dan’s heart to work in overdrive. Not that Dan minded one bit.

“Well, I’d love to get together to make a piano video after Strictly then,” Dan said to appease Phil. “Frankly, my YouTube channel could always use more piano content. People seem to really love it. It would be great to collaborate with you on something, you’ve got a channel as well, right?”

And so, it seemed so easy to flow. Dan always found it easy to talk about things that he was passionate about. He got wrapped up in conversation with Cornelia so easily that he hadn’t realised that they had been talking way too much until the food arrived and Dan felt like only a moment had passed. He wasn’t even sure what he had ordered.

Still, when a cheesy pasta dish appeared in front of him, he wasn’t disappointed.

“You two are off in your own little world, so we ordered for you,” Phil said, teasingly.

“And you are gay, right?” Martyn said, a matching teasing grin on his face. “Not trying to steal my girl? Because I’m not sure I’d have a chance against you.”

This was one of the things that always made Dan’s heart soar. It didn’t happen as often but he loved when he met people who could accept his sexuality without any reservations or weirdness. Martyn just went straight in for a playful joke and it didn’t seem forced at all.

It made Dan’s heart feel even more warm because it probably meant that Phil was okay with his family. Being gay wasn’t something that had pulled them apart. Again, Dan was a little envious of that, but at the same time he was just so grateful. Phil deserved all of the nice things.

“Cornelia is pretty incredible,” Dan said, joking along. “But worry not, I’m more likely to set my eyes on tall, dark handsome men.”

He was playing a joke on the stereotype but he couldn’t stop his eyes from looking across the table and finding Phil. Tall? Check. Dark hair? Check. Handsome? Very check. Maybe Dan was predictable in his tastes, but he couldn’t really mind that.

He also didn’t want to explore the thought that he would have found Phil attractive no matter what bodysuit he had come in. His personality was attractive as fuck.

Cornelia chuckled and Martyn rolled his eyes, while Phil just looked at him, gaze piercing as always.

They dug into their food and Dan made sure to talk with everyone around the table.

“Damn, I forgot we have two celebrities at our table,” Martyn said and nodded towards some of the surrounding tables that were looking over at them quite curiously. He said it loud enough that people seemed to realise that they were staring and diverted their eyes.

“It’s probably more for Cornelia than me,” Dan said. “My audience tends to be almost too afraid to say hi if they see me in public.”

“It is probably you, Dan. Lots of people have forgot about me already, while you’re on Strictly right now. Phil too, remember?”

Ad how could Dan forget about that, really? It was surely Phil’s attractiveness messing with his head. In the studio it was just them, and he felt normal and comfortable. He forgot that people might be able to recognise them.

It probably was a very good thing that he wasn’t out for dinner with just Phil. It would start rumours. More rumours than there were circling around them already. Dan hadn’t wanted to look too much at the outcome of a disastrous interview but there were speculations. It wouldn’t do any good to add fuel to the fire.

“Right,” Dan said, looking around and feeling oddly watched. “I forget about that.”

“I know the feeling,” Cornelia said, and leaned over to place a hand on Dan’s. He had been clutching his knife too hard but now he slackened his grip.

“We can go somewhere else if you want,” Phil said.

“Yeah, our flat is just a short walk from here,” Martyn chimed in. “You can come over and we can chill there.”

“Let’s finish our food and then go,” Dan said, feeling himself already growing fond of Martyn and Cornelia. It was hard not to like them. They reminded him of Phil in a way. So easy to love.

The food and restaurant had been nice but it was even nicer to get away from prying eyes. It was a little hard to ignore them once he had been made aware of them. Once more, he was happy that his “fame” was mostly confined to the internet and he only met people here and there in real life and most people were nice and polite.

Dan had thought maybe it would be a civilised adult hang out with like wine and cheese or something – Dan didn’t really know what adult hang out looked like – but he was ecstatic when Phil and Martyn instantly raced over to a whole shelf of board games and bickering over which one to play tonight.

At times, he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something about Phil and Phil’s life not to be so appealing, but so far, he had to admit that it was a pretty well-fitting shoe.

They decided on Monopoly even though Cornelia and Dan both warned them. None of the Lester brothers cared and they did not heed any warnings. The game took approximately three hours of playful bickering, drinking Ribena instead of wine and constantly getting caught up in conversations.

Dan learned so much about the traditions of the Lester family, both when they were children and growing up. Dan was almost sad to see the game finished but not that sad considering he had won. Phil might have thrown a Monopoly house at his head when he won but he had hardly noticed, too busy laughing at Phil’s annoyed expression.

Phil and Martyn had gone to scour the freezer for ice cream when Cornelia moved a little closer and dropped her voice.

“They’re really good boys. The both of them,” she said.

Dan could tell she was saying it for a reason but he wasn’t sure that he dared go down that path. His heart already felt so full and he had forgotten all about his worries about the day after tomorrow. He had always wanted something like this, being able to hang out with friends, play games and just have a good time.

He was already wondering if it would be possible to get Martyn and Cornelia and Pj and Sophie to all come together. Phil too of course. It would be an epic game night with the six of them.

“I know,” Dan said to Cornelia. “They’re pretty great.”

“You have a shot, you know,” she added in a more hushed voice.

Dan felt like all the air was sucked out of his lungs. “Huh?”

Cornelia shrugged but she was smiling. “Just saying, if you were worried. It’s hard not to fall for a Lester boy, I’d know. But don’t dare think that it’s one-sided.”

Dan wanted desperately to know more, but Martyn and Phil were coming back into the living room holding ice cream like they had wrestled it away from an angry dragon and not merely searched the freezer.

It was endearing. Dan forgot about Cornelia’s words for a while. He wasn’t in the right mind state to unpack them. He would need to sit with his feelings for a longer time, and he didn’t have time these days.

It was nearly midnight by the time Dan and Phil jumped out of a taxi in the streets between their two flats. Dan still couldn’t believe that they were this close to each other. Phil would have called it fate and Dan would have rolled his eyes and denied it but right now looking at Phil’s cheeks flushed from the autumn cold and too many laughs, he wouldn’t have had the strength to argue.

“Thank you for tonight,” Phil told him, swinging back and forth a little, like he couldn’t stand still.

“I did nothing,” Dan said with a fond smile and put his hands on Phil’s shoulders to keep him steady. “Your brother and Cornelia came to the rescue.”

Phil shook his head firmly and he stopped swaying under Dan’s hands.

“You did so much. I had such a fun night, Dan, in large part because of you. I love Martyn and Corn but it was made better by you being there. Even if I still resent you for beating me.”

“Then I suppose we’ll just have to have a rematch at some time,” Dan suggested, not even realising that he was proposing a repeat. An excuse to do this again. He wasn’t really surprised. He wanted it so badly. He wanted more nights like this with Phil. As many as he would be allowed to have.

“That can be arranged,” Phil said, and leaned in a little closer.

Dan wondered what it would be like to be able to close the distance and give Phil a goodbye kiss. He thought back to the lyrics that they had listened to on repeat this week. He felt like they captured his feelings a little too well.

_Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you._

Dan had been trying to adhere to the warnings in the back of his head, telling him that it was foolish to rush all of this. Because of it, he was dragging in his heels and slowing down. He didn’t want to fuck it up.

But he couldn’t help falling. He hadn’t been able to slow the falling part, even if he had tried. He was already so whipped for Phil Lester and he was drowning in his own pining.

Phil was looking at his eyes too and Dan wanted to know everything they had ever seen. He wanted to know everything Phil’s heart had ever felt and he wanted to know if it was feeling something special standing here with Dan now.

He loosened his grip on Phil’s shoulders and he listened to his head again. Maybe it would be a mistake but Dan always had counted on his head more than his heart. It was probably a stupid choice because his brain to him absolute garbage sometimes.

“Goodnight, Phil,” Dan said softly, and he pulled his hands back but he could stop his hands from straying just a little, a quick gentle stroke on Phil’s cheek before he stepped back.

“Goodnight, Dan,” Phil said just as softly.

Dan really wasn’t sure he could keep trying to be wise and careful. Waiting for the end of Strictly felt like waiting forever right now. He didn’t want to leave it yet but he wanted to confess. He wanted to ask Phil.

He fell asleep with so much fondness in his heart and he didn’t allow it to turn ugly.

Dan was actually excited when he woke the next morning because Phil had sent over photos of the dress. Dan looked at it and he felt almost giddy with excitement. It was going to be so freaking cool.

His excitement only increased when he actually got to see the dress for the first time. It was a beautiful golden orange with small blue stones and an ombre blue skirt. It was backless, just thin strips diagonally across and more flowy fabric hanging from one shoulder to the opposite hip. Dan spun it around several times on the mannequin, just looking at all of the little details.

He had always liked clothes and frankly he had sometimes been a little disappointed that him and Phil were in beautiful but sometimes plain looking suits. They weren’t as fun. This dress was fun.

“You like it?” Phil asked, coming up behind Dan where he was spinning it around, admiring all the details.

“It’s stunning. I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull it off very well, but I can’t wait to try.”

“You’ll look gorgeous,” Phil said instantly, and so convincingly that Dan actually believed him. He knew he was probably blushing but honestly it was difficult not to when Phil let compliments roll off his tongue like that.

Dan wasn’t sure he had ever been complimented like that. He would get it sometimes when someone was trying to get his attention to get a date or just trying to get him into bed but then it sometimes felt like it was said for a purpose. A seduction tactic. Phil just said it, to just say it.

He turned out to be right, if Dan did say so himself. Dan couldn’t stop twirling around in front of the mirror after he put it on. He loved how it would flow around him when he moved and he was surprised to see that it showed off his back nicely. His back that had gotten more toned without him even noticing it.

When Phil came into the dressing room and saw Dan in the dress, he instantly picked him up and spun him around two times before setting him down. Dan threw his head back and laughed at Phil’s antics. He hadn’t expected Phil to shift them, grip so that his arms were around Dan’s thighs and he pressed them to Phil’s front. Dan’s breath caught.

“You do look gorgeous,” Phil said, voice dropping a little and he looked like he couldn’t take his eyes off Dan. “Now let’s go show you off to everyone.”

Dan felt like he was floating on a cloud all through rehearsal. Everything went perfectly, the steps landed like they should, he kept in the form and the lifts that they had worked so hard on came off really well. Phil even managed to convince one of the camera men that they could get a look at the footage so he could show Dan how it looked.

The dress was a nice addition to it all, and it did twirl beautifully around them, when Phil had Dan off the ground. Frankly, Dan had been so distracted by the dress that he hadn’t really thought about the fact that they were dancing at a new venue.

Blackpool’s tower ballroom was certainly grand and beautiful but really Dan felt like his world shrunk to just him and Phil when they were dancing. It was all he really cared about it.

“I feel better now,” Phil said afterwards, when they had both changed out of their clothes and gone back to their exercise gear. “Now I’ve danced at Blackpool once, it’s going to be better the second time around.”

“You didn’t seem nervous out there,” Dan said, approaching carefully because he didn’t want to accidentally worry Phil more.

“It’s hard to be nervous around you, actually,” Phil said and then shook his head. “No, that’s not true actually, but it’s a different kind of nerves. Not my usual performance nerves. Those seem to just be sucked right out of me when I dance with you. I can only focus on you. Almost like…”

Phil seemed to be struggling with the words and Dan’s brain decided to fill them out.

“Almost like you become the centre of the universe.”

Dan almost flinched as soon as he had said it. Those words were too big and there lay too much of a confession in them. Why was he losing all of his filter around Phil? Why was his own brain conspiring against him? He was prepared to open his mouth and take it back, maybe make a joke of it, but he didn’t get the chance.

“Yeah,” Phil said, putting a hand on Dan’s shoulder and squeezing slightly. “Yeah, kind of like that.”

If this had been a private moment maybe something would have happened but there were people around them, staff bustling around and while they were being ignored, they were not alone.

It was okay. Any more and Dan’s heart might actually burst.

All the worries seemed so trivial now, when he knew Phil could look at him like that. He had one of the most peaceful sleeps from Friday to Saturday that he had since all of this started.

Dan didn’t even feel worried when they were waiting before the show with all the other dancers and the pros. He felt like he had spent enough time being nervous all week that it had just fizzed out of him. In its place had just been excitement.

When Dan had walked out in his dress, Carrie and Dianne had been the first people at his side gushing about how good it looked on him. It was attracting so many eyes but Dan for once didn’t mind the spotlight that much. He had Phil at his side the whole time, a steady support. Everyone seemed to think that it was a cool dress and some of the others even talked about switching up their costumes. Harry really seemed keen to dance in a dress now too, when he had found out that it was an opportunity and Carrie said she’d love to dance in a suit for once.

It all left Dan with this giddy feeling in his chest and he tried to radiate that to Phil as well. True to his word, he hadn’t seemed nervous. He was actually a picture of calm, constantly leaning into Dan’s space. Dan could get used to backless dresses if it meant he would get to feel Phil’s warm hand directly on the small of his back.

Phil had to go early in the show for the opening number with all the pro dancers and Dan watched with pride swelling in his chest. Phil was really breath-taking and he didn’t feel the tug of jealousy. Phil would be dancing with several dancers that were much better than Dan, but he had already said that it was something special dancing with Dan and he wouldn’t want to be dancing at this iconic venue with anyone else.

Dan felt better as soon as Phil came back to him, pressing warmly into his side. Dan knew his grandmother and mother was out in the audience, undoubtedly eating it all up. His nan had called him almost every evening just to gush about how excited she was. He had felt bad not picking up her call on Thursday evening when he had been out with Phil, Martyn and Cornelia, but she had been thrilled when he had called her back the following day to explain why he hadn’t picked up.

She was dropping not so subtle hints about Phil being a lovely man once more. Dan didn’t even fight it, since he quite agreed, but he didn’t encourage her.

Dan and Phil watched as six couples went before them, before it was finally their time as the penultimate couple of the night. Dan was very happy that they were starting out on the floor together, standing side by side.

This dance floor was larger than the usual Strictly stage and there were more people in the audience as well.

None of it mattered. Dan and Phil were in their own little world. They didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

They danced this dance like a confession, never straying long from each other. They followed each other around on the dance floor, Dan spinning and spinning but always returning safely to Phil’s arms.

Dan was sure that the lyrics were reflected in his eyes but he told himself that it was okay. If anyone would ever bring it up, he could say he was just getting into character. He danced like a man in love and he knew it.

He didn’t hesitate when he had to jump into Phil’s arms and he went easily as Phil repositioned him and they locked arms so Phil could spin him. Dan clung on elegantly and he knew they looked great like this. Phil had made sure to show him the day before.

The lift to Phil’s shoulder went well too and Dan really was too comfortable with Phil lifting and handling him. It came so easily, letting himself go and trusting that Phil had him. He knew Phil would always make sure to hold onto him.

He wasn’t scared of falling.

The dance was over entirely too quickly and Dan almost wanted to go over it from the top again just to keep dancing with Phil. They finished back in the middle where they had started, Dan softly touching Phil’s face and gazing into his eyes. Phil gazed right back.

What finally stirred them out of the eye contract was the incredibly loud applause. Dan wasn’t sure if it was because their performance was better than usual or it was just because there were more people in the audience. He found that he didn’t care.

Phil looked proud of him and that was all that really mattered.

Phil was the one who dragged him over to the judges too, hand big and wide on Dan’s skin like it belonged there.

Claudia congratulated them and also praised Dan’s dress, before she turned to ask the judges.

Shirley was first.

“Dan and Phil, what an absolutely stunning dance. You looked so caught up in each other but you managed to keep your postures right for most parts too. And dancing in a dress for the first time must have been a challenge too and you did it brilliantly, Dan,” she said.

“Thank you so much,” Dan said, and leaned more into Phil’s side.

“The choreography, Phil, wonderful,” Bruno chimed in and Phil thanked him a little shyly. “You made such a beautiful story of falling in love and the lifts! You look in complete control and so relaxed even as you’re moving Dan around. Incredible strength. Dan, be careful not to just let Phil drag you. You’re still dancing even when you’re in the air.”

“Okay,” Dan nodded, knowing that was one of the things he had struggled with. “I’ll remember moving forward.”

They didn’t have time for anymore and they were being ushered away from the stage a moment later. Running backstage with Phil’s hand in his always felt so wonderful.

Tess and the other contestants embraced them heartily and Dan got several hugs before he made it to the front of the line and the cameras.

“What a performance,” Tess said. “How did it feel to be dancing in a dress for the first time?”

“Really fun,” Dan answered instantly. “It’s so much fun to twirl but it has also given me massive respect for the female dancers who usually have to keep track of their dress at all times and how it moves. It’s not easy but it was so fun.”

“Was there any particular reason that you wanted to wear a dress?” Tess asked.

Dan looked over at Phil. “We wanted to give the performance a little more of an umph, you know? Phil had to do all these lifts with me this time around, which he did so wonderfully – did you see? – and that just made us think we could use all the twirling and spinning. I also just wanted to wear a dress. Breaking gender norms is kind of in my brand,” Dan laughed a little.

He usually didn’t do much talking while they waited for the scores, usually happy to take the lead after he just felt the adrenalin drain after a dance. Phil looked happy for him to talk this time though, but Dan still wanted him to have a say.

“How does it feel to dance here at Blackpool?” Tess asked and that was the perfect opportunity.

Dan sidestepped and pushed Phil forward. Phil stumbled a little but then smiled and answered.

“It’s been incredible, it’s something that I’ve always dreamed of doing ever since I joined Strictly. And I wouldn’t want to experience it with anyone else,” Phil said and pulled Dan closer by his waist.

Dan hadn’t expected Phil to just declare that to the whole world and he fought the urge to hide in Phil’s shoulder. He was lucky that his face was already flushed from the dance. He didn’t mind that Phil said it, not at all. It made his whole skin feel tingling.

“And it looks like we have the judges’ scores,” Tess said, saving Dan from reacting more.

It was always difficult to wait the last few seconds as the scores rolled in. Dan was biting into his lip.

  1. 7\. 8. 9.



Dan’s eyes just kept getting bigger and bigger and with the final score, he just broke out laughing. 9! They got their first 9, Dan couldn’t believe it. It was their highest score yet and it put them at a third place for tonight so far. Now, Dan did bury his face in Phil’s neck as the two of them laughed.

Dan was pretty sure that Tess was trying to ask them what it felt like to get this score but they were both too busy hugging and laughing to pay attention to that. They didn’t quite stop hugging or laughing until they had to go back in front of the cameras for the elimination round.

They were the second couple saved and Phil picked up Dan and spun him around as he walked off stage. His hands were digging into the bruises that had indeed been forming on Dan’s skin throughout the week. Dan’s skirt twirled around them as Phil walked with stable steps and refusing to set Dan down until they were out of view from the cameras.

It seemed that Phil liked picking Dan up as much as Dan liked being picked up.

“Another week, we get another week,” Dan said, bouncing on his feet as soon as Phil set him down.

He got to dance with Phil for another week.

“Yeah,” Phil said, smiling so much. “And I’ve got a plan for next week. It’s kind of impulsive.”

“Oh?” Dan asked, instantly intrigued.

“I’m going to scrap the planned mostly choreographed dance we were meant to do and make one from scratch, with your help,” Phil said, leaning in closer.

“My help?” Dan asked, a little scared and a little excited. “Why?”

“Because you’re my muse, of course,” Phil said and leaned in even closer. Dan’s heart kicked up. Was Phil going to kiss him?

He was almost disappointed when Phil booped his nose instead but it only lasted a second before he burst into giggled and hugged Phil tightly again. He didn’t know the first thing about how to help choreography a dance but he would do anything if it could help Phil.

“What song are we creating a dance for then?” Dan asked, in a hushed voice, arms still around Phil.

“ _Interrupted by fireworks_ ,” Phil said with a big smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The dress if you want a visual](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/633509359847145472/ive-just-finished-up-todays-chapter-of-strictly)
> 
> What did you think? I quite liked how this chapter turned out! It grew more than planned but when doesn't it with me? I'm so happy to introduce Martyn and Cornelia, it's been a long time coming. I love writing those two into my fics. And Dan in a dress! Thank you so much to T, who helped find me a dress for Dan to wear. We love a lad out there breaking gender norms. And the lifts! I've been wanting to incorporate them for a while but any of the choreographies I've looked at for inspiration hasn't had many of them and I was a little worried if Phil would be able to easily lift Dan, but in this fic he is. Being a professional dancer level of fit and all that. Oh, and happy halloween to everyone! A shame I couldn't time it to match with when I did the halloween episode a few weeks back but it is what it is.
> 
> Thank you for reading, both the fic and potentially my long ramble here. Comments are very welcome! (I read them all immediately even if I'm bad at replying immediately).
> 
> Next update will be on Saturday the 7th of November. How is it already November? It's my birthday in a handful of days. I'm not quite ready to be 26 but time has been strange this year.


	13. Phil's interlude #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a risky thing to cast out the planned choreography and make one from scratch but Phil was determined to see it through. He wanted to make something that was created specifically for him and Dan. He knew he would need all the time he could get, so he started planning already on Sunday and it didn't take very long to decide to invite Dan along with him. He might not be able to dance along with him, because of Strictly's rules, but he could watch and he could play the piano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly late to update but it's been a WEEK. I hope you enjoy this spontaneous Phil POV making a reappearance. 
> 
> TW: mentioning of past bullying

“You’re not allowed to do it with me,” Phil told Dan. “Just watch.”

As soon as it was out of Phil’s mouth, he realised that it sounded quite suggestive. He turned around to see Dan sat innocently at piano but with a failed attempt at hiding his suggestive smirk.

With someone else, Phil might have tried to backpedal or clarify his words but he knew he didn’t need to do that with Dan. Dan didn’t mind innuendos and flirting. He leaned into it as well.

“Oh, I’ll watch you, don’t worry about that,” Dan said and his tone was definitely being suggestive on purpose.

Phil tried not to flush too much. It was enticing, this other type of dance that him and Dan were doing around each other. It was a little confusing as well because Phil had never been very good at freestyle and he was sure he made stumbles, unsure if he was supposed to lead or follow Dan’s lead. In reality, it felt like none of them were leading. They were just twirling around each other.

Even so, it was coming together to a beautiful choreography and Phil didn’t want to mess with it. He couldn’t mess with it, at least until Strictly was over. It would be unprofessional to try or suggest anything while they were still competing on the show. Phil tried to exercise patience but it had never been his strong suit.

“Wipe that smirk off your face, Howell,” Phil told him, purposely turning his back to Dan so that he couldn’t see the slight flush on Phil’s face.

He stretched his body to one side and then another and tried to get his brain into work mode. It felt a little difficult with Dan’s eyes on him, a lazy Sunday in the early afternoon, for once not in a studio booked or provided by Strictly.

It was the reason Dan was not allowed to dance along to any of the choreography that Phil had to create from scratch for their coming week. It’s an insane venture but Phil isn’t about to back down. He was honest when he said he wanted Dan here to be an inspiration, a muse of sorts, but he is also keenly aware that he isn’t allowed to exceed the hours he can dance with Dan. It is unlikely that Strictly would find out, or even properly dismiss him or Dan from the show with how much media attention they had gotten, but Phil is decidedly not trying to piss off the staff and producers.

More than he had done already.

And might do in the future for Dan.

He had always tried to push boundaries within his own choreographies but never does he create much a fuss elsewhere. He was an easy-going guy and he didn’t think he should fight systems or change minds. Rather, he didn’t until he was listening to Dan’s voice several hours every single day – both when they’re practicing and while Phil desperately tries to consume Dan’s massive amount of content lying readily available on the internet. It is made Phil consider his own role more than ever and what he can do to be a positive influence in all aspects of his life and in the way he engages with others.

“Phil?” Dan called, causing Phil to turn around. Dan really did look unfairly pretty at a piano, even sitting in a dark corner in comfy sweats.

“Yeah?”

“You just froze,” Dan explained, softly, as he leaned forward on the piano to rest his elbow against it and put his hand under his skin. “You zoned out.”

“I’m just thinking,” Phil said.

“About the choreography?” Dan asked, but there was something in his voice that told Phil that he wouldn’t buy that even if it was what he said.

Phil hummed. “About things,” he said, throwing in a wink for good measure and going back to his stretches.

Maybe having Dan here was a mistake. He might turn out to be more of a distraction than a muse.

But Phil had wanted to share this with him. The early parts of creation that wasn’t so pretty. He didn’t let a lot of people see him like that. It was something intimate and familiar to show someone something that you didn’t think was good enough for anyone’s eyes. It made him feel a little insecure, like he was a kid with half-assembled and messy bricks. He knew they could come together nicely, beautifully even, but first came a lot of playing around and relocating.

Nothing came out beautifully instantly. It took work and dedication as well as talent.

It was a type of vulnerability that Phil hadn’t known he wanted to experience but he felt right to be here with Dan, nerves be damned. He had five days to make a viable choreography that could sway and impress and still be fitting to the theme.

“Can you play the song a couple of times?” Phil asked after he had done his warm up stretches.

“Of course, it’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” Dan said, but a little teasingly. He knew very well he wasn’t just coming along as a live version of the music, even if it was a nice addition.

Phil wasn’t so sure if his old professor who owned this whole shared art space would be too thrilled with the fact that him and Dan had “borrowed” the piano from the music section and taken it into the little dance studio. But really, it was her fault for not specifying that he wasn’t allowed to do that when he had called and asked about coming into the space, or maybe it was the piano’s fault for having wheels attached so that it could be moved.

Phil was just making the best of what he had at his disposal.

Dan had been so cute and nervous as they had been rolling the piano through doors and along hallways, constantly looking over his shoulder as if someone was about to come out and shout at him or accuse him of thievery. Phil had told Dan that they had the whole place to themselves and Phil had gotten explicit permission from the owner to be there but it seemed like it had done little to reassure him.

As difficult as it was, Phil forced his mind not to focus on Dan or his hands gliding softly over the piano. Phil had heard this song countless and countless of times. It was one of the reasons that he had picked it all of a sudden and discarded his mostly drafted choreography for the other song. The biggest reason was that Dan had mentioned offhandedly that he also liked Final Fantasy and when Phil had asked him to name a song, he had chosen _Interrupted by Fireworks_. From that moment on, Phil hadn’t been able to drop this idea.

He let himself sink into the music and feel his body move. He was pulling up different moves from the different styles that he was allowed to use for this dance. It was a bonus of course that this genre was contemporary dance, which was the one that Phil was the most familiar with.

He liked the other dance styles for a lot of reasons but there was something about the fluidity and the expression of lyrics in contemporary that connected with his heart more easily. It was also nice to incorporate his old ballet training.

Phil’s own personal choreographies would have landed in this genre of dancing if you had to put a label on it.

Normally, he would either try to build a story out of the lyrics to a song or he would find an instrumental version and weave his own story with his dance moves. With this choice, Phil could only really do the latter but he did not mind.

He had a story in mind already, even if it was a little personal. Phil wasn’t sure if Dan would be able to pick up the finer nuances that he wanted to pack into the choreography but his heart still strummed with the idea of capturing his and Dan’s Strictly journey so far.

Phil had never made it nowhere near this far in the competition and he knew it could be yanked from under their feet any moment. He had always tried to dance like every single dance mattered but now it was the case more than ever.

Dan playing the song on the piano gave the music another quality, in a way it made it feel more stable and tangible and Phil leaned into it.

He played around with some of his favourite ballet moves that he knew would be impressive to the crowd, if he could teach Dan the basic ones too. He experimented with flinging himself into the moves with reckless abandon. Or rather, it looked like reckless abandon but in reality, every single tiny movement was controlled. Dan still gasped from his seat at the piano in the corner, fingers slipping on the keys and hitting the wrong notes.

Dan didn’t let the mistake linger, picking up quickly again, in perfect beat as if the mistake hadn’t happened. Phil could listen to Dan play the piano for hours, he absentmindedly thought when he realised that he already had most of the vague outlines for the song down. It had probably been an hour already, and decidedly more than the couple of times that Phil had asked Dan to play the song.

Phil had gotten lost in the dance and the choreographing. His shirt clinging ever so slightly to his back, damp with sweat told him more time had passed too.

“How long have you played?” Phil asked.

Dan’s hands froze on the keys deliberately this time. “You mean right now, or in general?” Dan asked because Dan was a little shit.

Phil liked him so much more than he was willing to admit out loud. He would though, one day, he’d find a way to put all of these thoughts inside of his head into proper words and express himself. The growing fondness and attraction mixing in a way that he had never experienced before as well as the strong desire to just be near Dan and to hear more.

He should still be focusing on the choreography because there was loads to still be done, even if it was coming together nicely, but he was weak to hearing Dan talk.

He wanted to hear more about the piano playing because there was a story there. Phil had watched rather hilarious YouTube about Dan’s old evil piano teacher but he had a feeling that there was still more to be said. Things Dan hadn’t wanted to share with the whole world or been able to fit into a neat little comedy video, as interesting and humorous as it had been.

“In general,” Phil said, shaking out his arms a little to loosen up as he walked over to the piano.

Dan’s eyes found his and he looked so amused again. He was looking at Phil like that a lot. It made Phil feel like the funniest person in the world. It was quite an addicting feeling. He could get used to Dan looking at him like that, even after Strictly had finished.

“Bullshit,” Dan called him out, but softly. “You meant how many times I’d played the song just now.”

Phil smiled and then shrugged. “If you knew, why did you ask?”

“To tease you, of course,” Dan said like it was the simplest thing in the world. His words were accompanied by a warm smile.

It was an odd thing to realise how far they had come. It felt so easy to joke around, a comfortable familiarity. It felt like they’d known each other for years and years. It had only been two months.

Two months had simultaneously never moved faster or slower.

“Alright, but then answer both,” Phil said, pouting just slightly because he liked how Dan’s eyes would zero in on his mouth for just a hot second before flickering away. Phil liked this too. Flirting had always seemed like something a little too aggressive for him. He liked this much more, just little nudges here and there, slowly but surely moving in the same direction.

“I’ve played the song maybe twenty times or something? What’s that, just over an hour? I didn’t exactly keep track and after the first couple of goes, it seemed to be quite instinctive.”

“Muscle memory,” Phil said, knowingly. It put a glimmer in Dan’s eyes, a spark, because he liked to act as if he hated when Phil would drill routines into him until they were so instinctive that his body would default into them.

“Nerd,” Dan said, but affectionately. “But yes, muscle memory. It didn’t take long to get back into it. I learned this song years and years ago. It feels like coming home to play it. I hardly had to pay much attention, just letting my fingers work for me and then I could watch you.”

“Oh… yeah, it’s just a rough draft, it’s nowhere near-” Phil started to argue, insecurity building in him even if Dan had given him no reason to be insecure. He had wanted Dan here to see all the messy parts but that still didn’t mean that it was scary to reveal the mess.

“Phil,” Dan said softly and there was a hand on his wrist. Phil wasn’t even sure when he had come close enough to be able to touch Dan but he seemed to just have drifted closer of his own volition.

“Yeah?” Phil asked, throat slightly crammed up.

“You’re good. Like in the sense that I’m not judging you and, in the sense, that you’re a fucking vision even when you’re stringing bits of choreography and moves together. It’s really fascinating to watch and I’m beyond happy you’re allowing me to be here to see it.”

“Oh,” Phil said because it was all he could say. He was sure Dan could see the slight tint of pink in his cheeks but Phil couldn’t turn around to hide it this time.

Dan would do this sometimes, say something so very sincere that it left Phil feeling a little floored and unsure how to respond. Dan had a way with words, even if he himself was reluctant to admit it.

“And to answer your other questions,” Dan said, seemingly sensing that Phil didn’t know how to accept the compliment or the attention of the trust, “I’ve been playing since I was just a big kid. I ended up taking lessons with this horrible woman who was not fit to be a teacher in anyway.”

“The one you made a video about,” Phil said, and he almost wanted to take it back when Dan tensed a little.

“Man, I tend to forget how much of my life I share online, you know?” Dan said and he sounded a little contemplative. Phil was about to come up with a way to change the conversation when Dan continued, undeterred. “I don’t mind it, Phil. Don’t worry. But yeah, that was her. She made me quit piano for quite a while after I actually left. Only picked it up again when I first moved to London.”

“Oh?” Phil asked, knowing that this part had definitely not been included in Dan’s old video.

“Yes,” Dan said and now his voice changed and grew a little fonder. “I only started up again because I was so lost in life. Made a deal with the pub close to my first shitty flat that I could come in and practice. I started up lessons with an older woman who taught mostly children but he was exactly what I needed. Kind and gentle and reassuring and she made me believe that I could actually play properly. Then the piano became a bit of a safe space.”

Dan put the hand on top of the piano, softly touching like it was something precious. 

“I know what you mean. That’s how I felt about dance, or well, dance studios. I feel like I practically grew up in them with how much time I spend in places like this.”

“And you had a shitty teacher too,” Dan said, remembering even off-hand comments that Phil had made. It warmed Phil’s heart a little.

“One bad teacher and loads of good ones. It’s always the bad ones that get you, though, isn’t it?” Phil asked.

Dan let out a snort. “Yeah, except you let it push you further. It made you stubborn and it made you want to prove everyone who doubted you wrong. I just gave up and left it for like years. Falsely assumed that it wasn’t for me just because one person told me I wasn’t good enough.”

“Dan,” Phil said softly, wanting to scoop Dan up in his arms and hold him close. They weren’t there yet, Phil didn’t think, so the best he could come up with was sitting down next to Dan on the bench, making sure their thighs were pressed together before gently knocking their knees together. Dan had moved easily to give Phil the space to sit down.

“No, I know,” Dan said, but Phil wasn’t sure he got it.

“Do you?” Phil asked, trying to find Dan’s eyes but they were glued to his hands resting on the piano keys now. Phil still had to say his piece. “It’s not fair that you have to make such a decision as a child. It’s not supposed to be hard like that or that you meet people who try to tear you and your hopes and dreams down. At any age but especially when you’re a kid. You’re supposed to believe you’re invincible and then later learn that things aren’t that simple and that life is at times far too complicated but that’s not something you should worry about as a child.”

“I’d love to live in your world, Phil Lester,” Dan said and his voice sounded a little wet all of a sudden. He was still just looking at the piano keys.

Phil didn’t stop himself from reaching out this time looping an arm around Dan’s waist and carefully laying his head on Dan’s shoulder. He kept the touch ultralight, waiting to see if Dan tensed or make any indication that he wanted him to back off. He didn’t and Phil held on a little firmer. Then Dan melted into the touch.

Phil wanted to say a lot of things in that moment. He wanted to tell Dan that he could live in Phil’s world, even if it wasn’t always as bright and rosy as Phil made it out to be. He wanted to travel back in time and meet Dan much sooner, even if they had grown up on separate sides of the country. Even with the four-year age difference, Phil still had a feeling that they could have been mates. Maybe he could have protected Dan like Martyn had protected him.

He couldn’t figure out how to say any of it. All of the words died in his throat.

He tried to come up with something, anything to say and he wasn’t expecting what came out.

“I’m scared of monsters in the dark and you’re scared of real monsters.”

As peculiar and weird as the sentence was, it made Dan lift his head and actually look at Phil. He didn’t look like he had been crying but there was a pinched expression on his face. It was dissipating by the second, overtaken slowly by a fond smile.

“Perhaps,” Dan said, voice not sounding so sad anymore. “Hey, so you danced pretty much your whole childhood, right?”

“I did,” Phil confirmed.

“And you were never- wait, shit, that’s… nope, never mind, ignore me.”

Oh, and if that did not only pique Phil’s curiosity even more. He was fairly sure that Dan was stopping himself from asking out of politeness and Phil wouldn’t have that. Frankly, he couldn’t imagine that Dan would ask him anything he didn’t want to answer.

Except perhaps how he felt about Dan. He wasn’t quite ready to assess or acknowledge the warm feeling growing in his chest with every hour they spent together.

“No, it’s okay. What did you want to ask me?”

“Nothing,” Dan said and he wasn’t even trying to sound like he wasn’t lying.

“Ask, Dan,” Phil said softly. “I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything that you could ask me that I wouldn’t want to answer.”

“There should be,” Dan said, almost like he was worried on Phil’s behalf. “If someone asks you something invasive or personal or offending or whatever, then you’re allowed to tell them to fuck off. You don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to make other people satisfied.”

Something warm was spreading in Phil’s chest and he couldn’t stop himself from holding onto Dan a little tighter. Talking to Dan almost always made Phil feel like he was grounded. Dan could bring him back from having his minds in the clouds.

“Sure, but I don’t think anyone I…” Phil had to choose his words carefully, “anyone I cared about and let close would try to purposely offend or insult me. Were you going to ask a question like that?”

“Of course not,” Dan said with a little snort. His hands started moving across the keys, almost like he needed something to do with his restless energy.

It took Phil a little bit to get the song. It was one of Dan’s own. Not the one that Phil had tried to learn after Dan’s video teaching it but a more recent one. Phil hadn’t told Dan that he’d queue up Dan’s piano covers and original compositions on YouTube whenever he was just having a quiet evening and needed a winddown. He had always liked instrumental music but there was something special about Dan’s playing.

He wasn’t an incredible pianist, even if he was definitely better than he was giving himself credit for. Phil knew it could be purely because of his attachment, and attraction to Dan, but a quick glance at the comments told him that he wasn’t the only one.

Dan played with his soul, like he was laying it bare just a little. In his own works, it was like there was a story woven into every note and Phil felt like he could relate to that so very much.

“Were you ever bullied?” Dan asked, hands still moving over the keys, producing a soft melody. “For like being the dancing kid?”

That was not what Phil had expected Dan to ask, but it certainly wasn’t a bad question. Phil told him as much.

“That’s what you were scared to ask me? It’s not offensive or anything,” Phil said, unable to keep the fond smile off his face.

Dan shrugged a little, hands still moving and eyes tracking how they glided over the keys. Phil had had the pleasure to see Dan play a number of times now and he could tell when Dan knew a song well enough that he didn’t need to look at his hands to play. He would just know where his hands were. Phil could never do that. He still had trouble with touch typing.

“It is personal though,” Dan said, hitting a slightly higher note.

“You can ask me personal questions, Dan,” Phil said. “We’re at that level.”

Phil realised he still had his arm around Dan’s torso when he felt the soft snort that Dan exhaled. It was almost inaudible but Phil had felt it.

For a terrifying beat, Phil wondered if Dan would ask him what he meant about ‘that level’. Phil wasn’t sure how he would have attempted to answer. That level of friendship? Casual but somehow still serious flirting? Phil was pretty sure he couldn’t have put it into words. He could just tell that he felt comfortable being open around Dan.

“I’m going to take advantage of that,” Dan said, instead of asking for a clarification. “I’m always so curious about you.”

It was so freaking flattering to know that Dan was curious to know more about him. Phil had picked up on Dan sneakily asking him questions, about his past or his preferences. He did it so casually, slipped in between other conversation but he was definitely learning more about Phil almost every single day. Phil had been a little surprised when Dan had showed up with a pumpkin spice latte the first day that Starbucks had launched it that autumn because Phil had said that he always got at least one at the start of the season.

“Well, to answer your question then,” Phil said, looking down at Dan’s hands moving so elegantly. “I wasn’t really bullied for being the dance kid, but I honestly think that’s mostly due to my big brother.”

“Martyn?” Dan asked, looking up quickly to Phil who was still pressed into his side. When he seemed to realise just how close their faces were to each other. He focused back on his hands instead. Phil did catch the slightly flush to his cheeks though.

“Yes, he was cool at school. I was kind of well-liked, I suppose, but Martyn was actually cool. He was friends with everyone and everyone wanted to hang out with him all the time. He actually ditched me on the first day of school, but I got lost and so sad I cried and since then he took better care of me. I think Mum might have given him a stern talking to,” Phil said, chuckling at the memory. “It can’t have been to fun to have his nerd/dancer little brother follow him around all the time but I adored him. Looked up to him so much. Still do. When your big brother is the coolest kid in school, no one really dares to mess with you even if you’re dancing ballet.”

“Oh,” Dan said. “That’s good. I’m happy that he protected you. Remind me to send him like a fruit basket or something.”

“Martyn would be very confused and then slightly angry at you since Corn would be bound to make it an excuse to try out new healthy smoothie recipes. So what I’m saying is that you should definitely do it.”

Dan smiled and he started playing a different song. This wasn’t one that Phil recognised at all and he was tempted to ask about it, but he didn’t want to change the subject or pull Dan out of his beautiful playing.

“Are you asking because of your own history with bullying?” Phil asked carefully.

Dan’s hands faltered for a bit, slipping out of tempo just slightly before he focused again.

“I forget sometimes who much I’ve shared with the internet,” Dan said and he didn’t sound bitter about it, just contemplative.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep either,” Phil said.

“You’re good,” Dan said, taking a moment to pump their shoulders together, even if his voice sounded a little far away.

Phil was reminded of how he had recounted his bullying in his coming out video. The physical abuse and the slurs that he had to endure. Phil didn’t get angry often but he felt angry at those boys. He felt furious that Dan had to grow up thinking that he was wrong just because he liked boys. It broke Phil’s heart in half.

However, Dan was also the one who mended it in a sense.

After getting to know Dan, Phil had learned how much activism he did in particular for the queer and the mentally ill. He was out in the world every day trying to make sure no one would ever have to repeat his circumstances. He was trying to remind people that they weren’t alone in their struggles and he was trying to educate and inform of where you could get help.

Dan was becoming what Martyn had been to Phil but to so many young people.

Phil had never been the most active on social media but after Strictly had started and he was dancing with Dan, he had gotten a whole influx of followers and for most parts they all seemed so lovely and kind and they had embraced Phil with open arms.

Almost a little too open arms, when he had found that he had become part of a ship on the internet for the first time. He had thought he might find it weird but instead, he had just felt a little excited. He liked Dan and he was fairly certain that Dan liked him too, so what was it to him that other people could see it as well.

They weren’t doing a very good job of hiding their attraction.

“It wasn’t fair that you had to go through all of that alone,” Phil said quietly, almost scared to speak too loudly. He had always been like that about serious topics. It felt like they should be spoken with care, but part of Phil almost just chickened out a little, doubting himself. It always made his voice come out soft.

“I agree,” Dan said, pulling his lips into a thin line. “No one should have to deal with that. It sucked so bad.”

Phil moved to hold onto Dan with both arms. It was awkward when they were sat side by side like this and Phil had to clasp his other arm over Dan’s front, stopping his hands from playing. Dan retreated his hands from the piano to carefully put them around Phil.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. And I only asked you about your childhood ‘cause well, seeing you dance got me thinking. You look completely in your element, like you are in your own little bubble.”

“I am,” Phil said, moving Dan a little so they could hold onto each other easier. It should be awkward holding each other like this but the only awkwardness came from their positions. “It’s like my little safe bubble. It always has been. When I didn’t know how to process something, I’d go dance. Make up routines and make myself live in a little fantasy world.”

“In a world that’s simple and makes sense,” Dan chimed in and Phil knew he got it. “That’s how I feel when playing the piano. It’s… like the act of creation and also doing something with my hands but it being this tangible thing. It feels good, feels organic.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a safe space growing up, Dan,” Phil told him sincerely.

“It’s okay,” Dan said. “I think I might be finding it these days.”

Phil’s heartrate kicked up and he pulled back, both to look at Dan and because he was worried that Dan would be able to feel Phil’s heart start to race. Dan looked a little bashful himself.

Phil shouldn’t be presumptuous. Dan could just be talking about something else. He could just mean piano playing still but there had been something in his tone. Phil was not ready; he was not ready but he suddenly felt like he might become it if Dan opened his mouth to say something more specific.

He was almost disappointed when Dan only playfully shoved him to get off.

“Go dance, you’ve had enough of a break now,” Dan said, and his voice shook just a little. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk about it either. It would be okay.

“Since when are you the one ordering me around?” Phil asked, letting himself slip into the familiar banter.

“When you’re a couch potato,” Dan said with a wink.

Phil giggled but obediently went back to the middle of the floor. He looked at Dan over his shoulder and he looked lighter now, after their conversation. His smile was softer and Phil was really doing nothing to stop falling for the pretty guy behind the piano. He didn’t want to do anything.

“Play it again, please?” Phil requested.

“For you? Anything,” Dan said and he started playing _Interrupted by fireworks_ again.

Dan said it so sincerely that Phil had no choice but to believe it. As he tried to focus on his choreography again, going over what he had already built up, he came to another realisation.

There was something about spending time with Dan that made him feel like he was in another safe bubble. At first, he had just put it down to the fact that they were mostly dancing when they were together but that wasn’t even true. He felt the same sense of ease in his body when he was just talking to Dan, or even just standing next to him exchanges glances while they waited for their turn at Strictly.

Just like dance, Dan seemed to have the ability to pull in all of Phil’s focus. They both seemed to demand it, softly, and Phil fell into the demand happily.

Phil knew he was weaving too many of his emotions into this choreography. Anyone with a trained eye might be able to see that it was a silent confession to Dan. It was not Phil’s fault. It was too difficult to create anything else.

For all the other dances, he had his outlines and general ideas from even before he had officially met Dan. This was the only song he was building up from the bottom after he had met Dan.

It would always have ended up being soaked with Phil’s attraction, appreciation and admiration. It would always have had to be a reflection about how Phil felt about Dan and dancing with Dan.

He didn’t mind it one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joe Biden and Kamala Harris finally announced victorious! I'm still so hyped up about it and so happy for all of my American pals. The internet has been going insane for a few days and it's both hilarious and a lot to watch. I hope this little chapter can help you disappear into DnP's world. I've also started NaNoWriMo with another DnP fic that's not due until like April next year, and I've started an Among Us fic too, so I'm basically all over the place. I am still prioritising this fic though and having a lot of fun with it. Sorry for making you wait another week for seeing them dance to this song but it's going to be so soft and wonderful.
> 
> Oh! And the fic is now over 100k and we still got quite a bit to go. I do love my long fics though, so thank you for everyone indulging me. The slow burn is catching on though and things are about to get more heated pretty soon. 
> 
> Next update on next Saturday, hopefully around 8 PM CEST.


	14. Week 10: Contemporary to Interrupted by Fireworks + Lindy-Hop-a-Thon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan would never tire of getting to see Phil be creative, it was something quite special to be allowed to see him create like this and Dan treated it like the gift that it was. Even if Phil wanted to incorporate a lift that caused Dan to pause. It's not like he'd say no. He trusted Phil. In more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I say to myself that I don't need to write so long chapters since I'm writing them as I go every week, and usually don't start writing until Thursday/Friday lately. Today I wrote nearly all of this 11k chapter. Oops? The word war chat has as always been a tremendous help. Please excuse any typos! 
> 
> Enjoy Dan and Phil finally dancing to the song I teased two weeks ago!
> 
> TW: brief talk about getting bruised, quick mention of past bullying in relation to homophobia

Dan knew there was no point in even denying it anymore. He was falling in love with Phil Lester. It wasn’t just a crush anymore. It had bloomed and bloomed from the pit of his stomach, one little seed growing bit by bit until it was now ready to burst out of his chest.

It was getting harder and harder to hold his tongue after he had realised that it was foolish to try to slow down the feelings. He had tried to keep a hold of himself for weeks already, surely slipping up when they talking or dancing.

Dan was pretty sure it was radiating out of his eyes almost at all times when he looked at Phil. He just couldn’t help it. It had almost made him entirely breathless when he had been sat in the corner at an old piano and been allowed to see Phil create.

His hands had slipped on the keys more than a few times but Phil had seemed to lost in his dance to notice. He had looked entirely cut off from the world, like nothing existed except for the small space around him in the quiet studio.

Dan’s breath had caught in his throat repeatedly. Phil always moved elegantly when he danced. It was this sharp contrast between when he was dancing and when he was just being Phil that Dan really, really liked.

Now it was like he got to see a bit more of a middle part. A little messy, a little out of step in a way that Phil was never out of step but it was more than that. It was seeing the transformation in front of him, seeing the unsteady steps and the tries slowly but surely blend into something coherent.

Dan had never thought of dance much as an artform before he had joined Strictly. He had been aware that it was one but it wasn’t something he had spent a lot of time pondering over. It wasn’t like painting or drawings, as art in a typical sense, or even writing and music that was more abstract. He was familiar with those a lot more. Dance had always been a mystery to him, something just out of his grasp that he couldn’t really understood.

Last season of Strictly, Dan had gotten mesmerised with the emotions poured into the dances in particular as it got later into the season and the newbies could reach just a bit of that dancer’s expression that the pros already had down.

There were stories woven into every step and how the movements came together. Sure, some steps were mandatory for each dance but it was all about how you got from one part to another. The meaning was hidden within the choices of how you moved forward. It didn’t matter that it was the same components that everyone had to begin with.

Everything was like that. Words too. It was all a matter of how they were strung together and what they created in the end as a finished picture. 

Phil was like magic, a little clumsy magic but magic nonetheless. Dan wasn’t sure if he had ever seen someone else work quite like him, in any aspect. He knew it might just be because he hadn’t seen a lot of people’s inner processes, or other dancers in particular, but he was still willing to bet that Phil’s approach was something special and magical.

It might be his smitten heart talking but he wasn’t about to contradict it.

Dan and Phil had gone for hot chocolates after they had finished up in the studio. Dan was pretty sure he would be playing _Interrupted by fireworks_ in his sleep with how many times he had looped it over and started again. Phil had kept training and practicing, directing Dan to start over at specific parts.

It was quite hilarious at first to see Phil try to explain specifically what he wanted Dan to play in the instrumental song but Dan learned that surprisingly he could understand Phil’s off beat humming or even just rapid hand gestures at times. Dan had been able to just _read_ what Phil needed him to play and he would play it.

Phil had teased him for a good five minutes that it was so much easier to chorography with him managing the music and playing it live and he would kidnap Dan and make him accompany him anything he needed to make a new choreography. Dan had blushed, ducked his head a little and hid behind his hot chocolate. He had words on the tip of his tongue. He had been so close to saying that he wouldn’t mind doing that for Phil, even if it meant learning a bunch of new songs on the piano. Anything to have an excuse to spend more time with Phil.

The funny thing was that he didn’t really need to come up with an excuse. Phil seemed to want to hang out with Dan as much as Phil wanted to hang out with him. Dan had never quite had anyone like that in his life, in any capacity. It was a wonderfully exhilarating feeling. An old quote sprung to mind, and back when he had first read it, he had wondered if he would ever get to learn it.

_The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return._

Phil was making him feel like that already and Dan felt like he suddenly got all the cheesy shit people said in romance novels and movies. He had always been a secret romantic, never wanting to be open about his desires for all that soft and fluffy shit. For the first time in his life, he wanted to embrace that side of himself to the fullest.

Even so, Phil was still kicking his ass when it came to dance practice. Dan thought he would have had an advantage by seeing the choreography literally come together in front of his own two eyes but he found that it was still difficult to learn the dance.

Maybe more than ever, because Phil also needed to practice it alongside with him, to get his own body to memorise it. They had never had to do it that much before, as Phil would usually have done some practice beforehand.

“This is too hard,” Dan grumbled, like he often did. It was a tradition. Dan would complain about the dances being hard, and they were, but he wouldn’t mean it in a bad way.

He just needed to get it out and vent a little.

Usually, it also prompted Phil to give him a little break or try to come at the problem they were struggling with from a new angle. He was good at that, both showing with his body and his words how Dan could get into a step or position that otherwise seemed impossible.

Phil was so damn patient and caring and it was making all of Dan’s frustration melt when Phil directed those eyes at him.

“You do this every week,” Phil said, smirk on his lips as he came up behind Dan all the same. He came closer than usual, standing close enough that Dan could feel Phil’s warmth at his back.

It wasn’t new for Phil to get all up in Dan’s space. For most parts, the dancer had no sense of personal space. When he was dancing, it was necessary for there not to be any space and it seemed to bleed into other aspects as well. But this time, Phil was a little closer, almost plastered to Dan’s back.

This felt like something a little different than just Phil teaching him and as if to confirm his suspicions, Phil found his eyes in the mirror and smiled. It was always nice when Phil smiled at him but this smile was radiating trouble.

“You need to feel it. For contemporary, you are freer to go wild. It’s one of the reasons I like the genre so much. But the most important part is that you have to feel the dance, be the music.”

“I’m not sure that I can be the music,” Dan said, voice coming out a little squeaky and distracted.

“Of course, you can, Dan,” Phil said and when Phil spoke to him like that, Dan almost felt like he would be able to climb mountains.

Realistically, his legs would cramp and he would probably even fall over and roll down the hill like a lost potato, but he would try anything when Phil’s voice got that softness mixing in with his confidence. Maybe with Phil’s word in his ear, Dan would actually be able to make it to the top of the mountain, even through struggles and hardships.

“How?” Dan asked then, knowing it would prompt Phil into action.

Dan had not counted on Phil’s hand coming down to his hip. Instantly, Dan felt like he had been lit aflame. Phil’s hand wasn’t even holding onto him that heard, just a bit of a steady pressure but Dan could feel the warmth of Phil’s hand even through Dan’s shirt and the high-waisted leggings. It was big and steady and Dan tried to pretend that he hadn’t thought about how it would be to have Phil’s hands on him before.

Phil would usually not hesitate to touch anymore but he usually didn’t hold on like this. It seemed that Phil was picking up on how Dan had gone ramrod straight at the touch. Dan wanted to open his mouth and say something before Phil got the wrong idea.

But Phil didn’t do what Dan had expected. He didn’t step back or let go and that was when Dan managed to focus his eyes forward again to see that Phil had been reading his expression. He looked a little breathless, and a little flushed. It could be explained away by the dancing but something about the way Phil’s smile was pulled up in just one corner of his mouth told Dan that he wasn’t hiding what had caused him to flush further.

It was probably written all over his face. When had Phil become such an expert in reading him? It made something warm flood all of Dan’s insides.

Sure, there was the mortifying ordeal of being known but it was the only way that you could establish genuine love. After all, to love you had to know.

“This okay?” Phil asked, even if he seemed to have been picking up on Dan’s non-verbal cues.

Dan didn’t mind the touch at all and he should maybe be a little embarrassed how much he wanted to properly lean into Phil’s touch but he didn’t feel an ounce of embarrassment. This was a new feeling as well.

“It’s okay,” Dan replied, finding Phil’s eyes in the mirror.

They were almost sparkling or maybe Dan’s imagination was just running off with him. Either way, he saw stars sparkling in Phil’s eyes, real or imaginary.

“Then follow my lead,” Phil said and suddenly Dan was pressed up against Phil’s front. Just for a beat before Phil used the hold on Dan’s hip to spin him around. Dan almost felt sad when the hand left his hip but then it was made up for when Phil put the hand back on Dan’s other hip and his other hand went up to Dan’s nape.

Phil pulled and Dan went.

It was how they often danced but there was something different about this time. It didn’t feel like Dan was just following Phil’s lead despite what Phil had just told him. Phil led him forward only for him to switch their hands and positions, causing Dan to take the lead. Dan did it naturally.

They’d been practicing the bits individually all day and he hadn’t even realised that they would switch who would be leading until they were coming together now. But it felt right, like they were moving in synchronicity more than anything else.

After the first basic run through, even with a few stumbles and hesitations, Phil was smiling and he still had stars in his eyes.

“See? You got it,” Phil said proudly. “You’re not scared to lead anymore either. You fall into it nicely.”

“Only because I’m leading you,” Dan argued and then realised that he might have said too much again, even if it was the truth. Dan wasn’t sure he would feel as comfortable leading another dancer, regardless of gender, across the dance floor.

Phil shook his head fondly. “But don’t be afraid to touch me,” Phil instructed, walking up to Dan and pulling on his hands. He put one hand at his own nape and another on his hip.

It was just as overwhelming as the other way around but Dan held onto Phil all the same. He was allowed to do this. Phil had given him permission.

An old ugly thing coiled in Dan’s stomach warning him that it was bad for him to touch a guy he was interested in. It was something buried deep in him from a few too many times were boys wouldn’t even want to sit next to him because they thought he was gay and that automatically meant he was perverted.

He had to physically shake his head, beatdown those wrongful notions. It wasn’t right. He could touch guys without it being inherently sexual. He could even platonically touch someone that he was genuinely interested in without it being predatory. Anyone and anything that had told him otherwise growing up had been wrong.

Dan knew this but it still felt like he had to remind himself sternly or he would slip back into that kind of horrible thinking.

There was a hand on Dan’s shoulder, digging in just enough that his eyes snapped up to meet Phil’s. Phil seemed to notice that he had disappeared into his head again but more than that it was like Phil was seeing right through him and he knew exactly where Dan’s head was at.

Dan was about to ask how, or if he was just projecting, but then he was reminded that Phil had been a gay kid growing up too. Maybe he hadn’t suffered at the hands of bullies in the same way but he still grew up in the same heteronormative society that Dan had.

“We’re allowed to do this,” Phil said, leaning forward until he could rest his forehead against Dan’s. Dan was pretty sure he had stopped breathing, just looking at Phil’s eyes up so closely.

It would be so easy to close the distance between their mouths. The moment felt almost poised for it. But Dan didn’t want to do anything without confessing first. He would have to make sure that him and Phil were on the same page. He didn’t want to mess this up when it felt like it might be the best thing that had ever happened in his life.

“Yeah, we are,” Dan said and let himself indulge just a little. He moved his hand from Phil’s nape up into his hair just to feel it. It was just as soft as he had thought it would be and he carded it through his fingers gentle.

Dan got lost in the feel of it for a moment but when he pulled himself back into the present, he saw that Phil had a blush sitting high on his cheek bones. Phil was still in a bit of a better shape than Dan and on top of that he didn’t get red in the face like a tomato as Dan would always do. There was not obvious reason why he would look like he was blushing other than the touch.

Dan pulled back his hands to Phil’s neck. Phil looked ready to say something but Dan wasn’t ready to hear what might come out. He did the first thing he could think of which was just to dance.

He pulled Phil along to the steps that he had just taught him where Dan would be leading and Phil followed easily.

They got lost in dancing and Dan could see why this would be one of Phil’s favourite genres. It was fun despite Dan’s initial trouble with it. Or maybe it was more about seeing Phil have so much fun with it.

He made more tweaks as they danced and figured out what worked and what didn’t work. Phil had a perfectionist streak when it came to his choreographies and he kept changing just little bits.

Dan thought it all looked good but he knew better than to say that to Phil. It was Phil’s creative work and he was the one who was in charge of it. He also knew much more about it than Dan did.

Dan just enjoyed still watching the process and hearing the familiar song play from the speakers on repeat. Phil’s little tweaks sometimes made easier or more difficult to dance. Dan braced himself either way, but overall it was about the expression of the song.

Phil started turning up to the practices more and more tired and Dan wanted to ask if Phil was getting enough sleep but he felt like it was straying into territory that they weren’t in just yet. Instead of bringing it up, he just insisted on the two of them leaving the studio at the same time to at least ensure that Phil wasn’t practicing for more hours than necessary.

When Thursday came around the contemporary dance was mostly finished, even if Phil kept mumbling that it was missing something. After they had gotten the basics down on Monday, they had also needed to practice for the group dance that would be happening on Saturday on top of their individual dance.

Dan hadn’t even realised that was a thing until Phil had brought it up. It was something called The Lindy-Hop-A-Thon where all the couples would be on the ground at the same time. It sounded a little intimidating but Dan had been glad to know that at least it was an upbeat kind of dance that was meant to be energetic and fun.

Those were the kinds of dances that Phil fit in well with and Dan in general just liked the dances that made Phil happy. Still, it had been a lot to practice two dances at the same time. It was only a precursor to what might be their reality if they made it into the semi-finale where they’d have to learn two new individual dances.

Dan had been worried that he would be mixing them together, shifting between them but surprisingly Phil’s expression and glance was the thing that made it easy to tell them apart. Lindy-Hop-A-Thon Phil was happy and bouncy and a huge smile on his face, practically incapable of standing still. Interrupted by fireworks Phil was also smiling but it was a smaller and more intense smile and he moved strongly with purpose, either leading or being led by Dan.

Dan had a clear favourite and he wasn’t scared to say it. 

“I can honestly say that I’m so excited for our solo dance,” Dan said, Thursday morning while they were stretching out. “It’s just… good.”

It was not the adjective that he had wanted to say but he was a little scared of making Phil more nervous. He still seemed a little on edge that he hadn’t been able to prepare this dance as much as the others. Or at least that was what Dan thought might be the reason.

It could also be something about how personal and intense this dance felt. It made Dan feel like him and Phil were already partners, strong in each other’s embraces.

“It’s still missing something though,” Phil said, looking over his choreography notes.

Dan had learned that Phil would write things down but it was a very confusing shorthand that no one but Phil could make sense of and he also wouldn’t write anything down until he knew better how things fit together. He said that he had to have the bare bones, the skeleton, down before he could put it down on paper.

“Like what?” Dan asked, and plopped himself down next to Phil on the floor.

Phil was sitting in a way that was definitely not good for his back, hunched over like that, but Phil’s many years of dancing had made him flexible and he probably could handle the odd angle better than Dan. Or he just didn’t notice.

Dan put a hand on Phil’s lower back, just a light pressure but it was enough for Phil to straighten up his back a little. He shot Dan a smile.

“What do you think it’s missing? You want to toss me through the air,” Dan jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.

He stopped moving very quickly when he saw that Phil was not laughing along. He looked contemplative. When Phil got that look in his eyes, it meant that he was about to make an adjustment to the choreography.

“No,” Dan said, already trying to stand up and get away from Phil almost like he would grab and toss him immediately.

Phil didn’t do that but he did stand up with Dan.

“Not a toss,” Phil said which really wasn’t as reassuring as he might have thought. “Just a lift.”

“Lift?” Dan whined just a little.

He didn’t really mind the lifts. It was very cool and he had enjoyed it when they had done it before but lifts meant that he had to be in Phil’s arms and being spun around. It made him a little too aware how he liked to be manhandled.

It also took surprisingly a lot of core strength to be able to hold his body right in lifts. His stomach ached just at the thought and they only had two days before they had to perform it. It was a ridiculous idea and Dan was about to open his mouth and tell Phil that, except Phil looked at him so pleadingly, hands clasped in front of him and the biggest puppy dog eyes that Dan had ever seen.

What could he do against such a vicious attack?

He had no choice but to melt.

Phil clearly knew it as well, and when he saw Dan’s resolve to argue crumble, he smiled triumphantly.

“Great,” Phil said, actually doing a fist bump in the air because he was an endearing nerd that Dan was just entirely too smitten with. A second later, Phil’s expression fell and he looked at Dan and then there was a different type of thoughtful expression on his face.

“What?” Dan asked.

“You’re not just agreeing because of me, right? If you genuinely don’t want to do it, we won’t,” Phil said and it was so sincere and earnest that it punched Dan in the gut a little. It was such a small thing and Phil hadn’t been reading him wrong but it was still nice to see that he wanted to check in an extra time just to be sure.

It made Dan feel so cared for and he wondered when he had ever been around someone who so easily respected his boundaries. Phil liked to step all the way up to them, maybe even nudge a little but never in a bad way and he never would overstep.

It was making Dan overly emotional.

“I think it’s crazy to do it with this little preparation but you’re the choreographer and the dancer and I trust your vision the whole way,” Dan said, “and I… I don’t mind the lifts.”

Reassured that Dan was okay, Phil smirked just a little and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, is that so?” he asked.

Dan still liked this light flirting that had never really stopped between them but only would come out in moments. It was like it was drumming between them at all time, with words or not.

“Shut up and tell me how you’re going to lift me,” Dan said, shoving Phil’s shoulder playfully. “We’re doing this.”

It took Dan approximately ten minutes to doubt whether he could do this.

He had thought that it would be similar to the previous lifts and maybe that had been his mistake. He didn’t know how varied lifts could be or maybe he should have taken the hint that Phil had gotten the idea for this lift after Dan joked about being tossed through the air.

“You’re going to drop me,” Dan said, feeling suddenly even warmer in the face.

There was no real reason. It was still just a dance move but both the grab and the position they would end up in felt a little more intimate.

“I’m not going to drop you,” Phil said, playfully and took a couple of steps in Dan’s direction. Dan took a few steps back. It felt almost like they were playing tag. Dan couldn’t keep the smile off his face even despite his protests.

“You are,” Dan argued.

“We’ve already established that I’m plenty strong to carry you,” Phil shot back, also smiling.

Dan was aware of that and it ignited something in his stomach if he thought about it too much. It was really unfair that Phil just kept being more and more attractive the more Dan learned about him. Even his supposed “flaws”, like the clumsiness and an inability to shut doors behind him, were just endearing.

“Shoo!” Dan said, almost verging on giggling as he jumped two steps away from Phil.

Phil stopped and put his hands on his hips. He looked good like that too.

“Just let me lift you and you’ll see that it’s quite a stable lift. I really am not going to drop you,” Phil promised.

And Dan genuinely wasn’t worried about that. He knew Phil would be more likely to try to go down onto his knees to break Dan’s fall than just let him tumble. He wasn’t scared of that at all. He knew he was safe in Phil’s arms.

In more ways than one.

Dan gave up running away and walked over to Phil. Phil had showed him a video of a similar lift so Dan could get the idea of it and it did look really cool. It might look very stunning with their sequenced suits that would glitter in the sparkly fireworks-like light that was supposed to bathe their stage.

“Fine,” Dan conceded.

“Great,” Phil said, but he shooed Dan to walk back.

Right, he had to run into Phil’s arms. It felt like it could go so bad. Dan had to run up twice where he turned back because he was scared of going into Phil’s arms wrong. Phil was patient as ever, just trying to get him to do it again.

On the third time, Dan succeed and he felt one of Phil’s hands grab his lower back for support while the main lift came from here Phil tightly grasped at Dan’s inner thigh. Even if Dan had lost a little bit of weight and gotten a lot more toned, his thighs were still not slim little things.

Phil’s hand couldn’t fit all around them but he got a good hold and then Dan was being moved up in the air. He belated remembered going into the pose, one hand raised while the other sought support on Phil’s shoulder.

“Good,” Phil praised, “now lean back a little.”

Dan allowed himself a deep breath before tilting his weight back a little. It was intimidating to do this, and he felt slightly out of balance but Phil’s hands were steady on him and he didn’t go too far back. Then Phil started to spin, not very fast thankfully but spinning all the same.

“There you go,” Phil said, and Dan could hear how big his smile must be, even as he was staring up at the ceiling like they had talked about. “Good. I’m letting you down now,” Phil added, and slowly got Dan’s feet back on the ground.

As soon as Phil’s hands were off Dan’s body, he wanted them back on. He wasn’t even sure if you could get addicted to a touch like that but it surely felt like it. Phil didn’t give him much time to recover before he was spinning him out and forcing him to move on with the dance.

Dan got his chance to be lifted again though. Again and again.

It did get easier with each time to practice, even if it never did stop a jolt of electricity from shooting through Dan’s body. Dan was actually the one who had to tell Phil to cool it with the practice because he started to feel how Phil’s arms would start to shake just so slightly.

Dan still wasn’t worried that he would be dropped but he was worried that Phil would get hurt. It was an odd thing to be worried about someone else before himself. He supposed that potential love could do that.

When they parted outside of their flats, Phil looked much more at ease than he had done all week. They parted with a hug like they always did now, but Dan could have sworn that the hug lingered a bit longer than usual. It was nice and Dan was in no rush to pull back quickly.

Dan got to see the mark of Phil’s hand on his thigh after he stepped out of the shower. It was right where he had to grab Dan on the thigh, entirely too close to the groin for Dan’s initial comfort but he knew it was only to make sure that Phil could keep him stable. If he grabbed down lower, it would be difficult to hold Dan properly.

Phil had explained that part with a bit of a flush on his cheekbones too. It was quickly becoming one of Dan’s favourite looks on him.

When they met at Strictly for the Friday rehearsals, Dan was at first confused to see it abuzz with so many of the pro dancers and their celebrity partners until he remembered the group dance. It had faded a little to the back of his mind and they had hardly gone over it all of yesterday.

Phil didn’t seem worried.

“It’ll be so fun to dance with everyone,” Harry said when they were all gathering around and waiting for the staff to set up.

“Yeah,” Dan said, even if he was nowhere near as enthusiastic. Frankly, he kind of dreaded the group dance.

There were even more cameras than usual because they would have to be able to capture 7 couples and a total of 14 dancers at the same time. In the beginning Dan had almost thought that he would feel more comfortable behind the camera but right now, he was glad that he wasn’t in charge of trying to capture so many people in motion.

“Alright, find your partner,” they were told and Dan was happy when Phil grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him over to their little designated section.

Dan instantly felt a little better when it was just him and Phil in their own little bubble. He could pretend that he was back in the studio and that he didn’t have six other couples around them. If he started to think about it too much, or worse pay attention to them, then it would not end well. It never did good to compare you to others like that.

“Hey,” Phil said, tugging on Dan’s sleeve that he still hadn’t let go off. “It’s just us, okay?”

“Okay.”

“We have got this down. Let’s just have fun. This is all this dance is about. It’s the energy more than anything else,” Phil said and Dan had to smile because it was a kind sentiment but it wasn’t the reality, not even for Phil.

“Right, which is why you made me practice the height of my kicks for two hours a couple of days ago?” Dan joked.

Phil snorted and rolled his eyes. “Okay, energy and accuracy then. But if I can only get one then I would rather that you have a good time, you know?”

Dan wasn’t sure what he would even be able to reply to that but he didn’t need to figure it out because someone called for them to get into their places and the time for talking was cut short.

Next thing, they were in each other’s arms and moving. It was fun, just like when they had practiced on their own but Dan did feel keenly aware of the other dancers, especially when Saoirse and AJ got a little close to their space.

It wasn’t their fault but it was just hard for Dan to shut out everything. Phil was going his darndest to get him to focus but it was hard when there was so much noise around him from other people. Dan had never dealt well with crowds and while this wasn’t exactly like they were clustered tightly together, it still felt like the stage had shrunk quite a lot.

They made it through it all okay, and Phil shot Dan a reassuring smile, even if Dan was a little angry with himself for that performance. They were all asked to do it once more, just to double check the camera work and the lighting and it went slightly worse than the first time. Now that Dan had got it into his head, it was so hard to push it out again. He felt crowded in and like everyone was invading him and Phil’s space.

Too close, too close, his mind kept repeating.

Everything was getting too close to him and Phil. It wasn’t just the other dancers. The lights felt too hot and the cameras felt too close. He didn’t want Phil and himself to be on display now, not when he wasn’t sure how to dance except like a fool in love.

Even this light-hearted group dance has his heart thrumming.

Phil could clearly see that something was happening in Dan’s head but they were all surrounded by so many people that he didn’t get a chance to check in with him. The couples lingered on the floor for only a short while striking up casual conversation with each other before all heading off.

Phil seemed determined to steer Dan over to their dressing room, probably already preparing a comforting speech, and hope that he could get Dan’s head screwed on right before they’d have to do the rehearsal dance for their contemporary solo dance and even more importantly before yet another Saturday was upon them.

It didn’t work out like that because Phil got snapped up by Anton who wanted to talk to him about something and Phil never said no to help out his fellow dancers. He did tell Dan that he’d come find him as soon as possible afterwards. Anton promised to return Phil to Dan before they had to do their second rehearsal, a playful wink that was probably not meant to insinuate anything but it made Dan feel a little prickly.

Dan had just made it into the dressing room and started stripping off the colourful costume for the Lindy-Hop-A-Thon when there was a knock on the door. It couldn’t be Phil because just as Phil didn’t lose doors behind him, he also didn’t bother to knock. It was like he acted as if doors weren’t there.

“Come in?” Dan asked, more of a question than permission.

The door swung open all the same and Dianne stood on the other side with a small smile.

“Got a minute?” she asked.

Dan wasn’t much up for conversation right now but it wasn’t like he would ever be rude to someone. He wasn’t quite friends with Dianne or any of the other contestants but he was definitely friendly with all of the people that remained. It had made everything a little nicer. He had started to feel less like the odd man out and more like the rest of them were a group going through all of this together.

It became very hard to think of it as a proper competition, but Dan wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Sure, come in,” Dan said and this time he didn’t sound so unsure. She stepped in but didn’t attempt to sit down and Dan could see that she had just come here to say something. “What’s up?”

“If it’s not my place, feel free to tell me to bugger off,” she said as a preface and Dan instantly clammed up. ¨

Dianne had probably meant to reassure him with that opening but it just made Dan worried about what words would leave her mouth next.

“Okay?”

“I just… I noticed you had a little trouble focusing during the group dance,” she said and her tone was still kind.

Even so, Dan had never taken very well to unsolicited advice. He kept his guard up.

“Shouldn’t you be focusing on your own dance?” Dan joked.

Dianne smiled and she didn’t look offended at the jab. “I should and I did, but I still noticed you. I’ve seen you and Phil dance a lot and you are usual on the same wavelength. It makes it easy to spot when something is amiss. But I understand that this is kind of invasive of me and that’s not how I’m trying to come off at all.”

“What are you trying to do?” Dan asked. “What are you trying to say?”

“I talked to Phil this week,” Dianne said and that surprised Dan.

“Yeah?”

“He told me how he’d made the whole choreography this week from scratch for you and him, inspired by you really,” Dianne said, like it wasn’t a big deal but it felt like a punch to Dan’s gut.

Phil had done that? Dan supposed that he should have supposed that. It made him think back to the dance a little and all the little moments that Phil had been adding through the weeks. The planned bits for eye contact, changing who lead, the magnetism aspect, the lift. All of it was pulling each other a little closer.

“Huh.”

“Yeah. Dan, I know it’s the first time you’ve properly danced but I thought you should know that a chemistry like that on the stage isn’t something to take for granted. It is something quite special that cannot be taught. It’s all about the people. You and Phil as the centre of your own little universe. Do not forget that. Concentrate on each other and forget it, even if other things might orbit you. It will always be like that. I know how hard it can be with too many eyes on you.”

Dan was stunned into silence. Dianne wasn’t exactly implying anything but Dan did know that she had met her boyfriend when he was dancing with her last year. He had even met Joe Sugg a couple of times and he seemed like a nice guy.

It had been quite cute when the couple had gotten together and people had definitely shipped them before they every confirmed their relationship. But there was a key difference here. A straight couple and a gay couple didn’t have to face the same discrimination.

Dan knew he and Phil weren’t even together – yet, a very quiet but still powerful voice in the back of his mind told him – but it would be different for them. For some people it was already a lot to take in two men dancing together, and Dan was happy to see that some people seemed to have changed their mind as Strictly had progressed but it didn’t mean that they would be as accepting of the idea of two men sleeping together.

That was the other thing. It would instantly be sexualised, whether or not they were actually sleeping together. It would be reduced to a sexual thing entirely and stripped away of all the romance and the emotions. Dan might want to sleep with Phil, he wouldn’t deny that but more than anything he just wanted to be able to kiss him, hold his hand and stay at his side. It was much more important.

“Dan?” Dianne asked and Dan realised that he had zoned out without meaning to.

“Yes, sorry. I got it,” Dan said. And then took a breath. “You’re right that I don’t have experience with other dancers but I can feel that dancing with Phil is something special. I should be focusing more on us rather than everything happening around us. It’s just hard.”

Dianne nodded in understanding. “I can see that. You want to know a trick I used with Joe?”

“Not Harry?” Dan asked, wondering if there was a reason, she might not use the same focus trick with Harry. Maybe he didn’t need it. It was possible that he could just focus naturally. He seemed to be quite good at a lot of things.

“Yes, at times, but I had to use it more with Joe,” Dianne said. “Develop something with Phil that can be a reassurance and something to bring you back to the present. It has to be something that can be done on the floor ideally, both a thing when you aren’t touching and when you are if possible. Like a wink or digging your thumb into their hand. Just a little grounding thing, if you feel like you’re drifting out of focus.”

“Oh,” Dan said and he was suddenly thankful that Dianne had stopped by. It was actually a good idea. They had done that already with eye contact whenever possible but it might be a good idea to get something concrete but small enough that it would mostly be overlooked. “Thank you, Dianne, that’s actually really helpful.”

That moment the door was banging open, Phil coming in with a blast and he was surprised to see Dianne there.

“Oh, hi, Dianne,” he said cheerfully all the same. “What are you doing here? Can we help you with something?”

“No, I’m good. I just stopped by for a quick chat but I’ll head out now,” she said and rose from her seat. “I hope your rehearsal goes well. Best of luck.”

“To you and Harry too,” Dan said.

He stood by that he liked this better of wishing each other luck, instead of wishing them misfortune just because it was a competition. He knew the rules of the game and that someone had to leave each week but that didn’t mean that he had to actively wish for it. He felt like he could root for himself and others at the same time.

“What was that all about?” Phil asked, once Dianne had shut the door behind her.

“Oh, just coming by to give us a couple of tips. Well, me. Since she noticed I got a little overwhelmed during the group dance,” Dan said.

“I did see that,” Phil said. “I’m sorry, maybe it’s my fault. You’re not used to dance with anyone but me around. Usually, we could meet up with some of the other couples to get used to it but I just…”

“Just?” Dan prompted when Phil let the sentence hang unfinished.

“I just wanted to spend time with you on my own,” Phil admitted a little shyly and Dan was sure that one of these days, Phil was actually going to make his heart give out. He couldn’t just say stuff like that.

“Phiiiil,” Dan let out in a whine that made Phil’s whole face light up.

He was good at wearing an innocent expression but he absolutely knew what he was saying. He just kept saying it. It gave Dan so much comfort and confidence more than anything at all. They were still on the same path. The same wavelength. They had been ever since the beginning, slowly coming in to circle each other.

Maybe they had nearly reached the part where they were at the centre of their own universe. Dianne might have been right.

“What?” Phil said, eyes crinkling in an unfairly attractive way.

Dan smacked him slightly on the back of the head so he didn’t do anything more stupid. He chickened out before his hand even made contact, and lessened the smack even if it hadn’t been that hard to begin with.

“Dianne suggested that we get a little sign to make sure we focus on each other, like both a touch when we’re close but also a way to signal when we’re apart. I know we’ve kind of been using eye contact like that but maybe it would be good to have something else too,” Dan said. “Just to remind me that I’m there with you and nothing around us matter. I only have to focus on you.”

“And your steps,” Phil said, slightly teasing but his voice had also gone so soft. “I like that. What do you want to make it? You could flash me your dimple for a long-distance signal, and I’ll like raise an eyebrow. The right one since it’s the only one I can raise.”

Dan couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his face. He was entirely too endeared by Phil.

“Why not both of us to the eyebrow thing?” he asked.

“Because seeing your dimple out there would give me strength,” Phil said seriously.

Dan laughed because otherwise he would have been too overwhelmed with the emotions.

“I have two dimples though,” Dan argued, smiling in a way that he knew brought them forth.

“Yes, but this one is deeper,” Phil said, reaching out with his fingertips to just lightly brush Dan’s cheek. “And you have two birthmarks that make it look like his eyes. He’s a sad dimple that comes out when Dan is happy. You should name him. Wait, can I name him?”

Phil pulled his hands back where his fingertips had rested gently against Dan’s skin. He was clapping his hands sprouting off a whole hoard of names and Dan was still just trying to catch up.

“You can name him,” Dan said because what else could he say.

“Okay, but I’ll think about it. I’ll tell you when I’ve found a good name,” Phil said, smiling brightly at Dan. “And watch about a touch check in?”

Dan wondered for a moment, thinking about what Dianne had said. He had liked that about being able to touch Phil for a beat but digging his thumb into Phil’s skin wasn’t something he wanted to do. He wanted gentle. He craved the opportunity to be gentle with Phil and show him all of the soft and wonderful things that life could be.

“How about this?” Dan asked, grabbing Phil’s hand and putting his thumb over the back of his hand, brushing it back and forth.

It was something Dan’s mother had done to him when he was a small child and he couldn’t sleep or he was out in public with them and they couldn’t leave yet. He had always loved it. The touch stopped too soon, when his parents decided he was too grown up for it but he still treasured those early memories.

Phil was not rude enough to point out to Dan that it would be difficult to feel that in the heat of dancing. It was not really about the touch per say. It was about the implications of it, of having a set little sign between the two of them and a reminder that it was them against the world.

“It’s perfect,” Phil said and grabbed Dan’s other hand and did the same to him. Dan felt something warm well up in his chest again. Phil had that effect on him and more so lately than ever before.

Their rehearsal for the solo dance went well. Maybe it was because they had made the signals or because they were alone on the stage or maybe it was just because this song was different. It mattered more. Dan felt like he saw a little bit of love hidden away in so many of the transitions between steps and the way Phil had decided they would move with each other. It had made him a little nervous, wondering if other people would be able to see it as well but then he decided that he didn’t care.

If people could see something that was true, even if not said explicitly, then it wouldn’t be so bad. It would be okay.

After that upswing, Dan was more prepared for Saturday. It came towards the end of a long and hard week but Dan had gotten into a rhythm with the Strictly weeks now. This week had been exceptionally difficult because of the two dances and the new choreography but when it came down to it, Dan was better prepared than he was in the beginning.

It was the reason that he was quite happy when he was dressing in his fancy glittery and shiny suit and turning around in front of the mirror. It was full of light grey sequence that caught the light beautifully.

Staff had had a little malfunction with the fireworks effect when they had done their rehearsal but they had promised that it would be fixed for tonight and Dan was trying not to stress over it.

It would be light of different shades reflected in his suit. A tiny rainbow, if you would and they had talked to the lighting crew about making it run wild during the lift so they could really show off.

Phil was really excited about it.

The bruise on Dan’s thigh was still quite prominent and all of yesterday he had found himself running his hands over the bruised skin just taking it in with a little smile. He had never had good bruises before. It had always been when he had been too clumsy or someone had been too rough. It had been something that was left behind by a hurt.

This bruise wasn’t like that, just like the other that Phil had left on him last time they did lifts. They were just a little mark of Phil stuck on his skin until it would fade. Dan considered asking Phil if any of the rest of the dances he had planned had a lot of lifts in them, but he was scared that Phil would see right through him and tease him.

He would probably still work up the courage to ask at some point.

“Are you ready to go out?” Phil asked, walking up behind Dan in the mirror with a stunning suit of his own. It had a bit of a glittery pattern effect, in a darker grey and it wasn’t as shiny as Dan’s but it just suited Phil so damn well.

Really, he could pull off any look but he did look stunning like this. His hair was slightly tussled as well, more of a mess than it would usually be when they were styled for dancing and Dan wanted to run his hands through it and mess it up more.

He might have done but he didn’t want to mess with the stylists’ work. Even if it looked effortlessly tussled, it might be very purposefully tussled.

“I’m ready to go anywhere with you,” Dan said, correcting his jacket lapels so they sat nicer against his white shirt. The bowtie was a little crooked too, so he corrected that as well.

Turning around to find Phil looking like the speechless one for once, Dan broke into a stratified smile and reached out to correct his bowtie. They were matching, a voice said in the back of Dan’s mind.

They looked good.

Together.

They looked good _together_.

The usual humdrum of Strictly opening up was more of the same but Dan felt like he was on top of the world. Phil kept leaning into his space or latching onto his arm. It was all too nice and he couldn’t even focus on anything else, even if he had tried.

All the solo dances would come first and then they’d do the group dance right at the end. Dan and Phil were at a bit of a disadvantage because they were the last people to do their solo dance and they’d have to rush back and get ready for the next dance pretty quickly but Dan didn’t really mind that.

It would give him less time to think, or rather overthink.

Dan was pretty sure that the other dancers were doing well on the screen but he was unable to properly focus on their performances. It didn’t stop him from congratulating them when they came back.

No matter if it had gone well or less well, it was a testament that they made it through. It should be celebrated either way.

Time was ticking down quickly when you were lost in a haze of it all and soon enough, Dan and Phil were rushing out onto the stage to take their places while the lights had been dimmed slightly. It was not quite standard procedure and Dan could hear some muffled confusion from the audience who were clearly wondering how they were supposed to watch a dance in the dark.

But it wouldn’t be dark for soon.

Dan and Phil found the middle of the stage, hands clasped together. Dan always felt a little nervous before their dances but this time he felt slightly more at peace. Before he could focus on the nerves and confusion radiating from the audience and let it affect him, Phil’s thumb went to the back of Dan’s hand, going back and forth in gentle strokes.

In that moment, Dan was happy that they were in the darkness so no one could see the heart eyes he had to be sporting.

Dan moved his thumb across the back of Phil’s other hand. They were ready.

The music began to swell for just two seconds before the lights came on. The staff had really delivered. Dan almost wanted to stop and watch but all of the training and practice kicked in and him and Phil began moving together.

A bit of a spotlight followed them around on stage while the overhead lighting went off with the fireworks effect making it look like they were dancing under a sky that was lit up by as many fireworks as on New Years’ Eve.

It felt just like it had done in their own little studio but only better. The light was bright on them but the world around them was bathed in shadows. It was inconsequential as long as they stayed in the spotlight together.

It started with a Phil lead, their bodies almost swelling with the music as they moved elegantly through their steps. The lead was effortlessly changed to Dan, something they had practiced over and over again until they could do it without even thinking.

Dan could tell that it was going well.

Even when they had to break apart for their own steps and the spotlight expanded and then split off until they were able to run towards each other again and come back together. They had constant awareness of where the other was, and it really did feel like they moved as two pieces of the same body.

There was a tenderness in all the moves, and how they held each other and Dan found it all too easy to spin around with Phil like this. It almost felt like time was passing too fast and that the song would be over before he was ready.

When they split up again, Dan braced himself for their finale. The damn lift that Phil had to add that Dan now wouldn’t have been without.

Even running along the edge of the stage, Dan just kept his eyes on Phil. He didn’t feel alone even with the whole stage between them. Because it was like they were breathing as one. Dan smiled, making sure to make his dimples come out and he caught the subtle eyebrow raise, their little sign, before Dan had to start running towards Phil.

It was the easiest run Dan had ever done and he didn’t hesitate.

Neither did Phil, firmly grasping Dan and picking him up as it was the easiest thing. The hand on Dan’s thigh held on tight enough to bruise while the hand on Dan’s back was almost a light caress.

Dan leaned back into it and Phil held him even while spinning. The fake fireworks went off even more, accompanied by a slight sound to mimic them as well and Dan knew he would be bathed in red, green, yellow, blue and purple colours. A whole rainbow reflected in his shiny suit because he could never pass up an opportunity to remind everyone of who he was.

It was Phil that was pushing for it most of the time, and Dan had a feeling that it would only be a matter of time before Phil would confirm that he was gay more publicly. It felt like it had been building since Phil had come out to him and while he seemed fine with the way it was right now, he also kept wanting to do more and more.

No matter what he wanted, Dan would be here to support him.

Phil started to slow down the spin, eyes locked on Dan’s the whole time and hands warm on Dan’s body. They spun and spun until Phil was almost standing still and then he was letting him find his feet.

Just a couple of more steps and then they were done.

Dan almost fumbled them, too happy and giddy but they managed to land okay and they finished the dance side by side with their hands clasped together.

The proper main lights came on and the applause thundered through the whole studio. It was almost a shocking enough volume to make Dan flinch but only for a moment, before he was laughing and throwing his arms around Phil.

“We did it,” Dan yelled, even though he had intended to whisper.

The was a special moment in his life and he wanted to memorise every little bit. The light in Phil’s eyes, the feeling of Phil’s arms around him and the way Phil was making his heart race and race.

It seemed he wanted to remember this moment _with_ Phil most of all.

They had gotten a little lost in the hug and the applause that still lingered and it was only when Claudia was almost dragging them over towards the judges that they moved.

“That was quite something,” Claudia appraised. “I think we can safely say we’ve never had an instrumental song from a video game in our show, but what a dance you made.”

“Thank you,” Phil said. “We just had to do it. It was something we were very passionate about.”

“Phil is literally a genius with choreography,” Dan said, “like I can’t even begin to explain how incredible it is to see him string everything together.”

“Dan, stop!” Phil complained, hiding behind his hand. Only the one hand because the other arm was firmly around Dan’s waist.

“Why, let us see what the judges thought of it!” Claudia said. “Shirley?”

Shirley was one big smile.

“Philip, we’ve really been looking forward to seeing your take on contemporary and you did not disappoint one bit. It was a mesmerising and unique performance and even so you managed to incorporate all the required elements. Dan, you’ve improved leaps and bounds and in this dance, you really showed how much of a steady performer you’ve become. Even there at the end, where you almost made a mistake, you managed to catch yourself last minute. Very well done, to both of you.”

“Thank you,” Dan said and Phil nodded, looking a little awestruck at the compliments.

“Alright, Craig?” Claudia asked.

“It is something quite unusual to have the person who leads switch throughout the dance. It’s not something we’ve seen before. It could quite quickly have become chaotic and Dan, at some points it did take you like a little second to correct your posture but overall, it was very well done. A very eye-catching performance with lots of personality,” Craig said.

Now it was Dan’s turn to be speechless because he was always a little worried about what Craig would say but it seemed to have gone well. Praise. They were getting praise all over, even if there were still a couple mistakes.

“And lastly, I think we have time for a quick comment from Bruno,” Claudia said.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Bruno said and made something akin to chef’s kisses with his hands. “This was your best performance yet. You both look so comfortable in it and the way you move with each other is beautiful. It’s so clear that you always know not only where your partner is but also what they are about to do. Beautiful.”

Dan’s head felt like it was spinning with all the praise when they were rushed off to the backstage. There were congratulations thrown their way and Tess also congratulated them while asking more about the song choice and giving Phil a chance to explain why he had suddenly switched up the intended song for this week.

“Well, I wanted to do something different. Make a choreography that I could have made for anyone but me and Dan. Our little special thing,” Phil finished and Dan’s heart was just a melted puddle on the floor at this point.

“That sounds lovely,” Tess said, “oh, and it looks like the scores are ready. Are you ready?”

“No,” Dan answered honestly and multiple people laughed.

Phil just glued himself into Dan’s side as close as he could possibly get while they waited for the results. Dan couldn’t believe his eyes as they began to be revealed one by one. He was sure there were some mistake at first. It couldn’t be.

  1. 8\. 9. 10.



Two 9s! A 10! Last week they had gotten their first ever 9 character and now they had two more and the top score. Dan didn’t feel worthy. He knew some of the other couples had been scoring the odd 10 and 9 already the last couple of weeks but it felt different for them to be granted it.

Phil let out a victory cheer and then he was suddenly picking Dan up and spinning him around, much to this dismay of everyone around him as they nearly knocked into about four people. Dan didn’t really care because Phil looked so happy and proud.

He wanted to dwell more on it, and how it was placing them in second place for tonight’s show, but they had to go get ready for the group dance. The stylists had been standing ready to help them change and modify their looks a little and it was just a whirlwind happening around them more than anything.

All too soon they were back on the dancefloor, surrounded by too many people once again, but this time, Dan couldn’t even see any of them. He could only see Phil, and his quick eyebrow raise to check in, and then they were moving.

Just like their other dance, they moved like they were the only ones in the room. Dan was so focus – his mind just going: Phil, Phil, Phil! – so it wasn’t really a surprise that they danced like they were in their own little world again.

Dan might have gone overboard with the silly facial expressions because he wanted to make Phil laugh and smile. One time, about halfway though, he succeeded a little too much and Phil let out a genuine laugh.

He was a professional and danced through it but it made Dan laugh too and he had a much harder time staying on the beat while laughing. It didn’t matter though because they were having fun and mostly hitting the right steps. Phil didn’t look displeased at all.

Actually, Dan thought that dance came to a stop too quickly too and he was becoming increasingly aware that his dances with Phil on Strictly was becoming fewer and fewer in number. Even if they managed to stick it out all the way until the end, they only had about six dances left.

As soon as the dance finished, both Dan and Phil tried to hold back their giggles. Dan was pretty sure that Phil was shocked at seeing them land on a fourth place in the group dance, right in the middle of the competition. They were praised for their energy. Dan had elbowed Phil in the side at that comment.

It was a weird thing to await the elimination at the end of the show anxiously, even if they weren’t really in danger of being kicked out this week. Dan knew what it felt like to have to dance for his survival and he didn’t envy anyone that would have to go through it.

Seeing Saoirse and AJ and Sophie and Aljaž go head to head with their second round of doing the dance was a little nerve-wracking, even if he was also happy that him and Phil had been called to move on as the second couple that night.

He could appreciate the dances more now that he wasn’t worried or focus on dancing himself. Both dances and both couples were beautiful to watch. It was a shame to lose either of them. Dan watched with bated breath as Sophie and Aljaž were kicked off.

For the first time, he rushed out as the credits rolled to give Sophie a hug and tell her that she did a good job. She had been so nice to him whenever they had talked and he was very sad to see him go.

“It’s only going to get harder from here, isn’t it?” Dan asked Phil when they had a moment alone after some of the post-show craziness had gone down.

“The dances? The competition?”

“All of it,” Dan said.

“No, not all of it,” Phil said with a fond headshake. “The two of us is going to get easier and easier.”

Dan’s heart jumped in his chest again, wondering if Phil would say more but he seemed to be done, just looking at Dan with a fond smile before he went to wipe off his stage make-up. It was almost better that way, Phil saying something without quite saying something.

Dan’s restraint was crumbling though and he wasn’t sure if he could hold back his own proper confession for very much longer, because that was surely also getting harder and harder with each passing week.

Even so, Phil was completely right. The competition continued to get steeper and the dances continued to be more difficult but the two of them continued to get better and better. It was a trade-off that Dan gladly could live with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't catch it, Dan and Phil were wearing their [BONCAS suits](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/634782986111418368/tonights-strictly-come-dancing-but-make-it)
> 
> What did you think!? I always knew this chapter would be a bit of a beast because of the song choice and I'm glad I actually managed to flesh it out like I wanted to do (even if I started way too late, let's hear it for procrastination). I can't believe that it's already the quarter finals next week!!! I will have a questionnaire at the bottom of next week's chapter for you all to help me decide something - so look out for that. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, it's literally what I look at when writing this feels just a lil stressful with the tight schedule I've put myself on. I love your comments so much.
> 
> Next update will be on Saturday, as usual aiming for 8 PM but might be a few hours later (like today).
> 
> UPDATE (21/11/20): So... there will be no new Strictly Come Dancing but make it GAY update today. I’m sorry. I’ve just kind of had a busy and mentally draining week and I haven’t been able to get into the headspace to write this week’s chapter and I refuse to rush it because it’s a very important chapter. The hope is to get it out in the next few days but if all else fails, it should be ready for next Saturday. Sorry for those excitedly awaiting the updates and I hope you’ll bear with me. <3


	15. Week 11 (Musical Week): Rumba to History Has Its Eyes On You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was already the quarter finals. Dan had never thought he’d make it this far in Strictly, but he knew who was responsible for keeping him in the programme and who was keeping him motivated. It had always started with Phil, and now maybe it would also end with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who was so understanding and kind when I said I had to skip last week's update schedule (really made me feel better <3). Now we are back with the monster of a chapter that was a bit daunting to write - all 15.5k of it. I hope you enjoy!

“You know, in 2010, someone danced the rumba shirtless,” Phil said, and Dan had to actively make his brain take in the words.

It was too early on a Monday morning to process any words like that, even if it was becoming more and more common for Phil to sprout such nonsense. Not necessarily that Dan thought shirtless dudes were nonsense but still.

“What?” he asked, trying to stretch out his back. He had gained a lot of flexibility and muscle over the past months and he had once tried to joke that he was in such good shape that he didn’t need to do stretches anymore. Phil looked like he almost had an aneurism and very seriously told Dan that it was still very vital to stretch regardless of fitness level. Serious Phil was a rare sight but it was an adorable one too.

“Well, he wasn’t fully shirtless but he had a shirt on that wasn’t buttoned at all, like just flapping around him. Washboard abbs, of course,” Phil said and his own hand seemed to move to his stomach without him realising.

Dan knew that look a little too well.

“I bet he doesn’t hold a candle to you,” Dan said seriously.

Phil flushed almost instantly. It was one of the perks of him having a fair complexion. And Phil hadn’t done anything other than stretching so he didn’t have a way to explain away the colour in his cheeks. He didn’t need to, not to Dan, but it was still adorable to see him try.

“Shut up,” Phil landed on, ducking his head a little. It was a lame comeback and it wasn’t enough to stop Dan.

“I mean it, look at your figure. You’re strong and lean and just a powerhouse while still being pretty. It’s really unfair to the rest of us, mortals,” Dan said, throwing in an exaggerated wink when he suddenly wondered if he was being a little to heads on with the flirting.

Normally they danced around it more, but he just didn’t want Phil to feel insecure about his body.

Phil let out a snort and shook his head. “And that comes from the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen,” Phil said and now it was Dan’s turn to freeze and blush.

“Shut up,” Dan replied, unable to think of a better comeback. He didn’t care. It was fine. It was all fine. Damn. It took him looking at Phil’s smug face for just a beat before he found a better comeback. “And I’ve seen the dancers you hang with. You’re a liar, Lester,” Dan said, teasingly.

It was custom for him. He deflected compliments. He hadn’t gotten any for such a long time while growing, at least not any genuine ones and it had made him reluctant to both believe in and accept them. It had gotten better in more recent years but old habits die hard.

“I’d never lie to you,” Phil said, with too much sincerity for Dan’s teasing tone. He sounded so genuine, almost a little worried and Dan felt how his heart melted all over again.

It was a constant occurrence lately. Melt. Remould. Do it all over again. He didn’t even mind. Every time he pulled himself together, he felt a little steadier a little surer about this whole thing. About them.

Dan had already had to endure so much teasing from Pj over text because Dan seemed to have started saying “we” instead of “I” without noticing. He had argued with Pj that it was just because he was spending so much time with Phil. They were together pretty much all the time and it was only natural that he was starting to think of them as a unit. A _we_.

Dan had never been a part of a unit like that before. He had always been on his own. He had always felt like no one had his back. The odd one out in his family. The last choice in his friend group. The bad brain telling him that he didn’t deserve love like everyone else.

It had taken years and years to pull that last one out of his head. He was clearly still working on it. But the idea of fitting with someone, being the first choice and getting to both give and receive love? Dan felt like he could almost faint if he thought about it too hard.

Dan tried to shake his mind out of it, remind himself that he was with Phil in the practice studio, and that he was currently under Phil’s watchful eye. He couldn’t let his affection show in his eyes, let all of the emotions leak out of him and Phil become aware of just how deeply Dan had fallen.

Or maybe he could.

Dan was getting impatient and tired of holding back. He had never wanted anything this much before and it was almost like self-inflicted torture to wait. Even so, he steadied his breath and smiled cheekily at Phil.

“I’m reminding you that you told me you don’t lie next time you say we’re going for _one last time_ ,” Dan said, leaning into the easy banter.

Something flickered in Phil’s eyes, for just a split second, something soft and warm before he met Dan with another cheeky grin.

“I stand by my statement,” Phil said cockily, now leaning into the teasing too, and he placed a hand on each hip. A power pose that was far too attractive for it to be fair. “The last time is a state of mind and it continues until you are truly done.”

Dan snorted, entirely too fond of this silly and wonderful man.

“If you say so, dear teacher,” Dan said with a wink. “Show me the ropes then? Or are you going to get partially shirtless too?”

Phil flushed a little at that and oh, how Dan enjoyed that Phil was so pale that it was easy to see the heat rise to his cheeks. A flustered Phil Lester was entirely too endearing.

“Nope, you have to take me on a date first before you can get me naked,” Phil said, with an exaggerated wink, which was really more of a unsynchronised blink but Dan hardly noticed because his brain felt like a record scratch.

Date.

Phil said date. A date!

He told Dan to take him on a date.

Okay, he didn’t, but he kind of did, right?

Also, Dan had said nothing about being naked.

He was thinking about it now though and too much.

Phil was probably just as gorgeous with his clothes off.

It was entirely too much for his poor gay brain to process.

The words were at the tip of his lips, just waiting to jump off.

Dan swallowed them back down, forcing them all down.

He had built up in his head how he’d confess.

He didn’t want the moment to disappoint.

Phil deserved softness and gentleness.

He deserved to be fussed over.

Phil deserved the best.

The best date.

Dan made his brain focus, which really shouldn’t be this damn hard but he was going to blame it entirely on Phil Lester’s presence. He was only glad that he wasn’t the only one who was left baffled and smitten in Phil’s presence. Dan had seen it from others too, a couple of the celebrities or the viewers of the show coming to talk to him afterwards. Dan could feel licks of jealousy then, because even if he didn’t have any actual claim on Phil, Dan’s heart had never quite gotten the memo.

The jealousy was eased with Phil disappeared with Dan afterwards, caught him out for smiles and laughs and none of the other people veering for his attention. Frankly, Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil noticed the effect, he had on everyone.

“Focus on the dance and table the flirting for now,” Dan said, partly in jest and partly being serious.

Phil nodded like he understood. It was a fun thing that they had seemingly come to this agreement that all of the flirting and the touches stayed light and mild until they were through with this whole show. Maybe, they had synced up more than Dan thought.

Phil clapped his hands, and Dan could physically see the mental switch into teacher mode. It was so cool to see, pick up on all Phil’s little quirks.

“Rumba. What do you know about it?” Phil asked, evaluating glance on Dan.

“You know, you ask me this almost every week right off the bat and you always seem surprised when I say no clue,” Dan said with a fond chuckle.

Phil didn’t look angry. He smiled warmly.

“Because I keep thinking that at some point, you might actually start doing some research, Danny boy,” Phil teased but it was all in good fun. “You strike me as the person who doesn’t like to be unprepared and yet you never research the dance genres.”

Phil was right, as usual. Dan would have done his research prior and he did for the first couple of dances, even if he never told Phil. He had found out pretty early on that he liked seeing the dances through Phil’s view and understand them from his perspective. It was so much more informative than just looking at text or videos online.

Phil could also show him in person. He really liked that.

“Okay,” Phil begun. “Most important thing to know? Hips. We got to work on getting your hips right, because even now at times, you become a little too stiff. We want fluidity, sensuality.”

“Sensuality?” Dan asked, a little hesitant all of a sudden. It wasn’t the first time they have done a dance with this aspect, to be fair a lot of them featured it in one way or another but for Phil to directly point it out, it must be very important to the rumba.

“Yes, so you have not to be afraid to get close. We have to be on beat, move as one. It’s a dance of seduction, the woman enticing the man and the man showing off his prowess. There’s a chase and rejection incorporated.”

“Why do dances always do that?” Dan asked, tilting his head to the side a little.

“What do you mean?”

“The rejection part. Why?”

Phil looked at him like he had grown a second head.

“To entice of course. It would be entirely too easy if the woman just accepted the first and best man coming up to her and puffing out his chest. He’s got to prove his worth first.”

“You make it sound like an animal courtship or something,” Dan noted.

Phil seemed to ponder it for only a moment.

“I suppose you’re right, it does happen like that a lot in the wild. I guess we emulate it in our art, our dance. But don’t tell me that you don’t find it more interesting to watch.”

“No, of course, I do,” Dan said easily. “I get the drama of it. But… never mind, it’s stupid and not relevant.”

“Hey,” Phil said, moving over to grab Dan’s wrist where he had been wringing his hand. He hadn’t even noticed. An old bad habit. “It’s never stupid when you have something to say or ask. Relevant or not. I don’t care. I’ll listen.”

Phil was too good for this world. Dan wanted to protect him from all the bad so that bright kindness would never be snuffed out of him and he was also trying to allow himself to be comforted by Phil without feeling guilty about it.

“I just… like I get the chase. The exhilaration but I just… the rejection makes my stomach feel funny. You know, like those on-and-off-again relationships in TV shows, will-they-won’t-they? It wasn’t until recently that I caught on to why they always bothered me a little. Like… people paint them like these grand love stories because they overcame all this shit pulling them apart and getting in the way. And I know that sometimes, sure, it might have been valid a reasonable reason, but most of them time… they just… I don’t know. It’s difficult to explain. I just… I don’t see the grand romance in them that everyone seems to do.”

Phil’s hand was still around Dan’s wrist, a warm and steady presence.

“What is your grand romance?” Phil asked, and he sounded so painfully curious.

Dan looked up to meet his eyes. They were sparkling with the same curiosity. Dan suddenly got a little shy. He knew, he just _knew_ that Phil wouldn’t make fun of him for this because Phil was much to kind and gentle but it still felt a little scary to say out loud.

He downplayed it just a little, not willing to strip down to his most vulnerable.

“Just silly shit really. Someone to hug and kiss at the end of a long day, someone to wake up to in the morning. Always having someone who you can talk to and someone who understands you. Deciding that you’re it for each other and growing old together,” Dan said.

“That’s not silly,” Phil said gently, and his hand moved from where it was circling Dan’s wrist until he instead could hold his hand. “That’s really sweet and romantic.”

Dan felt exposed like a raw nerve, just the slightest thing could make him flinch back in pain. But even so, his heart was steady. His breathing was even. Phil’s hand was warm in his. His body seemed to already have trusted that Phil wouldn’t mock him for the vulnerability. It had decided that it was safe in Phil’s hand before Dan’s brain could actively decide it.

Maybe Phil was teaching him different types of muscle memory learning too.

At the end of this Strictly journey, he might have learned not to tense around sensitive subjects or instantly raise his metaphorical fists, ready for a fight. Dan quite liked that.

“It’s… err, yeah,” Dan said and reached back to scratch the back of his free head. “Alright, enough distraction. Teach me the subtle art of seduction, senpai.”

Phil wrinkled his nose and let go of Dan’s hand to just slightly slap him over the back of it instead.

“Never say it like that again,” Phil said with a raised pointer finger.

Dan chuckled. “Am I wrong? You are my senpai, aren’t you?” Dan asked with a wink.

“Focus or I will make you do sit ups or push ups.”

“Gonna punish me, are you?” Dan asked, and this was nice familiar territory again. He could do flirty banter. They had been doing flirty banter for a while. It felt easy and nice.

“Dan, focus,” Phil said sternly, teacher voice coming out with full force. “We both know you hate unnecessary exercise. Spare us both the necessity for it.”

“Just call me a potato, why don’t you?” Dan asked, smirking over his whole face.

Oh, he just liked this so much, the easy flip between vulnerability and joking. He had never been able to talk with someone else like this. Phil was the whole damn package and with each day that went past, Dan wondered seriously why he wasn’t trying to lock that down.

“You are a self-proclaimed couch potato,” Phil shot back just as easily. “So, it’s not like I’m stating something new. It’s in your Twitter bio.”

“Been cyperstalking me?” Dan asked playfully, making sure Phil knew he was joking. Dan was actually a little flattered that Phil looked at his Twitter enough to make note of his bio. He knew that Phil had followed him weeks ago but it was still something different to hear him confirm to be paying attention to Dan’s social media.

Dan supposed it was fair though, he had looked very closely at all of Phil’s socials, limited and sparse as they were. He had seriously been considering giving Phil a course in social media and help him get his numbers up. He had already risen quite a lot since he had been paired with Dan for Strictly and gotten a surge of Dan’s followers.

“Rumba, Dan,” Phil said, pulling Dan into a hold and they went into work mode.

Dan wasn’t sure how much time they had waisted just talking about nonsense but it never felt like wasted time with Phil because every moment was another chance to learn a little more about each other and get a little closer. None of that could ever feel like wasted time.

Dan regretted it slightly by the end of the Monday when he was still very much struggling with the rumba. Dan had already determined that he wasn’t one for the sexual dances because he got too damn flustered and Phil was just advancing so easily. Dan wanted nothing more than to let himself be dominated.

Dan had happily taken on the role of the woman in the dance once more, even if that meant he had to be really focused on his sensual hip movements because he could not do posturing like Phil could.

Dan had taken note that Phil had scribbled something in his choreography notes and fixed up something in the middle of the dance as they were getting the basics down for the dance. It wasn’t until Dan was home in his flat at the end of the day that he had realised that Phil had taken out the rejection part. He had prolonged the chase but he had never made the middle part where Dan would have to shoo Phil away.

Once they got together, they stayed together.

Dan got a little misty-eyed about that when he thought about it too hard. He almost wanted to call Phil up and tell him that he shouldn’t risk the sanctity of the dance just to appease Dan but he couldn’t make himself do it.

Something about it just made Dan feel so warm and cared for. Phil had tweaked the dance so it was closer to Dan’s version of romantic love.

By mid-week where the camera stopped by for a couple of hours to catch up on their progress, Dan was still having trouble with the hips. He insisted that he just didn’t have good hips like Phil who could make them almost bounce and sway when he wanted. Dan felt stiff and awkward and like all his dance practice was failing him.

He felt like he had never used his hips before which was a lie but this just felt like a more intense and overwhelming experience.

Dan was on edge the whole time that they were being filmed and Phil picked up on that and went easy on him. The camera man was nice enough, Steve who usually came to film them, and he was mostly a fly on the wall except for a couple of questions he had been asked to ask them. Even so, Dan couldn’t relax. He couldn’t let his guard down, not properly.

Steve finally left, happily accepting some protein bar Phil offered him because he knew Steve was running on a tight schedule to make it across to several studios in the same day. With him gone, Dan just let himself fall onto the floor.

“Shakira will be hearing from my lawyers, because my hips certainly lie. How am I supposed to learn how to move them in three days? Phil, we’re doomed. I’m fucking it all up.”

The floor was gross and Dan felt gross lying on it but he didn’t want to get up. The floor had always been a comfort to him, something to feel under himself to make sure he didn’t drop down too low.

The floor caught him when he stumbled and it brought a sort of safety net for him.

“I’m pretty sure she just sung that _her_ hips didn’t lie. She didn’t mention you.”

“Which is rude of her,” Dan grumbled.

“You’re just too in your head,” Phil said extending a hand for Dan to take. As much as Dan was happy making friends with his old pal the floor, he could never resist taking Phil’s hand.

“I’m not,” Dan argued, a little petulant. He knew he was being stupid about this, but he never liked not being good at something.

“Do you forget that you’ve used your hips in every single dance you’ve learned so far? Your hips have been working for you, and they will again. You just need the practice, it’s all m-”

“Muscle memory,” Dan said for Phil.

Phil smiled at the interruption.

“Yes, exactly. And you will get it. Come here, let me try something,” Phil said pulling on Dan until he was right in front of him and then Phil stepped really close against Dan’s back. It felt like almost too close but Dan had been craving this closeness for a while and he wanted to savour it. Allow himself to bask it for just a moment, a promise of what could be.

“This okay?” Phil asked, putting his hands directly on Dan’s hips. Phil’s hands had roamed Dan’s body a lot these past couple of months but there was something about the purposefulness of the touch. Usually when Phil would give Dan directions or touch him to correct something, it had been common for him to ask if Dan was okay.

Dan had always liked that, even if Phil had slipped up some times in the beginning and just grabbed Dan. It was second nature to Phil to reach out and just grab. It was something that Dan had gotten used to rather quickly. Now, Phil just grabbed Dan more freely after they had established what was okay.

So, the fact that Phil was asking right now made Dan feel a little like he was on fire while wondering what would be different this time.

“Sure,” Dan said and he hoped that he would be able to handle whatever Phil was about to do to him. Just the presence of Phil’s warm hands was enough to make Dan’s thoughts stray.

“You’ve got to find this rhythm properly, repeat on a loop until it is ingrained in you,” Phil said and started to move his hands on Dan’s hip.

Despite the tension in his body, Dan found that it was very easy to let Phil move his hips. He went pliant in his grip a little too easily. Phil seemed to know how to move his body perfectly, giving Dan’s hips the proper rhythm that he’d struggled with.

It almost pissed Dan off a little because why could Phil’s hands to a better job on Dan’s hips than Dan’s actual hips.

He pulled back from Phil a little, Phil let Dan go immediately.

“Maybe it’s easier with hands,” Dan jokes, putting his own hands on hips hips and trying to follow the motion that Phil had just done. It did not move as smoothly.

Phil was looking at him with an amused expression, biting into his lip like he was trying to keep a laugh from spilling over. He didn’t need to actually laugh because the mirth in Phil’s eyes was more than enough for Dan to feel like he was being laughed at.

It was in a fond way though, not in the malicious way that Dan had experienced while growing up. Phil looked endeared more than anything else.

“It’s not in the hands, it’s in the natural rhythm. Here, we can do it like this too, if you don’t mind some grinding,” Phil said.

He said it so innocently and like he wasn’t short circuiting Dan’s brain immediately. Dan was thrown back in a flashback to going out to clubs during his brief stint in university and being surrounded on a crowded dancefloor.

Grinding like that had never felt sexy or nice, but Dan had a feeling that it would be something entirely different with Phil. Phil wasn’t some twenty year old not knowing what the hell he was doing out on a sticky night club floor. Phil’s every move, while dancing at least, was purposely and precise.

Dan’s mind couldn’t help but wonder if Phil was equally in control of his movements when he was horizontal on a bed. He pulled himself away from those thoughts. He was a grown as man and he refused to get an accidental boner when he was just about to accept Phil’s request.

He could still be a cheeky little shit.

“You want to grind? You could always just have asked, Lester,” Dan said, throwing in a wink for good measure.

Phil lost his composure for just a quick moment before he snapped himself into place. Dan was almost sure he heard Phil mutter something under his breath that sounded very similar to “the death of me” and that only had Dan grinning more.

“Come here then,” Phil said, pulling Dan close again, Phil’s front plastered to Dan’s back. Dan lost his momentary cocky attitude pretty much instantly.

Dan was once again reminded that him and Phil were pretty much equal in height, something Dan had never had ever with someone he had been interested in. He had always felt a little too tall, trying to hunch down and make himself smaller so that he wouldn’t appear intimidating or like he was taking up too much space.

He did that pretty much around everyone actually. He was used to being one of the tallest people in most rooms and he would hunch a little. His grandmother always told him that he had terrible posture, ducking his head forward even when he wasn’t paying attention to it, or bending his knees a little.

Phil had taught him to stand tall in more ways than one. Thanks to the dancing, he carried himself lighter than every before and he also felt comfortable in his own skin properly for the first time ever. Dan wasn’t sure if that made a lot of sense, but next to Phil he just felt like there was more space for him.

“Alright,” Phil whispered in Dan’s ears, bringing him back into the moment that he had zoned out of just a little because he was overwhelmed. “You’re going to need to move your hips in this main pattern, okay?”

Phil hadn’t been kidding about the grinding, even if he wasn’t pushing forward much. His hands had moved down to Dan’s hips again but they weren’t moving them as much as before. Just a steady and slow guidance.

Dan felt like he definitely overestimated his control over his heart and his body. He was already entirely too whipped for Phil Lester and now he was just putting himself in a situation that rendered his body powerless and pliant. It was kind of nice though.

“Focus,” Phil whispered again.

Phil could have spoken normally but he was purposely choosing to get close to Dan’s ear and drop his voice. It sounded lower, more like seduction and Dan had no trouble with that other than the fact that he felt like his heart might fall out of his ass.

But he wasn’t going to be rendered immobile by his pesky emotions. He needed to learn this damn hip movement and so he forced his stray thoughts away and zeroed into the movement more than anything else.

It was easy to get lost in when Dan let go and let his mind go blank. It felt almost like getting lost in a melody he was playing on the piano. Just movements of his hands, the feeling he wanted to convey.

Phil stayed close behind him, but the grinding did stop as soon as Dan started to feel the rhythm but every time he faltered, Phil would come up close again, and show him the tempo. Dan let his eyes fall closed, not wanting to see the two of them in the mirror right now. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the visual on top of the sensation.

Phil started to lead him, hand on hip or his waist and Dan wasn’t sure that they were moving through their actual choreography steps but he tried to follow all the same. Praised words were dropped into Dan’s ears and Phil constantly sounded like he was smiling when he said anything.

It made Dan feel warm all the way from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

When Phil finally stepped back and stayed back, Dan made his eyes open. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been just dancing and moving right now, but it had definitely dissolved into something just artistic throughout it and Dan wouldn’t be surprised if Phil had been taking Dan along with him while coming up with new ways to combine the steps.

“See? You got it,” Phil said and attempted a wink. “Just needed a little help.”

Phil could still not wink for the life of him, but someone help Dan he couldn’t help but find that even more attractive. He was too endeared by this man.

“You think I’ll remember?”

“You just danced to the right rhythm with the right beat for over half an hour. You’ve got some of it down. And if you don’t, then we’ll just have to practice more,” Phil said.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Dan admitted, a little shyly.

It felt slightly like a confession but it wasn’t anything new between them. They hadn’t verbally commented on the attraction between them but it was unmistakeable. They both knew very well what they were doing, even if they hadn’t put words to it.

It wasn’t uncommon for queer people to flirt a little more covertly and waiting longer to outright stating their interest. Even when you knew the other person was queer as well, it always felt a little like something of a secret. Something that you had to build up to before you could just say it.

It was really ridiculous because Dan had heard entirely too many stories from his followers about how they had fallen for their crushes within the first ten minutes of meeting them and then subsequently imagining this whole future with them.

Dan had always wanted to be one of those hopelessly in love people, even if it had never happened to him personally before. He’d never felt that pull towards someone, and that spark of imagining how their lives could turn out together.

Now, he would be inclined to say that he had been waiting for someone without even realising it. He had been waiting for a tall, endearingly clumsy dancer who would sweep him off his feet in more ways than one.

The week passed entirely too quickly, lost in banter, flirting and dance after dance. Dan was thankful for it, for most parts. He felt that he would get a little too overwhelmed if he let himself actually reflect on how this was the quarter final of Strictly Come Dancing and that he was still standing tall among the contestants.

Back when he had said yes, he had thought he would last a couple of weeks at best. Just dip his toes into the water, show a bit of gay representation and then inevitably be booted out because of his subpar dancing. He had been so sure of it and it had been one of the reasons that he had agreed.

He had been ready to give up a month of his life without too many scruples.

Now it had been over three months already and it had felt like the fastest months Dan had ever experienced. He was finally ready to fully believe that old saying, _time flies when you’re having fun_ , because this easy felt like the most fun Dan had ever had and there was one glaring reason why.

That reason came waltzing up to him, quite literally because Phil was extra like that, to show off his Hamilton costume. Phil could really look good in anything. The deep navy-blue jacket with the white detailing and the little tuft of poofy material seemed to serve no function. Loose white pants and actual long boots, even if they looked like they’d been modified slightly to have a bit of a heel.

Dan’s hand went down to his own lapel, smiling as Phil came into view and he knew they were wearing matching outfits. Dan wasn’t sure why that made him so happy but it did. It made all of him swell with fondness and he had to physically restrain himself from reaching for his phone and ordering them matching ugly Christmas jumpers. It was not quite December yet, he would have to hold back at least until then.

“You look smashing in everything, Lester,” Dan said honestly.

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Howell,” Phil shot back, just as honestly. Phil’s smile was so gentle and warm and Dan wanted to hurt anyone who had ever made that smile slide from Phil’s face.

The urge to reach out to cup Phil’s cheeks were so overwhelming. He could do it if he wanted. They were alone in their dressing room, still with plenty of time before they had to do the final run Friday run-through. No one would see. Only Phil. Phil wouldn’t judge him.

Dan was trying to build up the courage again when Phil spoke.

“You know, I imagine that we’re Hamilton and Laurens,” Phil said, adjusting his jacket a little. Fidgeting, really.

“Oh?” Dan asked.

They had both seen Hamilton; they had discovered when they had spoken about the music this week. When Phil had first told Dan that they’d be dancing to a slightly extended version of _History Has Its Eyes On You_ Dan had felt mildly panicky. The title and the sentiment of the song hit him a little too hard in the gut, but Dan knew by now that Phil liked to push the boundaries with his choices. Just a little.

Change the pronouns in the lyrics, have a male dancer be in a dress, choose songs that promoted ideas of gay love being gentle and soft. For someone who was not officially out, Phil did very little to hide himself.

Dan couldn’t help but admire that greatly. The bravery in pushing forward and being uncompromisingly himself, even if he didn’t want to shout it from the rooftops yet. You would be able to see him, see _Phil_ , if only you paid enough attention.

“Laurens and Hamilton evidently had some love letters, Lin Manuel Miranda spoke about it once,” Phil said and he was almost bouncing with excitement.

“Oh, yeah?” Dan asked, and he didn’t stop himself from reaching out this time. His hand landed on Phil’s shoulder, warm and steady. Not quite squishing his cheeks but this would have to do for now. Phil smiled at him gently.

“Yeah, obviously it’s not confirmed and some historians are probably like oh, what great pals, but you know that’s always been how they’ve treated us. For a long time. If they deny and erase the traces then they can pretend like being gay, queer, trans, everything is a new thing. Modern society twisting our minds. Like we haven’t been around since the birth of humanity.”

That line was strikingly familiar and it took Dan just a second to place it.

“You’ve been listening to my podcasts again,” Dan said with a knowing smile and he was delighted to see how Phil went a little still and flustered over being called out.

It wasn’t really a call out. More like an awed assertion.

“You say that like I ever stopped,” Phil said and this time Dan’s heart definitely stopped. “Like I haven’t been trying my hardest to catch up on everything that you’ve ever made and posted since I got permission to do so. You have entirely too much content,” Phil added, teasing bleeding into the last statement.

Dan was truly stunned. He knew some people probably did that, go back through all of his content but he had not expected to happen from someone he actually knew. He felt seen, but not in the mortifying sense, because Phil would not use all of this knowledge to hurt him.

“You don’t have to watch or listen to it all,” Dan said, and he really couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice.

He had not considered himself interesting growing up. He had downright hated how _boring_ he found himself. It was only when he was out of his teenage years that he had started to believe more in himself and the stories he had to tell. He started to believe that they were worthy of being listened to and he hadn’t stopped since.

“Oh, I know but I want to do so,” Phil said smugly, and then shrugged like this wasn’t a big deal. “I want to know everything about you, Dan.”

Dan’s hand clenched down where it still rested on Phil’s shoulder but he couldn’t get a word out. He was too scared that three little words would come out all on their own if he opened his mouth.

He reacted with his body instead, moving to grab Phil with both hands and pulling him into a tight hug.

Phil chuckled and Dan could feel it through his whole body, even as Phil’s arms came around him securely.

“We’re squishing our poofers,” Phil said but he didn’t sound any bit mad about it.

“I’m not sure they’re called that but either way, they can deal,” Dan said, pressing Phil even tighter against him.

Even when they eventually broke out of the hug, Dan felt like they were emotionally stuck in each other’s embrace. Dancing the rumba came much easier than before because Dan felt like he was connected to Phil in more than one way.

This was Week 11. Strictly would be up in another two weeks. Dan had told himself that he could be patient, could wait diligently even as this warm emotion grew and grew in his chest. It was becoming harder and harder to stick to that resolution.

Friday night, Dan pulled out his phone and texted Cornelia, asking if she couldn’t ask Martyn for young Phil videos. Dan had a feeling that Phil was avoiding handing them over but he had promised that Dan would see them eventually. He wanted to see little ballerina Phil and watch him happily dance across the screen.

Cornelia was delighted to hear from him and she promised that she’d speak both to Martyn and Kath and get him what he wanted. It might take a couple of days but she’d find a way to get them all to him. She also told him that he would have to brace himself to withstand cuteness overload.

Dan awoke on Saturday morning with an ache in his stomach. It wasn’t uncommon for him to be nervous on Strictly performance days but it had never quite felt his sharp, at least not for weeks and weeks. He had gotten better and better at dealing with it.

They had had a good rehearsal yesterday and there was nothing for Dan to be worried about. He knew the choreography well and it was breath-taking if they could carry it off right. They were dancing for a message once more, reminding both themselves and everyone watching that this was the future – same sex couples not being the oddity but just the norm. It was important.

Dan didn’t want to go out of bed. He had a bad feeling. Phil was the one who claimed to be psychic, and Dan had a feeling that it was only half in jest, but right now Dan felt like he could see the future.

He had a feeling that they wouldn’t make it. They would get booted off and he would be deprived the last two weeks of dancing with Phil. He would be unable to help Phil get into the final like he so rightfully deserved.

Dan had desperately wanted to be the partner that brought Phil into the final for the first time. He knew what they had was special and they didn’t need scores or awards to prove it but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t a nice addiction. Phil had been seen as the underdog dancer and choreographer. He was underappreciated and Dan just wanted everyone to realise his talent. Winning at Strictly would help with that.

When it was coming down to about five minutes before Dan had to leave, and he still hadn’t gotten out of his bed, Phil suddenly called.

Phil never called out of the blue, both of them always preferring to text. Instantly, Dan’s heart jumped into his throat and his mind went to the worst-case scenario. Phil had gotten hurt someone.

“Hello?” Dan asked, panic probably clear in his voice.

“Dan?” Phil asked and he sounded a little worried but thankfully not in pain. “Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?” Dan asked instead of replying.

“I’m fine,” Phil reassured him, and it sounded genuine. “But I’m worried about you, are you okay?”

“Err… define okay?” Dan muttered and now he kind of wished that he hadn’t picked up the call.

Which was a dumb thought because even if he had avoided the call, it wouldn’t change the fact that Phil would be outside of Dan’s flat in literally minutes and waiting for the two of them to catch a ride over to Strictly together.

They liked to go in fairly early, just in case, and because Phil could not sit still on performance days. He had once joked that he’d pace so hard that he’d fall through the floor and into his downstairs neighbour’s flat. He joked that the halls at the venue could handle his pacing better.

“I’m coming over,” Phil said.

“No,” Dan said, voice a little small.

“Yes, I am. I was on my way anyway. We can wait to head in a bit if we need to talk but Dan, now I’m worried.”

“Weren’t you worried before you called? Wait, why were you worried? How did you know?”

“Psychic connection,” Phil said, and it sounded tongue in cheek but right now Dan might actually believe him. If anyone could be psychic it would be Phil, and as far as the connection went… Dan knew he had never felt any kind of connection with anyone else that had come close to what him and Phil had built together.

With Phil’s arrival imminent, Dan finally dragged himself out of bed even if it was quite a feat. He had managed to at least put pants on and he was brushing his teeth when Phil rang the doorbell.

Dan walked over, toothbrush still working, and buzzed Phil in without even listening through the intercom. Dan cracked open the door and went over to his sink to spit out. There was something entirely too easy and domestic about how easy this was, Dan realised, toothpaste still in the corner of his mouth.

Phil looked a little winded when he showed up in Dan’s door but he did always insist that stamina for walking up stairs and stamina for dancing were two very different things. Most things were when one of the things that Phil mentioned was dance. It was almost always the exception in some way or another. Something special.

Dan wanted to be like dancing to Phil.

“What are you freaking out over?” Phil asked, not beating around the bush.

Dan could appreciate that, but he wasn’t quite ready to just come out and say it. Faced with Phil, it seemed entirely too silly even if he still felt it like something coiled in his stomach, threatening to tear into his organs.

“Coffee?” Dan asked instead.

“Always,” Phil said, and even if the urgency went out of his voice just a little, he was still a bundle of nervous energy.

Dan felt bad for pushing his own fears onto Phil but he couldn’t really help it. He would have to apologise but first coffee. He could do coffee and it felt good to do something with his hands.

When it was set to brew, Dan had to turn around and face Phil. The time came entirely too quickly, but Dan steeled himself and turned to face Phil all the same. Phil who he hadn’t noticed had hopped up on the kitchen counter and was slightly swinging his legs. He looked like he belonged there, on Dan’s kitchen counter, and it was another stab in Dan’s heart. The yearning was probably even palpable in the air.

“I wasn’t freaking out,” Dan started, “well, maybe a little. I just… I get these days were getting out of bed is hard and overwhelming. It’s usually more when I’m in between projects and I just start overthinking an excessive amount. While Strictly had been going on, it’s been like minimal, but I just… I’ve got a bad feeling. I worry that we’ll lose. Lose everything.”

It felt too much like Dan was ripping himself bare for Phil to see, so he couldn’t look up and meet Phil’s eyes. He didn’t want to clarify what he meant with _everything_ because it was so much more than the competition. Sure, Dan was a competitive person but he had never cared that much about winning just for the sake of winning. It had always been for a greater purpose.

“You think we’ll lose tonight?” Phil asked, gently, after a couple of silent moments had passed.

Dan met Phil’s eyes and he didn’t look upset, worried or anything else. He was just looking.

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know. I just… bad feeling, you know?”

“Okay,” Phil said. Another beat of silence. “What’s the worst thing that happens if we do? If we do go on tonight and end up being kicked off the show?”

He said it so calmly, so steadily and Dan wasn’t sure why that tone was throwing him a little. It was like Phil was asking him to think about it, which was the last thing he wanted to do, but Phil was pushing for him to try to think about it objectively.

To make it into something tangible and probably realise that worst case scenario might not be so horrible overall. Dan had to try to comply with the question.

“We… we get kicked off Strictly and the last few dances you’ve worked on will never be seen by anyone else,” Dan started because honestly that was one of his main concerns. Phil’s talent going to waste and having no one to watch it.

“Sure, but I’ll just repurpose the choreography or make something better. I’ll be fine,” Phil answered easily.

“You won’t be able to get into the final this year,” Dan said. “And it would be because of me.”

For this Phil reached out to grab Dan’s arm.

“No, Dan, it’s because of you that I’m closer than ever before. You are the reason that _we_ are so close to the final. And it’s a good thing if we reach it but I’m already so happy to have gotten this far with you.”

Against his permission, Dan felt tears start to well in his eyes. It was good timing that the coffee machine beeped to tell him that it was done. Dan couldn’t drink coffee this early in the morning, or on an empty stomach when he was already nervous, so he pulled just one mug out for Phil.

It was one filled with dogs and it seemed to fit Phil’s personality well. Dan dumped the coffee and then some milk and a couple of sugar cubes. He didn’t even think much about it but Phil was wearing a fond expression when Dan handed Phil the mug.

“You know how I take my coffee?” Phil asked.

“Oh, wait, did I get it wrong? Shit, sorry, I think there-”

“No, Dan,” Phil said, touching Dan’s arm for a short moment. “It was a rhetorical question or something like that. Astonishment? I don’t know. I should have said, you _know_ how I take my coffee.”

“Well,” Dan said and stretched the back of his head. He wasn’t even sure when that knowledge had jumped into his head but it had been there, clear as day. Phil took his coffee with milk and two sugars. “I guess I want to know everything about you too. I’ve been paying attention.”

Phil put his lip to the mug and took a slow sip. Just watching Phil made something uncurl in Dan’s chest.

“And don’t think that I don’t know what you’re doing,” Dan said.

“What am I doing?” Phil asked, with a slight eyebrow raise and a smug smile.

“You’re making me rationalise. Conceptualise the worst-case scenario and then remind me why it is not as bad as I build it up to be. It’s a psychology trick, I believe.”

“Does it matter if it works?” Phil asked, taking another sip of his coffee. Dan wanted to reach for his phone, to grab a photo of Phil having coffee in Dan’s flat for the first time. Hopefully the first of many. “I just want to remind you that we’ll be okay.

“Yeah?” Dan asked and he hadn’t’ realised how much he needed to hear that.

“We’ll be okay,” Phil said more confidently. “You won’t lose everything. I’d never allow that.”

The last was said with a small smile and Dan felt like he melted into the floor. It made him feel better and he got properly dressed and gathered his things to leave with Phil. Even so, he still couldn’t get rid of the lump in his stomach.

It had been tamed a little maybe but it still sat there, very uncomfortably and heavy in the pit of his stomach. It didn’t help that the other contestants seemed to be on edge too. Dan knew it was only natural. The field was narrowing and the competition got steeper and steeper. Dan felt a little bit like an imposter, like he didn’t belong among them. He might have freaked out more if not for Phil at his side. Phil definitely belonged here, and by fate or choice he had been stuck together with Dan and it made Dan belong here as well.

Phil had told him that it would be okay and Dan could only trust that.

They were on as the first of the night and it only worsened Dan’s nerves. He felt fidgety and on edge. Phil stopped some of it by holding his hand but overall, Dan just felt overwhelmed and he couldn’t stop thinking that this might be the second to last chance that he’d get to dance on this scene.

Maybe even his last if he couldn’t get his feet to move if they ended up in bottom two. Phil would have to strap roller-skates to his feet and just drag him around the stage. Maybe it would even look better.

No.

Dan had to shake himself out of this self-deprecating spiral. It was getting him nowhere but closer to the damn floor. Just because he had taught himself, time and time again how to pick himself up off it, that didn’t mean that he should go down easily. Stopping the fall was hard but so was getting up from the ground. Even so, Dan knew he was capable of both.

He stayed on his feet, even as they felt shaky beneath him.

“Ready?” Phil asked, extending a hand to Dan just as they were about to go out on stage.

“As I’ll ever be,” Dan muttered but took Phil’s hand all the same.

They would walk out on stage together and start with just a little bit of space between them. The chase would be longer, but they would be moving around each other like magnets. From the moment they snapped in place, they would stay together. Dan could do this.

They called their names and they both moved.

Dan knew he was too much in his head right off the bat. He had tried to pull himself out of it so badly and Phil had tried just as hard but he just couldn’t shake it. His rhythm was off, and his hip movements were all over the place.

He tried to think of what Phil had taught him but that just made his heart ache because he was messing this up and messing it up meant never dancing with Phil like that again. It meant cutting their time short.

Dan couldn’t get into the mindset of John Laurens any better than he could keep on beat. He was messing it up, and he didn’t even feel the euphoria of finally coming together with Phil, chase over. He was just flat and once he had gotten that into his head, he just couldn’t get it out.

Phil, bless him, tried his very best. He tried with the eyebrow signal and the hand touch as soon they came back together. It was nice, a check in but Dan couldn’t snap out of his thoughts. He remained on his feet and he moved through the dance more than he felt it. Just step after step that Phil had beat into him but it came out all wrong and the guilt was building with each step.

History was watching them and Dan was going to get them kicked off to this particular song. It was atrocious.

The song and dance seemed to go on for forever in the worst of ways. Normally, Dan wanted more time out on the floor with Phil, lost in dancing with him but right now it was all just too much.

The song finally came to a blessed stop and Dan hadn’t realised that he was crying before Phil was grabbing him by the back of his neck and pulling his face into the crook of his neck. Hidden and secure. It was only then that Dan felt the wetness he left behind on Phil’s skin.

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled, not moving, chest heaving with both exertion and guilt.

Phil just shushed him and held him tight. He didn’t say anything, somehow knowing that well-meaning but ultimately meaningless words would not have brought Dan any comfort right now.

He was beating himself up. He hadn’t crashed but he had done so poorly. Objectively, he knew that was better than forfeiting or staying away but in the moment, it felt so very terrible.

Phil didn’t let go of him, letting Dan hide in his neck for more time than was probably acceptable before Phil started to drag him off towards the judges.

“It’s the first time we’ve had someone dance to Hamilton,” Claudia said, bright smile on her face. She was trying bless her, or maybe she hadn’t realised what a disaster had just happened on stage. “You two look smashing in your costumes,” she continued.

“Thank you,” Phil said politely. “We both love the musical a lot, so this was a real treat.”

Phil almost sounded normal. Almost. Maybe to most people, he didn’t sound strained at all but dan had been spending so much time with him and he had spent entirely too long to pick up the nuances of Phil’s voice. Phil was upset too.

“Alright, let’s hear what the judges have to say. Let’s start with you, Darcy.”

“Phil that was a stunning choreography, but you were both a little out of step most of the way through. You got through the steps with technical finesse but it was just not as captivating as usual,” Darcy said and she sounded sorry. “But your overall form is really nice, Dan. Don’t get discouraged. It holds up even when you’re not dancing at your best and that’s great improvement.”

Dan nodded, tight-lipped, and he was entirely too aware of the wetness in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want to cry but he felt like they were on their way out and it just made him feel entirely too many things.

“Craig?” Claudia prompted and Dan wished they would have skipped him.

He was always the harshest out of them, which in large part seemed to be because he had been typecast that way but still. The words stung.

“Dan and Phil, all of us here at this panel knows that was not your best dance. You have this spark, this charisma, which is usually pulling people in. You are still dancing in incredibly in sync. You have an uncanny awareness of each other that still shines through. Dan, listen here,” Craig said, addressing him directly.

Dan went ramrod straight and he might legitimately have tried to bolt if it wasn’t for Phil’s arm still around his waist.

“Yes?” he asked tentatively, preparing to break away from Phil if it so required. Or rather, he would give it his best shot. He had a feeling that his legs would refuse to carry him more than a couple of steps away from Phil when he was in this state.

He needed Phil’s warmth and his comfort.

“You are a good dancer; you’ve shown us tremendous growth and impressed us time and time again. We give you corrections because we want you to keep pushing to be better. Every week can’t be your peak, it doesn’t work like that. If you come back onto the floor again today, remember to enjoy it. The two of you usually radiate joy and fun and it’s what is making you so captivating. Focus on you two and forget everything else.”

Dan was stunned into silence for a full moment before he found his voice. “Thank you.”

“And you did not do as bad as your face says, dear boy,” Bruno interrupted and then winked. “You are still a stunning couple. Don’t forget that.”

Dan felt like he was having a slight out of body experience or maybe he was just not processing everything correctly. All of it just felt like too much and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

Greeting Tess and the other contestants was almost more difficult. They dancers were sympathetic while it seemed that none of the celebrities did that bad. It occurred to Dan that he had found an easier time finding flaws in their dance because he was smack down in it.

“Why did the two of you decide to do Hamilton for our musical week?” Tess was asking.

Dan was pretty sure Phil answered something again about them bonding over having both loved the musical and the time that the two of them had sung Non-Stop running around each other in the studio singing from the top of their lungs. It had been a good time, but Dan couldn’t take his eyes off the judges on the screen, while they were scribbling on their grade cards.

It felt like everything else around him had been muted. Dan wasn’t sure what kind of expression he pulled when the marks started to come in but he was sure it must have appeared confused. 

  1. 7\. 7. 8.



It was not a good score this late in the programme but it was nowhere near as bad as Dan had made it out to be in his head. Someone cheered behind him, and Dan could only muster up a confused smile.

He wasn’t sure why this just made him feel worse.

It was not a bad score, not the crash and burn that he had feared but it was still enough to get them in trouble. The rest of the couples were popular and skilled. It was almost worse to entertain that they could be kicked out with just a small margin.

Dan snuck away as soon as he was able to do so. It was bad form to leave the lounge while the others were dancing but Dan excused himself all the same. He would have claimed a bad stomach ache if anyone had tried to stop him but no one did.

He made it to the dressing room and he had just enough time to brace himself on the table in front of the mirror before a soft knock sounded on the door.

“Dan?” Phil called out.

Great, now Dan had Phil knocking to come into their joint dressing room. This day was just getting worse and worse.

“Come in, Phil,” Dan called out. “You can always come in.”

Phil did and he still didn’t say anything. He just walked up and pulled Dan into a hug. A back hug like this was a special tender breed of hug and Dan couldn’t help but compare how different it felt to when Phil had been pressed up against his back. The intention was entirely different, one meant to be flirty and one meant to purely be about comfort.

Get you a man who can do both, Dan thought to himself.

He hadn’t got Phil though and that was part of the problem. It had been a problem for a while. Maybe Dan wasn’t good at doing this without verbal confirmation that they were heading down the same path.

Dan put his hands over where Phil’s arms were wrapped around him. Strong and capable arms. Dan wanted to keep them around him at all times, if he could. He felt immensely better.

“I’m so-”

“No,” Phil said and squeezed Dan a little tighter.

Against his will, Dan let out a little chuckle.

“You can’t just say no to me when I’m trying to apo-”

“No.”

“Phil.”

“Dan.”

“You have to let me say that-”

“No.”

“Phiiiil,” Dan almost whined. “You can’t just-”

“Yes,” Phil said, at least saying something different. He buried his face in the back of Dan’s head, probably being suffocated by curls but Phil seemed perfectly content. “I can stop you because you have nothing to apologise for.”

“I do,” Dan said, letting his hands run over Phil’s arms again. Just feeling him out. A simple touch. He would miss it so much when he didn’t see Phil pretty much every single day.

“No, you don’t. Because I’m pretty sure I know what you’re going to say. Correct me if I’m wrong,” Phil said, moving a little so that he could hook his chin over Dan’s shoulder and meet his eyes in the mirror. “You got in your own head. Overthinking. It took you out of the moment. You were worried about your future here. It made you trip up. Am I onto something?”

“Yes,” Dan admitted.

“Then let me say that can happen to anyone, no matter how experienced and dedicated the dancer. For other things than dance as well. It’s normal. It’s okay. And I also have to repeat Bruno’s words. You didn’t do as badly as you thought you did. It was fine. Just…”

“Lacked the spark of last week,” Dan said when he suddenly figured out what had been missing. It had been that. He had gotten out of rhythm in parts too but the performance attitude was at the core of it.

“Yes,” Phil agreed.

“Phil, if that was our last dance I’m so so-”

This time, Phil spun Dan around and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, stopping the words physically instead of with an interruption. Dan’s eyes widened a little. Phil was pretty much pressing him into the edge of the table.

“No apologies,” Phil said resolutely. “And have you forgotten how this show goes? Even if we get the lowest score, that was not out last dance. The next one _could_ be, but then we should just work extra hard to make sure it’s amazing. Whether we stay or go.”

“Whether we stay or go,” Dan repeated and Phil broke into the brightest smile.

They had the lowest score when all the other dancers were done, but Dan felt strangely okay with that. He felt like he had been preparing for that ever since he had woken up that morning with the feeling in his gut.

They had to wait for the audience votes to roll in but Dan wasn’t optimistic. Every couple left had big fan bases and Dan wasn’t sure that his little group of internet people could rightfully compete against them. They could probably hold their own, because they were loyal and resourceful, but it was too much to ask to raise Dan and Phil two spots when so few couples remained.

“Are you ready?” Phil asked before they had to go back out on the stage and endure the bright lights while they figured out who was going to have to dance again.

Dan was thrown back when Phil had asked that before they had to go out and dance for the first time tonight. Back then, Dan had given an honest answer but it had been a weak one. He could do better.

He felt better.

Phil was right, if this upcoming dance would be their last then they had to fight to make it a great one.

“I am always ready when I’m at your side,” Dan said, with a smile and took Phil’s hand before they walked out on stage, hand in hand.

Dan didn’t care if some people were looking at them. A couple of the other couples were holding hands as well and Dan refused to let heteronormativity rip this newfound sense of comfort away from him.

It was agony to wait for the names. Harry and Dianne were saved first, to the surprise of no one. They had not been in called to dance again before. Same with Anton and Annie who were called next. Saoirse and AJ came next and then there were just three couples remaining.

It was too few. Dan hated it but he had to endure. He didn’t want anyone to leave. Not himself and Phil but not any of their competitors either.

The final name that went straight onto next week was called.

“Carrie and Kevin!”

Dan had been bracing for the rejection but it still stung a little. Phil’s hand was warm in his and that eased it a little. It would be him and Phil as well as Toby and Oti. Dan felt a little worried about that. They were a stunning couple and Oti was one of the judges’ favourite dancers.

“And there you have it, folks. We will see Toby and Oti and Dan and Phil back on the floor. Toby, Oti, you two are up first,” Tess said with a smile.

It was almost fun to see the two of their competition go into professional mode. Many of the actor dances tended to do that, like they were flipping a switch and turning into a performer. Oti was one of the dancers who did it too, but that was less common.

Phil didn’t do it at all. He did become a slightly bit more of a performer but it was just Phil Elevated. It was the reason that Phil found it so hard to dance in personas that wasn’t very much like how he was in real life.

Dan had always had an easier time to hide behind acting, even if he had never gone into it professionally but on the dance floor, he found that he matched Phil more than anything else. He didn’t want to be dancing as someone else. He just wanted to be dancing like himself. 

Tonight, more than ever if this was their last shot.

Their last moment in the spotlight, being watched by history’s keen eyes.

Dan and Phil didn’t speak much as they were waiting. Phil had only made sure that Dan couldn’t watch Toby and Oti’s performance and for that Dan was thankful. He didn’t need anything more in his head.

He always danced the best when he only had one thing to focus on.

Phil.

When he was only aware of Phil’s movements, Phil’s voice in his head and Phil’s hands on him, then it was like he couldn’t do anything wrong. He was no longer an individual person, not out on the dance floor. They were a unit and nothing would be able to pry them apart.

It had been about two hours since Dan and Phil had stepped out on the stage to dance their rumba for the first time in the night. Dan had been thinking and trying to overcome the chaos inside of his head. It had only worked to get him so far.

Now he stepped onto the stage and he felt different. Like someone had blown a leaf blower at his face and it had blown away all the convoluted feelings. Left in the wake was just a sense of calm and Phil.

So much Phil. Phil next to him. Phil in his head. Phil in front of his eyes.

Dan felt so overcome with emotions for this man and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He was done waiting. Their time on Strictly was running out whether they got kicked off tonight or they lasted two more shows. It was too short and too soon either way.

Dan couldn’t keep all of these emotions in his heart for one second longer than he had to. He had to say something tonight. No matter the outcome, he would have to confess. He was done not knowing for sure that he had Phil Lester.

It should have made him nervous and it was probably the wrong thing to think about before he had to walk on stage and dance in front of hundreds of people and potentially millions watching through their screens. He should have been focused on that perhaps. Dan had heard some of the other pro dancers tell that to their partners in the little training videos that they were all forced to do.

They emphasised the importance of playing to the audience, to make sure you had their attention.

Dan didn’t want to sound conceited but he didn’t care that much about the audience’s attention. He was happy to have eyes on him, someone to pay attention to the way he had always desired someone would when he had been growing up, but none of it mattered as much as something else.

Dan just wanted Phil’s attention and to share the space with Phil. All the other stuff was just the sprinkles on top. Without Phil, there was no ice cream.

“You ready?” Dan asked this time, before they were set to take the stage.

People had applauded for Toby and Oti but Dan found that he didn’t care about that either. Whether they had done brilliant or horribly didn’t matter. Dan couldn’t control that. He could only control his and Phil’s dance.

“Always,” Phil said and looped his arm around Dan as they walked onto the stage.

It felt almost painful to step a couple of steps away from Phil to create the initial distance. Dan just wanted him close from the start but he looked over at Phil and there was something enticing in his eyes. A delighted gaze. Phil was looking forward to chasing after him.

Dan had been so much in his own head that he hadn’t seen in the first time around.

Dan raised an eyebrow, their little check in sign, and Phil reciprocated. They were ready. For real this time.

The first heavy tones fell and the gloomy lyrics and with it, Dan and Phil started to move. It was different this time, Dan could already tell. He was present, he felt it. He was in the moment and nothing else mattered.

The steps came easy, and Dan’s hips moved like they had never done anything else. The happy spark in Phil’s eyes only made Dan want to try so much harder. He danced and moved, turning away at the last moment when Phil came near but he threw a genuine and enticing glance over his shoulder, meeting Phil’s eyes.

It felt both like a game of catch and a dance of seduction and Dan wouldn’t have it any other way. Phil looked at him like he wanted to catch up so desperately and pull Dan into his arms and Dan knew he was sporting a similar expression.

He wanted to stop and just meet up with Phil, but he had to keep the choreography, he had to keep moving, even if he couldn’t help making sure Phil was closer than they’d planned each time.

Phil’s fingertips almost managing to touch him, only for Dan to turn, hips working and a cheeky smile on his face.

When Phil was finally allowed to catch up, his arms came around Dan so quickly and so firmly that Dan almost let out a little squeak of delighted surprise. It felt so real, just him and Phil. He couldn’t focus on anything else in that moment, even if he had wanted to do so.

They were making history with every single dance that they had grazed these floors with and if this be the last then so it would be. Dan was actually okay with that now. He had no regrets, not when he could dance with Phil like this.

He also trusted Phil’s words that Dan wouldn’t lose everything, even if the two of them lost Strictly.

For weeks and weeks, Strictly had only been about Phil anyway.

Moving with Phil felt as easy as breathing and Dan never thought he’d regard any type of exercise that way but Phil had changed him in many more ways that he could count. He had pushed him and made him grow but all of it had been for the better.

Phil had made him become a better person. Someone more open to love and to things he had once not understood.

When Dan and Phil came to a stop this time, Dan was almost crying again but it was different tears this time. There was no frustration or guilt in these tears, just being overwhelmed with entirely too many good feelings.

He still leaned in to hide his face in the crook of Phil’s neck but there was not apology on his lips this time. There was something else, something bursting to come out but Dan would have to hold onto those words just a tiny bit longer, just until him and Phil were alone again.

He might be impatient but he wasn’t about to confess while they were still on live television. He refused to do that to himself or Phil.

“No apology this time?” Phil said, clearly teasing as his arms came around Dan to give him a proper embrace.

Dan pulled back just enough to be able to see Phil’s face.

“Someone told me I’ve got nothing to apologise for,” Dan said and he wondered if Phil could see the unspoken confession in his eyes. If it was flowing out of him from every fibre of his being like it felt.

“He sounds like a clever man,” Phil said.

“He is, conceited too,” Dan joked, even if it was the furthest from the truth. He could say such things to Phil and Phil would get that it was a joke.

“Meanie,” Phil said, smiling widely, and poking Dan in the ribs.

Dan was about to open his mouth to retaliate when he spotted Toby and Oti being ushered out back onto the floor. Right. Judgement day. He had almost forgotten about that during his lovely banter with Phil.

“And so, we are here at the end of the night,” Claudia said, smiling as Toby and Oti took up a spot next to Dan and Phil, who stuck to each other’s side but straightened up a little.

“Best of luck,” Phil whispered in Toby and Oti’s direction.

Toby looked slightly surprised but smiled back and thanked him while Oti nodded and told the same to them. Dan wasn’t surprised to see that Phil was a good sportsman. He was a good everything.

Dan felt some of the nerves creep back in as they waited, even if Phil’s touch was enough to keep most of them away. They could leave now and it would be fine. They had made their mark and made it well but Dan wanted to see this through. He wanted to go all the way until the end.

They called for Bruno’s vote first. Dan held his breath and felt Phil do the same.

Bruno voted to save Dan and Phil. Some audience members cheered while other’s booed.

Dan felt like he was still holding his breath.

Shirley’s vote came next and she didn’t hesitate for dramatic flair. She went right through it.

She also decided to save Dan and Phil. The audience reacted a little more this time but voices were overlapping and Dan couldn’t pick out the emotions in them anymore. 

At this point Dan was pretty sure that he wouldn’t even be capable of breathing.

Next up they went to Craig who looked straight at Dan and Phil with a small smile as he cast his vote.

He voted to save them as well.

Three votes. The last vote didn’t matter. They were in. They were still in the show.

Dan didn’t move. Phil didn’t move.

Someone said congratulations. More people probably. There was a light touch on Dan’s arm. A congratulations pat or something. Dan was just trying to process. He had thought they were done for. Genuinely. He was sure that nothing they could do would have been able to save them. Dan wanted to talk to the judges to ask why when they had messed up on the first round and they stood next to such a stable and beautiful couple.

Phil was unsurprisingly the one who finally shook Dan out of his stupor. He started to actually squealing and suddenly there were hands on Dan’s hips and he was in the air, spinning and spinning.

He felt like the breath was knocked out of him but somehow he almost managed to laugh. He laughed a little too much because he came out of balance and maybe Phil hadn’t been holding on properly before because they wobble and wobbled and then they just fell.

Dan was sure he picked out some gasps from people around them, or maybe the audience but he couldn’t really pay attention because he was too busy laughing and feeling Phil laugh along with him. They weren’t hurt. Maybe a little bruised but nothing bad.

Dan couldn’t stop laughing.

They were still here. They had made it to the semi-finals and Dan got to have another Strictly Saturday with Phil. He got to dance two new dances next week which would probably be difficult as heck but he didn’t care because he got to do it with Phil.

Tess or Claudia, Dan wasn’t sure because they were getting muddled in his brain, was trying to end the show properly while him and Phil were just on the ground laughing. He knew that his followers would take this bit of video, take stills from it, make gifs and everything and honestly, he wanted to go out on social media and find a couple and safe them for himself.

He wanted this moment captured so he could treasure it.

Dan had felt unable to breathe properly all day, for one reason or another, but when he had come tumbling down with Phil, it had all left him. He was laughing, probably too loudly and he felt like he had all the air in the world.

Strictly managed to end without them being very coherent or ready to say anything to any of the cameras and Dan had thought they might get a scolding for being unprofessional like that but it didn’t happen. Just more congratulations while they kept giggling between themselves.

The giggles didn’t start to properly subside before they were back in their dressing rooms, pulling off their costumes.

Even if the laughter stopped, the smiles didn’t. Dan caught a glance at both himself and Phil in the mirror, cheeks flushed with laughter and such bright happiness in their eyes.

“I can’t believe we get to do this for one more week,” Phil said. “Dan, you were on fire out there.”

“Well, you were amazing then,” Dan shot back, and winked.

“We make a pretty good team, don’t we?” Phil asked, pulling off his poofy thingy. Dan still wasn’t sure what it was called.

He focused on how Phil turned the accessory over in his hands, brows crinkling a little in contemplation. Dan felt himself linger on Phil’s words too. It was kind of the perfect opening. Dan had perfect chickening out and not telling Phil but he was done with that. He couldn’t go through another week of this.

The pining was eating him up inside and he was almost certain that it was mutual. If so, he wasn’t sure what they were really waiting for anymore.

Dan was ready and he was pretty sure Phil was too. Strictly performances be damned. This was more important.

“Hey,” Dan said, gently. “About that… being a good team thing.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked, tilting his head to the side.

Dan felt almost more nervous than when he had to walk out on stage. After all, the stakes were higher now.

He walked over to the little sofa and sat down. He didn’t say anything to Phil but Phil came and sat down next to him just like that. Same wavelength, Dan supposed. It would be really easy if Phil was able to just see inside of Dan’s head instead of him having to way things out loud.

Out loud was scary, but then again, he had told himself that he would be brave instead of scared.

Phil seemed to sense his inner turmoil and he reached over to intertwine their fingers. The touch was grounding, soft and lovely. It made Dan feel a little better.

A part of him wondered if he would fuck it all up by confessing. They were so good friends and they got on so well, and while they had been flirting for weeks, months really, Dan felt almost selfish for wanting more of Phil.

For wanting all of Phil.

Younger Dan wouldn’t have been able to do this. He would have found himself too undeserving and never acted. Older Dan was still a bit of a wreck but he had obtained a tiny bit of wisdom in his years of living.

He deserved nice people. He wasn’t taking up more space or demanding the unreasonable. He had worked hard on leaving those kinds of thoughts in the past. It was hard sometimes, but these days, he had many more good days than bad ones.

“We almost got kicked out,” Dan said, and he wasn’t sure how to get from there to what he wanted to say but they were the words that slipped out of his mouth.

Phil squeezed his hand.

“And I know it would have been okay, if that happened, like I _get_ it, now finally,” Dan said, hardly pausing for breath. “We would have been fine, even if I still insist that you should have to go all the way to the final and show off all of your skill, you’re seriously amazing, Phil. I meant it before. And it would have been a travesty to deprive the world of that.”

“Travesty, huh?” Phil asked, teasingly.

“You know what I actually mean,” Dan said, which only made Phil chuckle, deep, low and delighted. “Words are hard. Anyway, it’s not what I actually wanted to talk to you about, alright? I mean, it kind of is, but it is not like the meat of it? Do people still say that? You’ve got me all messed up, Phil. For fuck’s sake, I’m just trying to say that I am looking forward to next week and the week after if we make it to the final but most importantly, I just… I just like spending time with you. It has been so amazing and wonderful and I genuinely think that these past three months of my life might have been the best one yet and-”

“Dan,” Phil said softly, squeezing his hand again.

“Yeah?” Dan asked, not noticing until now that his throat sounded a little worn. He had been rambling again. He had been rambling too much. He wasn’t even sure what he had said, and he wouldn’t be able to repeat any of it if you’d asked him to.

He was just overflowing with too much, so much now that it had finally been allowed to flow from him. He had thrown the dam open and the water was coming crashing down on both him and Phil.

“Take a breath,” Phil said. “You’ve hardly been breathing properly all day. Please don’t let me be the one who steals your breath when you’ve just gotten it back.”

Phil had noticed. Of course, Phil had noticed. Phil paid attention. Phil cared. So much. It was making Dan’s whole body ache. He was so lucky to have someone like Phil in his life and now he just had to shoot his shot and try to keep Phil in his life, if Phil wanted that too.

He would not be like Alexander Hamilton in the end. He was not throwing away his shot.

“But you are the only one who I want to take my breath away,” Dan said and he moved his hand out of Phil’s hold. Phil looked confused for a moment but Dan wasn’t happy to detach them either. But he had to let go of Phil’s hand to be able to touch his face.

He put his hands on Phil’s cheeks like he had wanted to do all week. Longer probably. To touch Phil tenderly, romantically. Dan moved to sit more sideways, pulling his knee up so he could better face Phil. He was so close and Dan leaned in even closer.

He needed to say the words too but maybe he could show them first. Phil had always been the one who had understood touch better. Dan cupped Phil’s cheeks with as much love and care as he had wanted to do, and he looked deeply into his eyes.

Phil’s eyes were beautiful, almost a simple kaleidoscope of colours with their shades of blue, green and yellow. He had the faintest dusting of freckles over his cheek, only noticeable when you were this close. His skin was pale and so soft to the touch and Dan wanted to kiss him all over. A few rouge hairs had fallen down onto Phil’s forehead and Dan gently put them behind his ear and then moved his hand back.

Just touching and looking, and feeling too many words building in his throat.

Phil understood before Dan got a word out.

“Oh,” Phil exhaled, mouth falling open slightly and pupils expanding.

“Oh,” Dan confirmed, his own lips pulling up into a hopeful smile.

“Dan, I’m going to need to hear you actually say it,” Phil said, voice just a whisper and so soft, like he couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Or maybe like he had been waiting for it to happen.

Dan wanted to hear Phil say it too, so he got the sentiment. Dan had promised himself to be brave. He took the leap.

“I really like you, Phil. Even more than romantically, if that’s even possible. I like you _so much_ and I want to take you out on a date so bad. I want to be able to dance with you forever. I want to watch movies and kiss and cuddle and fuck and just exist next to each other. I want to never have to let you go for long.”

“Dan,” Phil said and he said Dan’s name like a goddamn prayer.

There were hands, pulling Dan even closer. He went easily. Phil’s hands made a home in his curls and their foreheads touched.

“Phil,” Dan said and he knew he said the name like a revelation as well.

This had been a long time coming. They had been building to it for so long.

“I thought you wanted to wait,” Phil said.

Dan let out a snort and let his eyes fall shut because he was scared they would overflow either way.

“I thought you thought we should wait. Be professional and all that,” Dan said and he was laughing again. It felt like breathing, like coming up for air.

“We should,” Phil agreed but he continued before Dan’s heart had a time to sink. “But I don’t care. Fuck, Dan, I like you so much too. I’ve been waiting and pining and flirting horribly.”

“You’re not horrible at flirting,” Dan reassured him. “I liked it.”

Dan opened his eyes just in time to see a bright smile overtake Phil’s face.

“I liked it too,” Phil said. “It felt like us. Just banter, but with some love sprinkled in?”

“Love sprinkled in?” Dan teased.

“Shut up,” Phil mumbled. “You know what I mean.”

Dan nodded. His whole heart was swelling so damn much. Phil had said he liked him back. Dan had almost been sure but it was still almost euphoria to be able to hear it. Phil liked him.

Phil liked him too. So much, even. Dan felt like he had descended.

“Can I please kiss you now?” Dan asked, feeling like his voice was almost breaking. He was definitely overflowing right now.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Phil said and then Phil made the move before Dan had time to initiate anything or brace himself.

Phil’s hands in Dan’s hair guided him forward, just like they did on the dance floor. Dan followed easily and their lips slotted together, just as well as their bodies did on the dance floor, or how their banter flowed back and forth. Easy. Falling in love with Phil had been so damn easy.

Dan absentmindedly thought that kissing someone for the first time should be awkward. It had always been like that for him before, but it didn’t feel like that now.

Phil’s lips were warm and soft, and Dan felt like he just melted in contentment. He felt right at home. He felt like he knew how Phil would move, slow and carefully but still steadily pulling Dan apart. Dan used his hands to tilt Phil’s face up a little too, allowing himself to get lost in it. Phil followed Dan’s hands just as easily as Dan had followed Phil’s. Maybe that was why it worked so well. They both knew how to lead and be led.

Dan had dreamed about this for so long and it was everything he had ever wanted. It was so worth waiting for and he could probably have waited another two weeks but he was so glad that he didn’t have to.

They would have so much to figure out, all the circumstances around them, but none of it really mattered if he got to figure it out _with_ Phil.

While Dan didn’t want to pull back from the kiss, he had to do so, just to say one more thing. It was something burning in his chest, a desire to make Phil happy, to give Phil whatever he wanted.

“Phil?” Dan asked, and he knew his whole voice was coming out like a fool in love. It was okay since that was exactly who he was at the moment.

Phil looked so dazed and happy. Dan almost dared to say he looked in love too.

Dan had hardly realised that both him and Phil had almost indirectly confessed that already. It probably came to the surprise of nobody. They had waited to act until the feelings had bubbled up so high that they were overwhelming and overpowering.

Still, Dan wanted to treasure the moment when they could verbally exchange their _I love yous_. It was just another thing to look forward to with Phil.

“Yes?” Phil asked and his pupils were blown wide.

Dan was so gone for him.

“We’re going to get to the Strictly final and then I’m going to take you on the best date ever,” Dan declared, even if he had no business making promises like that. At least the first one, but it felt right and he wished to be able to give it to Phil so strongly that he almost thought that he’d be able to will it into existence.

Dan wanted to let Phil answer and take in his words, but he was also too impatient and he leaned in for another kiss. Now that he had been given permission it was like he didn’t know how to stop. He had been wanting to indulge for so long and Phil’s lips was much sweeter than he had thought. 

He would get addicted. He might already be hooked but that was okay because Phil leaned in just as hungrily. Phil pushed just as much as Dan, meeting as equals once more.

“Is that a promise?” Phil asked, chuckling against Dan’s lips. So damn fond.

“Oh, that and so much more,” Dan promised and deepened the kiss.

He never wanted to stop kissing Phil. Maybe he could be persuaded to stop only if he got to dance with Phil instead. Phil was just a good a dancer as he was a kisser, Dan quickly learned.

It all came down to one thing really. Dan had found his real best friend. Maybe even his actual soulmate if he was going to be sappy. But most of all, he hoped that he had found his companion through life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want help decide on dances for a chapter coming up in a few of weeks, please fill out [this form](https://forms.gle/FoSjbSbZSZGFbr7o8) (don't click if you're very spoiler adverse!)
> 
> [The Hamilton costumes if anyone is curious](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/636050166875570176/strictly-come-dancing-but-make-it-gay-is-returning)
> 
> [NEW ADDITION: Beautiful fan art of the boys in their costumes - I love it so, so much](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/638562176996605952/jo-this-is-so-freaking-beautiful-i-know-its-a)  
> 
> 
> What did you think!? I've been building up to this chapter for ages and ages and I hope it lived up to your expectations! This chapter was a little bit hard to write because it just has so much happening but I hope it came out alright, I quite like it. And finally, FINALLY, a kiss and a confession of feelings. Not quite the I love yous yet but those will come too. When I say slow burn, I really mean it but I've had so much fun with this. I can't believe this fic is soon coming to an end. It's gotten to be such a damn big project but I'm really proud of it. Thank you to everyone who comments, you honestly make my day.
> 
> Next week's update will be on Saturday, possibly around 8 PM CET (it is another Phil's interlude, probably the last one, so hopefully I should be able to whip that up quite easily).
> 
> Oh! And thank you for over 6k hits and over 300 kudos, what the heck!


	16. Phil's interlude #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had finally happened. It had been a dance for weeks, for months, but finally the two of them had found each other, in a beautiful embrace. It was only natural that none of them wanted to be separated right after the confessions. A sleepover seemed like the only logical choice and it turned out to still be a good choice come morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last interlude from our boy Phil and it's a very soft one! TW: brief mention of internalised homophobia

Phil could feel something was different the moment he woke up in the morning. Sunday was the only day of the week where he didn’t set an alarm and it was like his body was deeply attuned to this routine, months into the Strictly schedule. He woke up lazily, letting himself spent too long lying in bed and just scrolling on his phone before his need for food and caffeine eventually made him crawl out from his warm cocoon. 

Those Sunday morning have been a bit of a refuge from the days he had to stumble out of bed, rushing to get to the studio to practice even as the dark London sky would greet him, making him feel like it’s the middle of the night.

What wakes him on Sundays is usually the light streaming in from the window because Phil never closed the blinds even after his mother insisted that he get them installed. You couldn’t sleep without anything covering your windows, she had said in a true motherly fashion and gently rested her hand on his cheek. He had caved, of course. He was a mother’s boy at heart and he had refused to feel bad about it.

This particularly Sunday it was not the morning light that woke Phil, even if he vaguely realised that the room bathed in an almost golden hue that indicated that the light would have reached his face soon. It was the presence of someone in his bed.

Someone who had just stirred a bit and managed to elbow him in the rips.

Phil wasn’t unused to sharing beds. Growing up, he would climb into his big brother’s bed for as long as Martyn would allow it, or he would seek out his parents’ bed when he had a particularly bad nightmare that had stirred him awake. He had shared beds with friends from he was a kid up until he was a young adult. In his later years, he usually only shared beds with his lovers – boys he had been on a couple of dates with or those boyfriends that lasted a couple of months before the initial spark died down.

The guy in his bed counted really as none of the above, and yet he felt a little bit like all of them.

Family. Friends. Love.

If anyone could encompass all of it, it would be Dan Howell.

It took a moment for Phil to let the memories of last night come back to him. The confession that had melted Phil’s heart entirely and made him abandon all hesitation because he had never, ever, had someone who looked at him like Dan did.

Dan who had confessed so sincerely, both with his words and his mouth, that he was in so deep already and he just wanted to spend more time with Phil.

Phil had seen it in Dan’s eyes sometimes, when he thought he was being subtle but Phil had been content to wait. He had told himself to be professional and not push forward, even if it got harder and harder with the pass of each week. He wanted the ball to be in Dan’s court, because he was the one who had more on stake here.

Or maybe he wasn’t but it had felt like that to Phil. Dan was a celebrity, his own words and protests be damned, and he had only come out of the closet fairly recently and his journey to get there hadn’t been an easy one.

While Phil was not technically out to the world, he had been out to himself since he was a teenager. He had told people close to him. He had never had to face the same kind of internal turmoil that Dan had talked about in his podcasts and his videos.

On top of all of that, Phil was Dan’s teacher as well as his dance partner. He would never have dared to make any move while he was in a position of authority, as small and insignificant as it was.

But he had been ready to jump in with both legs when Dan finally, verbally and precisely, confirmed what Phil had been picking up for weeks.

Dan was draped over Phil’s body now, despite how they had gone to bed a little more apart. Still touching though, legs tangled together and hands clasped together. Eyes looking into each other’s until they eventually drifted shut.

Nothing sexual had happened, even if the spark had been there and Dan had ended up staying over as Phil’s flat. A more primal part of Phil had wanted to push, to see what it would be like to be with Dan like that but another bigger part of him didn’t want to rush any of that stuff. It had taken them months of not so subtle flirting and getting to each other to get to the first kiss.

The journey had made it so damn sweet, so frankly Phil wasn’t interested in getting into Dan’s pants just yet.

He was rather happy to have gotten Dan out of them and into one of Phil’s pair of sweatpants was a rather lovely development. On top of that, Dan’s chest was currently stretching out an old graphic T that had no business making Dan look so cosy and beautiful.

None of them had wanted to part from each other after yesterday. Dan had invited himself over to Phil’s place, only a second before Phil could pose the offer. It had been late when they finally escaped the venue but despite the nerves and the dancing and the exhaustion, they had both been shimmering with excitement.

It had been a late night of kisses and randomly deciding on an anime that Phil had trouble following along to when he had Dan cuddled up in his side. When Dan started yawning and eyes falling shut, but still clinging fiercely onto Phil, it had been all too easy to propose that Dan slept over.

“Already trying to get me into bed, Lester?” Dan had asked, leaning close with his breath fanning over Phil’s lips.

Phil was addicted to the scent and the taste already and even after what must have been a hundred kisses shared, he was still completely intoxicated and eager.

The best part had been that Dan had been joking about and Phil had been able to read that instantly. He knew it wasn’t a suggestive suggestion, he had been able to read it on Phil’s face and now Phil was able to read the joking tone in Dan’s voice. It was so easy and comfortable, like they had already done this a million times.

Phil had just rolled his eyes and dragged both of them up on their tired feet and found two sets of lounge wear that could double as pyjamas. Phil had been so tired that he hadn’t had proper time to admire Dan in his clothes though.

He took the chance now, bathed in the golden morning light and feeling what it was like to have someone sleep next to you, on top of you. Phil wasn’t even sure how long it had been since he had someone in his bed. Months. A year, maybe? Time seemed to move in waves, some months and even years passing by entirely too quickly and some weeks feeling like years.

The Strictly season usually seemed to rush by entirely too quickly, Phil panicking about getting himself, the choreography and his partner ready for each week. He had thought it would be the same with Dan, even if the two of them had stayed in the competition significantly longer than any of the other two times that Phil had participated.

But it hadn’t.

Time had slowed with Dan, in the moments he shared with Dan. Sure, the weeks were still rushing by around him and Dan, but there were so many moments burned into Phil’s consciousness that he was sure would never leave him.

This was another one like that.

He let himself indulge a little, a hand finding the small of Dan’s back. The shirt of Phil’s was old, almost threadbare and Phil felt like he could almost feel Dan’s skin. He could certainly feel the warmth that Dan radiated. He was like a little furnace, draped over Phil’s front with his head pillowed on Phil’s chest. It gave Phil the perfect opportunity to map out Dan’s messy curly hair. Before he had really thought about it, he had reached out to touch them too, and he couldn’t stop a little delighted giggle when one of the curls sprung back when he pulled on it.

It was enough to stir Dan, first with a soft grumble from his throat and the pinched eyebrows, before his eyes finally fluttered open.

Perhaps, Phil should have felt caught out, touching and admiring Dan like this in his sleep. If it was someone else and in other circumstances, perhaps he would have felt like he was behaving inappropriately but it didn’t feel like that with Dan.

Last night, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands to themselves, touches staying innocent but still exploring so much more. Phil was a dancer and he liked to feel, it rooted him in the moment and made it feel real. He was used to holding someone in his arms or lifting them but it was different to be allowed to explore softly, map out the feel of skin or take notice of freckles and scars. He wanted to know every inch of Dan and he had been delighted when Dan’s hands tentatively had started to stray too, searching for the same thing.

“You know,” Dan said and Dan’s morning voice was low. So deep and gravelly and Phil needed a moment to remind himself to actually pay attention to Dan’s words. “Your chest vibrates when you giggle.”

It made Phil laugh, caught off guard by the odd but adorable notion. He had expected Dan to maybe pull back and sit up, but instead arms came around Phil’s torso and Dan pressed the side of his face into Phil’s chest.

“Laughter too,” Dan mumbled, still in that deep voice. He only sounded half-awake, smacking his lips lazily. Phil wanted to hear this again and again. He wanted Dan when he was frustrated and shouting too loudly, stringing together funny swear words. He wanted Dan when he put on his gentle voice to his grandmother on his phone, but still made sure to speak loud and clear. He wanted Dan when his voice dropped to a whisper when they were pressed together while dancing and he said words only for Phil’s ears.

Those and so many, many more. Phil had a feeling he might have gotten a little addictive to Dan’s voice, after having been binging through all his podcast episodes. A companion in his ear that brought him so much comfort. It was only made better that he would usually be able to switch off the episode and then walk right up to the man who owned the voice.

“You didn’t close the blinds,” Dan mumbled, eyes having fallen closed again when Phil’s laughter stopped. “I’ve been awake for a while.”

“Oh?” Phil asked. “You could have gotten up, you know. Help yourself to anything. You know you’re welcome to do that here.”

“Of course, I know,” Dan said, no hesitation whatsoever. It made Phil smile so much. Dan already felt like he had just slotted into Phil’s life, like there had been an empty Dan-shaped hole that was just waiting for Phil to find the boy.

When Dan had been confessing to him yesterday, he had felt three words at the tip of his tongue and if he had been more impulsive, he might have let them slip but he didn’t want it to be something that was just blurted out in the heat of the moment. He wanted to plan something maybe, something grand, because Dan deserved nice things.

Phil wanted to give him so many nice things.

“But you didn’t want to?” Phil asked, breaking out into a yawn. He felt a little tired despite having slept deep and cuddled up to Dan. Or maybe it was just Sunday morning laziness rising in him, a habit.

He didn’t want to reach for his phone and scroll though. Instead, his hands found Dan’s back and he let them both rest there, thumbs moving back and forth in small strokes. Dan hummed contently as Phil petted him.

“You’re comfortable,” Dan said, “and I didn’t want the moment to end. I never want any of our moments to end.”

The last sentence was tacked on, almost as a casual afterthought but it made Phil’s chest feel tight in the best way. Phil knew that emotion well because he felt it again and again when he was in Dan’s company.

In particular in their dances. Phil was strict on Dan, even if he also made sure to always be kind. It came naturally but it was also a choice in a way because Phil wanted to prolong their every dance.

He hated the approaching final because of this, because it was counting down to their final dance. At least, their final official dance, Phil realised with a jolt of excitement.

Now, after last night, it wouldn’t be their final dance. They would go on dates. They would stick together. Phil would find a way to drag Dan back into the practice studios at the very least. He would get to dance with him again and again and again.

“I kind of never want to leave this bed,” Phil confessed, his hand moving a little lower, just ghosting over Dan’s butt.

Dan chuckled.

“Trying to cop a field?” Dan asked, and it was in the same teasing tone that he had used yesterday. Ease and comfort. Phil might get addicted to it. Dan was still pliant on top of him, warm and nice.

“You’ve got a nice butt,” Phil said, but he still didn’t move to proper touch Dan’s nice butt and instead made his hand find Dan’s hip instead. Now that he was allowed to touch, he never wanted to stop.

“No, you have a nice butt,” Dan rebutted, and then with surprising strength he grabbed hold of Phil and rolled them both. Phil startled a little at being jostled like that and he nearly kneed Dan in the crotch but Dan still managed to flip them around properly.

Phil lifted himself up on his arms, and took a moment to admire how Dan looked, sprawled out on his back like this. The curls were falling in a halo around his head, and Phil might have been inclined to make a corny angel joke if he didn’t know that Dan would come back with some cheeky reply about devils or demons instead.

Actually, that thought did the opposite of quell the desire all of a sudden.

“You look like you have a halo,” Phil said, reaching up with one arm to run his fingers through the curls. Dan’s hands tightened a little where they were still holding onto Phil’s hips from when he flipped them. “Angel.”

“I’m a demon, if anything,” Dan said, cheeky smile on his lips. Phil’s heart flipped. He knew Dan. He really knew Dan and it was making him feel all fluttery and filled with butterflies. “I’m going to tempt you into sin.”

It was still just a teasing remark but something in Phil’s heart flipped a little. Something clicked in the back of his head, Dan mentioning how his internalized homophobia had really messed with his head for years, and Phil couldn’t let it drop even if acknowledging it might change the atmosphere.

Phil leaned in close, a little too aware of his morning breath, but Dan’s breathing still hitched as he came close and his eyes darted down to Phil’s lips. Right now, Dan looked like Phil was the temptation.

Phil moved past Dan’s mouth, even when Dan let out a little annoyed whine, and instead pressed a kiss to Dan’s cheek. He moved, still bypassing his mouth to plant another one on the other cheek. And lastly, he moved up to kiss Dan’s forehead after brushing back a couple of curls. Phil let his lips linger there.

“Nothing about us is sin,” Phil said, feeling almost a lump in his throat. He felt a little silly but he had to say it. “And I know you were just joking and messing a-around, but, I-I, it’s important that you know that. You and me? Being gay? Liking each other? Wanting to sleep together? All of that is good. And I’m, I’m like messing up talking about this, aren’t I?” Phil asked, words coming out more and more frantic.

Phil was too caught up in his words, not even properly looking at Dan, but he was worried that he had overstepped all of a sudden. If Dan hadn’t wanted to talk about this. Usually, it was Dan who turned things into a lesson or an opportunity to check in but Dan must have rubbed off on Phil. He was picking up his habits as well.

Phil felt flushed and a little embarrassed, a little silly, and he pulled back, intending to hide but Dan’s hands moved, suddenly on his face and cupping his cheeks. The touch was grounding but it wasn’t restrictive. Phil could easily still have pulled back, but instead he just stilled under Dan’s hands.

“I know,” Dan said, and his voice sounded a little more vulnerable all of a sudden. “I know it’s not, and I meant it just in jest but old habits die hard. You could never be sin, Phil.”

“ _We_ could never,” Phil corrected softly, and then he was leaning in close again.

Dan’s eyes looked a little shimmer, and Phil wasn’t sure if it could be from him feeling emotional all of a sudden. It was a lot to be hit with in the morning, after a long week and the emotional confession last night.

“You sound like me,” Dan remarked and then there was a hand in Phil’s hair, brushing back his quiff that was flopped across Phil’s forehead like a fringe.

“I’ve been listening to too many of your podcasts,” Phil said, smile pulling up in one corner of his mouth. “You should listen to your own advice.”

“I know,” Dan said, and then there were hands on Phil’s shoulder pulling him down.

Phil went easily. He might usually lead the dances but he was more than willing to follow Dan when he wanted to lead outside of the studio. Both of them could lead out here.

Under Dan’s hands, Phil let himself move down until he was lying on top of Dan, chest to chest. Their faces had gotten closer and Phil was mesmerised by how Dan’s brown eyes could look like they radiated warmth. Maybe all of Dan was just radiating it, but the emotion caught in Dan’s eyes was particularly piercing.

“This feels like a dream,” Phil said and moved his head to nuzzle into Dan’s collar bone. The shirt he was wearing had slipped down slightly, the old crewneck soft and loose from wear and tear. Phil might have picked the shirt because of it, he couldn’t remember, too tired yesterday, but he surely appreciated it now.

He let himself indulge a little, placing a couple of light kisses against Dan’s collarbones. Dan let out a soft and content sigh and felt like he melted even more into the mattress. The morning was making them both lazy and affectionate. Phil was caught up in the domesticity of it all and he wondered when it would be appropriate to ask someone to live with you.

It wasn’t something he could say out loud, and the idea was insane. He had known Dan for just a few months and only last night had they confessed their feelings for each other. Moving in would come in the far future surely.

Still, Phil’s brain could daydream a little. Of waking up with Dan in a big bed in a shared home. A house with a garden. Maybe a little pond. Lots of a windows and natural sunlight. A breakfast bar where they could sit beady eyed with their mugs on cold winter mornings. Possibly even the sounds of paws making their way across a wooden floor, a dog companion in a forever home.

It was not the first time he thought like this about someone he had just started dating, or even someone he had just been crushing on. He had always had a very vivid imagination. It made him see choreography opportunities that no one else ever saw, or different ways of stringing footage together, but it also made him daydream a lot.

However, none of the imaginary futures had ever been as clear as this one. Phil could almost drop himself into the daydream. Well, him and Dan. It felt almost like a vision of the future instead.

His grandmother had always said that she was psychic and younger Phil had been sure that he had inherited that some days. He definitely wouldn’t mind this being a premonition.

Even if it wasn’t, Phil could still try to work towards it.

It felt like just another stop in the path that had started unfolding in front of him and Dan from the moment they had first met, Phil so freaking nervous to meet Dan and do this with him. First same-sex couple on UK Strictly Come Dancing. It was big shoes to fill and Phil had been worried.

He had not been worried after meeting Dan for the first time, not in the same way. He had instantly known that he had a partner, someone to walk along with him. To fight along with him.

Phil hummed against Dan’s skin and it was only then that he noticed that Dan’s breathing had evened out again. He had been pulled back under for sleep, with Phil heavy and warm on top of him. Phil smiled a little.

Until the phone started to ring.

Thankfully, Dan having moved them, had brought Phil within reach of the nightstand and he could reach it almost without lifting away from Dan. He had been ready to just shut it off but then he spotted the caller.

It was someone who Phil never let go to voicemail when he had another option.

He swiped to accept the call and greeted in a hushed whisper, “hi mum.”

“Child,” his mother said, speaking so loudly that Phil moved his thumb to the side of the phone and turned down the volume a little.

Dan was still sleeping soundly and maybe Phil should have untangled their legs or his head from Dan’s chest but he didn’t want to. He just hoped that he could keep his voice down and let Dan rest.

“You’re calling earlier than usual,” Phil remarked, still speaking quietly.

“What? Speak up, child!” Kath nearly shouted at him. “And I’m calling earlier because I am dragging your dad to couple’s yoga in half an hour.”

Phil giggled a little at that. His mother was always finding things to do but this was new. His father would probably have tried to put up a protest but he would quickly have been shot down and made to come along. Katherine Lester was not a woman you could decline easily.

“That sounds fun,” Phil said, speaking up just a little. He allowed his free hand to find Dan’s side, moving up and down in sync with Dan’s breathing. He could almost imagine how much of a mess that would be.

He almost wanted to see if there was something similar in London that he could potentially drag Dan along to. Damn, he was really turning into his mother.

“It will be good. Yoga is good for the soul, you know,” she chattered on. “Are you feeling okay? You and Dan almost got eliminated yesterday. I almost wanted to call you but I figured you would be busy with your partner.”

His mother had taken to calling Dan that for weeks now. Nothing else. Just your partner. She was not being subtle, but then again Phil had not been subtle either. Kath had always liked dance which was one of the reasons that she had signed Phil up to classes to begin with.

She might be one of the first people who had figured out just how gone Phil was for the curly haired boy whom he was currently sleeping on top of.

In truth, he had almost forgotten about the fear and worry about being kicked off Strictly because of everything that had passed right afterwards. It had been much more important.

“We were busy, yes,” Phil said. “And it’s okay, mum. Part of the game. We all know that.”

“You danced much better the second time around, you should have danced like that to begin with,” Kath said.

Phil chuckled a little. She was teasing. “Of course, I should have realised. Won’t happen again,” Phil said, still keeping his voice quiet.

He had not been expecting the next words out of his mother’s mouth. She was perceptive, perhaps a little physic herself, but this claim was still a stretch.

“Is Dan over?”

Phil tensed, and it must have been enough to startle Dan a bit who let out an annoyed huff but he didn’t seem to properly wake. Phil forced himself to relax again while he scrambled for a reason to explain his hesitation to answer.

He had never been a good liar, and he had been even worse at lying to his mother.

The answer was quite simple then.

“Yes, he stayed over,” Phil said, but chose not to disclose anymore.

It turned out not to matter.

“Did you two finally get your heads out of your arses?” Kath said, not unkindly. “About time, Phil. What did I teach you about when you see something good?”

Phil was thrown back into a childhood memory, when his mother had first decided to teach him that lesson. Back then, it had been about a pretty leaf but she had used the same lessons many more times, about friends, job offers and moving opportunities.

If you find something good, you grab hold of it with both hands, she had told him.

“I have never let go, mum,” Phil said knowingly. “I took hold of his hand and I never did let go.”

“Why did it take so long then?” she asked, almost sounding exasperated. “We’ve all been waiting for the announcement. How long were you going to keep it secret?”

Phil let himself look down at sleeping Dan whose mouth had fallen open slightly. There was something almost more intimate about sharing a bed with someone and watching them sleep than having sex with them. Both brought forth a different kind of vulnerability but Phil so often thought that people didn’t consider how much trust you showed sharing a bed with someone and letting your guard down far enough to drift off to sleep.

“Mum, it’s my love life,” Phil said, trying to put her off asking too much.

In truth, he did want to gush about Dan but preferably not when it was quite this new – maybe ten or twelve hours old – and not when he had Dan within earshot.

“So? I made you,” she shot back, but then chuckled and sighed in defeat. “Of course, you should only tell me when you want but Phil? Can I just say one thing?”

“Of course, mum,” Phil said, smiling even as he felt a little jolt of fear. 

“You’ve been happier than I’ve ever seen you lately, Phil. You were always a happy child but this… since Dan you have gotten that hungry-for-the-world spark back in your eyes. It never left you, of course, but it has brightened now. Expanded and grown stronger. And don’t think I didn’t see what you did a couple of weeks ago with that new contemporary choreography you made from scratch. You might as well have spelled it out with smoke in the sky.”

“Mum,” Phil complained, feeling himself flush.

He looked back down at Dan, intending to take in his beautiful face with little flutters of his eyelashes as he slept. Instead, he was met with Dan’s eyes, open and alert, and smiling quite mischievously.

He looked smitten.

In love even.

It took a moment too long to realise that Dan might be able to hear his mother’s voice on the phone. Kath didn’t exactly have a quiet voice. It could cut through a lot of noise.

Phil just stared at Dan as his mother began to speak again.

“But I really am just happy for you, Phil. You have done us all so proud on Strictly this year but remember that we are always proud of you no matter what. What you do or who you date. We love you. And I want to meet Dan soon. You and your father are flying over to watch you in the final of Strictly.”

Phil had to protest at that, even as his heart was swelling with emotion.

“We still have to make it through next week first,” he reminded her gently.

She made a clicking sound with her mouth and then laughed heartily.

“If the two of you focus on each other, I can’t see how anything can stop you. You and Dan are the most mesmerising couple I have ever seen on Strictly and I’m not the only one who thinks so. You’ve always been talented at making choreographies Phil and an excellent dancer but you’ve proved yourself to be a great teacher too and Dan has been quick to learn and improve. You move like magic together. I have no doubts that the two of you can achieve everything you want.”

Phil felt a lump in this throat and it grew thicker. He couldn’t look properly at Dan but he still managed to pick up the equally emotional expression on Dan’s face. At least that answered one question, Dan could hear what Phil’s mother was saying.

“Thank you, mum,” Phil said and his voice wobbled a little.

“Oh, nonsense, I am only stating the facts, my boy. And I have to go now, or your father and I will be late. Take care, okay? Of yourself and your partner.”

“I will, mum,” Phil said. “Bye, talk to you later.”

“See you in two weeks!” she said cheerily and then hung up.

Phil let the phone fall onto the mattress next to them. It landed with a soft thud. Phil got his heart back under control and found Dan’s eyes.

“Your mother sure is confident,” Dan said, and his voice sounded a little choked up. “And very supportive.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to tell her about you, about us, but… I’m a shit liar,” Phil said, wincing. “Still, I should have asked you first.”

“Phil,” Dan said, reaching up to touch Phil’s face, a soft touch. “You can tell your mother, of course, you can. I just… she sounded so happy. So sure.”

“Well,” Phil said with a shrug. “She knows me well. She knows this is… important, to me. And different than usual. She’d say something about motherly intuitions if she was still on the phone.”

“Important? Different?” Dan asked, hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the answer.

“Yeah, of course,” Phil said and at least that part was easy to admit. “You’re important to me. Very much so. And you’re also different, from how I’ve been around anyone else I’ve been interested in.”

“Oh,” Dan said and swallowed, many fond and touched emotions flickering across his expression. “You make me sound so special.”

“You are,” Phil insisted, and he was overcome with the urge to kiss Dan.

Properly kiss him. Morning breath be damned.

“You want to kiss me,” Dan said, voice sounded a little lighter now. He was looking right at Phil. “I can literally see it in your eyes. Am I right?”

Phil rolled his eyes. Fond.

“Of course, you’re right,” Phil confirmed. “I was just weighing the pros and cons of morning breath.”

Now it was Dan’s turn to roll his eyes and a second later, there were hands moving Phil’s closer and more into his space.

“Who the fuck gives a damn about morning breath when they are lovestruck fools? Come here!”

Dan’s sudden insistence had Phil laughing, and he kept chuckling even as his and Dan’s lips connected. It was a different kiss from last night. This one wasn’t an explosion of feelings or a soft confession. It was comfortable and easy.

It felt right and like something clicked into place. It felt like they just moved together, just like when they were dancing. It was as if they could read each other and anticipate the other’s move before they even made it.

Phil could definitely get used to that.

He kind of wanted to spend the whole week just kissing and cuddling Dan. It sounded like heaven.

It couldn’t happen, not when they had two new dances to learn this week and he had a mother to make proud and prove right by getting them through to the final week. But Sunday was a sacred day and even if they couldn’t have the whole week, then they could still have today.

Phil pulled back from the kiss a little, and Dan tried to chase him, keep their lips connected. Phil’s heart was just in a puddle at this point.

“Want to order food, stay in, cuddle and kiss all day? Maybe a nap too?” Phil asked.

It might have seemed like a lame unofficial first date to some but Dan’s eyes lit up like Phil had just plucked the moon out of the sky and handed it to him. He looked like he couldn’t imagine something more wonderful.

Phil had known that Dan didn’t need fancy dates that cost a lot of money or required a lot of travel but it still made him so emotional to see how Dan seemed almost giddy with excitement about a day in just in Phil’s company.

“I get to pick the food,” Dan said and that was the only thing he said before he pulled Phil back in for another kiss.

Phil found it kind of hard to kiss with the fond smile on his lips, but somehow, he managed. He had a feeling that was a good thing because Dan tended to make him smile a lot. Learning to kiss him even while smiling would only be a good skill for the future.

They snuggled up, exchanging soft kisses, and begun their lazy Sunday in the best way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want help decide on dances for a chapter coming up in a couple of weeks, please fill out [this form](https://forms.gle/2YapvcDiy1FWPbbz6) (don't click if you're very spoiler adverse!) - Thank you to all 37 of you who have done this! Your comments are also so lovely what the heck!! And one song is very clearly leading but the 2nd place is split between a few different ones. 
> 
> I am a sucker for in bed scenes, so this was purely self-indulgence. They have been waiting for this for so damn long, so I wanted to give it to them already. They couldn't bear to part after the confessions, so sleepover it is! I hope you liked this chapter. I can't believe that there is only two proper chapters and an epilogue left! Where has the time gone! 
> 
> Next chapter due on Saturday as always, and will probably be slightly delayed, as always, but should be up before midnight CET.


	17. Week 12 (Semi-final week): Viennese Waltz to A Thousand Years & Tango to Toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt like a dream to Dan. He could reach out and kiss Phil now. He could hold his hand. He could tell him how much he liked him. They were getting ready to dance in the semi-final of Strictly Come Dancing as the first same-sex couple. It was all entirely too unreal but he knew Phil would pinch him and confirm that it was indeed reality if he asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically Sunday here but!! Big chapter coming your way! 13.2k because I have no self-control. Enjoy!

Mondays used to be the day that Dan most looked forwards to, or at least it had become that over the last couple of months. Mondays meant getting back into the studio with Phil and spend hours dancing, chatting and laughing. It was something wonderful and nice and Dan treasured it greatly.

But he found that it was hard to find any day that could top yesterday.

Yesterday had started off in Phil’s bed, warm and comfortable and feeling a sense of ease in his chest that he had never felt around anyone else. Phil made him feel safe, in all senses of the word and it was so overwhelmingly lovely that Dan didn’t even know how to deal with it.

Contrary Monday had seen him waking up in his own bed, because both him and Phil had begrudgingly agreed that it was probably a good idea during the week when they needed to be on top of their game and able to train properly for Saturday.

They had promised a reprise of the sleepover the coming Saturday though and Dan was letting that fuel him when he was sleepy and lacking Phil’s warmth to fall asleep. It was made significantly better by the fact that Phil was standing outside of his flat in the morning, extending a brown bag with a small smile.

Dan peeked inside. A pistachio muffin. Maybe not ideal food for dancing but Dan was thankful for it, as he hadn’t been able to focus to eat a lot of breakfast. He took the bag from Phil’s hand and then there was a beat of hesitation.

They had started hugging upon greeting a couple of weeks back but now things were different. New and exciting but Dan still wasn’t sure where Phil stood on it all, especially in regard to being in public. He was still not out to the general public and currently a lot of people would be able to recognise them thanks to their success on Strictly.

Dan had never had a serious relationship since becoming “famous” and he had never really had to consider something like that. It was causing him to overthink more than what was good.

Phil didn’t seem to have that problem. He just flashed an easy smile and then he reached over to pull Dan into a hug like nothing had really changed the past two days, even though they had confessed and decided to lowkey date.

To anyone on the outside, it would still just look like a quick greeting hug but Dan could feel the different as soon as Phil’s hands were on him. They lingered differently, held him a little more closely, like he allowed himself to exist at the touch of Dan. Dan was pretty sure he was blushing when him and Phil pulled apart.

It was just from the implications of it all. The sheer intimacy of a touch that didn’t necessarily had to be intimate but became it because of the slightest twist.

“Let’s go?” Phil asked, still smiling so wide, like he couldn’t get it off his face.

It took a moment for Dan to realise that Phil was smiling like that for him. Phil looked that happy because of _him_. It made something warm spread in all of his chest and he would start getting emotional if he didn’t watch himself.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Dan managed to force out and he reached out to take a hold of Phil.

He noticed a moment too late that he’d been reaching for Phil’s hand, on auto pilot, but he quickly changed his direction just a bit and ended up grabbing hold of Phil’s coat sleeve instead.

It did make him realise how much he wanted to interlock fingers with Phil and take a stroll down the street like he had seen couple do ever since he was young. They probably wouldn’t be able to do that, because of their jobs and because their love was gay. It was so unfair that they would have to hide it. Dan had to make a podcast episode about it all. It would tie nicely into something he’d been working on about how gay relationships were always portrayed in a sexual context, on the rare occasions that it got represented at all.

There were very few love stories about a boy just wanted to reach out and hold another boy’s hand. There should be. Maybe Dan would write one. He had toyed with the idea of writing a book before. He would never have thought he’d even consider the idea of a love story, but well…

Recent developments were bringing out his romantic side like never before.

Dan stayed lost in his head on the taxi drive over to their studio for the day. Phil let him be, almost like he could see that Dan was sorting out things in his head and he just needed a moment of quiet. Phil didn’t take his hand, even if Dan almost wanted him to do so, consequences be damned, but he did stay glued to Dan’s side. In the car, on the stairs as they walked up, and once they were alone, in private, he almost cuddled up to his side.

Dan was pulled promptly out of his thoughts when he felt Phil’s cheek nudge his jaw and suddenly, he had an armful of Phil. It was so sweet and sudden that Dan just broke into giggles, hands finding Phil’s back and keeping them pressed together.

“You’ve got your big brain thinking expression on but I’m going to need you to park that, so we can focus on the dance,” Phil said, smiling in a way that seemed to make his eyes pop more. Or it could just be because Dan was allowing himself to look without restrictions or distractions now.

You could get lost in eyes like Phil’s.

Dan had been lost most of his life.

He wouldn’t mind it so much if it was like this.

There was something distinctly different about being lost on your own and being lost along with someone else. He had a feeling that it would be an adventure with Phil by his side, instead of just an endless and pointless wandering.

“I’ll try to focus on dance,” Dan promised, letting himself push away the thoughts for now. Not supress them, he had enough bad memories with stuff like that, but they could be put in the back to later be re-examined when he had the time to deal with them.

For now, he let Phil’s body against his bring his attention back to the present. Phil was so warm and alive, always moving, even when he was wrapped up an embrace. He was an artwork in motion, even when he didn’t look like it.

“We have to focus,” Phil said, moving a little in Dan’s arms, until he had detached himself from Dan’s neck only to get all up in his face instead. Phil booped their noses together. “No distractions,” he added, eyes dipping down to gaze on Dan’s lips.

Dan couldn’t keep the smile off his face and he wasn’t trying. Instead, he let it grow even wider. He let himself beam.

“No distractions?” he asked, raising one eyebrow as Phil finally tore his eyes away from Dan’s lips to look him in the eyes.

“No distractions,” Phil confirmed and then visibly and audibly swallowed.

“You okay there, bub?” Dan asked, but he was struggling just as much. He wanted to lean in and kiss Phil again. He had made it his mission yesterday to memorise the feel of Phil’s lips against his but even with his valiant efforts, he still yearned for more.

“No,” Phil said, blinking rapidly before pulling back hesitantly. “It’s unfair that you’re so attractive. It’s inherently distracting.”

“Look who’s talking,” Dan said back, going to grab Phil’s hip as he was pulling away.

He needed to focus on dance and not on them but it was hard. It was so new and exciting and he could reach out and kiss Phil now. He had permission to do so, but there was something in Phil’s expression. Just a ghost of it, but Dan had gotten used to watching him carefully.

“Phil?”

“I… I was worried I would mess this all up, by doing this, by us getting involved before finishing on Strictly,” Phil said and there was real vulnerability and worry in his voice. Dan had not heard Phil sound legitimately worried ever before not like this. He was optimistic by nature and he didn’t dwell on worries like Dan did.

“Hey, hey,” Dan said, reaching to hold Phil’s hand now, because he needed to not be holding him if they were to talk seriously but he still needed the contact. The grounding feeling that it brought.

But then he wondered if that was selfish, if he was reaching beyond what Phil wanted right now. The insecurity spiked, unsure, and he moved to pull away, palms reluctantly made to disconnect before Phil stopped him.

He moved his hand to hold onto Dan’s, tightly, fingers interlocked and palms pressing steadily against each other.

“Don’t pull away,” Phil said and it sounded like he meant it as something more. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean like that. I just. I worry, Dan. I’m supposed to be the professional here. I’m supposed to make all of this go well. I’m supposed to help both of us get to the final. For ourselves but also for all the ones that are watching us. It matters. History has its eyes on us and all that and I spent all of yesterday doing nothing,” Phil said and then flinched, an internal reaction. “No, that’s- that’s the wrong way to say it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Yesterday was wonderful, the most wonderful day that I’ve probably had all year, maybe ever and I just… I don’t know. It’s all… messy.”

“I know, I think,” Dan said tentatively because he could recognise himself in Phil’s rambles. Maybe Phil had been absorbing a little bit of Dan just like Dan had begun to see little habits of Phil in himself, or maybe everyone was capable of nervous ranting when they got worked up.

“What?”

“I… how about we make a deal? Here, in the practice room, and when we’re at Strictly, we’re just Dan and Phil. Just like we’ve been all of this time. It is lovely and wonderful, and I don’t want that part of our relationship to go away even as we’ve added kisses and feelings out in the open. We’ll do like we’ve been doing for weeks, and keep it mostly professional with banter and flirting sprinkled in. You know, our brand at this point,” Dan said with a laugh. “We can manage it; we can make it to next week together.”

Phil’s hand went tight in Dan’s, squeezing almost too hard but it was wonderful. Dan’s heart was soaring. It was a touch of agreement.

“Okay, yeah. We can do that.”

“I only have one thing to remind you,” Dan said because he had noticed something when Phil had been ranting and while he wanted to move on, he also found it important to reassure Phil.

He should never feel like he had to shoulder the responsibility alone. No one should ever feel like that. It got so heavy. It made you crumble. Dan knew from experience and now that he had found Phil, he had a feeling he would never have to bear anything alone anymore for, hopefully, forever.

“Yeah?”

“You can’t mess this up. All of it, us and Strictly and anything else that falls in between. You _can’t_ ,” Dan insisted, “because it’s our mess. Together. We soar or we crash and burn, but it’s a team effort. On the good and the bad.”

Phil broke into a beautiful smile and one that Dan had never really caught on his face before. It was breath-taking in a disarming way. It was such a genuine expression of joy without being exaggerated that it stole the air from Dan’s lungs.

Phil looked like him like he was in love.

Dan was looking back in a similar fashion.

Later, Dan reminded himself. They had the time for more confessions later. They were together now and the rest could wait two weeks, couldn’t it? Phil was right that they needed to train and this week might be the hardest one yet.

Two new dances in a week. Two solo dances in a week. The Viennese Waltz and the Tango. Phil had told him that they would be hard and they needed to focus.

“Yes, we’re in this together,” Phil said, giving Dan’s hand another squeeze. Dan liked how they fit together, slotting together so perfectly. It made him want to never let go. “But I rule in here, so let’s get to work. We’ve got our work cut out for us.”

Dan knew that was true but he was a little shit anyway.

“Oh, how hard can it be?” he said, jokingly, giving Phil’s hand another squeeze before making himself pull away so they could focus.

Dan would have to eat his words a thousand times over. Learning two dances at the same time was tough and confusing. It was worse than when they had to learn the Lindy-Hop-a-Thon on the side because Phil had still devoted most of their time to the main dance.

The other one had been a fun little side thing, something they almost hadn’t taken seriously because Phil just wanted him and Dan to have fun with it. These two dances were still supposed to be fun, but in a more serious way.

Dan found out that there was entirely too much spinning and turning in a Viennese Waltz, while the Tango he needed to be much more assertive and quicker in his movements than many of the other dances he had learned. He was also having a little bit of an issue of managing to properly drag Phil across the floor.

By the end of the first day, Dan was a puddle on the floor, sweated through and exhausted in every muscle while his brain felt tight and tense too, trying to remember everything Phil said. He felt very much like the little girl who announced in a teary voice that she wanted to take a nap right there on the beach.

Dan might have tried it if he wasn’t sure Phil would draw on his face.

“Fuck, how are we going to learn both in four days?” Dan asked. “Four days, Phil.”

Phil chuckled, and it was really unfair that he didn’t look like he was about to kneel over. He was also sweaty, hair slicked back and face a little flushed, but he carried it so much better. Dan wanted to tackle him to the ground and wrestle with him until they were both panting. Maybe he would have tired if he wasn’t sure it could start something else instead.

“It is a lot to do,” Phil said, and instead of dragging Dan off the floor like he usually did when Dan decided to lie down in the middle of the room, he sat down next to him. Phil pulled one knee up towards his chest, but he let the other stretch out in front of him and made sure to let it touch Dan.

Dan smiled at the small action, wanting to establish touch and connection even when Dan was a sweaty mess, lying on a dirty floor. It wasn’t like Phil hadn’t seen him like this countless of times. Dan always did this. He liked to call it his potato time. Phil would smile fondly and allow it.

Breaks were important, he would just say.

“But we can do it, right?” Dan asked, wanting the reassurance while everything happening with him physically at the moment was screaming that he could not do this.

“Of course, we can do it,” Phil said, easy and without hesitating. “There isn’t anything we can’t do if we put our minds to it. My mum told me that when I was a kid.”

“Good mother,” Dan said because that was what parents were supposed to say, even if the world could be cruel and make it so that it wasn’t a reality. You were supposed to have unrestrained faith in yourself as a child and having that stripped away was cruel.

“Best mother,” Phil agreed.

Dan wondered if he should bring up the phone conversation that he had overheard yesterday. They hadn’t talked about it, too distracted by cuddles and kisses but Dan’s heart had nearly burst at hearing Phil’s mother and how softly she spoke about Dan. Dan wondered what it was like to be in that family, to have someone speak about you like that.

The idea that he might once find out was quite overwhelming and lovely.

It made him laugh a little to himself. He should have figured that it would catch Phil’s attention. Not much slipped Phil’s attention, it was one of the best and most overwhelming things about Phil.

Dan had put himself in the spotlight years ago and he had gotten used to people watching and listening to him but it was usually through a screen. Being in front of someone and having their undivided attention, especially when he wasn’t performing, it wasn’t something he was very used to.

Phil always gave Dan so much undivided attention. Even when his brain would run off, pulling tangents out of the air that only Phil could see, it would always end with Dan back at the centre of Phil’s attention.

It was exhilarating and just a little scary to be so seen. Dan had thought he would worry more about what Phil might see, all of the ugliness he felt like he held in at times, but he didn’t. There was a kindness radiating off of Phil. The way he made Dan feel safe was in more ways than one, and in particularly it was because he could be himself and not worry about being chastised or judged.

All those rough edges and the room for improvement would not be ugly to Phil. Phil had never said so explicitly but it had been there, between the lines, in the subtle actions.

“She wants to meet you,” Phil said, a moment after the quiet had just started to settle. It would have been proper quiet, if not for Dan’s breathing still being the smallest bit ragged. He let himself lie back flat on the ground, hand finding his own stomach so he could feel it distend with every breath.

A physical reminder that he was here and he was good.

“I’m not sure if I can handle meeting the infamous Kath Lester,” Dan said and he put on a joking tone but there was a layer of sincerity as well. He had heard stories of her, littered in between conversations. He knew Phil watched shows that his mother wanted to watch so they could have a phone call as new episodes dropped. He knew that Phil had been a terror of a child at times and his mother had to have had the patience of a saint. He knew that Phil was proud of his mother and father and the man they raised him to be.

Dan would agree wholeheartedly. In fact, it would be a miracle if he somehow didn’t say something silly like ‘thanks for making the best man I’ve ever known’ when he inevitably met them.

It was inevitable, he realised with a jolt.

Because he had gotten Phil now, and he wasn’t planning on letting go any time soon. Preferably never.

“She’s the loveliest lady you’ll ever meet,” Phil said, smile on his face.

He rested his chin on top of his knee and there was something distinctly childlike in him in that moment. Maybe it was the far-away gaze in his eyes. His thoughts were wandering somewhere, a common occurrence, but Dan was surprised when Phil spoke.

“She is really looking forward to meeting you,” Phil said and there was something wistful about his voice too. “She will hound us down if she flies down for the final. You’re just lucky that we’re not on her turf or you’d be wangled into staying for dinner and be stuffed full of biscuits. Really, she might still bring a tin of biscuits for you. Actually, she definitely will.”

There was such a fondness and an anticipatory tone. Phil sounded genuinely excited to introduce Dan to his mother. Dan wasn’t sure if he meant like a boyfriend or if it was meant to be kept on the downlow, even if it seemed that Kath had already figured that part out. 

It made Dan aware of how he had never ever brought anyone he was interested in back to meet his parents. He had thought it was a blessing, less messy and free of judgemental stares.

But looking at Phil, Dan felt like he saw a flash into the future, however distant it may be. He imagined showing up on the doorstep of his childhood home, Phil behind him, hands clasped together. It was an imagine he would have thought would have been accompanied with fear and while it wasn’t entirely absent, it was like it was dulled around the edges by a permeating warmth. A warmth that came from Phil.

“I will look forward to meeting her then,” Dan said and he felt some of his nerves wash away. He could spend a time closer to the meeting freaking out about impressing Phil’s mother or trying to at least make it seem like he was worthy of her son subtly.

“She’ll know we’re together,” Phil said. “She already figured it out, but she will know for sure when she sees the two of us together.”

At this, Phil knocked his knee into Dan’s side and a beat longer, a hand reached out to touch Dan’s hair. It was a sweaty and curly mess, but Phil was gentle and careful. Dan almost wondered if he would be able to fall asleep right here on the floor. It felt very possible all of a sudden.

“How will she know?” Dan asked.

“She knows me,” Phil said with a shrug, so easy and so simple. Dan was a little envious of it. Of being able to just know that someone else would get you, just like that. He had never had that growing up, not with his friends or his family. Certainly not with his far and few romantic partners.

But now.

Maybe now he could have it.

Phil had been looking through him almost from the moment they met. There had been a bond forming and growing with each moment they spent in each other’s company. It would only grow stronger now.

“Alright, enough of a break,” Phil said, getting to his feet and stretching out his back. “Your potato time is officially over.”

Dan kind of wanted to kick up a fuss because he was tired and his body ached but he knew he had to do this. They had to work hard. Two more weeks. He couldn’t drop the ball while running into the home stretch. It was so close. He had to keep moving and keep up the pace too.

It was easier to get up with Phil’s help.

“Just a little more practice for today,” Phil insisted. “Oh, and I almost forgot to say. We’re going to be wearing dresses for Toxic.”

Dan still had his hand in Phil’s. He was almost done pulling himself to his feet but he stopped mid-movement. He felt like his brain overloaded a little. Dresses. Plural. Phil in a dress. Phil would be in a dress.

“You? Dress? I?”

Phil chuckled at Dan and pulled him up to standing properly. A moment later there was a warm and grounding hand on Dan’s hip.

“Yes, dresses. You’re not the only one who should get to go around and flaunt your stuff in a dress, even if that is also very much the goal. How do you feel about a leg slit, like quite high up? And it being shiny black, like eye-catching? The costume department sent me these photos of the general idea and I think you’d look bangi-”

“Yes,” Dan said, no hesitation. “I will wear whatever, especially if you think it will look good on me.”

Okay, maybe a little too honest. He could see the gleam in Phil’s eyes.

“Oh, whatever, will you?” Phil asked, hand digging a little into Dan’s hip now. “Big words. Are you prepared to keep them?”

Dan felt the flush that rushed through his body and he was sure it was probably showing up in his cheeks. He tried to make himself less exposed with some faux confidence.

“I have great legs, I should show them off,” Dan said, jutting out his jaw and chest a little.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Phil said, so sincerely and genuinely that Dan was a little stumped by it.

“And you?” Dan asked.

“Oh, that will be a surprise,” Phil said and then his hand found Dan’s hair once more, tousled the curls a little more. “And I requested that we can wear identical tails for our Vietnamese Waltz. I want to match with you.”

Dan felt like his whole body had been lit on fire and the tiredness had been burned out of him. It was clearly Phil’s plan but Dan didn’t mind being swindled when it led to things like this.

On some deeper level, he also felt a burst of pride for how he hadn’t even blinked at the idea of wearing a dress. Yes, while he had done it before, nothing was ever the same and he found himself excited to come strutting out in a dress again. He had been saying to make gender norms fuck off for years now but it was another thing to have it so incorporated into yourself that it happened automatically.

Dan allowed himself to acknowledge that pride because it was important.

Phil got squeezed another hour of practice out of Dan before he was truly to worn out to do much properly. Unlike before when they would just return home and Dan would order takeaway, Phil pulled Dan along the road instead of heading towards the Underground or searching for a taxi.

“Where are we going?” Dan asked, fighting a yawn as the cold early December air startled him awake a little. It was probably supposed to be refreshing but frankly, it just made Dan crawl deeper into his coat and wanting to reach out and hold Phil’s hand.

“We’re going for food,” Phil said, arms locking with Dan’s as he plastered himself to his side.

Part of Dan wondered if that would be a good idea. He was usually fine with being out in public just going around his day, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to go to restaurants, but going out with Phil for dinner?

It felt so much like a date and it would look like that to any prying eyes too.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Dan asked.

“Oh,” Phil said and stopped, middle of the pavement, someone behind them almost knocked into Dan and let out a curse and an annoyed huff to tell them to mind where they were going. “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

Phil’s eyes were so big and hopeful. Dan’s reservations didn’t vanish upon seeing that expression but it did make him reorganise his priorities. If Phil wasn’t worried about people making assumptions about them, if they were spotted, then Dan was surprisingly fine with it too. He kind of wanted to shout from the rooftops that he got to kiss this man, hold his hand and pull him close.

“No, it is,” Dan said and he hoped that he sounded reassuring. “Just, people might see us. Fuel the dating rumours that are already around us,” Dan reminded him gently.

“Oh, just that?” Phil said like it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it didn’t have to be. Dan would kind of like that. “Let them make their assumptions. They would be right anyway. I don’t care, Dan. Unless you do, then I care too.”

Those words reverberated inside of Dan’s skull and for a moment he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He would attribute it to the long and tiring day and the high he was still riding on after finally getting to _be with_ Phil rather than just think about it, but he wasn’t sure if all of that were just excuses.

_I don’t care, Dan. Unless you do, then I care too._

Such simple words, but with such depth of meaning. Dan was being sucked into his own brain. Obsessing over words and feeling too deeply affected by them. He almost wanted to get lost in the warm and fluttering feeling but he would much rather enjoy this moment with Phil.

Phil who was entirely too precious for this world.

“Then let’s go grab food, but it’s not our official first date,” Dan insisted. “I still want to do something special for that.”

“Every day is special,” Phil said, and Dan once more caught that glimmer in his eyes. “Even an impromptu dinner after training because we’re famished, but sure. I’ll hold out for a glamorous date in the future. Now come, I’m hungry!”

It happened all throughout the week. Every time after they had finished up their training, hungry and exhausted, Phil would drag Dan off to some new place to grab dinner. It became easier with each passing time and Dan stopped looking over his shoulder and wondering who might be looking at them. Phil had been right, just let them look and let them think. If they made the right assumptions or not, it really wasn’t a problem when you didn’t care.

Dan and Phil were both working their asses off to get the both of the choreographies to come together. Dan was thankful that the two dancing styles were so different or he would have been more worried about mixing them up.

He found the Viennese Waltz the easiest because it was, predictably, close to a Waltz which he had already danced. The Tango was a new beast and the first couple of days, Dan struggled to get into the right character for it. He found it difficult to be sensual and deductive, but with each passing day, Phil got him to open up a little more.

It helped when they made it a game of sorts, deliberately trying to rile each other up and just get lost in the sensuality. It was fun after that, a game of play and a game of promise. Dan almost wanted to toss out the idea that they should wait to sleep together when they had to dance like this but another part of him really like it.

He had always liked the tempo he had moved with Phil, inside of the ballroom and outside.

Friday came faster than ever and Dan wanted to file a complaint with someone. Anyone because surely days weren’t meant to pass this fast. His whole week had been a world wind of training and Phil so it wasn’t like he had any real complaint.

Only one really.

“I’m not ready, I’m going to mess it up,” Dan said, as he paced their dressing room.

They had just gotten dressed in their first sets of costumes for the rehearsal, a matching set of suits with tails that had no business looking this stunning. Dan had to give it to the custom department, they were wicked sharp. Dan had put the suit on for all of a minute and a half, while two people from the department were circling him and then it was off and came back half an hour later, like it had always been made to fit him.

Phil’s had fit perfectly on first try. They seemed to have his measurements down to perfection but then again, Phil’s body had stayed much the same all throughout, lean and strong, while Dan had definitely felt his own both grow in some areas and shrink in others. He had also gotten much stronger than usual and running up the endless stairs to his flat didn’t wind him as much as it used to. It was a nice change.

“You’re not going to mess it up,” Phil said, correcting his collar and sweeping a hand over his hair. It was slicked back and it was entirely unfair. Phil’s forehead was exposed more than usual and it was doing things to Dan. He wasn’t sure he had ever found a forehead attractive before but Phil Lester kept surprising him in a multitude of ways.

The suits were simple in comparison to the two dresses that Dan had caught a glimpse of but if anything, that just enabled Phil’s beauty to shine even more.

“I’m still not nailing the steps in the tango, and that twist from one side to another, I’m off beat,” Dan complained.

Phil smiled at him, reassuringly. “It’s going to be fine. Get lost in the emotions more than anything else, you know? That’s the important bit, for us in particular and with the tango I’m counting on us to let our chemistry help us a lot.”

“You think we have chemistry, huh?” Dan asked, feeling better already, as he arched up an eyebrow and looked teasingly at Phil.

Phil let out a huff, a fond sound, before he rushed over to ruffle Dan’s hair which had him pulling back laughing and trying to protect it. Their hairstyles could be messed up for the dances and it would be okay, because it was mostly to just test out how they fit with the whole look and the costume department had already done that for the Viennese Waltz. Still, Dan wanted it to keep looking good.

Phil gave up trying to mess with the hair and instead grabbed a hold of Dan’s wrist and pulled him to the door and out of their dressing room. Then he left Dan standing in the doorway a little perplexed as Phil stepped back into the room and found a piece of paper and a pen.

He ushered Dan out into the hallway and shut the door with the paper stuck in the crack of the door. It tilted a little, going wonky, but Phil didn’t seem to pay that any mind. He grabbed the pen cap with his teeth, and then started to scribble across the paper.

“There,” Phil said happily, looking at his messy scrawl. “Now we’re leaving them at the door.”

 _INSECURITIES_ Phil had written in block letters that all somehow managed to be slightly different in size. He had clearly realised that he was running out of space towards the end of the paper. Dan wanted to laugh, but it wouldn’t come out because he was busy being a little too touched and fond.

“See?” Phil said, probably spurred on by Dan’s silence, or mistaking it for lack of understanding. “We’re leaving our insecurities at the door.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Dan said and now a little chuckle escaped.

It was so silly, and so Phil that he felt a little overwhelmed. Dan wanted to say more, to try to put into words how much affection he felt for Phil in that moment but they were being called to get ready to go on stage for the rehearsal for the first of their dances.

Dan decided to just try to show it within the dance instead. For both of this week’s dances, they had decided to mix it up so the lead would switch between them. Phil had come up with the idea and then almost tossed it again, because he didn’t want to confuse the audience but Dan had reassured him that it would be fine.

He didn’t actually know because despite having dance intensely for month he was still not aware of the technicalities that but he had faith that Phil did know.

With all of his emotions running high, it was also easy to fall into the choreography. The song and the steps were slower, more grounded than some of their other dances and Dan imagined in his head that it was him and Phil for these past months, slowly but surely coming closer and closer.

Spinning around each other, coming in to touch and then pulling back shyly. Phil had said something about that, mumbled under his breath one of the days but it wasn’t like Dan had been meant to overhear. It was just Phil working out the kinks of his own choreography, but now Dan felt like he got it.

The rehearsal went so smoothly that Dan almost wished that it had been their Saturday dance. Still, he would take a lovely rehearsal too and once they returned back to their dressing room to change to their costumes for the second dance, Dan paused for a moment at the door to look at the paper.

“Hold up,” Dan said, running off to where he knew one of the offices were. It was one of the open shared offices that they had been allowed to use if they needed and Dan rifled through the drawers until he found what he was looking for.

He ran back to Phil who was waiting while leaning mostly with his shoulders against the wall by the door and it was entirely too good a look in his fitted suit and the tail hanging behind him, swaying gently as he moved.

“Tape,” Dan said and held it up and then went to open the door to their dressing room. He wasn’t quick enough to catch the paper as it started falling, but Phil surprisingly was and together they managed to tape it to their door.

It was a ridiculous thing.

The little name plate holder with a laminated card that read: Dan & Phil. And then a messily scrawled word taking up the entirely of an A4 page taped right under it that read: INSECURITIES.

Dan looked over at Phil and then they both burst out laughing. Dan couldn’t stop himself from pulling up his phone and snapping a photo. Phil pushed him back and insisted in being next to the photo, pointing at the door with a shocked expression. It was entirely too cute, even if anyone else who saw it might question their sanity.

“Can I post it?” Dan asked, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to share this moment, even if no one but them would know what it really meant.

“Of course,” Phil said, hand finding the small of Dan’s back. “But pick the best one of me.”

Dan smiled so much that his cheek almost hurt but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Next up, Dan had needed to actually get into the dress that he had only seen on a mannequin. It was more difficult than he had thought it would be but Phil was quick to help Dan with his zipper. Dan had no idea how people who were dresses regularly did this, or maybe they were just scarily flexible. Eventually Dan managed to struggle into the dress and it still felt unfamiliar but also kind of cool.

He knew Phil had warned him about the leg slits but it was something different to see it. The dress actually had two, one in each side, and they went all the way up to his hips. The last bit of material was beige, meant to match his skin. The dress fell closed for most parts when he was just standing straight but his whole leg would come out if he moved it forward. He knew that was the purpose of it. He was glad for the long sleeves and the rows of sequence that made the dress seem like it was in movement at all times. It was not something Dan had pictured himself ever wearing, least of all on BBC, but he found himself smiling at his reflection.

Dresses could be wicked cool and so much more fun than the selection he sometimes had as a male dancer. The variety and the colours alone made it something so fun to play around with. Dan turned around to see Phil having squeezed into his dress too.

Phil’s dress was a deep green, clinging nicely to his trim waist, and it has an over the shoulder strap that left Phil’s right shoulder entirely exposed. Dan wanted to trace his fingertips over Phil’s collarbones. The shirt was flowy, shorter in the front than the back and there was just one leg slit that went to about mid-thigh. Still, when Phil stepped forward, there was plenty of pale shapely leg.

“You look good,” Dan said. “It seems you can wear anything.”

“I’ve never actually danced in a dress before,” Phil said, “well since I was young and insisted on wearing a tutu to dance practice, but that hardly counts as a proper dress.”

Phil stepped up to the mirror, coming in behind Dan. A hand easy came to rest on Dan’s hip.

“You look good too, better than last time you were in a dress too,” Phil said, scanning both of their reflections.

Dan wondered how many people might roll over in their graves at the idea of two gay men in dresses dancing live on national television. It made a triumphant smile settle on his lips. This was what it meant to be leading by example, living their truths and not giving a crap what anyone else had to say about it.

“I feel more confident this time around,” Dan said.

He had been scared to look online or read magazines after he had been in a dress the first time. It had been daunting to think about how people would react to it, but he had been pleasantly surprised.

If there had been any homophobic comments, they had been drowned out by the positivity. People were praising him, almost too much, for “daring” to wear a dress. Like it as something very dangerous and not simply a piece of clothing that society for some reason had decided wasn’t meant for someone with his gender.

But on the other hand, Dan had grown up with the same rules of society and it had felt slightly daring, so he wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe it could be both. It could be a brave thing to do and still be ridiculous that society had shaped it into being a brave thing.

“We’re going to break so many hearts tomorrow,” Phil said, smiling sweetly and letting his hand move to the small of Dan’s back. The material of the dress was relatively thin and very soft and Dan could feel the warmth of the touch almost as clearly as if Phil was touching his skin.

“As long as we don’t break each other’s,” Dan said and then he turned around to face Phil. Phil had been standing so close and he didn’t move back, even as Dan turned around and brought them face to face. “Hearts or legs.”

“I can only promise that I won’t break one of those,” Phil said, and he leaned in to gently touch his nose to Dan’s. They were breathing the same air again. Dan’s heart was speeding up. They had been stealing kisses from each other here and there when they were alone but they had tried to keep it to a minimum not to get too distracted. They needed their focus to dance, even if it was nice to pull on their affection for the style part of the dances.

Most dances were a glimpse into a love story after all.

“What?” Dan asked, even if he already knew. “You gonna break my heart, Lester?”

There was a moment, a linger of eye contact, where Dan could have sworn that Phil was capable of capturing words within his beautiful eyes.

“I would never,” Phil said, “but my legs might fall victim to my clumsiness.”

Dan let out a snort and tried to keep hold of his feelings again. He wanted to kiss Phil silly but their name would be called any moment. Now wasn’t the time for kissing someone silly. Saturday afternoon and Dan would do it probably. Maybe Dan would invite Phil over this time. The idea of Phil’s scent being caught in his sheets for a couple of days were a pleasant one. Dan couldn’t capture a description of the scent in words, but he knew he loved it and it was just distinctly Phil.

“Well, then I’ll make sure to sweep you off them,” Dan replied smoothly and then fought back a bit of cringe. Phil saw it, flashing across his face and reached out to cub his cheek gently.

“I’m the one who lifts,” Phil said, smiling so brightly that Dan felt himself smile back just as brightly. “So, I will be sweeping you off your feet. Now, let’s go break a leg.”

Phil was being entirely too smooth but it was kind of ruined when he tried to throw in a wink that was really just a slightly off-sync and delayed blink again. One of these days, Dan would tell Phil that he didn’t know how to blink or maybe offer to teach him.

On the other hand, Dan enjoyed this far too much and he might never point it out.

The rehearsal for the tango also went remarkably well. Dan was sure he was still a little out of sync at times, but it went better than when they had ever done it in rehearsals. Maybe it was the dresses. Dan felt powerful with the dress flowing around him and it was honestly a delight to see how Phil’s dress moved around him.

It was a rush of green and black as they moved together to the quick beat of _Toxic._ It was a song that Dan had listened to quite a lot growing up, maybe more than he would ever have admitted, and it was honestly entirely too cool to be able to dance it with Phil.

If Dan and Phil stayed in their dresses for an extra half hour in their dressing rooms after they finished the rehearsal, then no one needed to mind that. Dan was pretty sure that him and Phil were just a smidgen addicted to each other but they were in no way toxic.

Dan had wanted to invite Phil over already, just to be able to sleep in his embrace another night but they decided to be sensible adults and go into their separate flats at the end of the night. A good night’s sleep was important before performing, Phil had reminded him.

It had been hard to fall asleep, and Dan definitely hadn’t gotten as much sleep as Phil had hoped by sending him home alone early but even so, Dan felt energised and ready when his alarm rung in the morning.

It would mean that he would crash hard once he went to bed at night, but for now he knew he would be jazzed up enough to make it to the dances. He was just looking forward to dancing with Phil, and he didn’t even want to entertain the idea that this could be their last ever dance on Strictly.

Technically, everything from Week 2 and onwards could have been their last dance. They hadn’t been kicked off yet, even if they had come close twice.

Dan just getting ready to go down and meet Phil when his phone rang. When he noticed that it was his grandmother calling, Dan frowned a little. She would always wish him good luck every week but she usually wouldn’t call in the morning on performance days. She didn’t want to mess with his flow.

“Hi nan,” Dan said, putting the phone between his shoulder and his ear to put his shoes on.

“Daniel,” she said, “are you ready for tonight?”

Dan let out a chuckle. She didn’t sound worried which was good. He wasn’t sure what had made her call him. It was okay if it was just to chat.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Dan said, and straightened up. He patted his jacket pocket, trying to check if he had all his things and he had a flicker of worry that he couldn’t find his phone until he realised, he was literally on call.

He might have done a face palm but no one was around to see so it was all good.

“You shouldn’t say that,” Dan’s grandmother said. “You should say you’re ready then. What would Phil say?”

Dan cracked a smile as he climbed down the stairs. Phil would be delighted that Dan’s grandmother was asking about him.

“He would say that we’re ready,” Dan said, and he did so with certainty because he could hear Phil’s voice in his head. Even when they hadn’t been in the best spot, Phil had always managed to remain positive and insist that they were ready.

It had taken Dan some time to figure out that Phil said that because he knew they were as ready as they had the capabilities of being at that given point, and as such, they were ready. Or at least they would never be more ready.

“Good boy, that lad. I knew I liked him for a reason. What is this I hear about you both wearing dresses?” she asked.

Dan froze on the stairs, almost missing the step and sending himself barrelling down the staircase.

She hadn’t really had a comment about Dan wearing a dress last time, only that she thought he should have found one that suited him slightly better. It had been a relief because while Dan could brush away criticism from faceless strangers quite easily after the years of practice, it was something different when it came from a loved one.

“We will,” Dan said, and resumed walking down the stairs.

“Both you and Phil?” she asked to confirm.

Dan hesitated for a beat. He didn’t really want to get into an argument or having to explain right now. It would be a distraction for today and one he did not need. Losing focus meant an unfocused dance and at this point in the game, something like that could easily deal the death blow.

“Both of us, yes,” Dan said, all the same because he didn’t lie to his grandmother. He had made a vow not to do that anymore, not since he had come out to her. He had promised that he would speak his opinion and try to educate her when she said something accidentally offensive.

“Oh, how delightful!” she said and that was not what Dan had expected.

“Huh?”

Dan pushed open the door out to the street, exiting his apartment complex and he was greeted but the lovely sight of Phil wrapped up in a warm scarf but not wearing any gloves where he held two disposable cups with cold hands. Dan wanted to run back up and get him gloves.

“Yes, it was rumoured some of my friends said, so we’re going to make it part of our bingo plates for tonight’s show. I will win now for sure,” she said and sounded so smug.

Dan was too overwhelmed, still slightly tired from a short night’s sleep, and the adorable sight of Phil and his grandmother caring absolutely nothing about the men in dresses and more about winning in bingo against her friends.

Phil looked at him like he was slightly overwhelmed too, and Dan could only imagine that he was a messy sight to behold. Even so Phil looked like he enjoyed watching the mess unfold.

“You’re sneaky, nan. I told you I wouldn’t share things to help you win in bingo,” Dan reminded her.

“It’s not my fault that you’re slow on the update. Now, I won’t bother you anymore, Daniel. But do pass on my well wishes for tonight to Phil too. You will do great tonight; I am sure and then I get to brag about my grandson being in the Strictly final forever.”

Dan shook his head, fond and a little exasperated.

“Bye, nan. I will,” Dan said and hung up.

Phil walked up to Dan, handing over one of the cups and smiling sweetly.

“What will you do?” Phil asked.

In that moment, Dan wanted to lean in and kiss him. How treacherous that he was allowed to do that now but not in public. It was a cruel thing really, but there would be a future where he could do that.

Him and Phil were trying to pave the way for that kind of thing, even if Dan had doubted that he would have be able to do much. Now he knew he was only able to go this far because Phil had been determined, perhaps even more than Dan, to make a change.

To set an important precedent. 

“Tell you that my grandmother wishes us luck for tonight,” Dan said and took a sip of his drink. It was perfect. Of course, it was. Dan wasn’t sure when Phil had learned his Starbucks order but he wasn’t surprised.

“She doesn’t usually call on Saturdays, does she?” Phil asked. “Doesn’t she call on Sundays?”

“Normally yeah,” Dan said, and took another sip. They had already started walking, heading to the nearby station where they’d easily find a taxi. “But she wanted to wrestle out some bingo answers from me. Asked about us in dresses,” Dan added and he could feel his tone change.

Turn a little guarded.

That didn’t make it past Phil either.

“Were you worried? Was she okay with it?” Phil asked, and as if he also knew Dan needed a little support to talk about stuff like this, he looped his arm around Dan’s.

“She was. She is cool about it all for most parts, I’m sure I’ve said. It’s just… this old fear rears its head sometimes. That I’m unlovable because I’m not what everyone in my family expected.”

He hadn’t meant to say that, on a chilly Saturday morning when he should be doing something more productive, like going over his steps in his head or something. Phil leaned in a little closer, squeezing around his arm.

“I worried that I was a disappointment to my grandparents too,” Phil said, and Dan was happy for the distraction, and the shared worry. “I’m not… out to them yet. They always ask when I’m going to bring home a nice lady. Maybe I’ll send them a photo of you in your dress and see if they could even make out that you’re a beautiful boy. Their eyesight isn’t what is has been.”

“How do they feel about you dancing with a man on Strictly?” Dan asked. He hadn’t heard much about Phil’s grandparents, just always his parents and Martyn and Cornelia. He knew that they were all aware of Phil’s sexuality and they fully supported and embraced him. He hadn’t thought about the more extended family.

“They’re fine with it,” Phil said. “And if they weren’t then it’s their problem. It will never be our problem, Dan,” Phil reminded him.

Those words lingered in Dan’s head as they found a taxi and drove the familiar route that would lead them to the studio where Strictly Come Dancing was filmed. Dan was always amazed how they could arrive in the late morning and somehow be busy all day until it was finally evening and the show began. There were so many things that needed to be checked and so many people running around to get it all to work.

Their fellow contestants were trickling in as well, none of them arriving together like him and Phil did ever since they found out how close they lived to each other. They were only five couples left now. Dan had not predicted himself standing among them.

Harry and Carrie were both incredible in anything related to performance, from songs to acting. Annie was a charismatic radio DJ that Dan always enjoyed listening to, along with the whole country. Saoirse was an actress that frankly needed more recognition because she was phenomenal in Derry Girls. Dan felt like he was the odd one out.

Phil fit in well with the dancers, at least at first glance. Those were his people but he was always standing a little too close to the peripheral, like he wasn’t as blended as he appeared at first glance.

Perhaps that was why they had slotted together so easily and found comfort in each other. Two odd ones out making their own little world.

“I’m so nervous but also excited,” Carrie said, almost bouncing in her steps next to Dan. The show was due to start any moment. She was already in her dress, glittery and sparkly and suiting her so well. “Two solo dances in a week.”

“It will be three next week,” Dan said, because he couldn’t miss the chance to tease a little and he had gotten more and more comfortable with Carrie over the last couple months even if it had mostly been short conversations then and now.

“ _If_ we make it,” Carrie said but she was smiling and there was a confidence radiating from her. Dan wasn’t worried about her and Kevin. He was pretty sure they would be fine. At least, they very much deserved to be fine.

Then again, so did all the couples who had made it this far.

“You’re going to make it,” Dan said, nudging her shoulder with his.

Carrie smiled at him again and this time it was softer.

“You’re going to make it too. I’m sure of it.”

“You can’t be sure of something like that,” Dan said, wanting to argue a little, despite him just saying the same thing. It felt easier to say to someone else rather than accept someone saying it to him.

He wasn’t sure they would make it, not with this steep competition, but he hoped that they would.

“I can,” Carrie said, sounding like she couldn’t be argued with. “Because even I am going to vote for you,” she added in a more hushed whisper.

“Huh?” Dan asked, giggling a little. What an absurd notion. “But you’re competing against us.”

“Exactly, and you’ve even won me over. Also, I think it’s important for you and Phil to make it to the final. So, do so many else. Have you not seen all over social media how your whole fanbase is organising their voting? They believe in you and I believe in you too.”

Dan hadn’t seen that but he had a sneaky feeling that his viewers and listeners might have purposefully not tagged him in anything because they probably knew that he would tell them to cut it out and only vote for him if they thought that him and Phil deserved it.

Even so, he was a little touched.

The show started and the nerves set in. Dan kept fiddling with his sleeve until Phil reached over and tugged it down and latched his hand onto it. Then Dan stood still and imagined that they were holding hands, in their matching suits.

They were up third both times and first up they would have the Viennese Waltz. For both dances, they would be starting together on stage and Dan was sure that was a very deliberate move on Phil’s part. Dan wasn’t sure that both choreographies had begun like that but he had tweaked them.

“You remember our check in signs?” Phil asked as they waited to go on, hands clasped together uncaring if anyone saw right now. It could be dismissed as show nerves.

“I do, but I don’t think we’ll need them tonight,” Dan said, and he looked over to hold Phil’s gaze. “We’re in sync, right?”

And in something else that Dan wanted to say out loud.

Soon.

Gosh, he hated that word despite how much he used it.

“We are, now let’s go be sappy romantics taking one step closer to each other,” Phil said and pulled Dan forward by the hand. The pressure was light on Dan’s hand.

They found their positions in the middle of the dance floor and Dan let everything else around him fade away. He let himself feel the music swell in his chest as he started to move. Phil moved too, just like they had practice and it was so easy to spin around after him.

One step, two steps, three steps.

Spinning around each other, in circles that came closer and closer together.

Dan felt like his waist was on fire when Phil’s hands landed there, and only a couple spins and then they were switching, Dan’s hands on Phil’s waist. It was a play now, when the real confession was out between them.

Nothing weighed heavy anymore or loomed over them, just easy steps and a growing fondness in their chests. Dan could feel himself getting more and more emotional with each step and the beautiful voice of the singer singing for them live.

He felt oddly like he had been meant to find Phil all along, which was a ridiculous notion for someone. Soulmates wasn’t something that Dan had ever believed in. He didn’t believe in it now, not really.

He spun with Phil again, steps coming easy, trained into his body with repetition of the moves and the kind words of Phil each time. He could hear Phil’s voice in his head now, reminding him how to hold himself, how to step and move, an echo of a voice while Phil was opposite him and smiling.

The dance was over way too soon and Dan felt like he emerged from a trance. He hadn’t even realised that he had started to cry, until Phil’s hands, which were meant to go on his hips, came up to his cheeks for the final pose instead. Dan realised the wetness under Phil’s thumbs then but mostly he was shocked at the feel of Phil’s hands.

It was a simple touch perhaps but it radiated intimacy. Phil was hiding the tears or maybe trying to wipe them away. Reminding Dan that he didn’t need to cry, or that if he did, then he wouldn’t have to cry alone.

There would be someone there to wipe his tears now.

Dan was pretty sure more tears leaked out at that thought alone.

Dan was so busy watching Phil that he didn’t hear the applause, until Phil let go of his cheeks and instead threw his arms around Dan’s neck. He almost brought both of them out of balance and made them fall down.

Almost. Dan caught them at the last second and kept them upright.

Claudia was calling them over to the judges and they stumbled their way over, as if all elegance had been left on the dance floor. Perhaps it had. Phil had said that it was how he danced, only in control when within his choreography and it wasn’t surprising that Dan was much the same now.

He took after his teacher and frankly Dan was so fucking proud of that. He knew all of the Strictly pros were excellent dancers, formidable in their field but Phil was his number one choice all the way. He had been intrigued by him already from the one dance he had seen last season.

What a wild ride. Over a year ago all of this had started. Dan would never have been able to imagine that he would be here today. It felt like a fairy-tale. Or maybe a fanfiction if you wanted to use a more modern metaphor.

“Dan and Phil, what a stunning performance,” Claudia said. “You looked quite lovely out there.”

“Thank you, Claudia,” Dan said, and he let himself put an arm around Phil. For support, he would tell anyone if they asked. He just needed the support.

“And should we see what our judges have to say?” she asked and turned towards the panel.

The first thing Dan noticed was that they were all smiling.

“Me first,” Bruno announced before Claudia had even pointed at anyone. “You were magnificent out there, boys. Dan, you have almost adopted Phil’s distinctive stride. It’s something that always comes up a little in any type of Waltz and you move so well together.”

Dan looked over at Phil, taking in this new information. Phil had a distinctive stride? Dan hadn’t noticed, but he had never spent much time looking at the other dancers. It was just odd that it hadn’t come up last time they danced Waltz.

Shirly spoke next. “It is like you’re meeting each other quite perfectly, even if it is more unorthodox. And one would think that the way you switched the lead between you would be distracting but it flowed rather seamlessly. Well done on that, Phil.”

“You did well,” Craig said next and Dan tensed because he could hear the but coming a mile away. “But this was not your best dance. It was uplifting and emotional. Still, I believe you can do better. Don’t be afraid to push the boundaries a little. Do not stick to the safe things you have found out will work. Push the envelope.”

Dan and Phil both nodded.

“We’ll try,” Phil promised with a flashing smile before they were sent up with Tess to wait for the scores.

One thing Dan liked about the dwindling group of couples was the fact that everyone genuinely rooted for each other now. AJ was the only one who didn’t seem to be genuinely happy for them but frankly, Dan had just resorted to ignoring him.

He accidentally ignored Tess too, but that was nothing new. He was only able to focus when the scores started to come through. Phil moved them so that they were standing squeezed into each other’s sides and he could hold Dan’s hand out of direct view from the cameras.

  1. 8 9. 9.



Their second highest score. Dan let out a gasp and flung his arms around Phil. He was laughing, he thought distantly but it was all secondary to paying attention to Phil giggling with his whole body. They had done good.

Normally, that would mean that they could relax a bit. If they placed well with the scores, they had usually been safe but this week was different. It was the semi-final so there was no real rest. Four more dances and then they would be back on the floor again.

It meant that they had to rush off and quickly swap their suits for their dresses. Dan learned that getting into a dress quickly, or at least one like this, was a bigger problem than anticipated. He ended up almost ripping it when he pulled it on.

The stylist that was helping him tried to get him to calm down and slow down too, but he didn’t really properly listen until Phil called him name and telling him to stand still. Then Dan responded automatically. He was so used to hearing Phil give orders, always in that gentle voice of his but still Dan always made sure to listen.

It was the least he could do when they were rehearsing. Phil was the expert and Dan was here to learn, as much as he could.

With their two stylists and helping each other, Dan and Phil finally emerged in their dresses. Dan hadn’t even realised that Phil were wearing shoes with a slight heel. It made it so that Phil was slightly taller than Dan for the first time and he couldn’t say that he minded it.

It made Dan wonder if he would have to lean up, ever so slightly to kiss Phil’s lips. Maybe he would test that out in their dressing room when they had finished dancing.

“You’re thinking about something,” Phil said, glint in his eyes as they made their way back to wait for the others to finish up their dances.

“I’m always thinking,” Dan shot back. “It’s called Dan Howell.”

“Alright, smarty-pants, you were thinking about me then,” Phil said and Phil really did have him there.

Dan glanced around the hallway they were walking down, deserted for now. He slowed his steps and Phil did so too, without needing to be told. When you had danced together so much over the past few months, it seemed that your body just learned to do that.

Or maybe it was just him and Phil.

“I was, yes,” Dan admitted, and leaned in closer. “I’m looking forward to kissing you silly later.”

Phil pulled back a little and he looked flushed but Dan could also see how the idea made his eyes darken and almost sparkle.

“No distractions, Howell,” Phil said, shaking his head and then looping his arm around Dan’s to pull him down the corridor faster. “Dances now, kisses later.”

“You promise?” Dan asked with a wink and easily picked up the pace. Their dresses were flowing behind them. Dan let his free hand drift up to touch Phil’s exposed collarbone. Just a light touch before he withdrew it.

“Always,” Phil said easily, flashing Dan a smile. “But first, how do you say we secure that spot in the final that we’ve been talking about for so long?”

“You’re on, mate,” Dan said, and he had to really restrain himself not to lean in and kiss Phil. It was probably a good thing that they turned the cover and came back into view of the cameras.

Two of the other couples were gone, one currently dancing and the next having just left to get ready, but Harry and Dianne and Anton and Annie all started showing them with praises for their pretty dresses.

“Man, I want do to that too,” Harry said and he sounded genuinely sad that he hadn’t been able to dance in a dress yet. “You think we can find a way to do it next week? If we make it.”

Dan was pretty sure that Harry Styles had been above them all in the popularity vote all the way through so the idea that he could get voted off was unlikely if not impossible but Dan still found that he liked Harry’s humility about his own fame.

Dianne walked closer to Dan and Phil, looking over them together in dresses.

“Maybe we can figure something out,” she said, “but I might have to get tips from Dan and Phil, if you’d be willing?”

“Of course,” Phil said easily. “More men in dresses, I’m all here for it.”

Harry looked like he had just gotten the best news ever and he looked more than willing to keep talking but Carrie and Kevin came running up the stairs after they had finished their dance and then the cameras were on them again.

It was an odd thing, constantly being aware of how to flip between being broadcasted live and just chatting. It had been unnerving at first for someone like Dan who had always been in control over which part of his audio or his video would make it out to the public but he was starting to get used to Strictly now.

It was a shame there was only a week left.

Carrie and Kevin smashed it, getting three 10 and Dan didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy and him and Phil might possibly have been louder in celebrating than the couple themselves who seemed a bit shock. Harry might have been just as loud as Dan and Phil though.

When they were sent down to stand ready for their second dance of the night, Dan felt almost giddy with nerves. It was a very good feeling. He wanted to jump around.

The tango had been difficult to master and frankly Dan wasn’t sure he had it all down yet but he remembered his grandmother’s words from this morning.

They were ready.

No matter the circumstances and the difference scenarios that could have happened or things they could have done different, they were about to walk out on stage. They were ready for that, come what may.

Letting go of Phil’s hand to stand near each other in the middle of the dance floor was still hard, even if it was better than coming in separately. Dan took a deep breath and as the lights were lowered, he allowed himself a look over at Phil.

He had said that they didn’t need the check in signs and they probably didn’t but Dan was still glad to have them. It would be silly not to use them when they were right here at their disposal. Dan raised an eyebrow. Phil raised on in return. They shared a smile and then the music began.

Dan channelled his inner twelve-year-old who had definitely been belting this song in front of a mirror and singing into a hair brush even if he would never ever admit that to anyone.

The whole room was bathed in green lights and spotlights chasing them around. Dan started as the leader, dancing up to Phil and pulling him close. It was a good thing that they were already quite familiar with each other’s bodies and used to being in each other’s spaces or this might have been awkward.

There were touches lingering on faces, swift steps with their bodies pressed together. Phil pulling away for a moment only for him to come charging back at Dan, mimicking scratching at his chest.

At the _with a taste of your lips_ line their faces came so close, almost a ghost of a kiss. It had been a later addition, a little modification on Phil’s part after Dan had agreed to it. That moment felt frozen in time even if it couldn’t have been more than half a second. Dan felt Phil’s breath on his lips, the green lights colouring Phil’s face and Dan had been so close to leaning in and kissing him for real.

It was entirely too tempting but Dan managed to hold back. The little twists back and forth, heads held high, proved less difficult than before. Dan felt like he was flying across the stage and the swish of the dress’ skirt definitely made him feel powerful. He might have been a little worried about the high slits but in reality, it just gave him so much more freedom to move.

It was addictive, just like the song and the dance.

The leader role switched to Phil halfway through, and made Dan the follower. It was easier to follow Phil because that was what he had done for the very first moment that they had met. He was pretty sure that he was willing to follow Phil to the end of the earth.

When Phil grabbed hold of his hips and legs and pulled Dan, clinging onto Phil’s side, across the floor, Dan felt so mesmerising and elated that he nearly forgot the next step. Phil had caught the brief hesitation, judging by the smirk on his lips.

Dan wanted to smack that smirk off his lips. Preferably with his own lips.

They finished together, each with their hands on the other’s face, intimacy oozing out of every line of their bodies and how they were pressed against each other. With the flow of the flaring skirts, going from quick movement to being stood still, coupled with the green lights cast over the stage, it was impossible to see where one began and the other stopped.

“We did it,” Phil whispered to Dan, hands grabbing hold of Dan’s head a little rougher. Dan wanted to never leave. He felt like he couldn’t pay attention to anyone else, just Phil’s hands on his skin and the certainty in his voice.

Dan felt like his ears were plugged and his heart was beating too loud. The judges told him things but he couldn’t even listen properly, he felt bad about that and promised himself to look back at the recording tomorrow.

He was just sure of one thing. Phil was warm and steady next to him, hand around his waist and Phil was smiling. Dan was pretty sure he was looking more at Phil than he was at the judges. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Something Dan’s gut told him that Phil had been right in his assessment that they had made it, but they wouldn’t get it confirmed until later. However, upon receiving the scores, Dan’s hope only grew.

Dan had still not been listening to anything, he hadn’t even been watching the damn monitor. Too tired and overwhelmed. It was like his body and his mind had decided that they had given all they could give.

Phil seemed to notice this, and it was only when he pulled on Dan and pointed at the screen that Dan looked.

  1. 9\. 10. 10



That was enough to jolt Dan back into reality. Two 10s. Two 9s. Their highest score yet. Dan was pretty sure he might have screamed, or at least yelled very loudly. Phil was quick to clasp a hand over Dan’s mouth and he was laughing and smiling.

Dan felt like he had already won by gaining Phil in the process of all of this but never in his wildest dream could he have imagined that he would be able to get such a good score on Strictly.

The real confirmation came half an hour later when him and Phil were the first couple whose names were called. They were onward to the final. Dan was so happy but the only thing he could really think of was that he wanted to pull Phil into a car and drag him home to his flat. He knew they had promised each other kisses but honestly Dan just wanted to sleep now.

Sleep in Phil’s arms and not think too much about how they had actually made it into the Strictly Come Dancing final. They were making history but the only history that Dan really cared about in that moment was the one between him and Phil.

One step closer to being done with Strictly and being able to focus on themselves. It felt nice to think about it like that, and not worry about the nerves of having to actually compete in the final.

“You and me, Phil,” Dan mumbled when they had finally made it out of the studio and back to Dan’s place. Dan wasn’t even sure that he had formally invited Phil or if he had just latched onto him like some koala and refused to let go.

Phil didn’t seem to mind. He crawled into bed with Dan, in borrowed pyjamas clothes and snuggled up close.

“You and me, Dan,” Phil promised and kissed his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Outfits ](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/637333999511093248/okay-as-usual-im-late-to-finishing-up-todays)
> 
> If you like this fic, consider nominating it for the Phanfic Awards, nomination phase closes in a few days! [Link to nominate](https://phanficawards.tumblr.com/post/634996379724480512/welcome-to-the-phanfic-awards-2020-edition-yes) (only if you want, of course!)
> 
> I am very sleepy right now and slightly overheated but I worked hard to get this chapter up on time. I do not know why they become this long or complex but I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, I could really use some comforting words to wake up to tomorrow (but even if you can't comment, just thank you for reading and being excited about this story).
> 
> Next week is the last proper chapter. I don't know how that happened either. I am hoping to have it up on Saturday, but I have a feeling that it will be a quite long one, so please bear with me if it become a bit delayed.


	18. Week 13 (Final week): Cha-Cha-Cha to Dear Future Husband, Contemporary to Interrupted by Fireworks and Show dance to History Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale of Strictly Come Dancing was upon them. Dan and Phil would have to dance three dances, two old and one new. It was a position that Dan had never considered he would ever be standing in. But most surprisingly of all he cared less about taking home the win and more about dancing with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few days delayed but please enjoy this monster of 21.3k chapter. I can't believe we've finally come to the last week of Strictly. (But we still have an epilogue to look forward to after)

“What do you want for Christmas?” Dan asked, question suddenly coming to mind.

It might be because they were heading down a road decorated with lights and a general vibe of Christmas cheer. It was already a couple of weeks into December. Christmas was right around the corner and Dan had not even realised.

He had been too caught up in Strictly and Phil to really pay attention to much else. He would have to do a frantic Christmas shopping spree for everyone he knew after they were done with Strictly on Sunday.

That was another weird thought. Less than a week and they would be done one way or another. In some ways, it felt like they had just started this adventure together and, in some ways, it felt like they had been doing this forever. It was an odd dichotomy but it was how he felt.

“Why?” Phil asked, reaching over to link their arms as they made their way down the street. They had travelled by the tube today, because morning traffic in London on a Monday was too much to deal with. There were too many people in the Underground as well but at least they weren’t under scrutiny of the driver or being forced to make polite small talk about London traffic.

Dan was pretty sure he had had enough conversations like that to last him a life time. There was a reason he didn’t really like to drive and why it had been years since he had been behind the wheel of a car. He didn’t need it.

“Well, maybe I want to buy you a gift,” Dan said, knocking their shoulders together.

Huddled together like this, arms interlinked, Dan was keenly aware that someone could look at them and make the correct assumptions. If they looked close enough, they might be able to see how comfortable they were in each other’s spaces. It made Dan feel a little on edge, eyes always darting around, an ingrained defence mechanism that he wasn’t sure he would ever be rid off entirely.

But Phil was warm against his side and there was just a little bit of frost in the air. Dan refused to let the bother pull on too much of his attention. If people would look or sneer, then they were bigoted idiots. Dan thought instead of the queer people, out and closeted alike, who would smile or think nice things by seeing someone like them out and about.

Being brave, even if it was quietly.

“Well, there’s only one thing that I want for Christmas,” Phil said and there was something about his tone that instantly alerted Dan that he was up to something. He couldn’t tell exactly what but Phil’s tone spoke of mischief.

Dan tried to elbow him in the side. It didn’t work with how they were locked together. He ended up just jostling both of them a little, wiggling back and forth.

“And what would that be?” Dan asked, even if he knew he would regret it.

Okay, that was a lie. He would never regret prompting any of Phil’s silly ideas. In fact, he would do it gladly but he would fake sulk and pout while doing it.

“You,” Phil said, bumping their shoulders together once more. Now that they were together, the touches were a constant thing. Phil had always been very tactile with Dan as soon as he had been allowed it but it was something new that they had this understanding that any touch was usually allowed unless any of them specified otherwise. The only ground rules that they had put down was no kisses in public to make sure that no one would out them without their consent.

“Oh? Well-” Dan said but that was all he got out before Phil was suddenly breaking away from him, unlinking their arms but turning so he faced Dan instead. He threw out his arms and tossed his head back and then smiled brightly. Dan just stopped and watched; he was spellbound.

He didn’t care about the murmur of people, in the mostly quiet street. He just had his eyes on Phil and that was it.

“ _All I want for Christmas is you_ ,” Phil sang, off key but wonderfully, “ _yoooouuuu, baby_!”

Dan couldn’t control the giggles that bubbled up in his chest, they quickly morphed into a boisterous laughter and he was tipping forward, into Phil’s open arms. Phil was laughing too, just as loudly and wildly and people would definitely be looking at them now for being weirdos.

Dan didn’t care because Phil was laughing and smiling and Dan was busy doing the same. It was all that really mattered.

Their laughter took way too long to subside and they just giggled with small intervals as they made it the rest of the way to their studio. They had been given the same studio for all of the final week, and it was one of their favourites, not too long for their home. It had a very loudly creak right as you stepped over the threshold into the room and a slight crack in the corner of the big mirror.

Phil had eyed a little the first time they had been in the room, muttering something about bad luck. Dan had looked over at the crack and then shook his head and made up some silly story about it instead meaning that there was excess luck for the people who didn’t break it. Since then, Phil had only looked at the crack with a little smile, all apprehension vanished.

“Okay, so three dances,” Phil said.

“More than we’ve ever done,” Dan said, and dumped his back in the corner of the room.

He was starting to do his stretches already, mimicking Phil without even thinking about it. They had been around each other so much lately that it had become second nature.

Dan had experienced something similar before, even if it was rarely and nowhere near as extensive. It would be a phrase he’d pick up from a friend, or a habit of scrunching up his nose. He’d got that one from Pj.

Pj had been immensely supportive all throughout this process, even if Dan hadn’t had time to see him at all. It wasn’t anything against Pj. He hadn’t had time to see anyone. Learning to dance so many different choreographies, and so quickly, wasn’t easy work at all, least of all when he hadn’t danced a day in his life before meeting Phil.

Not proper dancing. Him bopping along to the music in clubs and waving his arms around or moving his hips was a far cry from real dancing, Dan had quickly learned.

“I thought you might be worried,” Phil said and walked over to his bag.

Both of their backpacks had been tossed in the corner, one sky blue and one shimmery black. They looked good side by side. Dan was being sappy and seeing parallels all over, or signs that they fit together but it wasn’t his fault that there were just so many damn signs.

It was like everything had always been meant to be leading to Phil for him.

He was so glad that he had finally found him.

“Here, a bribe,” Phil said, pulling out old school photographs. At first, Dan was confused but he took them all the same. Then he started flipping through them and his jaw dropped.

“It’s you,” he said, unable to take his eyes off the photographs, even if he wanted to look up and see Phil’s expression. “As a ballerina.”

These photos just proved that Phil was adorable at any age. He looked like a chaotic little child, devilish smile that seemed almost too big on his face. He had settled into it nicely. Dan was surprised to see his lighter hair, almost ginger and he once more wondered if he would get to see Phil with someone other than his black dyed hair. It had taken weeks for Dan to realise that Phil even dyed his hair at all.

“I promised to show you.”

“Corn was going to show me,” Dan recalled, but then again, he had never heard back from her about that. It had completely slipped his mind, even if he had been really interested in seeing them. Doing Strictly had really fried his brain and made him unable to only focus properly on one thing.

He was almost excited to get back to using his creative brain again and make content for his channel and podcasts. On the other hand, he wanted to stay in this bubble with Phil and just breathe for a bit longer.

Everything had been paused for December anyway. Dan had wanted the last couple of weeks of Strictly without having anything pulling on his focus. And then there was Christmas around the corner too. Dan wasn’t sure how he was going to be without Phil for a couple of weeks while he went up North with his family.

Dan flipped through the photos slowly, taking in every pose and grin that Phil was sporting. There was beauty and poise in how he was standing but he was a grinning child in every single one of them. He never looked that serious not even when other kids, mostly girls, made it into the photos with him. They had frowns of concentration and Phil was just smiling.

So much.

“You’re smiling in all of them,” Dan said, rifling through them with care. He wasn’t sure if Phil had meant to give them to him but they were his now. There was no way he was handing them back. He needed them in his flat, maybe even framing one of them. He wasn’t even sure when it was the last time that he had held a printed photograph. He desperately felt the urge to print a lot of photos but an even stronger urge to take dozens upon dozens of photos of him and Phil together. He momentarily slipped into the idea of making a whole wall with a photo collage.

Not yet.

But he could see it. In the future, as they spend more days, weeks and months together. Years eventually. Dan had already decided that he was in this for the long haul and he couldn’t imagine letting go of Phil ever.

“I was scolded for that, you know,” Phil said and moved to look over Dan’s shoulder.

It was something that Dan usually hated, never wanting anyone to look at his stuff, but for Phil, he lowered his shoulder and twisted slightly so Phil could see better.

“Because it was improper?” Dan guessed.

“Yep,” Phil said, now moving to hook his chin over Dan’s shoulder. The touch came so easy and Dan’s heart was threatening to melt even more when an arm came around his waist, just gently holding on. “But my mum was here when these were taken, even if it was my dad wielding the camera. My teacher only tried to correct me in front of my mum once and after the lecture Mama Lester produced… well, let’s just say I was never told off for smiling in front of my mum ever again.”

“She sounds amazing,” Dan said, and he was still flipping through the photos even if he had gone all the way through once.

“You’re going to meet her on Saturday,” Phil said, breath close to Dan’s ear.

Dan felt a bit of tension seep into him. “Don’t make me nervous. I’m already nervous enough about Saturday.”

“We’ll see them after the show only, I’ve already given my parents strict rules. I can’t have either of us distracted.”

“My mother and grandparents are coming too. Mum might drag Adrian along too. My friends Pj and Sophie too. So many people,” Dan said and he felt almost more nervous listing off all of those people which was stupid. His grandmother had been in the audience each week, accompanied either by Dan’s grandfather or Dan’s mother so it wasn’t like it was new that he had family watching from the audience.

It was silly almost, how a handful of people he knew felt so much more intimidating than the hundreds of other audience members or the millions who tuned in through the television. He could handle that no problem but it was something different to be vulnerable in front of his loved ones.

“I’ll ban them all from talking to you until after,” Phil said and the hand around Dan’s waist tightened.

“Great, so they’ll just be talking to a loser afterwards,” Dan said with a low laugh. He caught the self-deprecation though and it wasn’t what Phil deserved. Hell, it wasn’t what Dan deserved even if his brain might tell him otherwise. “Wait, no, that’s… I didn’t mean that. Fuck. Stupid brain.”

“At times,” Phil said and leaned in to press a kiss to Dan’s temple, “but it can also be lovely at times. We just have to encourage the lovely thoughts and shut down the stupid ones. I’ll help.”

It was something so small but it felt like it mattered so much.

Dan cleared his throat and stepped away from Phil before he started crying. It would not be productive and they had a long week ahead of them.

“Which one should we start with?” Dan asked.

They had to do a showdance for the final but other than that they would also be dancing two past choreographies, one picked by the judges and one picked by the audience through online voting.

All of past week Dan was sure that his followers had been sharing it around trying to get as many people as possible to vote. The results had been astounding. Almost half of all the votes went to them reprising the _Interrupted by Fireworks_ contemporary choreography, and Dan couldn’t say that he was mad about the choice. That song had a special part in his heart too, choreographed specifically for him and Phil.

The judges’ choice had come as a bit more of a surprise to him. They had picked one of their earlier dances. The _Dear Future Husband_ Cha-Cha-Cha that had been surprisingly popular on the online voting evidently. It was a song Dan had struggled a little to keep up with but frankly he was also happy to get to try it again now that he was much more confident in his dancing abelites.

They were very good choices and Dan was really curious to see how their show dance would turn out. Phil hadn’t even wanted to reveal the song to him before they would be dancing it, so Dan kind of hoped that they would start there.

“The Cha-Cha-Cha,” Phil said. “We’re going to show them that you can kill that dance now.”

“Do you think so?” Dan asked, just a little unsure. “It’s a fast one. I had a hard time keeping up last time.”

“It was over two months ago, Dan. You have grown so much since then. Even if you don’t realise because you’ve improved day by day. You’re going to kick ass and see visible improvements which is why we’re staring with this one. The contemporary will be the easiest for you because we did it recently and you took to it so well.”

“So we’re starting with the hardest?” Dan asked, confused.

“Nope, that will be the new showdance. We’re going to go through bits for all three of them today, and every day really, because it’s a necessity but I’ll adapt and adjust as needed and we will take distinct breaks in between so you don’t mix them up.”

“I guess I’ll take your word for it, but it sounds like chaos,” Dan argued, wagging a finger in Phil’s direction.

“Controlled chaos,” Phil said and wiggled his eyebrows. He could somehow manage that but winking was beyond his abilities. It was really not something to feel so fond of but Dan couldn’t help himself.

Of course, it turned out that Phil was right, as he almost always was when it came to dance. Dan would still not admit it, but he knew that Phil could see the agreement in Dan’s eyes so easily. They were teasing each other back and forth but still on the same page.

The Cha-Cha-Cha choreography came back to Dan with surprising ease. He hadn’t thought it would be this easy to remember but when the music played and Phil was leading him around, it was like something just clicked into place. Maybe that was why Phil kept going on about muscle memory. Maybe every single dance had forever been locked into Dan’s body.

It was probably an exaggeration but Dan quite liked the idea.

Dan was surprised to find that he found the dance so much _easier_ this time around. All the quick steps and general rhythm was so much easier to keep up with than he remembered it. He didn’t stumble over his feet moving across the floor, and while he still held onto Phil tightly as they spun around but it was not necessarily for security like it had been before. The flower toss was another thing that seemed easy too, even if Phil’s aim with throwing the bouquet away after they moved onto the next segment still hadn’t improved. The heel slide was run instead of intimidating now, and Dan got to unabashedly make jokes about enjoying being between Phil’s legs that got him all flustered and adorable-looking. It was so easy to feel how a barrier had gone down between them. It was all different now, no more stumbling feet or hands. They had found their space with each other.

“Oh, we are going to nail this one,” Phil said happily after they had worked on the Cha-Cha-Cha for an hour or so. Phil went over to fetch their bottles and he tossed one across the room to Dan. The toss was too wide but Dan had already anticipated that it would go too far left and taken a step in that direction.

“It does feel good, like… I remember struggling with learning this choreography and now it’s just so easy.”

“I told you that you’d improved,” Phil said, taking a deep gulp of his water. “And it’s even better because you can focus on your stage presence now, and allowing that to blossom. You’re a vision on a stage when you allow yourself to capture everyone’s attention.”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled and took a sip of his water as well.

“Never,” Phil said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Dan smiled, no longer fighting to keep the smiles off his face around Phil. He was probably looking like a love-struck idiot but it was okay because Phil was looking back at him exactly the same.

“What’s next? Interrupted by fireworks or the new one?”

“Let’s do the new one,” Phil said excitedly, rubbing his hands together. “I’ve been wanting to do a show dance ever since I joined the show.”

“Oh?” Dan said, “did you not get it for one of the early dances.”

Phil shook his head like he couldn’t believe Dan’s words but he was also smiling. “Honestly, you’d think you knew more about the show that you’ve been on for literally months.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Dan said, exaggerating his pout even if he wasn’t upset. He just liked to be dramatic. “I just follow you around. That’s all I’ve ever done on this show. I look at you and I follow.”

Dan would never get tired of hearing the soft snort and chuckle that Phil let out when Dan said something that was just a tad bit sentimental and loaded with emotions. It was quickly becoming one of Dan’s favourite noises.

“What are we dancing to?” Dan asked, when Phil seemed to have stalled, smile painted on his lips.

“I’ll play it for you,” Phil said, going over to his phone that lay connected to the speakers.

It took Dan a moment, the first couple of notes sounding of a song that sounded familiar but he couldn’t place instantly. When he did, however, at the first lyrics, he laughed. He laughed so much that he tipped forward a little. Overjoyed because of course a song like this would be their final song on Strictly.

It really was a perfect choice for them. An anime after they had both shared recommendations between each other when they had discovered the common interest. Hell, they had even bonded over this particular anime. Of course, they would. It was about ice skating gays. Dan had even started to realise parallels between him and Phil and the two main characters. One the teacher and one the student but still equals in everything they did. They had even made it through competitions together only to be standing at the end and about to take on the championship together.

Dan’s eyes darted down to his own hand and then Phil’s hand. There were no rings on them, not like there had been for the characters when they had been going to the big final competition, but Dan could almost see it. Almost feel the presence on his ring finger. An echo.

A future yet to come into fruition.

And then of course, there was the title of the song. A prayer spoken into the word, a hope of how they would hope that their stint on Strictly would be.

 _History Maker_ from Yuri!! On ICE.

“You got permission for us to dance to this,” Dan asked, and he found that his body already wanted to move to the beat of the song. It was a gorgeous song and Dan wasn’t ashamed to say that he had stared in awe at the opening sequence animation while singing along to the song under his breath.

“I have my ways,” Phil said. “I think it’s the first time they have an anime song in the competition but it’s fitting for us. I picked this song and started working on the dance the moment I was told that I would be paired with a man this season.”

“Did you ever tell me what you thought about it all? I feel like you did, but remind me,” Dan said, stretching his hands over his head and then attempting to spin in a pirouette like child Phil from the photos. He wobbled and he was out of balance but Phil was smiling at him, clearly endeared, and so not many other things mattered.

“I told you that I thought it was cool and important,” Phil said, “but you still didn’t know I was gay at that point, did you?”

Phil sat down on the floor, cross-legged and Dan was quick to flip down next to him. Phil had said that they would be taking breaks between the choreographies. Dan listened to the music, how it was so full of life and emotion and he couldn’t wait to dance to it with Phil. He knew Phil well enough to know that the choreography would undoubtedly be inspired by ice skating and Dan couldn’t wait to see how all of that would go.

But for now, he would take his potato time where he could get it.

“Tell me now then,” Dan said, and on a whim, he moved to lay his head in Phil’s lap. Gentle hands found Dan’s curls almost instantly. Dan exhaled and he wondered if this was euphoria, knowing you could just exist next to someone and they would always welcome you close.

“I was even more exited for dancing with a man, than when I had been officially hired for the show. It just… it felt so right. A chance to be myself in a way, without saying it outright. I wanted to dance with a handsome fellow on TV and just know that there would be little kids out there watching and seeing themselves on the screen. It… it would have mattered so much to me, when I was younger.”

“Yeah,” Dan said, and he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. “That was why I said yes to the show too. I mean, initially I was going to refuse. That tweet was meant to be a joke and not a legitimate request to join. But… I want the kids of today to grow up in a world that’s just kinder and more accepting. I don’t know how much we can actually make it so, but even a little push or a tiny step will help. Thousands of tiny steps and suddenly we’ve leapt so far together.”

“You need to update your podcast soon,” Phil said, nails digging into Dan’s scalp pleasantly. “I need more of profound Dan in my ears on the reg.”

“Ew, don’t say it like that,” Dan said, turning around and batting Phil’s hands away. He was smiling again. He was smiling all the time lately, but his mouth never hurt. Phil soothed it all out, it seemed.

“Just stating fact, Danny boi. You have a nice voice, but you have nice legs too and now it’s time to get them moving. Let’s go,” Phil said pushing Dan properly out of his lap, with gentle hands of course, and then helping him get to his feet.

The show dance choreography was as Dan had expected absolutely stunning. They had to move with the required steps but something about the pace and the movements that Phil had made little tweaks to, it really felt like they were gliding properly across the floor.

Dan suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to drag Phil ice skating. It was the season for it, after all. On Sunday, he told himself. When they were both battered and bruised and exhausted, no matter what outcome of the final. Dan wanted to hold mittened hands with Phil and watch him stumble across the slippery eyes, stripped of his dancing gaze.

Dan’s heart melted a little when he realised that a portion of the choreography had them legitimately holding hands as they were dancing, and that Phil had incorporated a moment for Dan to gently touch Phil’s face with his whole palm. It was just so tender and lovely and Dan knew this would be another one of the dances that would expose them but he couldn’t care less. Let the whole world see.

The high kicks were a little hard to nail, because balance still wasn’t Dan’s friend but they repeated it again and again until his body learned to keep up the right way. Phil’s voice was guiding and warm, just like his hand on Dan’s lower back. Dan could already tell that this dance would be a joy to perform and he was taking to learning it quite easily.

Over three months of leaning new dances all the time, and the last one came the easiest. It was perhaps not surprising but Dan like it all the same, and he felt like it was a testament to both how he had improved but also how him and Phil had grown together.

Even if it was the one that came easiest to learn, it was still a very physically demanding choreography, and the moment Phil announced that they were done with it for the day, Dan flopped down onto the floor, chest raising and falling with harsh breaths.

“Where’s your stamina?” Phil joked, as he pushed his hair back off his forehead. “You have to do Katsuki Yuuri proud, he’s known for his stamina, you know.”

It was a clearly teasing remark and Dan took the bait like always. He sprung from his lying down position, even if it wasn’t elegant it was sure effective and soon enough he had his arms around Phil, pulling him close and kissing him deep.

It tasted like sweat and victory and even if Dan had mostly done it to prove a point and joke along, he got a little lost in the taste. Phil kissed back with as much fervour and Dan had to be the one to pull back or they would get lost in each other.

Phil never let go of hugs first and he never stopped kisses first either.

Dan had to be the responsible one in that regard, even if he found it hard to stop.

“Post Strictly, I’ll show you stamina,” Dan promised, voice dropping a little. A promise lathed with desire.

“Shit, Dan,” Phil said in reply, more an exhale that proper words. “Stop it, we need to focus. We have at least an hour of work ahead of us still.”

Dan knew Phil was right but he delighted a little too much in how Phil’s pupils had expanded and he was looking at Dan’s face with both lust and love. No one had ever looked at him quite like that.

“How about we focus on Interrupted by fireworks and then pencil in a make out session?” Dan suggested.

“Right here in the studio?” Phil asked, eyes darting around even if they were completely alone. They had even locked the door behind them, just a habit more than anything else. All of these shifting and altering studios had been their little homes, for a handful of hours each week day. It was where they had really fallen in love, between learning choreographies and sharing stories.

“Last week can surely make for some new allowances, don’t you think so?” Dan asked.

“You know, what? Yes, they can,” Phil said, and then reached out to poke Dan’s dimple. “And if you do well, I’ll double the make out time.”

“Oh?” Dan asked, arching one eyebrow high. “You know the way to my heart.”

It was said in jest, in the friendly banter tone that they shared right now, but the sentiment was still true. Phil could tell, clearly, by the way his eyes softened just a bit.

“Let’s dance,” Phil said and took Dan’s hand.

The contemporary dance might be Dan’s favourite because he had seen all that it hadn’t been first, all of the stumbles and cuts that had been made for it to become the impressive choreography it was now. Some might argue that would make him less likely to like it so much. He had seen all the rough edges and the “ugly” parts before it had become smoothed over. They would be wrong if they thought that would make him like it any less.

It was the opposite. He liked it more. So much more, because he knew all that it had to go through, how it had been spun out of nothing but air and Phil’s brain and movement. Phil had invited him into see all of that and it was something very special in Dan’s heart because of it.

It was also just a fun chorography. Dan enjoyed how easily they switched back and forth the lead between them, equals both capable of leading and being led. Dan enjoyed jumping into Phil’s arms, being nearly tossed around his shoulder and later lifted into the air with a firm hand on Dan’s thigh and a gentle on one his back.

On one of the lifts, Phil just held him, not spinning around like he was supposed to do. The music moved on, but Phil just kept still. Dan looked down and found his eyes just staring up at Dan in something akin to awe. Dan felt his heart jump and kick and he had the words right at the tip of his tongue.

Three little words that he had used very cautiously through the years. He had never been one for going around and proclaiming his love, never mind the courage it took to say it to a romantic partner that might not reciprocate.

Maybe that was the difference this time. Dan’s heart already knew that Phil reciprocated. He could say it and Phil would 110% say it back, even if they had the secret understanding that those words would wait until after Strictly.

They had thought that about the confessions of mutual feelings too and that hadn’t worked out to well for them.

Dan might have said them, but then Phil started spinning, not caring that the music was in the wrong place. He was just spinning the two of them around, steady and strong hands keeping Dan in the air. A lift was an exercise in trust, in trusting someone to hold on and not drop you.

Dan would let Phil lift him anytime.

It had only been three weeks since they had learned this choreography and it came back to them quite easily. Phil had been right about that too; it was the easiest of the dances for them this week.

Dan’s whole body ached after they finished up on the first day but he definitely got a huge boost of energy from getting caught up in Phil’s kisses. When Phil’s lips were on his, he felt like everything else faded away. His thoughts quieted down, all of the worries he was constantly trying to keep at bay didn’t fight him. His tired body felt like it was lit on fire and he was only aware of the soft press against his lips and Phil’s warm hands holding him close, none of all the aches made themselves known.

Dan didn’t believe in magic in the classic sense but maybe he would be willing to believe that someone like Phil was at least a little bit magical.

They fell into the routine as usual and the week moved too fast for them. They would alternate between the three dances and it turned out to be quite a good thing to have that option. If they got stuck or frustrated with some part of one dance, they could just switch over to another. 

But all in all, it ran very smoothly. Their biggest hiccup was when they had the staff member come on Wednesday to film bits of their training and they had to mush all of the three dances in too close together which caused Dan in particular, but also Phil on a smaller scale to start mixing them up. It had been unfortunate that _that_ would be the only bits of training that the viewers of Strictly would see but Phil always knew how to look at the bright side, and he told Dan that it would just make them look that much more impressive when they entered with confidence and style and nailed all of their choreographies right after the audience and the judges had seen them stumble. 

Phil always knew the right thing to say.

They days flew by with the long hours, going right up to the maximum hours they were allowed to train. Dan almost wanted to say screw it and train for longer, because it wasn’t like someone were actively monitoring them and would know. They had a good grasp of all three dances, but this final week was bringing out his inner competitor and perfectionist. He wanted to perform perfectly, even if he knew there was no such thing.

Phil put his foot down on the extra training, and Dan had a feeling that it wasn’t only because they had both signed contracts. Phil went into a mini-rant about how the rules were implemented first and foremost to ensure that no one overworked themselves and that he was not risking himself or Dan.

“Have you ever over-exerted yourself with dancing?” Dan asked, after Phil had finished his rant.

All of the desire to stay late had vanished with each of Phil’s words. Phil had spoken of injuries and fatigue, both mental and physical, that was almost crippling.

“Only when I was young and dumb,” Phil said and there was a faraway look in his eyes, lost in memories. He visibly swallowed. “I nearly got an injury that would have stopped me from ever dancing professionally because I was careless and overdid it.”

“Oh, Phil,” Dan said and he tried to imagine Phil without being able to dance like he did. It was a jarring vision because he had always known Phil as a dancer before he had even gotten to know him. Dan was sure that he would still be a beautiful and wonderful person but to have a creative outlet and a whole profession in Phil’s case, ripped from someone so cruelly made Dan’s heart hurt.

“Yeah, it was a wakeup call, in more ways than one,” Phil said and there was something in his tone. “I was just out of my teenage years and I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to do something with dance professionally as I had just stared university but… the thought that I couldn’t _dance_? I… I freaked out and it was a reminder how much it meant to me. It made me realise that I wanted it to be part of my daily life, even if I wasn’t sure if I could keep up in the grown-up leagues. But after that switch was flipped, I became my most successful ever.”

“That’s beautiful, Phil,” Dan said and leaned his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“I heard a quote when I was younger, one that floated around different dance schools and I never understood it until I nearly had that injury,” Phil said and there was a bit of pain in his voice.

Dan wanted to reach over and soothe him but he also had a feeling that it was important to get stuff like this out in the open air. If you let it fester, it would grow dense and heavy and hard to pull out.

“What was the quote? If you still remember it.”

“ _A dancer dies twice—once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful,_ ” Phil quoted. “I thought it was being a bit dramatic. Surely, stopping dancing couldn’t be as painful as your heart stopping. But… it felt true with my scare. The idea that I would be out here breathing but unable to dance? It felt _so_ painful.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Dan said because while he had only gotten to understand dance recently, he had a feeling that it could be wrapped out for a lot of creative endeavours. When you felt yourself unable to do what you did creatively, it was a stifling pain. “And when you’re dead, you’re just dead. It’s not painful after you’re gone, not for you at least.”

“But then you have the afterlife,” Phil said, in a completely straight tone.

“The… afterlife?” Dan asked, a little baffled and confused but at the same time, he wasn’t exactly surprised. Phil had always seemed to see the world different from him. He believed in aliens and magic and ghosts and maybe other things that hadn’t been proved by science.

“Yeah,” Phil said in challenge, slight smile pulling on his lips and he looked over at Dan like he was daring him to disagree. Phil had clearly also learned that Dan didn’t believe in all things mystical or unproven by science.

They knew each other so well and that fact alone made Dan’s breath catch in his throat. He felt so seen and known but in such a lovely way. Phil smiled like he already knew that Dan wouldn’t oppose him, even if he didn’t share the belief. He knew Dan was too soft and he was endeared by Phil’s view of the world.

He didn’t share it but he respected the hell out of it.

So, Dan said nothing, and just rested his head back on Phil’s shoulder. The comfortable silence settled over them and it was nice to just breathe next to each other.

“I’m really glad you didn’t get injured,” Dan said.

If Phil had gotten injured as a university student and he had never gone on to dance professionally then it was likely that Dan would never have met him. That was an entirely unacceptable thought.

Friday snuck up on them. The rehearsals felt busier than ever even if they had been reduced to four couples. As everyone were doing three songs, it was a whole mix of running back and forth in different costumes.

Their Cha-Cha-Cha costumes weren’t anything special, their early costumes hadn’t really been them trying to push the envelope. They were just trying to survive from week to week. It was nice to see the shiny suits from the contemporary dance though, because felt like they fit so well and complimented each other even if the colours and the styles were so different.

Their costumes for their show dance took Dan’s breath away just a little. They looked like such perfect copies of Victor and Yuuri’s costumes during their pair skate as the credits rolled on the last episode. Dan’s was blue and Phil was a pink/purple, they had matching vests with nice details and matching dark sleeves too that would fit slightly over their hands.

Not quite sweater paws but something about it reminded Dan of it all the same. He was looking forward to a time when he would be seeing Phil in his causal every day clothes much more regularly, instead of it constantly being sports attire or fancy costumes.

He wanted stripped down Phil, in more senses than one.

Dan felt like he had lived and breathed the three routines and been unable to think about anything else. He had emails and text massages amounting entirely too many notifications on his phone to the point where he had gone into settings and just turned off the little red dots because they were stressing him out. Anything could wait until Monday, or maybe even after New Years. He felt like he was excused for needing a break.

Dancing so much was insanely hard work and Dan had gained so much respect for the dancers.

Their rehearsals went surprisingly smooth, each and every one, and for some reason that made Dan even more nervous. He worried that it might mean that they would bomb on the important night instead, or thanks to his treacherous brain, he started to wonder if their routines were too easy.

He had accidentally muttered that one out loud to himself while sat next to Carrie, still wearing his Yuuri outfit because he refused to take it off just yet. Phil and the other professional dancers had been ushered off, needing to go over some details for tomorrow’s schedule.

“That’s bull,” Carrie said, in that lovely blunt way she could call out bullshit. Dan had always liked that about her. When they had first met she had told him that his fringe haircut looked like cardboard but he was cute and he had instantly felt a connection to her, after bursting into astonished laughter.

“Huh?” Dan said, still not really aware that his words had slipped out.

“I’ve watched your two past dances live and I saw you and Phil doing the rehearsal for the show dance right now,” Carrie said. “Kevin and I were both watching that one and he was literally rendered momentarily speechless. Phil is an amazing choreographer and your choreographies are not simple or easy. If you’re finding them _easy_ then that is just a huge compliment to your and Phil’s skills.”

Her words cut right into Dan in the best way, parting all of that stupid doubt and worry. He let out a chuckle and shot her a smile.

“You’re too kind for your own good, you know? We’re meant to be competitors and fight for the glory and all that stuff, aren’t we?”

“Nope,” she said, popping on the P and then sharing out her curls a little. “Real competitions are supposed to be about comradery. It wouldn’t be any fun otherwise. We have to be rooting for each other.”

“True,” Dan said. “And honestly, it’s an accomplishment for all of us to just get this far. But do you want to know who I think will win?”

Dan hadn’t considered it much but, in that moment, he felt like it might be true. There had always been something in the back of his mind unsure if him and Phil could claim the winning post. He was surprised to find that he didn’t really care about the prize or the title. Sure, it would be really nice but it had always been more about being with Phil and putting a good example forward. They had already done that, even if they didn’t get the trophy. 

“Harry and Dianne?” Carrie guessed.

It was a sensible guess. Harry had been the one getting the most votes every single week, based on information in the media that had supposedly been leaked from Strictly. The general population and the couples weren’t supposed to know information like that, but Dan wasn’t surprised to learn that it had leaked anyway.

Big shows like this there were just too many people to keep track of them all and it was easy to let something slip that too many people knew so that it couldn’t be traced back to you.

“No,” Dan said, even if Harry was the audience favourite. He had a distinct feeling that there were another couple with a lot of fans out there and also the judges on their side. “I think you and Kevin will win.”

“Wait, what?” Carrie asked surprised. “If I wasn’t betting on Harry and Dianne, I’d bet on you and Phil for sure. Honestly, I _want_ you to win more than anything else. It would be a nice statement.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed but with a slight shrug. There was a bit of anger bubbling up, not at Carrie at all but at what she was talking about. It was good to have representation, so wonderful really, but being a token? It was perhaps better than nothing but it wasn’t good. Dan didn’t want him and Phil to win because they were “the gays”. He wanted only to win if they were the best ones.

Carrie seemed to pick up on his mood. “Hey, sorry if I said something stupid, I didn’t mean-”

“No, it’s okay,” Dan said and he genuinely meant it. “I just have all this anger at the system. It was what made me write that tweet that went viral and got me on here in the first place, you know? Sometimes it’s hard to let go off. Even when some times are good, there’s still so much more work to be done. It won’t be done in even my lifetime.”

Dan wondered if he was over speaking and being more vulnerable than usual. He had always been able to do that in front of a camera or a microphone but it was different to do it just opposite someone. Phil seemed to have rubbed off on him, he had gotten him used to talking openly like this.

It was something he had always found hard.

“But you and Phil are a great step in the right direction,” Carrie said and gently put a hand on his knee. “Oh, and speaking of the sun. Hi, Phil.”

Phil came strolling up to them, and instantly he seemed to pick up on Dan’s mood. He didn’t ask if Dan was okay, instead he just extended a hand that Dan easily took.

“Hi Carrie,” Phil said but he didn’t take his eyes off Dan. “Hey, Dan, want to go change? Even if you make a cute Yuuri.”

It made Dan chuckle but he had a quick flash of worry, realising that Phil had just called him cute in front of someone else. They could argue that it was just said in jest and fun, but Dan knew the affection was probably written all over their faces.

When had they gotten so relaxed, so careless. However, the worries were eased when Dan turned to look at Carrie and she was just smiling at them softly and then mimicking locking her lips. Dan felt relief flood through him.

“Go change, boys,” she said and ushered them outside. “And then we’ll see you at the little get-together tonight.”

Dan kept his hand in Phil’s even as they navigated through the corridors towards their dressing room.

“Get together?” Dan asked.

“Yeah?” Phil said. “You know, all the final couples meeting up for dinner tonight?”

“I didn’t know about that,” Dan argued. “Is that a good idea? When we have the final the following day?”

Phil stopped them in the middle of the hallway and he scanned Dan’s face.

“Wait, did I forget to tell you about the dinner? I’m sorry, I thought I did, I’ve just been too preoccupied. It’s a tradition each year but if you don’t want to do it, then we can just-”

“No,” Dan said because it was all too easy to pick up that Phil had been excited about attending this dinner even if he had forgotten to tell Dan about it. Dan could imagine why. For two years Phil hadn’t been able to go to it, never making it more than a few weeks into the show and nowhere near the final.

Dan had absolute faith that Phil could get into the final in the years to come as well, because he was so talented, but this was his first time being invited and damn if Dan wasn’t going to make sure he went.

“We’re going,” Dan said. “I want to go. We should celebrate getting into the final. It’s a big thing.”

“We’ll go home early,” Phil said. “We should either way, because we need to stay sharp for tomorrow.”

“Deal,” Dan said and he had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss Phil. They were still in the hallway. Part of Dan wanted to say fuck it all and lean in all the same, but he retrained himself. Not yet. But maybe one day.

“Come on then,” Phil said and pulled him into their dressing room. There they shared a kiss, because Phil had clearly been able to read the desire in Dan’s eyes.

A few hours later, they were dressed smartly but casually and arriving at Anton du Beke’s door for a dinner party. Dan kind of wanted to be in his or Phil’s flat and just cuddle up with a movie but he had to admit that it was quite nice to see these people all together and full of smiles.

There really wasn’t any tension between any of the remaining for couples. They were just all happy to be here and rooting for each other, it was how it was supposed to be.

It felt a lot like a big couple’s dinner instantly, even if that was a silly thing. Dan hadn’t even been to any of that kind of dinners but he had heard about them from Pj and Sophie sometimes. It had always sounded so adult and proper to him to meet up and have dinner and wine and chat around a table. Dan had declared it stupid but deep down he had kind of wanted to join in all the same.

Now he was. Kind of at least. He knew that all the other dancing couples weren’t couples like him and Phil because many, if not all of them, already had significant others. But going through months and months of time with a person made you a team. A unit. It didn’t matter if there was romance involved or not.

Dan and Phil had been secretly, even if it had been pretty obvious, crushing on each other but that didn’t mean that they hadn’t worked hard to build up their friendship and partnership more than anything else. They had become friends first who genuinely enjoyed each other’s company and Dan was so happy about that. It made something in his heart feel so happy.

Conversation flowed easily and wine was topped up. Dan wanted to give in and drink a little more but he nursed his one glass and took fake sips after it had been topped up again. Sure, they were all only dancing in the evening but Dan didn’t want anything to compromise his concentration or to wake up with a headache on such an important day. Phil bypassed the alcohol all together and instead drunk so many fizzy drinks. It seemed more like he got sugar high than Dan got tipsy but it was a fun thing to witness.

Someone had arranged for a charades, dancing edition. It quickly turned into a lot of laughing because it was equally funny to see the pros do the steps clearly and precisely and then yet having their partner completely unable to guess it or when it was the celebrity’s turn and they did vague movements that looked like everything and nothing and drove their partner slightly insane.

Dan and Phil had been last and they had both laughed so much that they had gotten flushed cheeks and aching stomachs but they stepped up to the plate all the same.

And something funny happened.

They got _every single one_ right.

Dan himself wasn’t even sure how it happened but when he had to guess and he saw Phil do a step or just hold a pose, it was like something flickered on in his brain and he knew exactly what Phil was doing. Sometimes he wasn’t even doing the steps but just some inside joke that they had come up with during their practice. When it was flipped and Dan acted it out, he tried to think outside of the box and convey meaning nevertheless. Phil got it so quickly each time.

“How are you doing that?” Annie asked. “Like, you weren’t even aware this game would be on tonight, so it’s not like you could have prepared the answers beforehand. How?”

“It’s clear, isn’t it?” Harry said, smiling. “They clearly have a superior psychic connection. We should work on that, Dianne,” he added as he turned to look at his dance partner.

Dianne just smiled at Harry and then her eyes darted over to Dan and Phil. “I’m sure it would be difficult to compete but I’ll do my best. 24 hours is all the time in the world.”

24 hours wasn’t very long, Dan was reminded very quickly because all too soon it was Saturday evening and it would be the final night that him and Phil would take to the floor. It was a scary thought.

Terrifying really, if he let himself dwell on it.

He could never have imagined that something like this would mean _so much_ to him but it did and he couldn’t deny that.

Thankfully, he didn’t have time to dwell on it because Phil was right by his side somehow managing to both keep him distracted and focused at the same time. It was a gift truly.

Saturday from noon until evening was always a hectic thing but Dan had started to find comfort in it, being ushered around and seeing how all of the staff moved as a collective to get everything to run smoothly. There truly wouldn’t be a show without all of those people and they got so little credit.

Dan knew he worked hard to dance but he got plenty credit for it.

The staff and the professional dancers and the judges were the ones who were not as appreciated as they should be. It all stayed rose and fell with them, every season, year in and year old.

In fact, Dan would argue that the celebrities were the lesser game pieces. They could be swapped out and changed out. Sure, they were the ones drawing a lot of viewers in at times, but Dan was not sure if that made them so valuable when he looked at all of the hardworking people. Thankfully, the three celebrities that remained in the finale with him were all lovely and kind and they actually went out of their way to thank everyone, just like Dan did.

It was just common decency.

“You get this look in your eye, you know,” Phil said conversationally and Dan hadn’t even consciously noticed that Phil had snuck up close to him until he spoke. Usually, Dan was very aware when people came into his personal sphere but it was clear that Phil had made himself an exception to that long ago. “When you’re watching something or someone and lost in thought.”

Phil leaned in a little closer and Dan didn’t move back even as a finger came near his eyes. Phil might be clumsy but Dan just instinctively trusted him not to hurt him anyway. The tip of Phil’s finger traced down between Dan’s eyes.

“You get little wrinkles here,” Phil said, so softly and fond. They were leaning into a corner, where Dan had put himself to just watch how all of the staff made the whole stage be prepared for the show tonight. Even so, it felt like it was just the two of them in their own little world.

Dan hoped that never changed. He hoped that they would always be able to carve out corners that were just for them. A little world of Dan and Phil no matter how big the room was around them.

“On my glabella?” Dan asked.

“Your what?” Phil replied.

Dan smiled and caught Phil’s wrist as he was pulling his hand back. Phil’s hand went lax and followed Dan’s movements easily as he put Phil’s finger back on his glabella.

“That’s my glabella, between my eyebrows,” Dan said and then added, because he couldn’t help himself, “you idiot.”

It came out with a little giggle and very fondly. Phil smiled proudly.

“How do you even know what that is called,” Phil mumbled and let his finger run down, following the slope of Dan’s nose. The drag was slow and Phil was watching his finger as it moved down. Now from the tip of Dan’s nose and over his cupid’s bow.

“I know what this is called,” Phil said proudly. “Cupid’s bow.”

“Yeah, you remember that one?” Dan asked, moving his lips as little as possible as he didn’t want Phil to pull back his hands.

“Of course,” Phil said and he got that mischievous look in his eyes. “I was shot by one of his arrows recently.”

Dan forgot everything he had thought about keeping still under Phil’s hand and he tilted his whole body forward in a burst of laughter. It was too loud and people would look over here but Dan didn’t care. Phil caught him by the shoulders and he was laughing too, deep and delighted and it made Dan forget about all the nerves.

As usual, they came back a little when the show proper started but it was a different sort of nerves than ever before. Dan wanted him and Phil to perform well and blow the audience and the viewers away with their amazing performances. He had gotten messages from his mother, brother, grandparents and Pj and Sophie all wishing him good luck and he had tried so hard not to go look for them because it would only make him more nervous. Phil had showed him good luck messages from both of his parents, Martyn and Cornelia as well. So many wished them so well and Dan didn’t want to disappoint.

But more than anything he didn’t want to be so wrapped up in that thought that he forgot about dancing with Phil. It was the Strictly finale. Dan would never be here again. It was his one chance to dance like this and he was damn not going to waist it.

He was not the only one who seemed to share this sentiment. Out of the four couples everyone seemed more hyped up than ever. The energy was great and Dan just wanted to go out and dance.

He got his wish soon enough. Him and Phil would be opening up the night with their Cha-Cha-Cha. They had decided to keep with the spot on modification to the choreography as the night when they had originally performed it. Dan would get the bouquet tossed to him and then Phil would come strolling up to him, grabbing him by the hips and tossing away the bouquet that he had just gifted him in favour of having Dan in his arms instead.

They did it so smoothly this time, Phil sinking the bouquet right into Dan’s awaiting arms, all of it happening perfect in time with the beat. The song was fun and the steps came easy and light and Dan was just having the time of his life moving through it.

Him and Phil were big and matching smiles the whole way through. Dan could tell that his posture and leg positions were good simply from the shine in Phil’s eyes.

Dan even had a moment to admire how good Phil looked in his clothes, with a deep V that cut lower than it perhaps needed but in a way that was very appreciated. And maybe he felt another imaginary tug on his ring finger, wondering if he could indeed be dancing with his future husband right now.

It was way, way too early to consider such things but Dan let the emotion flow out through his dance all the same. That light banter and teasing in the lyrics but also the big love that came with the statement of choosing to marry someone.

Dan had thought he would never get married, because growing up he hadn’t been too fussed about it. He didn’t think it was a case of “meeting the right one” and changing his mind. That kind of thing was almost always bullshit and just bigoted people trying to make you feel like how you felt was invalid and wrong.

No, Dan had never thought he would get married but he had always secretly like the idea of it. It was just never something he could see happening growing up because back then, it hadn’t even been legal for two men to marry in the UK. This all felt like fairly new territory and Phil was just making him realise all of these sappy things that he never thought he could have.

When they came to the heel slide, Dan purposely got all up in Phil’s business first, hand on his chest, which was a bit closer than they had done in rehearsals. Phil’s eyebrow quirked up and so did Dan’s and then Phil was grabbing him by the hand and sliding him through his legs. Dan kept his from on point, slide coming easy-peasy now. Phil pulled him back up, putting even more force behind it and Dan almost went into the air. It was a risky move, but Dan landed nicely on his feet all the same.

Phil’s strong and steady arms came around him and they started to move once more. It was fun. Dan was having so much damn fun. As him and Phil came into the final positions, they started just laughing together. The audience roared and Dan felt like time had passed entirely too fast.

One out of three dances had already gone. He had been worried about getting ready for this night but now it was moving too fast.

Dan and Phil made their way over to the judges, stumbling feet one over each other. It was okay, they wouldn’t fall while they held onto each other.

Bruno was looking them almost as a proud parent and he was speaking before Tess even had a chance to greet them.

“See, this is why it is really important for the dancers to dance to a song from their earlier weeks. It is to show the sheer amount of progression you will have had to have made to stay in the game for so long. The two of you are a _perfect_ example of that. You took an already good choreography and you turned it up to your current level. You are practically soaring,” Bruno said, doing a chef’s kiss with his hands.

Tess laughed, airily and bright. “Well, I seems that I don’t need to ask for Bruno’s comments. What do you say to that, boys?”

“We’re really happy you could see improvement,” Phil said. “We tried our hardest.”

“Can what do you other have to say?”

Darcy spoke up first. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you upped the heel slide a little, it was very big but it suited the choreography. And Dan, your form was still good, just like the first time around but you danced through the steps so well. You were on beat, every single time.”

“And it looked like you were having fun,” came a surprise comment from Craig. “It makes you delightful to watch. Well done.”

“Thank you,” Dan stammered out a little surprised.

Tess was saying something about them knocking the socks off the judges, but Dan was only really aware of how they needed to head up to the stairs and get their scores from the judges. His heart was beating fast in his chest because it felt like they had done really well, and hardly anyone had any criticism. Dan wondered if it would be reflected in the scores.

It was.

  1. 9\. 9. 10.



It was the same as they had gotten for their tango last week and Dan and Phil leapt in joy, as the numbers were revealed one by one. It was euphoria at the first 10 and then just a little dip in worry at the two 9s before it soared again. It was stupid, being disappointed at getting the second highest mark but that was how grades like this worked.

Even when you were aware of the whole system and the flaws with it, you still wanted to chase that high mark, and after you had first achieved it falling below that standard felt just a little bit like failure.

It was another one of those ways in which brains could be stupid and work against you.

A 9 was a freaking excellent score and they were so happy to get it. They should not be disappointed because there was a mark above it.

It seemed like they set the standard as the other three couples took to the stage to do their first three dances. It was all 9s and 10s across the board. It made Dan feel a little intimidated but also very proud. They were all putting on such a good show.

It was fun to have more than one dance in a night, even if it was also a little draining. It made Dan feel like he got an extra chance to take the stage and improve, even if it was with a different genre of dance and to a different song. What he didn’t like so much about it was the quick costume changes. He was ever thankful for the quick and effective stylists that could help them get changed and re-style them for each dance.

It was like magic and Dan kept thanking them between each thing. Soon their Cha-Cha-Cha outfits had been swapped for their contemporary outfits and it was actually a welcome change. Dan had a soft spot for the suits, the choreography and the song that they were about to dance. It had all come together in a beautiful trifecta, planned by Phil.

With the whole first round of dances done; they would start on their second dances. Dan and Phil were first once more, as they would be in all of the rounds to give each couple as much rest time as possible.

Hand in hand, Dan and Phil walked to the middle of the stage where the lights had been lowered. They would dance in this slightly dimmed light, only for the lighting feature that mimicked fireworks to explode over them, and a spotlight that would follow each of them.

Their penultimate dance and such a special one. Dan took a deep breath and tried to look Phil in the eyes. He didn’t manage to catch it properly, not in their dark lighting but he felt Phil’s thumb at the back of his hand not a second later.

A grounding touch and their signal to check in. They were ready.

Following Phil’s lead was natural at this point. Dan was pretty sure that no one could see where Phil began and Dan stopped. They were intertwined. Mind, body and soul and working their way across the floor with practiced ease.

Phil was smiling again, Dan noticed, face lit up by the refection of the colourful fake fireworks, but it was a different smile from the big grin in the Cha-Cha-Cha. This was a smaller smile, but deeper in a sense. He looked so happy, so content and Dan knew he was wearing a matching smile too.

The lead flipped over to Dan easily and he was surprised by how nice it felt to lead and how confident it made him feel. There was no longer any hesitation in his movements, how he pulled Phil along with powerful steps. Phil followed beautifully too.

It felt almost painful to split up mid-choreography but Dan used it as a motivator to go even harder and focus to impress Phil who undoubtedly would be managing to watch him, even when he was doing is own choreography.

Dan swore that Phil had a third eye sometimes. Phil liked to joke that Dan was right.

The memory pulled Dan’s smile up higher as he moved through his jumps with power and stamina. He had been tired after doing these repeatedly in training but Phil had kept insisting. He needed to practice as much as he could. It paid off now when they landed perfectly and Dan still felt light on his feet and on the top of the word because he had more energy, after just doing fewer than Phil had made him do in training.

They ended up on opposite sides of the stage as the music continued to build and swell and Dan ran. He moved swiftly and gracefully across the floor and into Phil’s steady and waiting hands.

Perhaps, he had been running towards that embrace his whole life and he had just never known it.

Phil grabbed hold of him, lifting him into the air and getting a strong grip before he started spinning. Dan’s one hand found Phil’s shoulder while the other extended into the air but he couldn’t make himself look upwards at the beautiful artificial sky with fireworks like he was supposed to according to the choreography.

Instead, he let his gaze lower, glancing down at Phil and he found that he was already being watched. Dan only wondered for a beat if Phil would be annoyed at him for going against the choreography but he just smiled and raised an eyebrow. Checking in, they were all good.

Phil spun them through the room, back to the centre and Dan held his eyes the whole time. He nearly let his arm drop a couple of times because he was so mesmerised by seeing Phil Lester staring like that up at him, flickering bursts of colours making rainbow lights gentle caress his face.

Phil put him down onto his feet and they moved. Not regular movement, but they _moved_. As one, bodies completely in sync, like the lift itself had merged them. They hit the end right on cue and as soon as the music stopped, Dan was throwing his arms around Phil and Phil was throwing his arms around Dan.

Dan could feel a strong heartbeat between them. At first, he thought it was just his own, as always, but then he realised that he could feel it in Phil’s chest too. It seemed that their bodies weren’t the only thing that had synced up.

But it was hardly a surprise anymore that their hearts could beat as one.

“What a performance!” Tess said, all bubbly as usual.

It had taken some getting used to but frankly, Dan was beginning to find it endearing. Maybe in particular because it was one of the last times, he’d hear it and he realised that he would suddenly miss it.

“We’re quite proud of that one,” Dan said. He hadn’t decided to say it, and he knew he wasn’t really supposed to say anything other than answer any questions from the host, or thank the judges for their feedback. He continued to speak all the same. “Phil made the choreography in _a day_ , and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had dancing anything. It is so cool. I am in awe of his brain.”

Dan almost cringed at those words, knowing they would be plastered all over the internet by his audience. It seemed like they had seen right through him with how much he had sported heart eyes for his dance partner right from the start. It wasn’t like they had been wrong.

Dan had shared a lot of bits of himself with the internet over the years and it meant that people were able to see through him. On some days, it scared him a little and he wanted to delete it all and just disappear but, on most days, he was thankful that people cared about him and his opinions and point of view. He had created a whole community around him, even if it had been done almost by accident. He had just been a kid speaking into a camera because he had no one else to speak to.

He had felt the urge to run his mouth and it was like it jumped up back in him again.

“I just, I hope everyone that are watching know how talented this man is,” Dan said.

“Dan,” Phil said, and tried to hide behind his one free hand. He didn’t use both because the other one was securely locked around Dan’s waist and it seemed that he had decided that he wasn’t letting go of that, even if he sounded like Dan was embarrassing him right now.

“No, everyone should know this. Phil Lester is truly underrated. He is brilliant, creative and literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever met. Call me biased, it would be true after all, but I’ve heard it from every single pro dancer I’ve talked with too. Phil’s choreographies are something special and this one is _very_ special.”

“Daniel,” Shirley said, and Dan flinched a little. He had ranted too much. He braced himself for being chastised by the oldest judge. He was very baffled when she smiled at him instead. “You are completely right. Phil is one of the most talented chorographers that we have seen, but he is also one of the most unconventional. His routines are creative and quirky but playing within the rules and it makes them delightful to watch. It also makes them difficult to dance to, especially for a beginner. You have done an incredible job of fitting into it, like none of his previous partners has done. So yes, your success here lies very much with Phil, but do not disregard all the hard work that you have done too. The two of you got here together.”

“What lovely words,” Tess said and sounded slightly stressed. “I’m afraid that’s all we’ll have time for now. Dan and Phil, off with you!”

She ushered them towards the stairs and he actually pushed on Dan’s arm which was probably a good thing or Dan wasn’t sure if he would ever have moved. He felt stunned into silence.

He had never thought about it like that. Part of him had wanted to argue back with Shirley, but he had known that would be a _horrible_ idea and managed to hold his piece for once. It took an insane amount of restraint.

He wasn’t sure that he agreed with her words though. It hadn’t been hard work to keep up with Phil. It had been the opposite. It had been so easy to fall into Phil’s orbit and just learn how to move. Dan had relatively easily fallen into step with Phil. Heck, he even felt like he had struggled less when he had heard the other celebrities complaining about being able to understand it all. He couldn’t fathom that he would have had a harder than how it was regularly done. But then again, he had never been taught dance from anyone else. He didn’t personally have anything to compare it to.

He didn’t have anything in comparison but he just knew that Phil had been a sweet and patient teacher and Dan had strained at times, but he had never found it outright _hard_. Not in a way that Phil didn’t manage to soften somehow.

Claudia tried to engage them in conversation but Dan was still too caught up in the judge’s words.

“Why would she say that?” Dan asked, so utterly confused that he couldn’t wait to ask Phil until later. It would be hours before they were alone again. Dan was just brimming with curiosity. “About your choreographies? Wait, sorry, I-”

“No, it’s okay,” Phil said and Dan could tell that was his genuine voice. He meant it. “It’s nothing new, just because you haven’t noticed. And it might be interesting to share with the viewers who aren’t aware of the technicalities of dance and making choreographies,” Phil added, looking from the cameras to Claudia.

She was a professional and picked up exactly what Phil was laying down, they needed to kill a little bit of time while the judges decided on the scores anyway.

“Why don’t you tell us a bit about it, Phil?”

“Every single chorography that someone makes is unique and based on personal style but I’ve discovered that my brain kind of connects steps in a way that’s not readily apparent, even to other professional dancers. My dance partners always say that it doesn’t feel… like, logical. Really, judges tell me that. But you never had any problem following any of them, Dan. Not in training and not when we were competing.”

“Well, that’s because they didn’t _need_ to make sense to me, I was just following along with you. I just needed to trust your vision and move like you taught me. I couldn’t understand any dance logic but I trusted that it could come together because you told me.”

Phil seemed to have been rendered speechless by Dan’s words.

They were saved by the bell, or rather Claudia calling attention to the screen in front of them which was ready with the judges’ scores. Dan always felt like this bit was unnecessary and just a bit cruel. The judges had to reveal their score one by one, usually hesitating even more than necessary to draw out the moment.

It was made that way to entice the viewers but part of that also stemmed from having the couple stand there, tense and awaiting their judgement. The audience and television viewers were meant to sympathise.

Maybe it was a good idea that Dan was done after this show after all. He was turning a little cynical about the whole process. He couldn’t really say anything against it, even if it had its flaws. He couldn’t because no matter what else was going on, it had led to him meeting Phil and getting to spend hours and hours with him just slowly falling in love.

“Let’s see your penultimate scores!”

Dan didn’t like Claudia calling out that at all. This set of scores and then there would only be one more.

Phil reached out to hold Dan’s hands, already clasped together, and now Phil’s went around them. Both held on tightly.

Dan thought he was mistaken at first. Surely not. He knew that other couple had been getting near perfect and even perfect scores for a couple of rounds then and again but him and Phil had never been this close to the coveted four 10s. Only one point off.

  1. 9\. 10. 10.



Dan looked at the paddles being held up by the judges and it just refused to register in his brain. Even better than the last round? It was insane. Dan felt like he couldn’t breathe. He might have stopped breathing for a bit there until Phil started to shake him and shouting so loudly that it stirred him out of his sudden stupor.

“What do you say to that, boys?” Claudia asked. “Your highest score yet!”

Some part of his inner entertainer must have flipped on because even with how awed and stunned Dan felt, he could feel the easy-looking smile that formed on his face.

“I say thank you very much, and I hope we can impress Craig to go double-digits next time,” Dan said and winked right into the camera.

He could hear the audience roar, even if they were a little bit away and in a studio room. Claudia laughed politely but the best reaction came from all the other couples behind them who roared and celebrated.

“We’ve saved our very best for last. Please watch us,” Phil said, voice also booming with confidence.

Dan laughed and looked over at Phil and he was pretty sure that his fondness was leaking out of his eyes, out of his skin even but he didn’t try to restrain it or tone it down. Dan wasn’t sure if he could tone it down. It was a strong force within him and it was only enhanced by Phil looking back with the same fond expression.

As soon as the cameras were off of them and instead focused on the stage again, Dan and Phil were quick to run off to their final costume change of the night. They would be staying in their show dance costumes all throughout the rest of the night. It could be the cloth they were to victory or to defeat.

Once the stylists had gotten them mostly settled, they darted out of the room, off to help with a more complicated costume for one of the other couples. It gave Dan and Phil just a couple of moments alone while they had to button up their jackets.

Phil was struggling, potentially on purpose but Dan had long ago decided to willingly jump into any traps set by Phil. They were never harmful any way, quite the opposite in fact.

“Let me help,” Dan said, stepping up to help Phil with making sure the jacket was closed properly.

The black shirt he was wearing underneath was creating a deep but slim V and Dan might have “accidentally” let his fingers skim over the exposed skin. Phil’s chest was so pale, even paler than what else Dan had seen of him. Fuck, he would get to see Phil naked.

Soon maybe.

“Focus,” Phil said, and he had the audacity to flick Dan on the forehead. It wasn’t a hard flick but Dan still drew back a little and playfully glared.

“Play nice,” Dan said, making his hands focus on the task. “You started this.”

“And I only start things that I can finish. I can play very nice, you know,” Phil said, smirking like he was fully aware of the innuendo but somehow obtusely pretending that he wasn’t.

“You could have done these yourself,” Dan pointed out and finished with the last button. He took a step back and admired Phil. He looked good in the skating costume inspired outfit, but then again Dan hadn’t seen many outfits that Phil couldn’t pull off.

Phil could probably wear a damn frog costume paired with some fashion atrocity like crocs and make it look stylish.

“I could but why would I when I have you?” Phil asked and suddenly he was so close to Dan. They were breathing the same air. Dan’s heart jumped in his chest, instantly at Phil’s close proximity. He kind of hoped that they would never lose that, not even years and years down the line.

It might have been the softest kiss that they had ever shared, if one could really call it a kiss to begin with. Most of it was just breathing the same air, exchanging air and the softest press of lips against each other. So tenderly and so lovingly that Dan wanted to just stay in the moment. Exist with Phil.

Forget about the last dance and everything that would happen afterwards whether they managed to win or not. They were already in Top 4. Dan thought that was pretty good going.

Dan licked his lips and grabbed onto Phil’s shoulders. He didn’t pull back, he could still feel Phil, his own lips a mere hair’s breadth away. Dan wanted to disappear in this moment but he also knew that both of them had put in too much work to simply stop right before the finish line.

The goal was in sight. Even if they didn’t make it over first, they would have to make it over.

“Let’s go.”

“I just want to stay here,” Phil said, echoing Dan’s own sentiments. “With you. Forever.”

“Well, there can be forever after our last dance,” Dan said.

He was a little baffled when Phil slapped his shoulder. It wasn’t hard, not at all, just a playful slap but Phil’s eyes were serious in a way that Dan hadn’t expected.

“Don’t say our last dance,” Phil said, in a tone that matched his expression. “It’s going to be our last time dancing on Strictly but it will not be our last dance by any means. I’m never going to let us have a last dance.”

Dan felt punched in the gut by his feelings. He wasn’t even sure how to address them. It was so much to feel all at once and he wanted to both laugh and cry. Instead, he pushed for the joke. It was easier right now, he couldn’t let himself get emotional like this. Not enough that it would leave him compromised for their dance.

Their last Strictly dance but not their last dance together.

“I think that’s kind of impossible for us never to have a last dance. It would have to happen at some point, you know,” Dan said, trying to smile playfully like his whole heart hadn’t just fallen another forty stories for this man. And there was no sight of the bottom yet. Dan felt like it might be infinitely deep.

“Okay, I will concede that. When we’re grey and old, bones riddled with some disease, we will pull to our feet out of sheer force of will and have our last dance together,” Phil said.

It painted such a vividly picture in Dan’s mind. Their faces worn by time, faces wrinkled but still smiling. Hands old but still fitting perfectly together.

“Phil,” Dan said.

“Dan?”

“I have something to tell you,” Dan said and he looked into Phil’s eyes. They were looking back steadily. “Another confession. Well, an extension of the confession.”

“I love you,” Phil said before Dan could get another word out.

Dan’s neck move was to slap Phil’s shoulder and glare in wonder. “Why would you say that? I was just about to say it! You stole my moment!”

Phil stared laughing, loudly and unabashedly and there were hands on Dan’s shoulder and his waist, but he could hardly feel it. He felt like he was floating, drifting away and descending.

Phil loved him.

 _Phil_ loved him.

Phil _loved_ him.

Phil loved _him_.

“Dan, are you really mad?” Phil asked and he was still smiling but there was some insecurity showing in his voice too.

Dan realised that he had gone entirely quiet, trying to process that someone he loved had just told him that they loved him back. Dan had always dreamed of finding someone to love who would love him in return, even if he hadn’t always dared to say it out loud. He had lost hope that it would happen for a while, as he made it towards his late twenties and nothing still had happened yet. What a foolish thought to think that you could only fall in love when you were a teenager or in your early twenties. Even late twenties were relatively early.

“I’m not mad,” Dan said, pulling the words out and pulling himself out of his head.

He put a hand on either side of Phil’s face, holding him so gently. Phil melted into the touch, a shy smile on his face.

“Then say it back,” Phil said, a gentle demand that bore not even a hint of insecurity. Phil knew that it was mutual love. He was so sure of it that he had decided to jump the gun and say it first just to tease and banter.

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes and not for the first time, he felt like he could see galaxies in there.

“I love you,” Dan said, and he felt like it might have been the most earnest time that he had ever said those words out loud. He had said them to friends before, although only a chosen few. He had said it a lot to family through the years, sometimes more out of obligation but sincerely too.

Phil? Phil was something else entirely.

Dan could tell that they were about to tilt into a kiss, possibly their best one yet, because their love was literally spelled into the air but they didn’t get to kiss before there was a loud and frantic knock on the door.

“Are you still in there? You have to get into ready positions already!” some poor staff called out through the door but she was still polite enough not to open it.

Phil cleared his throat. “We’re here and leaving.”

It turned out that it was entirely too easy to lose time when you were wrapped up and being in love. Dan was sure they hadn’t been missing for that long, but multiple staffers looked relieved when they spotted them.

They found their places as the last couple, Carrie and Kevin, ran up the stairs after having finished their second dance. They had managed to just catch the tailend of it and it had looked so mesmerising. Dan felt the nerves crawl up his throat just a little.

Then he looked over at Phil and he could hear his words. _I love you_. He had not said them in any grand way, almost just blurting them out to beat Dan to the punch but they had been so secure. It felt like Phil was declaring a universally understood fact.

Like Phil had just put words to something that had been floating and existing for a while already. It had felt the same way when Dan had said it.

Dan reached out to take Phil’s hand as they waited the final couple of minutes, and he spent the whole time sweeping his thumb over the back of Phil’s hand.

“You’re nervous?” Phil asked, only it didn’t sound much like a question. It sounded like a statement.

“Yes and no,” Dan answered, in a hushed voice. There were people around them, too much happening but Dan felt like they always had this ability to momentarily shrink the world down to just the two of them.

“I’m not really nervous, for once,” Phil said.

“Why?”

“Because I know I’m going to be dancing with Daniel Howell’s love,” Phil said in such a hushed whisper that Dan barely could tell.

“You are so cheesy, Phil,” Dan said and he wanted to say that he loved him again. He wouldn’t here where people could overhear. Their love was just for them. “But then I’ll try to shake off the nerves too and remind myself that I have Phil Leter’s.”

“Watch me and I’ll watch you,” Phil said just as they were signalled to take their positions on the stage. Dan managed a nod before they had to head out.

Phil had asked if it would be okay for Dan to be starting in alone since he knew he didn’t like that very much. For once Dan hadn’t fought it, he hadn’t even whined. He knew Phil was soft as putty when it came to stuff like this and he would have changed up the choreography if it was needed.

But Dan wasn’t scared of standing alone in the middle of the stage anymore. Of starting the whole dance with everyone’s eyes on him. The everyone didn’t matter he had come to understand. There was just one pair of eyes that mattered and those two eyeballs were the only ones he was really trying to impress. He just wanted to make Phil feel proud.

Dan was sure he could never be elegant on the ice but he had to admit that he felt elegant on the dance floor. Thanks to Phil, he felt confident as he twirled, turned and kicked his leg up high. He could feel the attention, almost absorbing it into his skin.

Then he landed in his pose after the first individual bit, hand poised and outstretched where Phil waited to join him. Dan was beckoning him to join and join he did. Phil glided along the floor, and right into Dan’s embrace.

Dan had gotten better at dancing alone but he still preferred to dance with Phil. He liked this dance because from here on out they would be almost tied together. Phil had incorporated hand-holding even if it wasn’t strictly a thing in show dance. Phil had commented that flippantly but then said that they were going to hold hands all the same.

The movements were energetic and light, perfectly synchronized kicks in the air. Twirling leaps that lifted them off the ground. Moving around each other so Dan’s free hand could gently caress Phil’s cheek as they moved. All while keeping their hands connected.

When Phil’s eyes had fluttered closed under Dan’s touch, he had felt like he might just stop breathing and the whole universe might hand suspended in the air of that singular moment.

It was just the two of them. Dan couldn’t hear the audience cheering, he couldn’t hear the beautiful music, he couldn’t even hear the echo of their steps on the floor. He couldn’t hear a thing because he was so busy looking at Phil and feeling the warmth in his chest.

They broke out of it, moving smoothly and purposefully but Dan felt like he wasn’t really in control of his body anymore. I just moved and responded to Phil.

Dan could tell the song was running out, with each leap and move around in circles on the stage. He wished they would start it over again. He could dance this routine again and again. Repeatedly until his legs would give out.

Dan had never felt like he was born to do anything but be a fuck-up. He had certainly never felt like he had been born to make history. He wasn’t sure he felt it now, because being born for something still sounded silly but he couldn’t deny that he wanted to make history. Even if it was just a small part.

A little moment carved into the time of history. Just by being here history had been made already. The first time Strictly Come Dancing UK had chosen to have a same-sex couple and him and Phil had rightfully climbed their way to the very final show.

Dan and Phil moved together for the last part, grasping onto each other tightly and spinning, spinning and spinning.

It should have made Dan dizzy but it helped to focus on Phil’s eyes. They came to an quick stop, like planned and hands clasped around each other’s forearms, diagonally across, they threw their weight backwards.

Dan felt his fingers slightly dig into Phil and he felt Phil’s on his own arm. They supported each other, free hand curling out elegantly as the music came to a final stop. Their chests were heaving, their bodies exhausted but the hold was steady.

There was a roar from the audience and as Dan and Phil pulled each other back to the middle and glanced around, they could see that so many audience members had gotten up from their seats. Even the judges had risen from their seats, hands meeting in applause.

Dan saw his friends and family near the front and he quickly moved to hide. The quickest place to hide was in the crook of Phil’s neck. Phil’s hands came around his waist, holding him steady once more.

“We did it,” Phil said and he sounded so proud.

“We did it,” Dan echoed.

“Dan and Phil, come over here,” Tess called them.

They were having a bad track record with remembering to move over to talk to the judges today. It was a good thing that no one could really scold them or kick them off. They were done. They had danced their last Strictly dance. There was no Bottom 2 in the finale, just all four couples standing and awaiting judgement after they had finished.

“Sorry,” Phil said, managing to pull Dan’s face from his shoulder as they moved over to the corner of the stage.

“What a mesmerising routine, shall we hear what the judges thought? Let’s start with Craig.”

Dan wasn’t scared of Craig. Just a little wary. It might be mostly a hired persona, he had certainly been kinder when Dan had run into him outside of the judge’s seat, but Dan still made sure to brace himself.

“I am not always a huge fan of the unique Lester choreographies,” Craig started and Dan started to puff himself up. Craig could insult Dan all he wanted but he couldn’t do the same to Phil. “And it was unconventional for the majority of the dance to be performed with the two of you holding hands. I thought it would make you trip up. It didn’t. You managed it like I could never have imagined. Your postures stayed perfect and you both moved like a perfectly coordinated dream. I have no criticism for you this time.”

“Thank you,” Phil said while Dan was rendered speechless. He felt like his ears were ringing.

The other three judges came with commentaries too, and Dan heard a lot of praise for their coordination, their smooth movements and above all their chemistry. They should just know how right they were; Dan had thought to himself.

Dan wasn’t sure how to handle pure compliments like this and Phil didn’t seem to fare much better. He flushed even deeper red and kept repeating “thank you” over and over again after everything the judges said.

It was a blessing to be ushered behind the stage. A momentarily relief at best as they ran up the stairs, hands interlinked again without them even meaning to do it.

Claudia and two of the couples greeted them heartily. Dan was pulled into at least a couple of hugs before he managed to stumble up to Claudia and her microphone. 

“Hi,” Dan said, Phil coming up behind him, hand on his lower back but out of sight from the cameras.

“Hello boys, so, you’re got to tell me. How does it feel to have danced your last dance?” she asked.

Dan looked over his shoulder and found Phil’s eyes and thought how this wasn’t going to be their last dance at all. Only on Strictly. Strictly was something special, something that had brought them together but the world was at their feet after tonight.

“I think it might be the best we’ve ever danced,” Phil said, smiling warmly and eyes constantly darting over to Dan. “We wanted to make the most of our last Strictly dance. And we had to do an incredible anime justice.”

Dan snorted under his breath at Claudia’s confused expression. She didn’t press for what he meant. Dan was fairly sure that Harry snorted in amusement behind them as well.

“It has been such a wild ride to get to be on Strictly,” Dan said, leaning forward and into the microphone. “I was sceptic to say yes to coming onto the show at all but I can truthfully say that it has been such an incredible journey and I have gained so, so much. I won’t ever forget this.”

It was sentimental words but they were genuine. It didn’t matter that most people would assume that he meant that he had gained perspective or skills instead of love. People could take his words and interpret how they liked. They would do so whether he liked or not. He had learned that lesson quickly in his early years as a creator on the internet.

“It looks like your final scores are in. Are you ready?” Claudia asked.

“Not in the least,” Dan replied.

Phil smiled and shook his head, looking so endeared. “We’re ready,” he answered for both of them.

It felt like they were coming in slower than usual.

First score. 10.

Dan felt his body tense in anticipation. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to being given such a high score. It almost felt like cheating, like he wasn’t worth it, not when he still felt like he had so much more to learn.

Second score. 10.

Dan felt shock wash over him as Craig held up the paddle. Craig had given out 10s before in this season but he was notoriously stingy with them and he had never given Dan and Phil one. His smile as he held up the score looked proud.

Third score. 10.

No surely it couldn’t be. They couldn’t be on their way to a perfect score. It would come crumbling down. Other couples got perfect scores. They had gotten multiple 10s for their other two dances tonight but that had felt like it made sense because they had practiced and improved those dances. This was a new one, brand new. Dan loved dancing to it, he had thought that Phil had done an incredible job but this still felt too surreal.

Bruno was a little shit and he held up his paddle wrong, so they could just see the line of it. He was grinning though and someone in the audience started to shout. Maybe they had seen a flash of the score. Dan couldn’t tell if it was good or bad screaming.

Bruno turned the paddle.

It was another 10.

Four 10s.

Dan wasn’t even aware that he was losing feeling in his legs until they were about to give out under him. He fell down just a bit before Phil was trying to pull him up. Phil was an uncoordinated mess though, and he ended up just pulling them down faster.

Dan started laughing. Loudly and without abandon. It wasn’t television friendly laughter, this hyena laugh of his but he couldn’t hold it in even if he tried.

He didn’t try.

He was so happy. So uncontrollably happy. He had a perfect score in Strictly. He had Phil. He had an appetite for life and so many ideas for videos and podcasts that had he had been unable to start but that he was excited about all the same.

He was so damn happy to be alive.

There were helpful and strong hands collecting him and Phil from the floor. Their competitors who were really friends at this point. Dan wasn’t sure when the cameras switched off, and they focused on the next dance but it definitely took longer to him to make the laughter come down.

One other couple managed to get a perfect score too, and the others weren’t far behind with three or two 10s and 9s to make up for the rest. They were all pretty equally matched in scores. Dan liked that. He was so happy that no one had bombed on the final night. It would have felt so horrible.

The show went for the commercial break and to start counting the votes that had coming in all evening. It was done by a machine but there were people still checking over the data. Some of the others seemed curious about the votes, the pros in particular, but Phil just sat down next to Dan on the sofa in the shared waiting room.

“Do you think we’ll win?” Dan found himself asked.

He tilted his head close to Phil’s and even if there were other people in the room, they were off in their own little world again.

“Honestly?”

“I always want you to be honest with me.”

“I want us to win. Part of me still hopes that we will but another part of me has long ago accepted that making it to the finale was more than enough of a victory. I’ve always wanted to make it here. It was my goal when I joined Strictly three years ago and you’re the first one who’ve taken me here.”

“I’d love to get you a trophy too,” Dan said honestly.

“But you don’t think we’ll win,” Phil pointed out.

Not accusingly. Dan wasn’t even sure that Phil knew how to be accusatory.

Dan took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Who knows? Like you said, it would be nice to win. For us, for what we’ve come to represent, but I’m not holding out for it. Being here? A huge victory. I refuse to have it soured by not making it the final step up on the podium. Did you know that people say silver medal winners are more upset than bronze medal winners? Because they came so close to victory so now the second place feels lesser somehow, whereas the third place only just made it onto the podium.”

“You know it’s just going to be a winner and top 4 here, right?” Phil teased and nudged his shoulder.

They were still in their show dance costumes, so Dan reached over and tangled his hands into the front of the jacket and the buttons he had carefully done up. Phil just smiled and chuckled.

“I know but I was making a point. I refuse to feel bad about making it so damn far and then just not being able to take the final step up. And in my heart, I’ve already won anyway.”

“Oh, by being here, you mean?”

“Nope,” Dan said, looking intensely at Phil and tightening his hand a little, pulling the material taunt.

“Dan,” Phil said and there was that emotional tone again.

“Yeah,” Dan said, a little embarrassed to be this blunt but he didn’t want to hold back. He had spent so much of his life holding back. His identity, his sexuality, his mental health. He was finally unabashedly himself. “I’ve already got you,” Dan whispered. “So, I’ve won.”

Phil moved his hand to press against the one that Dan was now mostly resting on Phil’s chest, with just a few strings and a shirt in the way. Dan could feel Phil’s heartbeat. Steady and strong.

In love.

Dan was surprisingly not nervous to step out and take his spot with Phil and the other three couples. He wasn’t nervous when the dramatic music came on. He wasn’t nervous when Claudia and Tess started speaking and trying to make everything more exciting and grander.

Dan decided to stand as the woman of the couple because it meant that he could lean against Phil behind him. He had planned to stand side by side by Phil, tradition be damned but he was tired and it was too appealing to be able to lean against Phil.

Dan tuned out the hyping up from the hosts and the sounds of anticipation from the audience. He just focused on the feel of Phil behind him and he took a moment to look around at the six other dancers out there on the stage with him.

They were all dancers now. Himself, Harry, Carrie and Annie. They hadn’t been dancers when they began this but they certainly had turned into it along the way. They still had years and years to go if they ever wanted to come near catching up to the pros but Dan felt like they could call themselves dancers not, at the very least.

The dramatic music intensified. Dan closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

The moment was dragged out.

“The winner is…” one of the hosts finally said. Dan couldn’t even distinguish the voice. It sounded distorted and slightly like an echo from where he was spacing out.

Seconds dragged on. They felt like minutes.

More seconds of anticipation. Those started to feel like hours.

Finally, a sound. A call out. Two names.

“Harry and Dianne!”

Dan blinked his eyes open and it was almost too much. There were glitter and confetti coming down from the ceiling. Too many people seemed like they were shouting. Dan turned to his side and saw that Dianne had jumped into Harry’s arms and he was spinning her around. He finally stopped when he spun right into Dan and Phil and Phil managed to catch Dianne before he dropped her.

"Congratulations,” Phil said, warmly and sincerely. “But dropping your partner, teacher and choreographer can’t be the best way to start celebrating.”

Harry and Dianne both started laughing, and so did Dan. Dan and Phil were the first people to be pulled into the arms of the winning couple, hugs exchanged all ways. And Dan made sure to congratulate them again and again. There were genuinely no hard feelings.

He knew that Harry and Dianne had worked really hard. Harry might have had a slight advantage with his musical ear and his huge fanbase but it wasn’t something that he could outwardly help. He had been nothing but kind whenever they had spoken and he had clearly worked really hard to make each dance the best it could be.

Dan next made sure to find and hug Carrie.

“Turns out that we were both wrong,” Carrie said with a laugh.

“Except there are more ways to win something other than a trophy,” Dan said and threw her a wink. “More ways to get a happy ending.”

“Oh, you little brat,” Carrie said, affectionally and laughed.

It was a revolving door of hugs. Judges coming onto the floor as well. Then most of them were ushered off stage to allow Harry and Dianne to formally accept their trophies. They both sounded a little surprised and they were really sweet people both.

Dan didn’t mind that they had gotten it.

Dan found Phil in all the mess, watching on the side-lines, and they leaned against each other. They didn’t exchange words, just soft and understanding smiles.

Everyone rushed back onto the stage once more, also Harry and Dianne’s family and friends coming in. Dan noticed Joe Sugg who was prompt to sweep his girlfriend off the floor and proudly give her a kiss.

Sometimes, Dan wondered if heterosexuals were even aware of the privilege they had at times.

It wasn’t a bitter thought at Joe and Dianne. They should be able to do that and it was good that they could. Dan could just still yearn to have the same for himself.

Well for himself and Phil.

Dan was unsure when the cameras turned off and the show ended. He was pretty sure that it had been running late as it was, but eventually Dan noticed that the camara men left their cameras, pulling them back and the sound team retreated as well. The show was finally over.

After more than thirteen weeks, Strictly Come Dancing had closed for the season.

“Daniel!”

Dan turned around at the sound of his grandmother’s voice and it was quite something to see her blow through the crowd. There was something terrifying about old ladies like that. They had no fear. Everyone moved away from her.

Dan was quick to bend down and pull her gently into a hug when she got close enough. He wasn’t even sure that everyone else’s family members were allowed out here on the stage but he wasn’t surprised that she had weaselled in. She had a knack for that.

“Hi nan,” Dan said. “What do you think? Did I make you proud?”

“Oh, you silly boy,” she said and Dan was surprised to see tears in her eyes. He felt instantly like he was supposed to apologise. “I’ve been proud of you this whole time. I would have been proud of you no matter how well you did.”

“Oi, that’s not what you said on the phone every week!” Dan argued but he was laughing.

“That was motivation,” she said and then turned to Phil who was standing beside Phil. “Thank you for taking good care of my grandson. You kept your promise well.”

“Promise? What promise?”

“Oh,” Phil said and then smiled. “When I first met your grandmother, she made me promise to look after you and make you feel safe.”

“Nan,” Dan said, feeling both embarrassed and a little touched.

“Oh, shush, everyone needs to be taken care of now and again,” she said and reached out to squeeze Phil’s hand. “And you two make such a lovely couple.”

Dan opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. He wasn’t sure if she meant just dancing couple or romantic couple. Dan hadn’t told her anything but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t have figured out something.

“Where is my child?” someone called out and once more, Dan got to see the crowd part for a woman.

She was older but no less determined and fierce and the way she pulled Phil into a hug as soon as she got close told Dan all that he needed to know. Phil’s mother.

“I’m so proud of you, Phil,” she said and it looked like she was holding him tight enough to bruise. Phil had to lean down to accept the embrace and hug back and Dan was suddenly so thankful that him and Phil nearly matched in height so it was so easy to lean into each other for an embrace.

“And this is the elusive Dan that I haven’t been allowed to meet?” Kath said the second she had let go of her son.

Dan hadn’t expected to be pulled into a tight hug not unlike the one she had just given her son. Dan found Phil’s eyes and he just smiled and shrugged.

“She’s a hugger,” he said.

When Kath let go, she narrowed her eyes at Phil. “Everyone needs more hugs and besides that he’s an honorary member of the family already. It’s very nice to meet you, Dan. I’ve heard _so much_ about you from my dear son.”

Dan was just trying to process it all. Honorary member of the family. He had just met her and yet she was ready to open her arms and welcome him inside, both literally and metaphorically.

“Mum,” Phil said and he looked half-panicked, glancing over at Dan.

It was fun to see now, but it probably wouldn’t have been if it had been a couple of weeks ago and they still hadn’t found their way to each other.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said and waved her hands.

“Well, my grandson is too impolite, so I will introduce myself,” Dan’s grandmother said and reached over to pull Kath into a hug.

Oh, those two were going to get on and turn deadly. Dan was already sure of it. Phil seemed to be similarly concerned.

“Did you plough down the rest of the family on your way?” Phil asked.

“Nonsense,” she said. “They found Dan’s family.”

“What?” Dan asked. Suddenly very regretful that he hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to his family to tell them that they had to play nice. They probably would anyway but Adrian and his mother could be a bit much to handle, and his grandfather had absolutely no filter. Dan’s only saviour could be that Pj was there and he had met some of Dan’s family before but he might be trying to shield Sophie.

Dan and Phil looked at each other.

“We should go check on them,” they both agreed with a quick nod. They left Dan’s grandmother and Phil’s mother behind, even if those were the ones that they should probably be the most worried about gossiping.

They found them at a shared table, everyone squeezed in together. It wasn’t where they had sat during the show but they must have claimed the table during all the celebration. Dan saw his mother and Adrian, his grandfather, Pj and Sophie and then Cornelia and Martyn along with an older man who he could assume would be Phil’s father, Nigel.

They all looked cosy as heck.

“Huh, they seem to be getting along?” Phil said, pausing just a little bit away. None of them had even seen Dan and Phil approached too deep in conversation. Dan couldn’t hear what they were talking about but he could see the smiles and the relaxed postures.

“Yeah. Weird.”

“Good, you mean.”

“Good?”

“Of course. Makes everything easier for us if they get along,” Phil said. “No need for us to fight about our families not getting along.”

“I might cut off my family for you,” Dan said a little too honestly. “Or at least distance myself. I’m not as close as you are with yours.”

Phil pulled Dan’s gaze away from the table, grabbing both of his shoulders and physically turning him.

“Dan, I don’t want you to ever give up something for me,” Phil said and looked intensely into Dan’s eyes. “Obviously I’ll support you fully in how little or much you want to see them but even if I didn’t like them, I’d never make you not see them. You love your grandmother; I can hear that in your voice. You sounded touched that more of your family was coming to watch this. It’s okay.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dan said and he had to make himself keep Phil’s gaze. It was hard being vulnerable like this in front of someone. It was easier with Phil but it still didn’t make it easy. “Family can just be complicated, you know?”

“I know, but look,” Phil said, turning Dan’s face to see the only two people that had spotted them. It was Pj and Sophie. Pj winked and Sophie smiled at them. “There’s chosen family too. One doesn’t have to exclude the others. I’m really looking forward to getting to know Pj and Sophie, I know you haven’t gotten to see them much with how intense training has been. And I can’t wait for you to spend more time with Martyn and Cornelia too. Maybe all six of us could do something together in London.”

“Sounds adult,” Dan said, thinking of three couples going out and doing something together.

“Nah, it’s only adult if we make it. I’m always going to be a child at hard. Relax because I will never let you grow into a grumpy old man.”

“Is that a promise?” Dan asked.

“One of many,” Phil said and Dan wanted to lean in and kiss him.

There were hundreds of people around them, even if talking to Phil could make them all seem like they disappeared.

“What are you two standing there for?” Kath asked and gave them a push forward. “Go say hello!”

It called attention to them from all of the table who almost simultaneously rose from their seats. Hugs, smiles and congratulations ensued. No one seemed disappointed that they hadn’t won. The only one who even mentioned it was Pj when he was joking around saying he had betted on some site that they would win and they now owed him money. Pj most definitely would never do that, and Dan laughed loudly and pulled his friend in for an extra hug and apologised for having been so distracted lately.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Dan said.

“Dan, it’s all good. It’s just good to see you happy. You look really, really happy, man.”

Dan felt like he could cry.

“Now,” Nigel said, loud dad-voice booming. “We are taking everyone out for dinner to celebrate.”

“Everyone?” someone asked. Dan wasn’t even sure who.

“Yes, everyone who wants to come is welcome,” Nigel confirmed. “I’m so proud of my boy for making it to the final and of his partner too, of course. You both did so well.”

Dan felt very touched at Phil’s father’s words and he once more wondered if the choice of word was deliberate. Phil had said that his mother seemed to have connected the dots so it wasn’t unreasonable that his father would know too.

Dan looked over at his mother, and there was something in her eyes too. An understanding. Dan was surprised to see it, but pleasantly. She offered him a small smile.

Dan wasn’t really to tell her, not yet, but maybe he would be sooner than he had realised.

“You and Phil should go change then,” she told him gently and reached out to hold his hand. Her touch was so warm. So nice. “Unless you want to wear your costumes, I supposed it could-”

“No, we’ll change,” Dan said. “Definitely.”

“Yeah, let’s go, Dan,” Phil said and then looked over at his family. “Everyone behave!”

“We are never behaved, we are Lesters, mate!” Martyn called out but Phil just rolled his eyes and pulled Dan along by the hand. Holding hands was becoming second nature. There were still other people and cameras but Dan didn’t really care if people saw them hold hands.

Phil didn’t seem to care either. He had said the wasn’t publicly out but he didn’t explicitly try to hide it. He was just fine either way. Dan kind of admired anyone who could have that kind of mindset.

They closed their dressing room door behind them. This would be the last time they would change in here. They still had the room for few days and the whole place closed down for Christmas.

Phil stepped up to start unbuttoning Dan’s jacket, and Dan’s hands did the same to Phil’s. They worked effectively like that, helping each other out without even agreeing on it. As more layers were dropped, they turned their backs. Neither tried to sneak a peek, just being in a relationship didn’t automatically give you access and permission to look to the other’s body.

Besides they were kind of saving all of that fun stuff for later.

It wasn’t like it wasn’t just as fulfilling to pull each other into a hug that quickly morphed into an embrace after they had gotten back into their regular clothes. It wasn’t anything fancy for either of them but it didn’t really matter. If it was a fancy place, they were going for dinner they would just have to deal, Dan thought. No one was prying him out of his comfort clothes. He had put them on this morning for good luck. His best jeans and a striped jumper. Phil was in black jeans too, only without the rips, and a jumper that has writing across the chest. Dan liked that they kind of matched.

Dan could feel their chests rise and fall against each other; arms pulled around torsos but just gently holding on. Dan realised that they hadn’t even exchanged a single word since they stepped into the dressing room, and yet they had communicated so much.

Dan had to say it again though. The first time this round.

“I love you,” he said, pulling Phil a little closer.

“I love you too,” Phil replied and there was a gentle nudge of their heads against each other.

“Is it weird that I’m not disappointed? Like not even one bit? Just calm. Very happy. Kinda relieved.”

“It’s not weird,” Phil assured Dan. “I feel like that too. I think it would have been amazing to win. But I am too content and pleased to be upset about not getting the trophy. Dan, we got three dances with a total of 117 points. Only three points away from the maximum. That’s incredible. I care much more about that thank our ranking. All the other couples were good.”

Dan hummed in agreement. “But we’re the best couple.”

“Yes,” Phil agreed easily. “Because we’re the only real couple.”

Dan knew their families and friends were waiting for them but he couldn’t make himself rush this. He wanted to stay in Phil’s arms. He leaned up to kiss him. Kiss him with love like it had been interrupted before. It was a languid kiss, pull of emotion and void of any stress. Dan let out a little sigh and let himself just fall into Phil.

Phil’s mouth, Phil’s hands, Phil’s body, Phil’s mind. He wanted it all.

Time stilled in the kisses and Dan felt once more how his world could narrow down to such little a space.

“Hey?” Phil asked against Dan’s lips.

“Hey,” Dan said, pressing another kiss to his mouth.

Phil smiled and then giggled. “I want you to come home to my parents next week.”

“Huh?”

“Just for a couple of days before Christmas. You mentioned that you weren’t going to your parents until the noon of Christmas Eve anyway. I’ll be up North from Monday until the 29th. I can’t be without you all that time.”

“Are you asking me to come home with you? Proper, childhood home, stay with you in your parents’ house home?” Dan asked.

He was surprised, but mostly by how it didn’t feel like too much or too soon. He had thought that his logical brain would kick in and argue that he would be intruding or going where he wasn’t wanted. He expected it to tell him that he was rushing into this. A few months weren’t very long in the grand scheme of things and in reality, they had only been an item for a few weeks.

But Dan felt completely calm when posed with the question. Like it was just another stepping stone that came up naturally for them. And the idea that he would have to be without Phil for more than a week was certainly also good motivation.

“Yes, Dan,” Phil said, smiling so softly and wonderfully and Dan felt inexplicably lucky that he had found Phil.

That Strictly had chosen Phil to take on the gay wild card.

He was the only one who could have handled him anyway.

“Then yes, if it’s okay with your family. Of course. I always want to spend more time with you,” Dan said honestly.

It dawned on him then. It seemed to dawn on Phil at the same time.

“Great, because we have time. You and me. Together,” Phil said and took Dan’s hand.

They had an ocean of possibilities in front of them. They had all the time they wanted, for as long as they wanted.

“Unless you tire of me,” Dan joked and it was honestly mostly a joke, but it was difficult to shake the self-deprecation at times.

Phil surprised him by grabbing him by the hips and promptly lifting him up. Entirely too easily. He was showing off. Dan was smiling, so in love.

“Never going to happen,” Phil said. “I’ve decided to love you for forever, I think.”

It was cliché and not something one should promise. Things could fall apart or circumstances could change. But even so, Dan’s heart sang and he wanted to believe in this kind of forever. His heart told him to believe in it.

“You and me, pal,” Dan said as Phil put him down on his feet.

“Against the world,” Phil added with yet another failed wink.

It made them both burst out laughing. They may not have been holding a trophy at the end of the night but they could take each other by the hand and that was so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Outfits](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/637967277967458304/as-you-might-have-guessed-todays-strictly-come)
> 
> What did you think? Did you think DnP would win? Lose? I can reveal now that it has been planned from the very beginning that they were going to make it to the finale but not win. Who out of the other three couples were going to win was a spontaneous decision though literally as I wrote the names for the announcement. I'm sorry I didn't include more of DnP with their families but they are kind of out of their minds and not able to properly talk after three dances and all the tension and excitement. Man, if I keep writing, I am going to get sentimental. I will save it for the last author's note on the epilogue. 
> 
> The epilogue will go up soon, probably not on Saturday but likely before the new year. 
> 
> Just a lil sentimental note, I'll allow myself now: Thank you so much for reading and all the support you've given this fic. It truly means so so much. And (early) Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
> 
> EDIT: I'm looking over the comments already and getting real emotional but please remember the fic still has one final "chapter", an epilogue, so we're not quite at the final end yet.


	19. Epilogue: The Instagram Post That Confirmed It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk hand in hand with the man that you love. It was a wildly different stage from the one they had taken to each week to dance their asses off but both almost preferred this scene. Just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go for the last time. I hope you enjoy!

Dan had never been to Isle of Man before and he had quickly decided that he would never want to be here without Phil. There was something calming about it, how it felt like they were in their own little bubble of existence.

Back in August when Dan had first met Phil, he could never have imagined that he would be here, just a couple of days before Christmas, walking hand in hand with this man. Kath had shooed them out for a walk, and promised that there would be fresh mince pies when they returned.

Dan felt like he was eating every other hour while at Phil’s parents but he didn’t want to turn away any of the food. It was delicious and created with so much love and care. Dan had never really grown up around someone who baked and created food from scratch. This whole place seemed like a fairy-tale.

Perhaps most of all thanks to the dashing, charming man on his arm.

Dan looked to the left to take Phil in and Phil chose that moment to trip over something and nearly sending himself and Dan rolling down the hill next to the gravel path that they were walking on. Dan broke into laugher at the same time that he was reaching out to stabilise Phil and keep him on his feet.

“Thank you,” Phil said, and there was not a hint of embarrassment in his voice. He didn’t care that Dan had just seen him trip. They weren’t self-conscious around each other about stuff like that, not anymore. Hours and hours spend training dance together meant that it took much more to embarrass them.

Dan wasn’t sure he could ever be embarrassed around Phil like he could with other people. It was like Phil made him feel so safe. Even when one of them were being silly or goofy or making mistakes, it was never seen as a bad thing. Shortly before leaving London, they had fallen into bed for the first time together where things had gotten heated and even that part had been easy. The easiest that Dan had ever experienced while sleeping with someone. They were in sync like they had been on the dancefloor and they had kept talking and communicating the whole way through. They were certainly proving that their chemistry was an all-round thing no matter the situation. 

After when they had cuddled up in each other’s arms, Dan had jokingly said that Phil had ruined him for all other men. Phil had squeezed him tighter and hummed in appreciation.

Dan had been joking then, but looking at Phil now, the cold wind biting colour into his cheeks, his hair rustled but somehow still cool, eyes bright and in love, Dan knew he would never ever find anyone like Phil again.

Phil was clever in a way Dan had never met before, he was kind and compassionate beyond even reason sometimes and he was as beautiful on the outside as on the inside. Dan could talk to him about anything. They were so many things to each other already. Dance partners, confidants, cuddle buddies, best friends, boyfriends, lovers, partners in crime, and even soulmates.

No one label would ever be able to fit them properly. It was undefinable what excited between them but that was simply because it was too grand to be limited by something as simple as words.

“You’re lost in your thoughts again,” Phil said, knocking his shoulder into Dan’s and Dan realised that they had almost walked all the way down to the water without him noticing.

“You want to know what I’m thinking about?” Dan asked.

With other people, he would have been worried about being called out for disappearing into his head and he most certainly would never have tried to put his thought spirals into words that could be spoken out loud. But it was different with Phil. Everything was different with Phil.

“Always,” Phil said and there was a squeeze on his hand.

Dan was walking, nearly, on the beach, holding hands with the man who was probably going to be the love of his life. He had never felt more content with the world. Not everything was fixed, his brain could still get bad at times and his future projects still made him anxious too, but this was something good and pure. Something nice in his life that he had wanted for so long but never thought he would get.

It was much easier to pretend you weren’t romantic or craving something like that when you worried that you’d never find it. Though, having found it now, Dan wanted every single soul still waiting to find their person to find them as soon as possible.

He sent that thought out into the universe. Phil would have appreciated that sentiment.

“I was thinking about us,” Dan said, and allowed him to lean closer to Phil, to bump their arms together just because he could. “What we are to each other.”

“Come up with an answer?” Phil asked, an amused tilt in his voice.

“I came up with too many,” Dan said, and a chuckle made its way up his throat. He let go of Phil’s hand to instead interlink their arms and start pulling him along. Phil followed into step next to him easily. “Just prove that we can’t be put into a box, you know?”

“Care to share some of them?” Phil asked, both of them still speed-walking. They’d made it off the path and onto the beach now.

“Arch enemies,” Dan said first because he was a little shit at heart. “Best friends, business partners, soulmates, just mates, husbands.”

Phil let out a scoff, but it was overly fond and he looked so soft when Dan turned his head to catch his expression.

“Don’t remember any one of us pulling out a ring.”

“That’s the one you question? Not arch enemies?” Dan asked, laughing because there was a brightness in his chest.

Being next to Phil made him feel like he was on top of the world. Like he had found a home in a pair of eyes instead of four walls. It was such an addicting feel and Dan hoped this never stopped.

And maybe because the idea of them getting married years down the line was a natural one. Inevitable, Dan liked to think. Phil reaction only made him even more sure of that.

“Well, that just adds a certain flavour, doesn’t it? We’d probably be arch enemies in a parallel universe. Imagine it? Our story told over and over again, but always finding each other?”

Dan had to take a moment to even process that. It was so beautiful, so romantic, even if Phil was probably imagining the two of them as aliens fighting to tear each other’s heads off. Even that still had a charm.

“I wouldn’t be able to kill you,” Dan said.

“I would,” Phil replied, and a second later, Phil was throwing a sideways palm right into Dan’s chest. It didn’t hurt, not through the padded jacket, but it was still enough to stun him for a moment.

He looked down at Phil’s hand lingering on his chest and then back up to meet Phil’s eyes. Phil was smiling, the kind of in love smile that Dan had been seeing so much more recently over this past week. His smile changed to the mischievous one, tongue poking out of the side and then Dan decided to play ball.

“Oh, it’s _on_ ,” Dan said and Phil let out a giggle as he started to flee with Dan chasing after him.

Dan wasn’t sure how long they ran around like kids without a care in the world. It was a game of catch but more for fun than anything else. They’d already caught each other after all.

Laughter sounded through the air and they were alone out here. No one else could be seen or heard. Dan was thankful for his better stamina and his comfort around Phil. It almost felt like they were dancing, even if their movements were clumsy and uncoordinated. Dan had started out chasing Phil but then Phil had turned the table and so back and forth it had gone.

It was really only a matter of time before Dan flopped down onto the ground.

Phil came to stand over him, hands on his hips and looking down adoringly.

“Weird place for a lie down.”

“Any place is a good place to lie down if you try hard enough,” Dan said and shuffled to the side a little. The beach was more stones than sand in some parts, and it was cold and slightly damp but Phil laid down next to Dan all the same. Dan could feel his ridiculous reindeer earmuff being pushed half off his head and it didn’t matter.

He had Phil next to him.

Through thick and thin.

“So… I’ve been thinking about something,” Phil said, reaching over to find Dan’s hand, even as Phil kept his gaze on the blue sky above them. 

Some part of Dan wanted to look around, to ensure that no one had come near and could see them now. Some habits were buried so deep down that they were hard to shake. He kept his gaze on Phil’s face though.

Fuck the rest of the world if they wanted to look at them. Him and Phil had been the centre of attention for like a third of the whole of UK on a weekly basis for months and it had made him feel more comfortable in some ways. People were going to look and make their assumptions anyway. Dan had grown so much; he was so secure in who he was right now and no one could shake that out of him.

He was only protective of him and Phil, the _us_ they made up together, because it was still new, even if the bond was strong. 

“Tell me?” Dan asked softly.

“I want to come out,” Phil said, simply and securely. Like a fact. It didn’t sound hesitant or said in pain, like Dan was sure he had sounded when he had first admitted that he wanted to come out to his channel to Pj. Phil said it simply like a fact, no different from his hair being black right now.

“Okay,” Dan said and squeezed his hand. “I’ll be here to support you however you want to do it.”

“And us? Would you want to come out as an us?” Phil asked and now he turned his head to look right at Dan.

Dan felt a rush of panic for a hot second, before it was knocked out of the way from a stronger wave of euphoria. He had told himself that he was fine not saying anything about them, maybe never publicly acknowledging it and he truly was, but there was something about the idea of people knowing for real that him and Phil were a thing that made him feel nice.

Dan wanted to shout his love from the rooftops if Phil would allow it.

“I would,” Dan said, smiling. “If you would, I would. In some ways, I want to keep you all to myself, to hold what we have close to our chests but I also… it would be amazing to be out, together. That lightness that comes in your chest when you’re done hiding something important part of your life, you know? But Phil, first and foremost, it has to be when you’re ready to come out. You cannot come out for me; it has to be for yourself.”

“You’re sweet,” Phil said and there was a gloved hand on Dan’s cheek. It was a little coarse but Dan could imagine the feel of Phil’s fingers without it easily enough. It had become a familiar kind of touch really quickly. “But I’ve been wanting to come out for a while. Glass closet and all that. I don’t really care about it, and frankly, you know what I want?”

“What?” Dan asked.

“I want to make gay jokes. I have so many good gay jokes and I always bite my tongue when I’m out in public or around people that I haven’t explicitly told. It’s inhibiting my humour and depraving people of my brilliance.”

Dan burst out laughing and he was instinctively curling towards Phil, almost rolling on top of him.

“Oof, you’re heavy,” Phil teased, even as his arm came up behind Dan to pull him closer.

“You’ve lifted me!” Dan shouted, loudly between laughs.

Dan had managed to almost lie on top of Phil now. His face had gotten all up in Phil’s without even meaning to. Dan’s eyes didn’t look around the beach, he just looked into Phil’s eyes. The urge to look around, to check their surroundings, was fading fast. Phil’s soft and beautiful eyes that looked at Dan in a way that Dan was sure no one had ever looked before.

“Can I kiss you?” Dan asked. There was a rush of fear in his chest but the excitement was bigger. Brighter. Dan had found Phil and damn if he wasn’t going to take advantage of every moment they would share, even if he hoped it would be an infinite amount.

Phil wiggled his eyebrows. “I don’t know, can you?”

Dan let out a fond snort and gently bonked their foreheads together. “I hate you,” Dan said, every single tone speaking to the contrary truth.

“Oh, I hate you too, so much,” Phil said and leaned in close. Their noses touched, a little acknowledgement and then Dan felt the soft brush of Phil’s lips. It couldn’t be more than a second, a tiny peck of a kiss but Dan felt a flush through his whole body.

Dan supposed that was what love could do to you.

“We should get back,” Dan said, rolling off of Phil and getting to his feet. He extended a hand and helped Phil up as well. They were both a little clammy now but it didn’t matter. “I don’t want Kath mad at me for stealing away time with her son.”

“Oh, she adores you already, you can do no wrong. You’ve been on exemplary behaviour since we arrived. You’re upstaging me, you know? It’s rude.”

“No, it’s my duty, as your boyfriend,” Dan said, putting emphasis on his words.

“Oh, so you’ve settled on boyfriends now. Thought we didn’t fit into labels?” Phil teased.

“No, I said we won’t fit into a box and that there are _too many_ labels, boyfriend is just one of them!” Dan argued.

“Fair, fair,” Phil said. “Hey, want to help me film a really silly coming out video? I’m thinking, me in a closet opening the door and just saying ‘I’m gay’, what do you think?”

“You know you’re asking the one who did a 45 minute video essay about coming out, correct?” Dan asked, chuckling.

The fact that he and Phil would have such different experiences was a nice thing. They were different people but yet similar in all the ways that mattered.

“I’m aware,” Phil said.

“Well, I think it’s perfect actually. It’s funny and clever and straight to the point. Just like you. You could always borrow my channel to make a longer video if you’d want that.”

“You’d let me do that?” Phil asked, and he sounded surprised.

Dan understood Phil’s surprise to some degree. Dan was protective of his channel. It was his first baby out of all his creations. He didn’t allow people on it very often, even in collabs, but of course he would have Phil on it. He was already thinking that they could maybe make some dancing videos now that the Strictly stress was gone.

“Yeah, I’d let _you_ ,” Dan replied. “Come on, Phil. Let go figure out how we’re telling the world then.”

It was a simple video to film, even if Dan wished that he had brought his camera with him. The iPhone camera was good quality now, certainly much better than the potato that Dan had originally filmed on when he started making videos, but it was not his current camera. Phil was giggling the whole time, even as he was speaking the words, but honestly that just added to it.

He also banged his knee when he closed back up the closet door and it made Dan burst out into laughter. It was no real surprise that that take was the one who made it and Phil insisted on only cutting it after you could hear both Phil’s laugh coming from inside of the closet and Dan’s laughter from where he was holding the camera.

Phil didn’t even take much contemplation time. They looked over the video maybe a couple of times, decided it was fine without any edits and Phil just uploaded it straight to his Twitter and Instagram. Dan didn’t even hesitate before going to like it in both places, and retweet it on Twitter.

Martyn and Cornelia who had been out of the house while Dan and Phil had been filming came home with Martyn shouting loudly that he was never told anything ever. It was only then that Dan had realised that Phil hadn’t even told his family what he was planning on doing, coming out publicly.

They all got to talk about it over dinner, the last dinner that Dan would have before he’d have to catch a flight in the morning and head towards his parents’ place for Christmas. Everyone was loving and supportive and proud of Phil. It was celebrated but not made to be a big thing. It was lowkey and adorable and Phil didn’t even look obsessively at his phone like Dan had done when he first came out.

Looking at all of this, Dan wondered if this was what a healthy mindset looked like, a healthy situation. Usually, seeing something like this would have made him bristle with jealousy, even if he would never let anyone see it and still heartedly commend the people caught in their joy.

It was different now. He was invited into it. Maybe, him and Phil could both teach something to each other. Phil could teach Dan balance – it was fitting really, being the dancer that he was – and Dan could teach Phil to speak for himself. It was a realisation that he had only come to recently, but Phil seemed much more relaxed and open compared to when Dan had met him.

It was a nice feeling having someone in your corner like that.

The last night at the Lesters also brought about boardgames, which Dan had already figured out was something that the family took very seriously. He had no trouble blending in in that respect. Somehow, both him and Phil lost and as a punishment, they were requested to dance. Martyn had dared them, looking at Phil with a challenge in his eyes and Phil had instantly pulled Dan up with him.

Martyn had picked the song, _Thinking Out Loud_ , and it was far too romantic and lovely song to just jump into under normal circumstances but this was different. They were in Phil’s home. They were safe and treasured. Dan had never felt so at home in a stranger’s place before. He gazed into Phil’s eyes and he was pretty sure he knew the answer to why it was so.

Sometimes, home isn’t four walls but a pair of eyes after all.

The dance was a catastrophe but in the best way. Phil really did not do well with freestyling out of the blue, it was stilted compared to his usual flawless movements, and Dan was clumsy and a little wine tipsy. The lack of space didn’t help much either but they stumbled through a couple of steps, and Dan spun Phil around a couple of times. It was by far their worst attempt at ever dancing together.

It was perfect.

Cornelia had sneakily recorded the video and part of Dan wanted to cringe out of his skin and another part of him wanted to share this with everyone in the whole wide world. He asked Cornelia for the video.

Saying goodbye to Phil was hard, even if it would be less than a week before they would see each other again. They already had plans for New Years together. Dan told himself that he could manage a Christmas and then a few more days.

The following morning, they said goodbye in the car simply so they could have a proper goodbye kiss. It was a kiss that lingered, a little desperation littered into it, but not of the bad kind. This was more of a see-you-soon kiss in all honesty. Dan had never quite felt so sure of anything in his life. He liked this certainty more than he could put into words.

“Want to upload it together?” Phil asked when they finally separated their lips. “If you do it on the journey, you’ll just agonise over it and you’ll not want to do it when you’re with your family.”

“How come you know me so well?” Dan asked, narrowing his eyes but keeping his tone teasing.

“Because I wanted to,” Phil said simply and leaned across the space to put a kiss to Dan’s temple. “I still want to learn everything about you.”

So soft and so tender, just like the simple words that he had spoken so easily. Dan should perhaps not be close to tears but he was.

“Let’s upload it together then,” Dan said. “Okay, Christmas selfie and just a short caption. Enough to confirm but not shout it directly, yeah?”

Phil hummed and leaned in closer so he could see Dan’s screen. Dan tilted the screen so Phil could see a little better. He felt some type of way about writing such an important announcement just on the fly but it was something that had rummaged around in his head ever since they had agreed to do it yesterday. It was probably better just to speak his mind.

It was what had gotten him on Strictly to begin with. He couldn’t even begin to be thankful for how that tweet had come about. He probably owed his grandmother some flowers.

“What do you think of this?” Dan asked. It was just three sentences but Dan knew that he would ramble too much if he allowed himself to write any more. The urge was there, to profess his love for Phil in detail, but he would rather write that down to Phil instead of sharing it where potentially the whole world could see.

“It’s good,” Phil said, warmly. “Hey, add the dancing video from last night too. I know you got Corn to send it to you.”

“No, I didn’t,” Dan lied.

Phil chuckled. “Yes, you did. And you should add that too. It’s fun and nice.”

“It doesn’t make us look like very good dancers,” Dan pointed out, even as he was opening up the gallery and adding the video as a second post.

“Who cares about that? We’ve already proved that we’re good dancers. We got to the Strictly finale and frankly, I know you and I can dance well. But I can also dance poorly when I’m just goofing off. It’s good to remind people that there are always two sides, isn’t it?”

“When did you get this wise and what have you done with my Phil?” Dan asked and then he felt a little heat rush up into his cheeks as he realised what he had just called Phil.

“Oh, your Phil, huh?” Phil asked and he sounded utterly delighted so Dan didn’t even try to take it back. He waited for the burn of embarrassment but it didn’t come either. It was truly a remarkable thing. He was a little flustered but not embarrassed.

“Are you not?” Dan asked, smiling cheekily.

“Yes, my Dan, I am. I’m my own too but I choose to be yours,” Phil said. “Now, let me see your phone.”

Dan handed the phone over willingly and not a second later Phil had pressed to upload.

“PHIL! I didn’t even get to proofread it again,” Dan complained, but not in earnest. They both knew Dan would have hesitated too long to press the button.

“Didn’t need to,” Phil said. “It’s perfect. See?”

Phil handed Dan back the phone and he got to look at it again. Hearts were already pouring in, but Dan had trouble taking the eyes of the photo of them together. He was fairly sure that he had never looked like that before, around anyone, and Phil looked so soft and wonderful too. They looked in love.

**danielhowell** we may not have won the glitter ball but we have found something a million times more special. strictly was just for a season but we are decidedly not. best wishes from us xoxo.

Phil leaned closer to Dan again. Dan wanted to get out of this damn car, so he could give him a proper hug but for now this would have to do. He would make up for it for keeping Phil a whole day in his bed once they reunited after Christmas.

“I can’t wait to live my gay life with you,” Phil whispered, almost like he was sharing a secret with the universe. His quiet voice was loud in the small car.

“Gay as in happy or gay as in homosexual?” Dan asked teasingly.

Phil punched him, a love tab really. Phil communicated a lot with his body.

“Both, you silly boy. Always both.”

Dan couldn’t wait to live his gay life with Phil by his side. Any trophy truly paled in comparison. He had gotten what he hadn’t even known that he wanted. He could never have predicted Phil Lester but he was endlessly thankful for Phil coming into his life.

“That’s gay,” Dan said. He knew Phil would take the bait.

Phil wiggled his eyebrows. “It’s _very_ gay.”

They parted after one final kiss and the Instagram post was already out in the world. It made the news that the male Strictly dancers were both gay and “very close”, meanwhile Dan’s whole audience lost their mind for momentarily but in the best way. Dan didn’t look up the reactions but what he did hear directly from people in his life was nothing but support and happiness. He was glad for it but nothing really mattered as much as when he got to hold Phil’s hand again when they finally reunited in London after Christmas with their respective families.

They had already made history, now they could focus on just being the two of them. Out and proud.

It was indeed very gay in the best way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/625270952888025089/strictly-come-dancing-but-make-it-gay-phan-dance) (thank you to anyone who helps this reach new readers)  
> [Dan and Phil's walking outfits](https://natigail.tumblr.com/post/639768412901556224/natigail-natigail-i-know-some-of-you-will-be) (not quite the extravagant dance outfits but they're cute)  
> [Voting for the phanfic awards](https://phanficawards.tumblr.com/post/638591775241633792/voting-for-the-phanfic-awards-2020-is-live) (this fic is nominated for so many things thanks to you all <3)  
> [My main tumblr](http://natigail.tumblr.com/) (if you want to chat, my askbox is always open)
> 
> I can't quite believe this is the end. What a long way we have all come. Nearly 10k hits, 445 kudos and over 300 comments. Thank you, thank you for that incredible amount of support. Writing over 175k in the span of just over five months was a whole lot of work but it was possible because of the people reading along and keeping me engaged with this (almost) every week. It has been an absolute pleasure for you to read along and I thank you.
> 
> I was scared to write this fic, even when I first got the idea for it because I have never danced properly a day in my life and I wondered if all the many dance sequences would fall flat. I'm very glad it appears that they didn't. 
> 
> I hope you'll spare me your thoughts on this final chapter, but either way, a final thank you for reading! <3


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